Young Nurse Does Everything Wrong, But is Still Redeemed by God’s Grace!

This was such an interesting and encouraging testimony.  A young woman who didn’t take morality seriously, moves in with her boyfriend in college, becomes a nurse and assists with abortions, has her own abortion (that ends up rendering her almost completely infertile), finally learns through many trials what reliance on God and redemption are!

Just an overall feel good story!

Best quote from this woman’s article?

“Two decisions forever changed the direction of my life~ 1.) breaking God’s protective commands regarding the sacredness of marriage (having sex before marriage) and 2.) disregarding the sanctity of life (participating in abortions and having an abortion).”

From here

Why didn’t I value myself or life when I was younger?

That is a question I will always ask myself. My low view of life harmed us more than we could ever have known at the time.

It took 19 years before we could have a child.

The reason?

We had not obeyed God’s commands before and after marriage, and we suffered consequences that would reach over many years. In some ways, those consequences still continue today, though forgiven.

Today I am the 60-plus-year-old mother of three active and involved young adults (now all three married as of Nov. 2017), but as my husband and I look back over what the Lord has done, we marvel at God’s grace and mercy. Our lives would have turned out so differently, and we can’t imagine life without these young people!

I will tell you the sad story.

The early 50s, when we grew up, saw increasing prosperity. After the horrors and hardships of WWII, families in the U.S. were focused on getting that new dishwasher, television, and maybe, even two cars. Women were leaving home for the job market in record numbers to have the desired extras.

…. Continue Reading at Deep Roots at Home

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Honey Cakes & Sunny October!

We are all so excited that it’s finally October.  Although the weather hasn’t cooled down yet, and it still feels almost as hot as August, at least we can go out and enjoy the daily sunshine and have water-play!  Every Thursday we’ve been going on different adventures where my mom comes along, I love seeing the kids get to enjoy her and soak up her joyful presence.  It’s perfect for having nice long talks with her, too, while the kids are busy playing, we can talk about more serious things.  It’s just such a blessing.

This past weekend was a busy one, with all the preparations for Rosh Hashanah (the Feast of Trumpets) being set for Sunday, I spent Friday and Saturday preparing for the feast at our house.  I love how the, “holiday season,” officially starts now for us with the Messianic holy days.  After having a wonderful feast with our family and my parents and brother, we went to the Messianic church I’d visit with them growing up as a child.  We were officially Baptist, but we went back on the High Holy Days, especially Yom Kippur, which is next week, and is more commonly known as, The Day of Atonement.  That holiday has always been one of my most favorite ones due to it’s connection to Jesus as the official and eternal-lasting sacrifice, the promise and prophecy He fulfilled through Easter.  However each of the High Holy Days from the Old Testament seem to contain prophecies that Jesus fulfilled or is set to fulfill, God’s plans are simply beautiful perfection.

Apparently many believe that the Feast of Trumpets is one of the ones that have yet to be fulfilled, and will possibly be marked by Jesus’ second coming, when He comes with the blasts of trumpets (4 passages in the New Testament that I know of, and even more in the Old Testament mention the trumpets blasting).  Rosh Hashanah is now celebrated by traditional Jews as being the Jewish New Year, but historians believe they picked up this pagan practice while exiled in Babylon, because the celebration and New Year aligns with the Babylonians’ New Year (that and the Bible never mentions it being for the, “new year,”).  So celebrating it as their New Year possibly became a pagan tradition added to their already religious holiday, much like how most of us have Christmas trees at Christ’s birth.  It was probably easier to celebrate their own religious holiday when it lined up with the Babylonian’s New Year, as it would draw less attention, but it’s nice to go back to it’s roots and discover it as God intended.

In the Old Testament, it’s mysterious how the Holy Days were always said to need to celebrated because they were holy to God Himself.  The Jews didn’t just make these holidays up, they were commanded to observe them, and even to be joyful, and not to mourn because they were holy to the Lord.

When the Jews returned from exile in Babylon, and after Nehemiah had successfully rallied the Remnant of Jews there to build their wall to protect their city of Jerusalem, they began officially celebrating the Holy Days within their city again. It was such an emotionally moving experience for them to be back in Jerusalem again finally, after so many years of oppression and exile, that many were weeping as their laws were read.

“They read the book of the law of God, translating and giving the meaning so that the people could understand what was read.  Nehemiah the governor, Ezra the priest and scribe, and the Levites who were instructing the people said to all of them,

“This day is holy to the Lord your God.  Do not mourn or weep.”

For all the people were weeping as they heard the words of the law.

Then he said to them, “Go and eat what is rich, drink what is sweet, and send portions to those who have nothing prepared, since today is holy to our Lord.

Do not grieve, because your strength comes from rejoicing in the Lord.”

Nehemiah 8:8-10

I loved focusing on that last week, just the thought of putting our emotions or attitudes aside to be joyful for the Lord.  And how mysterious that our strength comes from rejoicing in the Lord, no matter your emotions.  I find it all just very wonderful and instructive. ❤

Our oldest went to a party and missed out on all the baking, but our 2 year old girl made the honey cakes, and our 4 year old boy did the entire apple kuchen cake (minus the peeling, coring and chopping of the apples) – I was so proud of how much they really helped!  And the cakes all came out delicious and heavenly!!!!  Definitely a great nod to the, “new year,” as it’s usually celebrated with apples and honey.

Apple Kuchen is like a giant cinnamon roll inside, with apples and frosting on the top!

Then tonight we went out for our family tradition of getting all our pumpkins on the first weekend of October.  It was so great to see the kids search for the perfect pumpkin to carve, and pick out some little ones for decorations.  Watching your kids experience the holidays and your own family traditions has got to be one of the best things about parenthood.  Their faces light up, you can see the awe and wonder in their eyes, and I can tell just how magical it all is from the perspective of a child.

I’ll have to add more pumpkin patch pictures later on this weekend.  I’d love to hear what other families do for the holidays in regard to traditions.  We’re set to host Thanksgiving and Christmas at our house this year, mostly due to the pregnancy and our family’s planning around making it easier for us.  I’ve never hosted those bigger holidays, any tips for hosting would be welcome as well 😀

***

“These words that I am giving you today are to be in your heart.

Repeat them to your children.

Talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

Bind them as a sign on your hand and let them be a symbol on your forehead.

Write them on the doorposts of your home and on your gates.”

Deut. 6:6-9

***

 

Rebuttal to Woman Trying to Silence Men’s Opinions of Standards of Beauty

I had a recent comment on a post from last year about men preferring women without tattoos (to be in serious relationships with, versus just casual sex).  The commenter went into great detail to make many points that are based on female-centered logic that completely disregards what or how men may think.  Replying within the comment seemed easiest, but then another comment (from the same person) appeared, and I decided maybe a post was easier instead of replying within another… pages long… comment!

From commenter Abbie Brown (keep in mind, this is her 2nd comment, she’s replying to my initial responses to her first comment… this will probably be confusing but I’ll try to keep the responses separated by different font forms) –

 

Thank you for responding to promptly, it was a lot to read, but I addressed most of your points I think:

From my initial response (continued in italics): Noting in this article says this is ever about a woman’s value or worth. You’re putting that emphasis on tattoos (how men see you) by your own rationalizing. And this is already proven with scientific studies that it’s not just about how men see women, but how society in general (especially professional people or upper class society) sees women with visible tattoos.

——-
I’m just quoting your original post regarding a woman’s worth:
Yes, she is like a beautiful piece of fine art – worth millions of dollars – and yet she’s been disfigured by markings all over one of her arms… leaving the artwork, that would have been worth millions, virtually worthless.”

My response (continued in bolded format): You claimed I was saying she was valueless and worthless, as a person.  Nothing in that post was talking about a woman’s personal worth, it was only talking about the issue of superficial beauty, which is a completely separate part of her, and yes, can be diminished or destroyed.  Nothing was ever claiming a person’s outward beauty accounts for the whole of a person’s value and worth as a human being.  

 

From Abbie Brown (continued in normal font): “Additionally, I can assure you that corporate America is changing in the way it views people with piercings, tattoos, and weird colored hair, because enough people with them are changing the stigma. My ability to take responsibility and do my job has nothing to do with my tattoos or piercings, and companies are realizing this. Especially as they delve into hiring people between the ages of 18-35; it’s pretty much the norm at this point.

It’s interesting you cite this generation as being the group who gets companies to hire them no matter their piercings or tattoos.  According to employment rates, marriage status, and home ownership, this generation is failing in all those areas that used to signify success.  They’re not able to buy homes, many are considered unemployable, many companies consider their college degrees to be effectually useless (!), and it’s well documented most in this group are not even able to repay their student loans (most have defaulted)!  This is *not* a successful generation when you compare them to the Gen Xer’s and Boomer’s and what they were able to accomplish in all those things.  Gen Y (and younger) have had to deal with more than the older generations had to as well, regarding all those cited issues.  I don’t think disfiguring themselves to make employment even harder is a good idea.

Obviously there still exist people with hang ups, or turn a blind eye to baseless assumptions based on some ink or a piercing, but I’m confident we as a society can move past that superficiality.

I wonder if you’re also confident this generation can repay their student loans, find gainful employment with their debt-laden college degrees, be able to buy homes before age 30….  I’m usually optimistic, but the stats on this aren’t what you’re making them out to be (successful).
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That’s actually a lie you tell yourself daily to explain why you would ever dress up or try to look nice. Yes, it’s for yourself. But it’s also *very important* to realize you’re doing it for others, too, even if you have to lie to yourself about it.

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I mean…you’re just wrong about that. I wear jeans and hoodie to work most days, I don’t wear make-up, I keep my hair short and easy to style. I’m about comfort in my day to day, not out trying to pick up a guy at the office. Also, there’s a distinct difference between wearing a nice outfit for an important meeting, and dolling up everyday to find a man. (I mean if that’s your goal, more power to you, but again it’s not my priority in life).

