Updated Blog Tabs

I recently had a couple of email complaints about my blog not being up to date with the cataloged posts underneath their respective tabs (Marriage & Sex, Single, Personal, etc.).

I understand how annoying that would be, so I’ve spent some time tonight to update everything… we were just really busy as a family during this past pregnancy, not to mention I rarely write or check the blog when I’m pregnant (it’s a welcome break).

I also did away with some old tabs I never write on here anymore (STYLE, Health, etc.), as well as added a new tab and changed the name of another one.

Hope it annoys you readers a lot less now that it’s more organized and all nice and updated 🙂 .  Please bear with me going forward on cataloging lol…

And don’t forget to check out the new posts that have been catalogued!  There were over 50 that were “lost” in translation – which is a ton of writing.

Enjoy,

Stephanie

 

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Things I Want My Daughter to Know: Keep it Classy

There’s an woman I know who looks, acts, (and even talks!) very much like this beautiful woman in this video.  For some strange reason, she has decided to adopt me over this past year, lol, and taken me under her wing (in advice, elegant home party planning, ettiquite, proper form, entertaining higher ups, etc.), and helps me a lot with running the events I do for our wives organization.  Her level of sophistication and class has truly challenged me to step up the elegance and effort on my part.  Wow was I ever lacking in this area!

Her sweet, beautiful and kind daughter is high school age, and I ADORE watching their relationship. 😀

So I would be remiss to not post this as “something I wish my daughter to know.”

Keep it Classy 😀

Stephanie

Texas Winter Wonderland!

Well… for a day LOL….

This happened last night right before bedtime….

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This was crazy last night!  We haven’t had real snow that lasted since 1985!!!!!!  My husband had to work, so I was worried about him driving (even though I know he’s smart and a pro at it…) still… black ice and all :/  But he was fine and came home safely.

 

She’s ready for her first Snow Day ❤

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My husband wanted to take some pictures of me with our daughter for her first snowfall this morning 😀

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Little fur coat and hat with ears don’t fit when you’re so tiny! 😀  ❤

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I seriously can’t believe it… and I think it’s going to be hot again sometime next week just to throw us Texans off again 😛

Oh well! We’ll still take our One-Day Snow-Day 🙂

 

 

Christmas Season Joy!

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A half-done tree 😉  We waited until my husband got home to do the star at the top, which is always down by the youngest in house who is able to walk ❤  Watching my husband pick up our 2nd son and let him put the star on is like winning the lottery.  So. Much. Love.

We got our decorations up last week, it’s been so much fun decorating with the kids and seeing all the ornaments come out again.  I get so much pleasure from just seeing everything again – like seeing old friends… LOL.

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My mom got us this sweet decoration a few years back.  I know Santa is a controversial figure, but I do love the story behind him, the legend if you will.  And I love this decoration because it kind of epitomizes the importance of Jesus’ birth amidst all the craziness of Christmas shopping, Santa visits, or whatnot.  It’s really about this, when it comes down to it.  None of the other stuff matters, and it’s nice to be reminded of that.  We can have all the other joyful stuff, as long as Christ is still the at the center.

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Love lights ❤

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And at night….

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Our famous skyline.

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The top of the building in the center of the above pic, is where my parents bought their chunks of land in the country back in the 80’s.  All the way at the top in the penthouse.

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So cute… 😀

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Our river ❤  There were less lights for some reason this year.  It was still gorgeous and we can’t really complain – but apparently we have new boats that light up the water below them.  LOL

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Our cutie…

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Christmas Candle… I always try to get one every year and light it every night, at least through dinner.  It’s just a simple tradition, and the light is beautiful for the kids (and me) to look at.

LOL our mischievous one!  Wait… they’re both mischievous… oh well!

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Enjoy this season readers!  Please go out and have fun!  Do joyful things… go listen to some carolers, or watch a ballet of the Nutcracker.

Do something to remind yourself of beauty this season!  To recapture how you felt when you were a child.

Go see some glittering, brilliant lights around in your city.  Really look at a well-decorated Christmas tree at a hotel.  Enjoy some wine!  Go out dancing!

Do something this season to bring more joy into your life, please.

Stephanie

 

November Patreon Dr. Peterson

Awwww  I loved this… have had to listen to it over the course of a few days (just so long and with babies there’s no way to actually listen to it all the way through).

 

Things I like and relate to in this video:

-He talks pretty early on about envy, and why it’s just ridiculous to harbor it, and how to maybe help yourself get over it by practicing the biblical concept of being happy for other people when they’re happy or successful.  It’s not the other person’s fault that you’re feeling envy.  You can’t blame another person for “inciting” your own problem within your own heart.  Unless you want to play the victim role all your life, never growing or learning how to move on.  I like how he continuously confronts envy, never letting an envious person feel entitled or blame other people for their sin… reminds me so much of the things my dad said growing up.

One thing that keeps me from ever really feeling envious is that I can see how everyone in this world has had something hard to overcome – even the glamorous movie stars and singers, etc. they all haven’t had it really that “easy.”  When you have compassion for others, you’re less tempted to envy their happiness or success.  Some of the famous people you see, are actually very unhappy.  Even the ones who have found happiness, usually they deserve it because they’ve made choices to create happiness for themselves, and they have things in their past that are horrible and very painful that they’ve learned to overcome.  I don’t know.  I just want to live a quiet life, enjoying relating to people in my sphere of influence, enjoying raising my kids and trying to help others when I can.  No reason for envy… there’s enough happiness to be found for every person, if they’ll just take a look for it.

Neuroticism – he talks a little about this trait.  It is where you’re always questioning yourself, having negative feelings about why you question yourself, and about what you’re doing in or with your life.  It robs your peace if you don’t know how to deal with it.  I’ve always been fairly neurotic – not a true neurosis like a mental illness… but having “neurotic tendencies” of wanting to do the right thing, but at the same time, not even being sure I was.  If you receive praise, you always question if you really deserve it… if you’re really “good enough.”  You tend to believe that you’re never good enough on the regular… it’s my mind’s default setting, which is good and bad depending on the situation.

This is where I’ve found mentors and advisers (real life people I trust) to be amazing help.  They can often point out if I’m seeing something off, or if I’m actually right in my assessment of a situation or an idea that seems so wrong or even evil.  I’ve had to work pretty hard mentally to overcome the constant questioning of neuroticism, though, which is ok… it really does keep me from being over-confident, while still teaching me to remain confident enough in my ability to assess things so that I’m not bent by every whim or wave of theological deception.  And to have enough confidence to keep my own personal convictions –  no matter who in real life (or here) comes and tries to challenge me on that.  Ironically, not being so sure of myself has opened the doors to many wonderful older women taking me under their wing in real life ❤ which has honestly been incredible.  Something good from having neurotic (negative) traits lol.

My dad understood how and why I was a little neurotic.  He seemed to adore it and would assure me it was much better to always question yourself, than to have a character disorder.  He also would assure me that I didn’t truly have what was a neurosis (a real mental illness).  I think when you’re growing up hearing your dad talk about all kinds of psychological disorders and things, it’s easy to try to self-diagnose.  But he was keen on what I was always thinking, and helped me avoid doing that to myself.  Character disorders were extremely scary to me – the way they’d affect a person and the person wouldn’t even be able to tell.  When you have a character disorder, you tend to always feel sure of yourself – never questioning if you did the right thing, never seeking out advice that may make you feel guilty.  Neurotics are terrified of getting it wrong.  Sometimes that’s a good thing.  It can make you into an over-achiever.

On being neurotic and seeking out advice – the Bible tells us many times to seek out wise advice, and it is one of the reasons why I think I’ve been able to withstand entire communities with thousands of women hating me and attacking my husband and I, without cringing in fear and folding up shop, being intimidated by their hatred and slander and attacks and threats through these years.  I don’t talk about it here usually, because it’s such an ugly topic, and this blog is intended to be on more positive things.

I’ve seen these women gang up and happily destroy a woman’s book and reputation publicly online just because they hated her and hated her blog.  I’ve seen Christian women defend this ugly behavior toward another sister in Christ, and try to guilt trip the Christian woman being attacked and slandered into just accepting it, because accepting defamation and damaged book sales was “the Christian thing to do.”  I’ve even seen from a Christian woman who used to comment here, that she actually wished harm – real harm – would come to this blogger just because of what she writes so that maybe she’d be scared enough to stop.  That woman is the wife of a pastor.  Let that one sink in.

Anyway, on intimidation… my husband knows intimately that he holds the keys to this blog, and if he ever wants me to shut it down, I’d obey in a heartbeat.  I’ve asked him many times if he wanted me to stop or if it ever bothers him, and he always laughs and says no.  But!  If I ever disappear here suddenly, it will be because he’s asked me to ❤

Moving on….

-He talks about how to help a marriage that has lost its attraction, but wants to stay together.  Superb advice 🙂 and very kind to them.  He doesn’t doom it to failure, which I love (being an optimist myself and kind of wanting to see everyone get married… or be happy… which I know is naive, sorry).

-Dr. Peterson advises a paranoid schizophrenic young man 😥  on how to go about dating.  I really appreciate Dr. Peterson’s thoughts for this young man.  Ugh….