Ok, maybe you’re truly an outlier who never wears makeup or dresses up, have you heard the phrase, “the outliers prove the rule?”  Women like you are outliers for a reason, most women, especially professional women, do dress nice and wear tasteful makeup.  I remember reading some study not too long ago that women who wore makeup to work were treated and perceived as being more professional than the women who didn’t.  They also tended to make higher salaries.  Wearing makeup to work is a plus, not a minus, it really can dramatically improve a woman’s face in ways that the human brain reacts to positively (measured scientifically).  Most women don’t wear makeup to work just to attract men, but they *are* doing it for how it affects the way others perceive them and treat them, along with doing it for themselves.

——

That makes sense given that our culture allows women to even murder the baby inside them without needing to ask a man’s (the baby’s father’s) permission. Of course you don’t think about how your behavior would affect your husband. You would never care about his wishes/desires, right? LOL Liar.

——

I’m gonna skip the murdering babies bit, cause that’s conflating a very serious and nuanced issue with getting a tattoo…

But it is a valid point that our society has degraded to the point where of course you wouldn’t care about what your husband thinks concerning body choices, women aren’t even expected to care about a husband’s or boyfriend’s feelings/desires on whether or not they murder his unborn baby.  Women don’t need to ask permission from her husband before deciding (on her own) to kill a father’s unborn child, so why should I assume a woman would automatically care about asking his thoughts on a tattoo?

That’s not what I said, I said that my husband would not get to decide what I do with my body, and vise versa. My getting a tattoo does not affect him, nor does dying my hair purple, or getting a 15th piercing.

Except you’re ignoring that it really could affect him, and your children, in the way people in your community may choose to interact with you.  Or in how your husband’s employer would see him (possibly) when you show up to functions.  Or in how your kids’ teachers may judge them, according to the way their mom dresses/looks/behaves.  People make those kinds of subtle judgments all the time, and yes, what you choose to do to your hair or  body can affect your employment negatively, again impacting them all financially if you’re needed to work.

Things that I would include my husband in on: getting a pet, moving to another city/state for work, getting a joint bank account, our next vacation, if I’m gonna be out of town for a couple weeks, asking what take out we should get for dinner, etc… You’re conflating a multitude of possible scenarios and conversations that can exist within a relationship or marriage. Not asking permission to do with my body what I want, is not the same as not caring about his needs and expectations. But I also wouldn’t want to be with a man that expects me to change for him, and that goes both ways.

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Again with the psycho-babble of, “Don’t worry, we’re all beautiful!” It’s just not even scientifically true. There are many many studies out there that prove what beauty is in a female face/form. People are judging others all the time, whether they like it or not. Does a person’s beauty have to define them or their value? Definitely no. But it does say something about a person when they don’t do what they can to take care of themselves and present themselves well. Is it fair that society judges the outside (and sometimes doesn’t care about the inside of a person’s character)? No, it’s not fair, but scientifically, it’s just how our brains respond. We have to train ourselves to think differently.

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Yes, there have been studies that show what the brain perceives as beauty. There are also studies that show how beauty has evolved over time. Not to mention different cultures have their own definition of beauty. This might actually include being extra voluptuous, having multiple face piercings, having an elongated neck, or yes, even tattoos. My point is, your post states “most men”, but what does “most men” mean when you take into account the multiple of races, ethnicities, cultures and traditions that span the world? What fits your perception of “taking care of yourself” may not be the same for many people.

I remember watching strange TV shows when young about the different perceptions of beauty in different cultures, usually enforced by the females in those cultures.  The most recent study I’ve seen on cross-cultural beauty standards was extremely offensive to women like you.  No matter the skin tone, religious affiliation of the region, and cultural and ethnic differences, it was astonishing to find that when (only) men were polled, it was almost as if they all picked the same standard kind of very stereotypical beauty across the board.  No matter the skin color, they *always* preferred and picked the lighter tones (within their respective ranges) as more beautiful and appealing, so lighter skin was considered much more desirable and beautiful, no matter ethnicity or culture.  They had the same findings regarding eye shape, lip shape, nose shape, etc.  It was shocking, even to me, to see how similar such drastically different men from all kinds of cultures around the world, found what was considered to be beautiful.  Symmetry was also super important, and is able to be measured physically (the distance between eyes, the narrowness or wideness of the nose, etc.) and it was always, in every scenario, preferred as more beautiful.  Women were offended because it was obvious men tend to choose what’s beautiful based on very predictable patterns, things we already knew anyway, but that society tries to fight against to get men to think everyone is naturally beautiful.  Scientifically, it’s just not true.

——

Or maybe he just doesn’t like tattoos? LOL Why is that so hard to understand that a lot of men secretly feel this way?
The better question to me is, why the hell aren’t you allowing men to pick what kind of women they prefer?

——

I’m not telling anyone that they shouldn’t have preferences, or what kind of woman they should be with. My point is mainly, “You don’t like it? Then zip it and move on.”

You’re telling them to, “shut up,” about their preferences.  That IS telling them they shouldn’t have preferences FYI.  You’re saying men should have no voice on those issues, or not be allowed to have opinions on them.  You also said previously that they aren’t being held accountable for their opinions (as if they should be punished or something).  This was also why women were so offended at that cross-cultural beauty study findings, they really had a problem that men tended to all prefer the same standard of beauty.  Men’s preferences are often offensive to women because it’s not, “nice,” to everyone or, “fair,” to the female-centric way of thinking.

The comments from those men were unprompted and unnecessary. They don’t need to comment on how the woman in the photo is trashy, or ruined. There’s no reason to be nasty about it. I reiterate, it’s fine if someone doesn’t like tattoos or other body modifications, but it doesn’t give the person a right to be a jerk about it.

They were commenting on an article online!  It’s not as if they were harassing her (actual mistreatment).  Their opinions weren’t even nasty, they weren’t commenting on her as a person, just her superficial beauty and how the tattoos affected it negatively in their minds.  That’s not a crime, and it’s not something you should silence them on.

——

LOL you sound like a female Hitler! And how exactly do you plan on breaking men of their preferences?!? LOL Are you going to brainwash them into seeing beauty where they might not be able to physically? Why are you so controlling that you want to change the preferences of men you don’t even know? You’re allowed to have preferences, too, you know. What if some man was offended that you wanted a man who looked a certain way, and then he told you he needed to break your, “pattern,” of being attracted to a certain type? You’d think he was psychotic. Which is exactly how you’re coming across in this comment. It’s such a hilarious comment to me, I may make it into a separate post.

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Again, I’m not trying to control people or their preferences. Um… we just proved a few times, this is exactly what you’re doing here.  You even went so far as to say they should be silenced and have no voice.  And I also didn’t say we need to break the pattern of men’s preferences, Silenced and no voice allowed – that’s what you’re advocating for.  I’m saying we need to break the pattern of women being primarily valued for their appearance.

Look at Miss America, they finally got rid of the swimsuit segment, because I’m pretty sure qualifying for a college scholarship should not involve ‘who looks best in a bikini’.

Interesting you bring up the Miss America beauty pageant, because that ties into what this post is essentially claiming.  I don’t watch any beauty pageants, but I’m pretty sure from the photos I’ve seen online when they’re airing, that the women are instructed to cover any visible tattoos with heavy makeup.  Why do you think that is?  Maybe it’s because tattoos distract from the natural beauty of their skin and form?  It’s ironic you brought up a topic (beauty pageants) that proves the main point of my former article!

Of course we all have physical preferences. Whether or not someone possesses those qualities should not dictate how that person is treated. If a girl has a tattoo, she should not be treated as a slut, if she wears glasses she shouldn’t be called four eyes, etc… And this goes both ways, if a guy is super ripped, it shouldn’t be assumed he’s a ‘bro’, and if he’s smaller it doesn’t mean he’s less of a man.

Different treatment and mistreatment are different things.  Men simply treat women differently by expecting them to be more promiscuous (slutty) when they see a visible tattoo, but that’s not actual mistreatment (abuse, harassment, etc.).  They just approach them differently than a woman who looks more traditional. It’s the same with women who dress modestly versus immodestly.  I’ll explain more on the biological findings of how a male brain works in the next reply.

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There’s a lot of double standards that go the other way though, towards men being pigeon-holed into certain roles or positions. Double standards are something we live with every day, mostly due to the way the human mind and brain chemistry work (hormones). This is not something you can change, although I’m sure a lot of crazy feminist-types are trying to change the way men think (and naturally are supposed to think). Masculinity is now considered, “toxic,” as well as femininity. I think the tide will swing back though, it usually does.

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You’re missing the point of that whole movement. Masculinity and feminity are not toxic, it’s when people try to force their ideal version of those things onto others, and then chastise those who do not fit into that definition of masculine and feminine. Examples: men can’t cry, men shouldn’t wear pink, men should bury their pain, women should be modest, women should be seen not heard, etc… It’s what leads to a culture where men feel they can’t express themselves or do something ‘feminine’, and women feel intimidated to pursue STEM fields or something ‘masculine. We end up feeling this friction between not just the genders but everyone as human beings. And you’re confusing double standards that have been institutionally ingrained in our society with biological traits and preferences.

As a follow up, biology has shown that the human brain is not binary, and our hormones, thoughts, urges, etc… tend to exist on a spectrum and fluctuate due to environment, diet, age, and a multitude of other things.

Biologically, we’ve found through again, science, that when viewing the male brain when he’s watching a woman dressed immodestly, the parts of his brain that light up are the same that are lit up when he’s using tools.  That means seeing an immodestly dressed woman (not sure about tattoos) gets his brain literally thinking how to use her body, like a tool.  I’m sure you think that’s, “wrong,” but it’s simply the way testosterone affects the brain, and that process of differentiating into a male brain starts in utero, before the baby is even born. 