He advises someone thinking about going into Police work.   I totally understand that poor person’s hesitation.  This may be where I disagree with Dr. Peterson (for the first time, imagine that!).  I DO think it’s much worse for police officers in this culture, but then again I didn’t live through what he saw in the 60’s.  My dad ironically DID say exactly what Dr. Peterson was saying a couple of years ago in trying to talk to me about it.  If I remember right, my dad told me these things come and go.  Maybe they’re right.  Maybe it will “get better.”  For all my optimism, something tells me deep down that it’s not going to get better, but hopefully I’m wrong.

All I know is it is very hard.  It is very hard to watch what my husband goes through.  It’s hard to understand the depth of uncaring “sheeplike” people out there who have no idea what they’re talking about – regarding evil people and justice, etc.  It is just super hard.  Being the wife behind the badge has it’s own set of issues to deal with – none that I really talk about much here.

Just this past weekend, a sweet male cousin of my husband’s made the mistake of talking to me and mentioning his goal of joining my husband’s department.  It’s really hard for me to see such good men go into a profession where they’re going to be so hated, and possibly murdered simply for trying to do good.  He brought up how hard it must be, and I felt tears coming – IN PUBLIC of all things.  Ugh so embarrassing and I felt sorry that he had to witness me breakdown.  98% of my energy is spent on composure in public when police issues are talked about, I’m really lucky not very many people catch me off guard by actually asking how I am doing with it all.  I’m usually very good at keeping composure, but his kindness was just so real, that it touched something in me deeply and it brought out some tears – that someone actually cared.  So many constantly show that they don’t.  I’ve found it’s very rare to feel that kind of kindness from someone.  Most people want to hate, want to criticize, want to look for something negative, so that level of kindness really touches me emotionally… unfortunately.  :/

I think marriage is much harder for a police family, but also (I think anyway) a lot better BECAUSE of having to overcome such things.  I like it… but I also consciously try to make myself like it (instead of hate it, or feel like a victim, which would be very easy to fall into), but I wouldn’t trade it for the world even with all the hardships.  It’s been a blessing overall.

He talks about the dangers of giving out advice without helping someone think it through or fully understanding the issues they may be dealing with.  Reminds me of the verse saying that the person who speaks without listening first, there’s greater hope for a Fool than for them.  Without first listening to where they’re coming from, you don’t know if your advice will do more harm than good – going on then is a sign of a major pride issue in the advice giver’s heart.

There’s a lot more in the video… but I don’t have the time right now to write it all out 🙂 Enjoy it if you watch it!  Hope you get something from this stuff, he’s really good (and very hated).

Stephanie

 

Pretty in Pink

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Someone… has just turned 5 months!

And she’s tickled pink about it…  😀

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I seriously get lost in her soft brown eyes… this girl is gorgeous!

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This headband was super easy to make (DIY style).

Just get a strip of sequins, in 1 1/2 or 1 inch width, from your local fabric store, measure out the size of your baby girl’s head, and cut it one inch shorter.  Obviously this only works with elastic band sequins.

Sew or glue (fabric glue or even hot glue works) in the back overlapping.

Done!  Perfect sparkly headband made in your own personal style.

Stephanie

Am I Tricking Men When I use Makeup? Is Makeup Unethical?

So…

the Makeapp …

LOL….

I’m going to try to write this post with a straight face…

….

ok!  I can’t 😉  😀

I’m laughing as I type ❤

Are we women tricking men with our makeup usage?

This is a lot like the constant harpy criticism that we’re all just teaching women to manipulate men… UN-ethically at that!  Oh my!!!

Recently, as you may have seen, an app came out called the Makeapp that allows men (or anyone really) to take a picture or upload a picture of a woman, and completely simulate what she probably looks like without makeup.

It’s not a perfect app, I’ve read up on it a bit and apparently some people actually look better without makeup than this app claims (it adds pimples and acne, so if you don’t have skin problems it won’t be completely accurate).  But overall, it’s pretty correct!

Is it tricking men to use makeup?

This topic has come up before in the world of male – female issues, in fact, I’ve actually written before on women covering their acne with makeup and men responding not so pleasantly to it.

Is makeup tricking men?  Well, to be completely honest, yes, it is, in a way.  But most reasonable people understand that makeup tends to make a woman look better, so they “get it.”  It evens out skin tone, it imitates the flushes and redder lips a woman gets when she’s in ovulation – making her extremely more sexually attractive.  It lengthens her eye-lashes, another thing proven to drive men subtly insane.  Is it manipulation of some kind of form?  I guess it is… when it’s used the way it’s intended (to make men more sexually attracted to you).

I decided to do it 😀

I used this picture… and in it (below) I actually don’t have very much makeup on.  Concealer, some foundation in areas but not all over “full-coverage,” mascara, and light pink lip gloss:

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LOL… So I guess I look like I have the flu 😀 ….