There was a lot of wisdom in the Bible’s teachings that women should dress modestly, and we know now that it helps men to focus on the woman as a person, her personality and character, rather than being distracted by immodesty that causes his brain to start seeing her as a sexual object.

And I find it worth mentioning again that the perception of beauty is often shaped by our culture and society of the time, because it has evolved A LOT over the centuries, and that’s just in the US, that doesn’t even take into account the 100s of other countries out their with their own cultural norms and standards.

Again, apparently you aren’t familiar yet with that study that covered cross-cultural preferences and found men everywhere, prefer pretty much the same standard of beauty.

——

Again with the off the mark applications to what was written here. No one is saying a woman should put up with a man disrespecting her or mistreating her, you’re creating fabrications in your own mind. The simplicity is that yes, you will be judged by employers, parents of your spouse, family members, friends, enemies, coworkers, people in general for different things, and that’s not going to be preventable. If a woman wants to get a tattoo, (I do have one you know), she’ll need to know it reflects on her decision making, for better or worse, just like every other decision you make as an adult.

Employers are perfectly right to want to hire a person who doesn’t have facial tattoos for example. You may say they’re, “mean,” LOL but that’s totally their prerogative to pick and choose who they want to work for them. How you cannot understand this is hilarious to me. Just apply the employer’s choice, to a man’s choice in who he wants to bring home. Yes, many men won’t care anymore because this kind of rarity is not valued (by women mostly), that and men will take what they can get usually, which gets them into all kinds of problems later on when they find out what it means to marry someone who doesn’t make decision considering how it will affect their spouse. We’ve seen those kinds of marriage, they really suck (whether it’s a man or a woman acting without regard to what their spouse wants). Hopefully before you get married you learn that marriage is a partnership, and your decisions will always effect the other person, for better or worse.

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I’ll say it again, finding a significant other, and getting a job are two very different things, The point is that they’re both allowed to choose the person that will be in relationship with them, whether personal or professional. and corporate America is changing (see previous answers yes, previous answers where you cited a generation that is largely unemployable and unsuccessful in many facets that normally signify success). I’m not arguing what the rights of the hypothetical employers are No, you’re arguing that men should have no rights to voice their opinions on this, I’m saying their reasoning is likely bad if they’re fixated on a tattoo being the primary indication of a person’s qualifications, and I wouldn’t want to work for that company.

And yeah, choices have consequences, not arguing that either, I’m trying to get to the deeper issue though, why fixate on something so insignificant at all? We’re all aware of the stigma, so why not train our brain to recognize the pattern of judgement and listen to the person’s professional qualifications and experiences?

And I addressed this above, deciding what I do with my body is not the same as cutting my SO out of all my life decisions, or devaluing his needs and expectations. I agree it is a partnership between two individuals, where you love the person for their similarities and differences in opinions and beliefs. You shouldn’t expect the person to outright change themselves for you, or judge them for their quirks. I like tattoos, if my SO told me I couldn’t have one, then we’re not compatible, simple as that.
——

I think you’re confusing what you’re responsible for, and what you *should* do if you want to attract a certain kind of man. No, of course you’re not, “responsible,” to live up to just any man’s expectations, that doesn’t make any sense, why would you do that? But if you want to attract a certain kind of man, it’s wise to figure out what would help you in that search. It’s also wise to pay attention to the science that tells us men, even when they dont’ want to, treat women with tattoos like they’re more promiscuous (slutty). Why would anyone want a man to automatically treat her like she was more slutty than the next woman? You can’t just reprogram the way the male mind works, this is natural for them, and it makes sense that the more society degrades into having no sexual morals, men will see women more and more as whores and sluts, and that’s what we created ourselves. And isn’t that how women are treated now more and more? Even though they don’t like it? You can’t fix this with more tattoos, we already have more females tattooed than ever, and it’s not going well.

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Actually, that ‘treating women more slutty’ thing is a learned behavior, not a biological one.

See previous answer where I referenced the brain imaging study where they found the male brain views a woman’s body that’s immodestly dressed, in the same way they would view tools to be used.  Tattoos haven’t been studied that way, yet, but since we’re talking about what constitutes being treated as, “slutty,” biologically it may have a lot to do also with the way the woman is dressing that causes this change in the male brain to perceive her as a sex object.  

The good thing is that women have complete control over this, they can choose to dress modestly so they aren’t perceived as promiscuous.  Which is what women have done for millennia, and what biblical wisdom already teaches women.

This goes back to certain perceptions being deeply ingrained in our society and culture; men learn from movies, tv, the internet, that women with tattoos and piercings are sluttier, when in fact, they’re just people. What’s the solution? Making sure boys are brought up to know women are not objects, regardless of appearance.

You truly believe this is a learned behavior, but I put forth it’s the result of the sexual differentiation made on the brain in utero when testosterone starts to literally change the structures of a male baby’s brain.  Men and women are biologically different.  Their brains are drastically different from the get-go, it’s already been proven it’s not really a learned behavior thing, but more of a nature (versus nurture) argument.  Can boys be feminized either through drugs or conditioning?  Unfortunately yes, but to me that’s child abuse.  They can also be groomed by pedophiles to be gay, doesn’t make it right or moral.

And because I know it’ll be brought up again, I’m not opposed to preferences, I am opposed to people being stereotyped and disrespected due to preconceived notions of a stereotype. And again there are matriarchal cultures all across the globe where it is taught from birth to respect women, and there is an overlap in those cultures where tattoos and/or piercings are considered sacred and important. Sexism is not a biological default; it has however become entrenched in our society.

Disrespect and mistreatment are not what’s really being talked about here.  Different treatment, yes, but men who approach women with the idea they’ll be more sexually open aren’t mistreating or disrespecting them (necessarily) every time.  Because immodest dress is proven to cause them to see a woman as a sex object (tool to be used) it does tend to influence how they behave with a woman who dresses like that.  But then the women who dress that way are usually wanting sexual attention, and they like men paying them that attention.  Just go to any bar or night club and casually observe how the women there dress, and especially how they behave with the opposite sex.  

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Again, I totally understand this, I wanted a tattoo and got one, too. Of course it doesn’t, “define,” me, but it *does* make a statement about me in some way – a way I very carefully chose in relation to the size and placement. It was very calculated on my part, and I’m very happy with making those decisions first before just going out and covering myself in ones I’d later regret. Tattoo-regret is a very real thing, I can’t believe I have to explain this to someone (sorry, not patient today LOL). There are MANY women (and men) who choose to get tattoos lasered OFF because once it’s on, they realize the way it makes others look at them, treat them subtly and guess what? They don’t like it one bit! Are you denying they have a right to change their decision and laser it off? Does that make them less of a smart person? It actually proves they are smart, because they’re reacting to things that are outside their control (the way other people treat them) by doing something WITHIN their control (lasering the tattoos off to make life more easy). They’ll make more money without them, their life will be more successful statistically.

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That’s great, I’m sure your tattoo looks awesome 🙂 I too put a lot of time and thought into my own, and am currently working on a sketch for another. Obviously tattoo regret is a thing, and that’s their personal choice to get it removed; I don’t think I ever mentioned that being an issue. I also don’t think I ever correlated someone’s intelligence with whether or not they kept their tattoo.

The point was that there are many men and women out there who once they do have tattoos, realize how it negatively impacts their life in a variety of ways, and make the choice to have it removed so they don’t have to deal with negative consequences.  Instead of childishly demanding people treat them better (like you’re claiming people should do), they’re taking the problem into their own hands (that they caused themselves) and dealing with what is within their control to better their life.  That is a smart decision, it’s not wise, however, to throw a tantrum and whine that people won’t hire you because you’re covered in tattoos and that they shouldn’t be so judgmental.

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And of course no one fits inside a neat little box, and no one is telling you to care about what these men think. It’s just an awareness post that describes how men think (and more importantly, how they subconsciously, without even realizing it, treat women with tattoos). That’s important info, even if you don’t like it. It’s info I want my daughter to be aware of, so she can make good, wise, rational decisions in what she does to her own body later on and understand what kind of consequences those decisions will have.

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It’s good for a child to know there are consequences to their actions. Also good for them to know they can stand up for themselves, and break social norms. They might not be popular for it, but nothing wrong with having a voice and bringing awareness to a topic.

Ironically, that’s exactly what we’re doing with our girl and our boys.  Being a Christian is no longer popular, and having beliefs like this aren’t going to be acceptable, more than likely, when they’re older.  You say there’s nothing wrong with having a voice and bringing awareness to a topic (LOL) and yet you’ve said these men should be silenced and have no voice about how women look with tattoos!  The irony is so thick!

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This post could have been titled, “Things I Want My Daughter to Know: Employers Don’t Hire People with Tattoos as Often as People w/o Them. It’s just a common sense thing that needs to be explained because it will determine how she’s treated and how her life goes. When you tell teens or young adults that people don’t care what they look like (which is exactly what you’re arguing here), you’re not helping them, in fact you’re harming them by lying to them about what life is really like. You can’t (and I’m sure you wouldn’t) tell you child they can act and dress however they like and society will just have to accept them. I’m sure (I hope I’m sure LOL) you’re rational enough to teach them social mores of what’s appropriate or not. Hopefully you’ll warn them that certain hair colors or piercings everywhere, or even certain behavior will get them treated differently than a more normal looking person. It’s ok if they want to do/act in certain ways (to an extent), but not everyone is going to accept them or agree with how they present themselves. A lot of times social mores were created to help people not be shunned or excluded. You can’t really change this, it ebbs and flows with whatever is acceptable at that certain point in time, and you can see the dramatic changes all throughout history.

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I actually think that would have been a better idea for the post. Of course people care what you look like, doesn’t make it right or justified in every circumstance. If I show up to work in sweatpants and not having showered for a week, I’d understand my boss’s concern. But in addition to telling your teen that they should probably not wear sweatpants to work, it’s important to tell them that while the boss has a right to not hire you or to enforce a dress code, they don’t have a right to disrespect you or talk down to you. There’s a distinct difference between the two. And I reiterate, corporate America is changing, I just did a company wide demonstration of my team’s work with all my purple hair, piercings and tattoos, and got props from my executive VP. It’s all about finding the right fit. And as you said, social norms have always fluctuated throughout history, and it looks like things are swinging towards tolerance and acceptance.

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You can follow your own advice on that, no one is stopping you for sure 🙂 . But I personally don’t have to support or agree with women who feel the way you do. I don’t think you are even truly aware of what you really think. You think you don’t dress up or wear makeup for other people… most women actually do. I mean… do you wear makeup even when you’re just going to be at home all day? Do you force yourself to put it on when you won’t be seeing anyone? Answering these questions for yourself will maybe help you see that you’re not being intelligently honest in this discussion. You just sound irrational, controlling (“ALL men MUST like tattoos!”) and kind of like a Female Hitler in the making. You want men to find tattoos attractive, but all men aren’t required to find the same thing attractive – this should be common sense. You can’t just take away a man’s preference because it hurts your feelings LOL. You can have your point of view, but certainly you can’t change the science in how men who even say (and may truly think) they like tattoos, still treat those women like they’re more slutty than women who don’t. They still make men see women as sexual objects to be used, even when those men don’t want to think like that. Maybe you just don’t believe in science, that would explain a lot actually.

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Again missing the point, I’m not bashing preferences, I’m bashing the shaming and nastiness towards women who choose to get these body modifications.

You literally said those men should be silent about their preferences, you called the men, “jerks,” for having preferences!  How is that not shaming toward men who don’t like tattoos?  You told them they shouldn’t be allowed to have a voice, that they should be held accountable for their, “wrong-think,” which yes, does sound Hitler-like in the totalitarian way of controlling people you disagree with and silencing them.

Also, I don’t wear makeup, almost ever, if I’m going to dinner with family, or to the symphony I might slap on some concealer, but yeah, I mainly stick to my jeans, hoodie, and just my face.

So you do admit to wearing makeup when the environment changes to something more formal, and people are expected to look more formal than casual.  Concealer makes a woman’s face look better, it hides dark circles and can erase blemishes, but women wear that not only for themselves, but also for others who will see them, because it makes their face appear better than without it.  The fact that you change your appearance for the better when the environment is more formal, means you’re doing this not only for yourself, but for the people who will be in the more formal environment.

And I never said all men must like tattoos, and if a person doesn’t like my tattoo, that doesn’t “hurt my feelings”, I’m pretty much like “ok *shrug*”. You seemed very offended that these men had opinions about someone in an article though.  So offended that you said they were, “nasty, shaming, jerks!”  You said they needed to be silenced and held accountable, that doesn’t sound like someone who lives and let lives to me. 

Now if a dude came up to me and said my tattoo ruined me in some way, or that I was slutty because of it, or that I was now worthless, I’d be like “why do you feel the need to tell me that?” Like, I don’t like lima beans, doesn’t mean I’m gonna go out on the interwebs and post on pics of lima beans, “Man lima beans are gross, and ugly” “They’re the worst” “I wouldn’t touch that” etc… You can have an opinion on whether or not your like something without being rude about it, or diminishing a person.

No man is going to come up to you and tell you insults like that more than likely.  And those men were not harassing that woman, but merely commenting on an article online about her appearance – that’s a BIG difference.  They were not mistreating her, shaming her, or insulting her personally, they were merely commenting on how the tattoos affected her appearance negatively.

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Hopefully, like I’ve said before, you’ll teach your daughter to be a rational human being who makes decisions not based on crazy emotions (like you’re doing), or trying to control the entire world’s population of men by bending them to her will (like you’re doing), and teach her that her value comes from God, but that she can do things to violate herself (abortion, murder, sins in general) that will affect the way she feels about her value negatively overtime. Hopefully you’ll give her the real sense of accomplishment and success in being a good, wonderful person who values herself and makes decisions based in wisdom, and not on simply emotions.

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I mean, this is all hypothetical, I’m never having kids. I’m not being crazy or irrational, I feel like my tone has been pretty calm in response to everything. Your tone has been calm, almost hilariously when connected to what you’re saying.  It’s your arguments that are based on emotion, “they’re jerks!” and irrational.

And I’m not trying to control anyone? Really not sure where I said that everyone has to bend to my will. LOL again, you said those men should not be allowed to say those things about her appearance, even online.  You said they should be silent and have no voice or opinion on it.  You also have claimed several times that boys should be raised more to your liking, rather than what their testosterone already does to their brain structure.  All that sounds VERY controlling and nuts. 

Also I’m agnostic, so I’m sure you’re probably thinking at this point, “Good thing she’s not having kids,” and I agree, too much responsibility for my taste. And I’m actually logical to a fault at times, known in my family as a bit of a robot. Additionally, I’m not the one throwing ‘Hitler’ bombs in response to things I disagree with. But hey, if you think it’s wise to call people Hitler during a debate, that’s your prerogative.  I was being tongue and cheek, the leftist people use that all the time, but in your case, you really are trying to establish, “wrong-think,” and mentioned these men should be held accountable for their comments about her appearance, even though they haven’t committed ANY kind of crime, apparently to you, they’ve committed a, ‘thought-crime.”  Which yes, Hitler and other totalitarian regimes used those things to oppress people who had different opinions from them.  You’re literally copying how they established control and oppression over groups of people, by silencing those who disagreed with them, allowing them no voice, and holding them accountable as if they were committing crimes, for things like, “wrong-think.”  Being a mom of sons, women like you who are threatening men’s freedom of expression on even something as trivial as their preference, are annoying.

She rambles on repeating the same things for about 3 more paragraphs and then finally finishes with this:
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I mean agree to disagree, I really just wanted to get my opinion out there, and share my personal experience.

How convenient there is no one here telling you to be silent, or that you should have no voice.  You’ve had your chance to explain your point of view, however, and I’m not going to be responding to anymore comments made by this same person.  Hopefully you go on to research more into the sexual differentiation of the male and female brain, and find some studies that are interesting that explain whey the sexes think and behave differently, based on biology.

Fall ~ Homeschool & Outdoor Beauty

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Last week was our first week of the 2019-2020 school year!!!!!!  I tried to wait until September so that maybe, just maybe, the crazy-intense nausea would relent, but it just. kept. on.  Still!  We had a wonderful week, I’m so excited about this year’s curriculum.

Last year was our first year doing this, so not being very confident, I picked a curriculum to use that had everything already planned and built into it for us.  It was nice and well-planned, but this year I wanted to go deeper into the different studies.  I’ll post the books I’ve put together from good recommendations from other homeschoolers at the end.

First… every morning we’ve been doing an outside exploration time from about 8am-9:15.  It gets their energy out so that by 9:30am, they’re ready to sit down and do some school work.

The first day of school, my husband was able to go because it was his off day, and we saw an entire herd of deer and little elderly woman feeding them from her hand!!!  It must have been a whole family, because there were several bucks altogether, and even the bucks were coming up to her.  She let our kids feed them, too, and it was just SUCH a cool experience!  Too bad I didn’t have my camera (LOL this is why I’m practically paranoid to leave the house without it)!

Here’s some where I did remember to take the camera –

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My mom always wanted us to love and seek out beauty in nature or art, etc. it’s something I know I owe to her for giving me during my childhood, the gift of experiencing beauty – learning how to seek out beauty.  I’m excited that one day every week, she’s able to come with us on these adventure-outings where we specifically go to someplace beautiful and kind of take the morning off from school activities (it’s just one morning where we spend that long outside, and it’s like a mini field trip)!

They end up doing so much active learning anyway, I expected it to all be play, but some of their, “play,” actually reminded me of science experiments! :O  They floated giant leaves down a stream over and over again just to see which way they’d go.  Then our oldest decided to alter the path by setting rocks in the way… seeing if it sped up the leaves or slowed them down in certain areas.  Just so nice to be able to do things like this, whereas if they were in school, we’d have to wait until weekends where it’d be super crowded (and to be honest, we probably just wouldn’t then).

My oldest found this mockingbird watching us from the arch of butterfly vines and took this beautiful picture!  I’m so proud of his photography interest and practice!

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I loved seeing all the kids play on this hill!  They rolled down it countless times and had so much wild fun!

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The grass was soft, no rocks, and perfect for rolling.  They call it, “Tumble Hill,” 😀

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The sky was like a painting that morning!  The clouds just looked so beautiful!

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Then we all played in the water (me and the Grandma, too!!!)… it’s still hot here, so the cool water was refreshing to play in.

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There’s nothing like morning light.  It even helps trigger the hormone serotonin to be released in your brain – the hormone that keeps depression and anxiety away!  Just so good for them to be out in the mornings soaking up that happiness sunlight ❤

It definitely makes me happier!

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They found a little waterfall in the rocks.

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After a few hours, we changed and relaxed before lunch.

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The picture below is of one of my favorite places that is still the same as when I was little.  It’s a man-made pond with dozens of waterlilies and a cute population of frogs in all their stages of development.  I used to catch tad-poles there in a cup!

I was always mesmerized with it’s beauty.  This picture reminded me of that, as all our children seemed captivated for a moment.

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Now on to the coursework….  For our 4 year old, it’s pretty straight forward learning letters, numbers, the basics of writing and reading, and simple math addition and subtraction.  I already had tons of books for that from when the oldest was his age, so I didn’t need to buy anything new!

But for our fourth grader, putting together a curriculum by myself was intense!  I pulled from sources we know, and some from online, and was happy in the end with what he’s doing.  We had the option to do a Christian co-op where I could have paid for other teachers to teach him the different subjects once a week a, “day academy,” and then do the rest on my own with him the rest of the week.  We decided it was overall too expensive ($1,500 for the year :O ), but I was able to pull from their curriculum as well, as to what was being used book-wise.  We may actually do the day academy next year, the teachers there, and families that go are that great.

For now though, I was able to find our entire curriculum for about $150 total!  Such a better price and to be honest, I find it fun to teach the different subjects to them!  Sure there are hard days when their attitudes are off, but 98% of the time, it’s really really fun and interesting.

For Language Arts

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I found these books MUCH better than the standard curriculum language books I was looking at.  They were recommended from this fascinating blogger, SaucysandPiper, from Days of Sunshine blog, here.  Her blog (and photography) is definitely worth checking out, please!!!

The Building Language is just introducing the concepts of Latin stems, and the way much of our language (and different languages) are built from those.  These books are just beautifully written, and incorporate the unique architecture, roads and aqueducts the Romans built!  Caesar’s English 1 is a more advanced (all of these books are done by the Royal Fireworks Press for Gifted and Talented children – they really are very good!) form of learning writing, essays, and more on using Latin stems.  The Music of the Hemispheres introduces children to poetry, both reading and composing their own works!  It’s been so much fun, and nothing like last year’s language curriculum!

Not pictured is the All About Spelling packet we’re using.  Recommended from several places, and just an all-around very helpful way to study the words broken down into steps.

For History –

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I decided to use this series called, The Story of the World.  It comes in four hefty volumes, each one designed for lessons for an entire year.  The day academy we were looking into was using it, and several other people I found online.  The author, Susan Wise Bauer, does a wonderful job of explaining history in such a fascinating, simple way – like the telling of a story, which for children, I think how it should be.  Hence, “the story of the world.”  He’s been loving the first chapter, learning about how historians believe life began in the fertile crescent, where the Bible plainly states between the Tigris and Euphrates.  We found a documentary online that followed the chapter almost topic by topic, which was fun.

Also pictured is the activity book, complete with pictures, maps to color, reviews for studying, review cards, and then the Test/Answer booklet for administering tests for each lesson (week).  I like that he’s going to be taking tests and will probably come up with some for his science curriculum, too.  Developing test-taking skills are always helpful.

Bible –

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We do Bible classes usually right before Language, and only do it intensely one day a week.  These books are both good, and have some overlap, but overall I can tell our son loves, “Cold-Case Christianity for Kids,” more than the study book.  I found this recommendation from The Wintery Knight’s website, and it has not disappointed!  Written by a former detective who discovered Jesus’ authenticity by treating him as a cold-case, he teaches kids how to do the same!  Just So. Cool.

Science –

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I’m using an online course and textbook for his science this year, but this is the paperback that goes with the text, full of worksheets, diagrams to fill-in, etc.  We like paper so much here that I’m finding myself wanting to print his textbook off just so he can have it to go back to in order to study easier.  So next year I’ll probably just find something already ready to go.  My degree was in Biology, and I loved science, so it’s one of the classes I feel most comfortable teaching.  Even last year we ventured off the curriculum a lot to do experiments, read books, and watch documentaries on the topics.  Science can either be extremely dry and boring, or edge of your seat exciting!

I also having our son do a Computer Class (basic typing, then moving on to actually writing a book or short story), and Spanish, which he’s loving!  Both of these courses are online and therefore I don’t have to do too much, as it pretty much teaches him for me.

For literature and books for writing essays, I came up with a collection that was more tailored to his likes than the other curriculum I saw out there.  The one we went with last year, that I was planning on possibly doing again (total would have been $500) had a lot of girlish books for some reason for this year that just didn’t sound interesting for him.

Instead we got Oliver Twist, The Adventures of Robin Hood, The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, Huckleberry Finn, The Three Musketeers (not pictured because he was literally reading it at the time lol!), The Trumpet of the Swan (a classic 4th grade book), Stuart Little, and the only girlish book, Rachel’s Journal which is the diary of a pioneer girl (we did a study on the American pioneers last year, and he really liked it).

And James Herriot’s Treasury of Stories for Children – just a beautiful book about his sweet and sometimes hilarious experiences as a vet in Yorkshire.  I read his books growing up and so it’s wonderful to get to read them to our kids.

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The illustrations in his book are inspiring, and perfectly capture the culture of Yorkshire when retelling his stories.  Here are some examples –

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Our son also wanted to do a Viking study this year, so to honor that I found these books, plus a book not pictured that is the fictional story to the Fact Tracker (Magic Tree House) book.  The Norse Myths by D’Aulaire, suggested again by SaucysandPiper, has been his favorite overall so far, his dad is reading it with him, but from what I’ve seen, the illustrations are detailed and, “Awesome!” he says.

“I also like to read it on my own when Dad is asleep,” he says 😀 .  The Eyewitness Book on the Vikings is a factual one to balance out the myths.  And he loves the Magic Tree House books, so the fictional and fact tracker were perfect for this!

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For Math –

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I went with the Singapore Math this year, because the day academy co-op we thought about does all their math with this curriculum, and if we join them next year, I thought it’d be better to be on the same page already.  It’s supposed to be good and is a method used in Southeast Asia for developing the nation’s children’s mathematical abilities.  According to Wiki, the method became more popular when test scores were released and showed their method to be at the top pretty consistently.  We may switch to Saxon if it doesn’t prove as great, though, have lots of friends who use that one.

Some pictures of the Norse Myths book (much better in person though) –

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I’m super excited about this year!  Just so many fun things to learn and do!  Hope you readers have a good, “year,” too!

May you always be a learner, and discover adventure every day!

Wife Wants to Know – Why is Passionate Sex is so Important to Men?

I received an email from a wife who complained about how I’ve written here, and elsewhere she’s seen in comments, that just offering sex is not enough.

If the wife is at least not turning down her husband, then she’s technically meeting his needs, is what the wife argued.  I understood what she was talking about was what is commonly called, “duty sex.”  Duty sex can be good, if the wife actually gets into it and is passionate and gives her husband good, loving sex, but that wasn’t what she was talking about.  Just doing it should be good enough for a husband, because he’s still getting his need for sex met.

I’ve never – even when I was in my teens and a virgin until my husband, believed that men didn’t need passionate, crazy wonderful sex from their wives.  It’s what my mom taught me, even down to what women should wear regarding sexy/beautiful underwear and lingerie for their husbands.

I was plainly taught it’s selfish not to wear nice underwear for your husband to see, or to hide your naked body from him, etc.  Yes, you can teach virgin daughters all these things without them getting into trouble.  My mom did, and I’m planning on teaching my daughter all of the same things about sex, men, and relationships as well.

I went into marriage with clear expectations of what 99% of men would want and be very very happy with, and it made things (in my opinion) probably a million times easier because the more passionate sex a couple has in marriage, the closer they feel and are in every single way!

“But what about in times of pain or pregnancy?  Shouldn’t there be caveats as to a wife just, “faking,” it or doing it just so that her husband has his needs met?  Doesn’t SHE also have needs?!?! You only care about men’s needs it sounds like.”

I’ve gotten this before, usually in comments here or at other places.  Obviously if a wife is in physical pain due to just having had a child, or some other medical problem in her nether regions, then normal sex won’t work.  But there are other ways to be sensual/sexual with your husband – sex or pleasing each other, doesn’t have to be off the table completely.  And a good marriage (a good wife) will find ways to still have fun, be funny, or enjoy her husband (herself) in other ways.

I DO NOT believe it is good, or helpful, for a wife to just offer up passionless duty sex or, “star fish,” sex.

I think that kind of sex kills the soul of the man whose having sex with you… he’d rather be doing anything else than having sex with a woman who he clearly can tell isn’t into him.  You may feel good about yourself because you tell yourself you’re, “meeting his needs,” but a man’s sexual needs usually go much deeper than just the physical when it’s his wife.  He wants a real connection that can only happen when there’s passion and love there.

When a wife only offers duty sex, or makes her husband feel bad for wanting sex, she’s doing more harm than good – she isn’t doing him any favors.

We’ve been married over 12 years now, so this is a topic I understand and have had to work around myself; I’m not talking from inexperience here.  Right now the nausea during this pregnancy is and has been, SO INTENSE that if I don’t remember to take my medicine, I start violently vomiting by noon and it gets worse during the evening.  BUT even with the strong medicine they prescribed me for the nausea, the horrible feeling of nausea hasn’t gone away yet for over 6 weeks!  We still have lots of sex, we just try to plan it for when it’s possible, and my husband distracts me from the nausea with his charm 😀 ❤   I’ve found that I need the sex and the closeness it brings us afterward.  Amazingly, the nausea actually disappears when we’re having sex, so it’s like God’s granting us that time to connect as a couple, and we need it so much!  If I let the nausea get in the way and miss a couple of days of experiencing him, I feel sad, lonely and a little depressed.

In other words, even if you have a situation where it’s less than ideal, you can still either find ways to connect sexually, or just force yourself to connect anyway and try to enjoy it, because having sex/being sexual with your husband is also meeting YOUR needs as well.

Hopefully that helps clear up my position on duty sex or sacrificial sex.

No, it’s not enough to just, “do it,” you need to have your heart in it also.  It’s the same as what God wants of us, see below from God’s Holy Word, 

 

“I WANT YOU TO SHOW LOVE

NOT OFFER SACRIFICES.

I WANT YOU TO KNOW ME

MORE THAN I WANT BURNT OFFERINGS.”

HOSEA 6:6

Our Children. Our Faith. Our Right — Grace Over Pain

My heart has been greatly troubled for the past few days because of what is happening in the UK. This is nothing to do with politics and our new prime minister. It is all to do with our educational system. Last week the government made it compulsory for relationship education to be taught in primary […]

via Our Children. Our Faith. Our Right — Grace Over Pain

Email Questions: Should Women be in Ministries?

So this has been in draft form since December :/ , but it is a question I’ve gotten a few times over the years, and something I’ve asked other older women (who are wiser and have seen more than me), as well for their own personal thoughts.  Even though it looks like a simple yes or no answer kind of question, it can be complicated depending on the circumstance.

In short, I don’t have a perfect, clear-cut answer, BUT I can give you some thoughts from people I admire, and using my own experience some.

Personally, and I understand some won’t agree with me, I do think a lot of good can come from women ministering to other women and using their gifts as a blessing (in general) in a community.  I think it can be grossly misused, however, like anything that is supposed to be good and helpful.  I think there are clear boundaries where women are not supposed to cross, such as being a Pastor or any kind of teacher or leader over men in a Christian environment.  This unfortunately sounds vague and unhelpful, but again, I guess why it’s taken me so long to even publish this post, even though people keep asking, is because this topic is more than I am able to define myself.

I don’t believe we can just dispense with the biblical suggestions in Titus of older women using their hopefully gained wisdom, experience, perspective from mistakes made in the past, and aged-grace they seem to possess in helping younger women to get through this journey staying in God’s will easier.  There’s a reason why these instructions are in the Bible, and when older women forgo their calling to minister in those ways to younger women who truly need their guidance, our entire society crumbles.  But then when I think of examples of the older women, even Christian ones, out there right now, they are often telling younger women the wrong things – even going so far as to mock trying to stay pure for a husband (Sheila Gregorie)!  The advice out there, from older Christian women often in self-made leadership positions, is mostly all akin to, “anti-help,” in my estimation.

The bulk of advice from popular older Christian women, honestly, makes me sick to my stomach.  It’s probably the evidence of decline toward the (more than likely still far off) end, where the Church collectively leaves God altogether, and starts officially worshiping idols (hopefully it doesn’t get that bad).  It can’t be a good sign that even the older women are leading us astray, or having public tantrums on twitter, or embarrassing public meltdowns like Beth Moore had not too long ago.

But with all the negative attention female ministries (ministers?) are getting, I have seen some positive things come from ones that seem good.

Something I’ve told an email friend in relation to this recently, is the example of a Christian Mom’s Group I’ve been going to.  It is a group with mostly larger families that (mostly all) homeschool.  It is a wonderful group and surprisingly close-knit for that many people in one place all at the same time.  We’re actually, I believe, one of the smallest family that goes, with only 3 kids!  The group is basically like a Christian-moms’ book club 🙂 with the book we’ve been reading this past year being, The Mission of Motherhood, by Sally Clarkson.

Clarkson is what I would say a real life Proverbs 31 woman fulfilling her Titus 2 role now that she’s older and has figured out how to raise godly children into adulthood.  I haven’t researched her past too well, so there could be something off I don’t know about.  But her book, filled with tons of her own life examples and advice on basically how to be a good, Christian mother, is just invaluable.  I mean seriously, imagine if the real Proverbs 31 woman took the time to write an entire book on LOTS of the topics, hard questions, faith issues etc. about motherhood – THAT is what her book has been like for all of us.  Yes, there have been some moms who have felt, “uncomfortable,” or threatened by her success and “idealistic,” suggestions, but most have used it as inspiration and conviction to do better.  Most have admitted that she’s made them a much better mom, and the group itself, has made them better moms just through the accountability.  But it wouldn’t have even been a “thing,” if Clarkson hadn’t used her gift in writing her book in the first place (and she’s written many others).

So… one real-life Proverbs 31 woman using her gifts to minister to more women than she could probably count, has had a major impact on all of our lives – in measurable, real life moments!  That isn’t a small thing!  It doesn’t just affect us moms personally, but our kids, and our husbands, and our neighbors and even strangers we end up meeting.  It’s been weird seeing the effects of just a simple group like this ripple out much farther than I ever imagined.

And it’s made me really look at the women who see someone like Clarkson and feel negative feelings and emotions (like envy or snarkiness), and feel so sorry for them that they’re completely missing the blessing of her kindness and gifts to us!  Yes, she’s a real life Proverbs 31 woman in many ways, yes, she’s successful in her roles, but I still don’t understand women who feel, “threatened,” or, “intimidated,” by that for some reason.  To me, she’s someone to look up to.  Another role model or type of mentor-figure, if you can call a book author a mentor (?).

I rarely agree with everything I read, except the Bible, so her book is no different… there are some topics I wish she were more honest about, but for the most part, she does stick to biblical advice.  She’s gentle when talking against feminism, moms who choose or need to work, or women who use daycare, which fits with her personality.  But she also makes it very obvious that the overall impact of her book is still dramatically pro-stay-at-home-moms, pro-homeschooling, etc.  The science-loving part of me wishes she went into more of the hard evidence against daycares on baby and toddlers’ brain developments… at the least to try to be more convincing of Truth, or the evidence against public schools on the kind of information they feed our kids.  But at least she’s confronting other topics (motherhood attitudes) that not many people seem to touch.  And it’s working, many of the moms actually feel conviction or acknowledge how they’re making changes!

The Bad Side of Female Leadership – When it Goes Bad, It Really Goes Bad

Let’s start with Lysa Terkeurst… a lonnng time ago, probably 10 years ago, I used to read her blog over at Proverbs 31 Ministries, and I liked it.  Somewhere along the way, the messages started to feel like they lacked spiritual depth, as though they were only scratching the surface, or circling the same topics again and again.  It may not still be like that, I haven’t read there in years – and it is rotating authors, so maybe some rotated out, but I longed for something deeper, something that helped in my role as a wife and mother.

But where did Lysa go wrong?  I don’t know specifics, since I’m not extremely well acquainted with everything she is or has done, but it seemed when news of her husband’s affair came out, that she was always on tour, always writing something new (she’s written 16 books total – that books take A LOT of time and energy and devotion), Bible studies (that take even more time than books to produce, sometimes with videos accompanying them – which she did do – in  different countries at that!).  Her, “ministry,” quite honestly from an outsider’s perspective inspecting it after her husband went astray, looked like it was the total and sole focus on her life while her family stood on the sidelines.  For a wife and mother of five children, this is wrong.  There’s a huge sacrifice, or, “cost,” to putting your ministry above your husband and children, and although her children deny that is what happened, it’s hard to see her schedule in those years leading up to it, and *not* come away with the thought that she was neglecting some major things on the home-front.  Is a woman, “ministering,” wrong?  No, according to Paul, but maybe part of the reason why he mentioned older women was because the demands of children and supporting a husband would be a lot less in that stage of life.  Lysa’s been doing this as they were young, little, developing, and needing her each day to be there.

Even if her neglect isn’t what inadvertently caused her husband to stray, living a life that ostentatiously puts your family on the back-burner, all so that you can promote yourself and your self-defined, “ministry,” to strangers (instead of your own family), should be seen for what it is.  A Christian woman neglecting her role as wife and mother should (hopefully) produce guilt or shame when she’s realized what she’s done.  Unfortunately for Lysa, even though she’s managed reconciliation and prevented divorce, there was no public acknowledgment of anything she may have done to contribute to their marriage problems, let alone any acknowledgment of how little she was actually a wife and mother.

Healthy shame leads to realizing what’s important… that we’ve been off on our personal spiritual journeys and pursuits, perhaps she realized this, cut back on her schedule, and just didn’t let her followers know (it did look like she cut back, but that could have been from the divorce).  One thing I LOVED about Pilgrim’s Progress was that it didn’t (at all) shrink away from confronting the necessity of shame in helping to get us back on the right path and obtain humility when we mess up, and especially acknowledging our past sins when trying to witness to others!  What a beautiful book it was and so good to read it again.  We all get off course at some point, but unfortunately right now the popular theme is to avoid feeling ashamed at all costs!  I’ve seen Christian memes from Christian women leaders that proclaim that feeling shame at all, is spiritually wrong!  In Pilgrim’s Progress, there’s even a scene where Christian and his journey partner Hopeful, were whipped so that they could learn from their waywardness, and if I remember right, the one disciplining them was an angel of God.  Discipline is good.  God disciplines those He loves.  Shame, in it’s right form to correct us when we get off track, is just as necessary as discipline is, because it often brings a turn around.

Guilty Conscience –> Conviction –> Shame for having failed God –> Confession –> Repentance –> Change

The fact that her children and husband lost out on having a wife and mother who was actually there, can’t be fully made-up for.  When Art Terkeurst (Lysa’s husband)’s affair came out, it completely wrecked their adult daughter, and almost ruined her own marriage.  So yes, our mess-ups in life and marriage even impact our children when they’re adults!  I’m not saying Art isn’t at fault for his own choice to have a long-going affair, but affairs (from what I’ve studied psychologically) almost never start without the other partner giving them an emotional or sexual reason to be that tempted.  The only exception are serial cheaters who have a character disorder/personality disorder, which Art does not seem to have (only one, very hard to quit affair).

It’s typically been a role of male missionaries or Pastors to travel or go on speaking engagements, because mothers are biblically called to be, “keepers of the home,” literally holding down the home-front.  Which brings me to the next point…

Lysa preached Sunday sermons at her own church and others fairly frequently, something I only found out when researching what may have happened to damage her relationship with her husband.  It seems the women who do this, that I’ve watched personally in real life, tend to emasculate their husbands just by simply being in spiritual authority over them in this way.  Not only is it biblically wrong according to Paul in 1 Timothy 2, but when a wife becomes her husband’s “Pastor,” even for temporary sermons, she’s completely inverting the kind of natural relationship the Bible says a wife and husband should have, where she submits to him in everything, as she would unto the Lord.  When Lysa became Art’s Pastor, he was suddenly thrown under her spiritual authority and leadership.

For a marriage, I think it could possibly turn the husband completely off sexually, to have to abdicate his role of leadership and headship over her, submit to her leadership publicly as he supports her disobedience to Scripture – it sounds humiliating and emasculating, even if only subconsciously (some men may feel this, but they’d never admit this).  We know a family member who chooses to live this way, as a female Pastor, and no surprise, they’ve had recurrent issues with his infidelity.  It sounds like the perfect recipe for an affair… if another submissive, feminine woman comes along and decides she thinks the emasculated husband is perfect – looks up to him and follows his lead on things, it can spark feelings he doesn’t feel anymore for his emasculating wife.  Men need to feel needed, masculine, and capable as both provider and leader over their wife/household.

Loud and Proud Divorcees are Leading the Way

I’ve been sent links to other female ministers, one even somewhat connected to the old church social circle we used to attend a couple of years ago, and it’s amazing to me how so many divorcees are holding themselves up as leaders to be modeled after, and at the same time, wanting younger women to respect them and their mistakes as part of their, “journey.”  Their mistakes are holy and glorified.  Their, “hot mess,” (messy divorces) as they call it, is held up as a role model for their capitalized success at leadership.  There’s zero repentance, zero focus on whatever they may have done wrong to contribute to their divorce, and a very strong, “you don’t need no man,” vibe from their blogs/websites.  Most are still single and divorced, or married a second time, but to a man they disrespect publicly.  It’s extremely disheartening to read the blogs like this.  I’ve only come across one older leader of a women’s Bible study who was divorced, who actually was humble enough to talk about what she did wrong and how she personally contributed to the demise of her first marriage – it was so refreshing.  And her honesty was beautiful, and so needed as she gave it to us as a warning not to be like how she was in her past!  How many female ministry leader divorcees do you know who are like that?  Again… I’ve only encountered one!

This post is already too long, but other examples are:

Beth Moore –

Sheila Gregorie-

And I’m also including the many other authors who are in agreement with these women.  We are having an epidemic of Christian female leaders who are destroying biblical Truth, even going so far as to mock it, unchallenged.

These examples, as you can see, are so bad they promote the idea that women shouldn’t be using their gifts at all!  This is the consequence of Christian women like Beth Moore, Sheila Gregorie, and Lysa Terkeurst recklessly misusing their opportunities to teach Titus 2 concepts.  Who is going to trust them?  When Christian female, “leaders,” act in these completely unbiblical ways, they lose their witness and rightfully so.

***

Hopefully with all these examples above, a reader and fellow Christian can see it just hasn’t been working out too well to hold up females as pseudo pastors, because that’s what they’ve become in effect, when growing such large ministries.  Maybe it goes to their heads in a way, but one thing is for certain (and I’m sorry in advance that it sounds so unkind to these women and their families, but this needs to be said):

These women grow such large ministries that they become almost like heads of the households for other Christian wives to follow.  This in effect leads other men’s wives to follow that female minister (like Beth Moore) on theological questions or topics, instead of her husband’s leadership.

Paul made this statement for a reason: ” let the wives ask their husbands at home”

It’s not that I believe women can’t minister to others in different ways and in maybe using their gifts, but in teaching biblical things outside of Titus 2, it does seem to get fuzzy on what may be right, and what may be wrong.  I don’t hold all the answers, but I did think this was a good question I’ve gotten from readers a few times in the past.

Can Women Minister in General?

YES!

Are MANY of them getting it wrong, acting unashamed, embarrassing fellow Christian women who are supposed to look up to them.?  Yes 😦

May we pray for God to give us a revival, where older women who are actually qualified will start teaching and helping younger women to what God’s called them to.

You Can’t Replace a Father

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Summer is always a month of parties for us as a family, we had two smallish ones back to back, Father’s Day and the weekend afterward, and usually do something for the Fourth, this year being another birthday party in the country.  It was lots of cooking, cleaning, decorating and getting the yard presentable going on over here for a few days, but I love it.

 

I love Father’s Day, probably more than Mother’s Day since the latter feels uncomfortable having the day be all about a job I feel I already am loved for ❤ .  But I genuinely enjoy celebrating my husband on this day 😀 just makes me so proud of him and happy.

Our life would be impossible without him in every way.

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We have another family party/get-together today, and thankfully the kids slept in after watching fireworks on our drive back from the big party last night.  We all hunkered down on our wrap around couch to watch a peaceful firework/musical video on youtube – the kids loved it, and it felt so serene.

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Our oldest requested I do one of my cookie cakes for him, and of course it had to be Jurassic Park!!  Things are still all about the dinosaurs over here these days 😀 😉  I love making cakes and things homemade, and I love the designing process.

I love Summer… all the swimming, playing out in the sun, relaxed schedule… this is my daily uniform 😀

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I still do a, “homeschool review day,” once a week 🙂 Because learning still seems important and it’s just a good opportunity to review things, especially math!

This is part of what we did this week:

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We went over the symbolic meaning of Christian’s version, and I did explain that it didn’t mean simply, “problems,” but even deeper to signify problems coming from sin and shame, etc.  Life still does have many problems after taking on Jesus Christ as your savior, but it’s interesting that His yoke and burden are also (in MANY ways), “easier, ” and “lighter,” than the world’s corrupt ways!  It was a good, short lesson.

There’s even a song I sang that seemed to captivate them, that follows this verse.  I can’t find it on youtube, but it is just so beautiful!  Perfectly captures a short lesson on Pilgrim’s Progress!

AND… Yesterday was our 13 YEAR anniversary of being together!  Yes, we got together and apparently our love sent sparks into the night 😛  I can’t believe it’s been that long… it feels like a blink of a an eye!

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Happy late Fourth of July!  We’re off to another adventure….

 

Lego Movie 2 – Teaching Boys to be a Beta Emmet & Not a Rex-Dangervest

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So during our summer vacations we usually make time to go to the movies each week during the, “Kids’ Free Movie,” day.  This past week was the first free movie of the season, and my husband took all of us to go see the Lego 2 movie that was showing (they typically show already released movies since they’re free).  It was like an all-boy day, as we had our two sons and one of our oldest’s good friends (baby girl got to hangout with Grandma 😉 ). ❤  I love being able to take their friends to fun things, get tons of candy at the Dollar Store, and splurge on Icee’s when we get there!  As we were driving my husband and I listened to the cute things boys talk about to each other… it’s just so sweet to me, their boy stuff.

The Lego Movie 2 was mostly centered on a analogous plot of the difficulty in managing playing with a younger sister, while trying to prevent the ever-looming, catastrophic event of Armamageddon (Are Mama Gets In(volved)!.  The general plot is funny, the jokes, sarcasm, and real life/other movie references are always interesting, and almost every kid (and parent) can relate perfectly to the delicate balance of siblings playing together nicely, or else their mama really does have to get in.  When mama gets in, “Armamageddon,” all the lego worlds they’ve created are banished into the, “Bin of Stor-Age!”  A lot of it is simply hilarious, and the music is so kid-perfect there were kids dancing in the theater (ours, too).

It’s a popular movie, apparently grossing over $191 million worldwide.

Yet the Lego Movie 2 is also pretty painful to watch, especially when you think about what it’s trying to teach boys about their worth, what women want, and what women respond to.

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Emmet, the un-hero

The first Lego Movie already introduced us to the main male character, and supposed hero, Emmit Brickowski.  He’s the typical depiction of a beta male, who tries too hard to please everyone, builds his life around everyone else’s happiness, and truly believes his life is, “AWESOME,” even though his emotions and results of his actions prove to him everyday, that it isn’t.

He is the butt of every joke, no one believes in him, and even though he kind of gets the girl in the end, it’s clear she’s not really attracted to him much less truly in love with him.  He’s the reason why both movies are painful to watch, and yet, in the second movie, it’s taken too far.

In Lego Movie 2,

it’s clear the writers try to present his pitiful character as being the kind of man all boys should try to be,

the kind of man women truly want.

I’m not trying to review that first movie, it annoyed me enough back then, but at least I could see it showed some glimmer of truth in that men like this aren’t respected and aren’t something boys should try to model themselves after.

Why on earth would they want to, with how horrible Emmet is treated (in both movies)??  What boy wants to grow up being constantly disrespected by all the women in his life and not valuable to his friends (or boss, or anyone)?  In short, what male child would see this movie, and think it was a good, Life Plan, to end up miserable?  It was a good teaching tool to our oldest, a cartoon-life example to use to show him how women (and most other people) treat men who act like Emmet.  This second movie, however, with it’s outright teaching boys that this is what women want, was too much.  Coming from the point of view of a mom with two sons (who have friends we also care about), yes, it was painful to watch this movie, “teach,” these boys we brought that women want weak, immature, naive men for romantic partners.  That is, undeniably, the opposite of what women actually want.  So let’s be honest here, the Lego Movie 2 lies to children, and most devastatingly, to boys.

Red Pill Matrix References in Lego Movie 2

After the movie, my husband and I couldn’t help but compare notes to how many blue pill and red pill truisms we found and referred to.  At one point, the only red pill aware character (who is of course, also made to be the male villain who tries to “ruin everything) even makes a reference to Emmet wanting to, “go back to the Matrix.”  He was referencing the red pill lingo of when men prefer to go back to being, “blue pill,” where they don’t see that the entire society is trying to get them to build their lives around what women want, as opposed to what’s truly beneficial or good for men.  Blue pill is a reference to being plugged in to the Matrix, whereas Red Pill references having your eyes opening, unplugging, and understanding the real nature of the world.

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The red pill aware character who made this Matrix reference, is called Rex Dangervest, and is a knock-off of the real hero in Jurassic World, and voiced by the same actor, Christ Pratt.

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In Lego 2, Rex and his army of velociraptors are the bad guys, the guys trying to teach Emmet to stand up for himself, be tougher, be more… *gasp* masculine.

Let’s all take 5 minutes to remember right now how Emmet was treated when he wasn’t masculine.

Yea…

right…

his life was miserable.

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In reality, Chris Pratt’s character in Jurassic World, the same man villain-Rex is modeled after, was the tough, but kind and gentle, hero who saved everyone he possibly could, even going so far as to sacrifice himself for the benefit of others. He’s also the velociraptors’ “alpha male,” leader, and is therefore able to somewhat control these dangerous dinosaurs and their killer instincts.

 

The fact that the Lego 2 movie rewrites this classic, good, alpha-male hero, into a villain to represent, “toxic masculinity,” should tell you everything you need to know about the mindset of the creators.  

The message to boys is, “Don’t be like Rex, don’t be tough and capable.  Don’t show, ‘toxic masculinity.’  Be like Loser-Emmet instead!”  However, Chris Pratt’s character was the hero who the two boys in the movie admired, respected, and chose to be with over their female relative who couldn’t save them!  We can trust that Emmet’s beta-male character, all sweet and naive and emotional, would not have been able to save as many lives as Pratt’s character if Emmet was likewise transferred into Jurassic World.

But why did Lego 2 pick Chris Pratt’s male hero to make a mockery and villain of?  Aside from having ample opportunities to make hilarious references to the raptors and his communication style, I think it may go a bit deeper than that.  The main female character in Jurassic World was the typical strong, I-don’t-need-a-man, type who seemed successful at her job of running the dinosaur park.  But over the course of the movie, we watch our heroine leader make a series of devastatingly wrong leadership decisions that end in many people dying for her lack of perception of how dangerous the situation was all along.  Pratt’s heroic male character is the only one pragmatic enough to see the situation for what it was (much like Rex in Lego 2), and has to constantly fix her mistakes, usually too late to save the many men who die because of her decisions.  His and her characters have a strong sexual chemistry, of course, that is made even more obvious by how annoyed she is at his personality.  In the end, she realizes how much she needed him to save everyone and she succumbs to their romance for, as they joke, “survival.”  The subliminal message of the Jurassic World movie was,

“Toxic Masculinity may be annoying to women,

but boy it sure does save their asses (and their children)

when everything goes south!”

I loved this character, and our kids did, too.  He looks and acts very much like my own brother (who is a Chris Pratt doppelganger!!), so for our kids, it was like watching their Uncle on the screen… well, if their Uncle was a raptor trainer in a dinosaur world.  How cool is that?!?!

In Lego Movie 2, not only do we find Rex is a villain, the movie makes a plot twist by revealing he’s actually Emmet – the man he turns into after being hardened by women’s, and in general, people’s true nature.  After spending years under the dryer, forgotten completely, he refashioned himself into a man who could take care of himself and didn’t need saving from the female hero any longer.  He transformed into a real man who could not only save himself, but as Chris Pratt showed in his Jurassic World character, a man who could also save the masses in a crisis.

The movie, instead of admitting that yes, men are most beneficial to society when they are capable and masculine, takes it too far with Rex’s character, revealing him as the villain who tries to destroy love and everything good found in two worlds (the masculine represented by the brother’s lego world and the feminine represented by the sister’s “Systar System” of girlie legos) working together.  

Red pill Rex Wouldn’t Exist without a Hardening of Blue pill Emmet’s character

The honesty in this movie is interesting at times when contrasted to the overall goal of hiding the truth.  The writers admit to the audience that our tough and desirable Rex (knock off of Chris Pratt’s Jurassic World hero) would not even exist if Lucy hadn’t hurt Emmet (along with all his other friends) as bad as they initially did by leaving him under the dryer for years alone, and never coming back for him.  When Lucy does come back for him, he remains in his blue pill state and rejects everything good and masculine Rex was trying to teach him (that Lucy said she wanted).  As a result, Rex starts to vanish ala Back to the Future style, because now that Lucy came back for him, his alter-ego never gets to exist.  It’s almost as if Feminist Females like Lucy realize, “Oh no!  Look at the red pill response we’ve created!” and want to bring their betas back (and old article of Rollo’s).

And you know what? It’s true that most men would never become red pill aware (Rex-Dangerous) if they weren’t brutally forced to face the truth of female nature, either due to divorce or the series of heartbreaks we watch Emmet go through.  Most men are not naturally that self-aware due to the Matrix-like programming they go through in childhood and adolescence.  Some men are, but I think most just aren’t.

We have to painfully watch Emmet go through the slow realizations that Lucy not only doesn’t share his dream, she doesn’t even appreciate what he’s offering.  Lucy looks down on his, “naive,” dream of owning a cute little house together and starting a life as a couple.  Let’s not even mention that even when they weren’t in a war he wasn’t able to get her to settle down.  Is he naive for trying to start a life together in the midst of war?  At first glance, yes, but then we see Lucy’s pessimistic and destructive attitude is the entire reason the war started in the first place, and it all starts to become more clear.

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A Cringe-worthy Romance… Bleh!

The movie shows a clip from the past where Emmet’s ability to make peace with the Sister Aliens could have avoided the war in its entirety, if Lucy and the others only listened to him.  But as the movie keeps on teaching us, no one respects or listens to men like Emmet.  This isn’t unfortunately just female nature, it’s human nature in a nutshell.  His miserable life is unavoidable because of the way he behaves and allows himself to be treated.  He dreams of Lucy being in love with him, wanting to marry him and settle down, but the audience can painfully feel zero attraction or chemistry between them.  And yet Emmet still tries to bring her in on his dreams of building a picture-perfect life together, which realistically, would be anything but perfect!  It is the classic, “blue pill,” form of male-reasoning and living in denial that leads to so many men being unhappily married to women who treat them like Lucy does, and never understanding what’s wrong or what she really wants from him.

The physical struggle between Emmet and Rex was also interesting to watch and listen to, as they literally fought to the, “Lego death,” close to the end of the movie.  It seemed to represent the internal struggle most men have with admitting the truth to themselves (with their blue pill self fighting against it, because the truth is painful).  Emmet (blue pill male) doesn’t want to have to become Rex (red pill male), even though it would drastically make a lot of the problems in his life disappear (the main one being holding on to a woman like Lucy, who doesn’t appreciate or admire him, and doesn’t feel any chemistry for him).

Emmet can’t become Rex, the more masculine version of himself, though, because the writers made sure Rex had all the exaggerated villain-esque and anti-social characteristics of male, “toxicity.”  Instead of giving boys a good, balanced, masculine role model like Chris Pratt’s initial character in Jurassic World, they give us (as the supposed hero) plain old Emmet the way he always was… all positive or masculine changes discarded.  The result of only seeing these two extremes presented as viable options for Emmet to become, fell flat, and didn’t provide a positive ending for our tragic, “hero.”

In the end, Lucy does say she preferred him the way he was before, “naive, sweet, and innocent.”  She wasn’t happy when he grew up and became tougher like she said she wanted initially.  And it’s true, it didn’t make her happy to see he didn’t need her anymore to control and dictate his life.  Women like this routinely pick men they can control, because they don’t want to look up to, respect, or God-forbid submit to a male figure (for all kinds of possible psychological reasons behind it).  But without the chemistry and actual love between them, Lucy’s admission of love comes across as preferring Emmet to be “beta,” or blue pill because back then he was more controllable.  When he was the old Emmet, and not tough and grown up and capable, he followed Lucy’s lead, even though it would regularly lead to bad decisions like war occurring when it didn’t have to.  Her exaggerated hostility toward everyone and anything is actually a kind of good example of toxic femininity that I don’t think the Lego 2 creators bargained for us realizing.  Feminist movie, meet Irony. 😉

Lucy’s Create Their Own Unhappiness

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I had a friend who reminds me of Lucy, and who for years dated a man she would regularly complain about and stress herself out about, almost as though it was a new hobby she was taking up, which obviously, wasn’t healthy for her.  Her boyfriend wasn’t sexually attractive in her mind, she wanted him to lose weight (for his own health benefits so she said).  He was messy, and she expressed to me that she didn’t think she could live with him being that way after marriage.  He played with Legos, and she viewed it as him being, “immature.”  It just went on and on what an imperfect match they were.  Against all my advice to leave him alone, and find a man she already accepted and loved the way he was, she married him anyway, and we lost contact because I didn’t want to see how the drama would play out in marriage.

Women like Lucy are already unhappy.  For whatever underlying psychological reasons, they don’t want to come under the leadership of a masculine male, so they pick and hold on to men like Emmet, even though it tends to make them miserable.  And in truth, men like Emmet often don’t want to lead in the relationship, it’s much more comfortable for them to let the wife lead, or just be a passive, “partner.” 

Women crave a man who will lead her, and lead her well.  And in a balanced marriage, masculinity and femininity work together.  But like Lucy finds out, women like this are in a Catch 22 – wanting their men to, “man-up,” but then despising them when they do.  Psychologically, I believe women like this pick men like Emmet, for a reason – and that’s important to remember when they’re complaining about him.

Well, Lucy, you picked him!

All in all, at least we’re able to use the movie as another teaching tool or manifestation of the way our culture wants to view men.  Even handsome heroes that save children (in movies) aren’t immune to having their (good) virtues twisted to become, “toxic masculinity.”

We should be thanking God for those male virtues, not shaming boys into rejecting them.