But ok… so is using makeup really unethical?

I think my other older post answers this question some.  If you’re deliberately hiding major flaws and such, yes, it’s effectively tricking a man into thinking you look VERY different from how you actually look.  You could make some kind of case that doing that was “unethical,” although most women who are doing that are doing it for their own self-esteem issues and not really trying to harm anyone.  But still, men don’t like feeling tricked… even if you’re covering acne for yourself so you can feel more confident 😦  They’ll still (as we saw in the other post) react badly to it if you put yourself out there like that one girl did.  It’s a no-win situation.

If you’re a teen and you’re worried how this app will affect the way guys see you, please try not to worry and just focus on important things.  If it DOES bother you, figure out ways to take care of your skin (toners, acne scrubs, prescription medicine if need be).  The thing that will give you the most confidence without makeup, will be having beautiful skin, and that’s just the truth.

Most men totally accept knowing you’ll look better with some makeup applied.  Heavy emphasis on the “some.”   Too much and it turns them off… usually.

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But almost all men dream of a woman who looks good without makeup and doesn’t need it to be beautiful.  And that’s the truth.  

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And that’s why this new Makeapp where men now have the magical ability to SEE what you look like underneath makeup really gets to women.  To be exposed for how you really look shouldn’t be an issue (a romantic interest will certainly find out anyway!), but for many it seems to be.  “It’s unfair!” some say.  “It’s SEXIST!” others say.

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Is there any good “take away” from this new app in the hands of men? 😉

Yes!  If you have good, beautiful skin, you’ll look great even without makeup!  Does the app distort it?  Yea, it does, but if it makes men feel better lol…. *shrug*

And technically, this makeapp shouldn’t worry you if you’re using makeup correctly anyway.

On the other hand, the Makeapp can also ADD LOTS of makeup to your face LOL… this was only after adding “one application” of makeup!  LOL… more like cosemtic surgery haha!

WOW!!!

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**Tear!!**  I don’t even recognize myself!!!  What an app!

Anyway… this app is really distracting!  If you’re a single woman, any man who is interested in you will already notice when you’re not wearing much makeup, and he’ll usually like it!  I’ve read many comments and emails where a girl says she couldn’t believe how the first time her boyfriend or husband told her she was “beautiful” was actually when they had been swimming or at a water park all day and all her makeup had washed off, or when they were hiking and it melted off -and guess what?  He still adored her.

If you have beautiful skin, you’ll still look great without all the makeup.  And that’s what men love.  I do believe most men do NOT want a woman who wears too much makeup.  It’s kind of obvious when someone does (unless they’re a brilliant makeup artist, which honestly men, most women aren’t).

But for women, even if you’re married – no, especially if you’re married – your husband wants to see you without any makeup on at appropriate times – first thing when you wake up, in his T-shirt or naked (however it is you prefer to sleep) – he wants to see his bare-faced Beauty and know you are his.

Stephanie

Happy Thanksgiving!

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Just wanted to post some pretty pictures and wish my readers a Happy Thanksgiving!  We’ve been pretty busy… lots of baking, decorating, and going to the park nearby to see lights each night!  And just dwelling on the gratitude of all our blessings.

I love this time of year.  I actually enjoy the wildness of it all.

Today we had some of my older son’s friends come over – the house was full of boys running around like crazy 😀 playing loud music in our “music station” of our game room, being silly and dancing around the house ❤

I baked cookies and set the boys all up to decorate some to take home when they got picked up.

It was SO. MUCH. FUN. ❤

I don’t think I’m ever happier than when our house is full of people – or kids – especially crazy boys 🙂  Makes my heart warm seeing them have so much fun.

 

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It’s been so beautiful here lately, and with perfect weather – and just cold enough at night to warrant hot chocolate drinks!  😀

Same scene as above, but this is what we’ve been seeing every night we’ve been able to go:

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The Christmas trees are suspended above a lake to look like they’re floating on top of the water.  Just amazing to see in person!  I tried to get a good pic.

So romantic, and so magical ❤

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Like a winter wonderland. 😀

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I love this time of year… focusing on what we’re thankful for, seeing family and friends and lots and lots of cooking and baking!  It’s hard to imagine a happier time ❤

Hope all you readers have a happy Thanksgiving!

Aren’t You Just Teaching Women to Manipulate Men?

This isn’t just a question I’ve received before via email or in a comment, it’s a criticism that many people have pointed out whenever there’s a woman teaching (in real life or online) other women how to treat their husbands better in order to have a happy marriage.  I’ve seen it time and time again throughout the 4 years of blogging at this site.  And yes, I’ve been accused of selling “snake oil” to wives – manipulative feminine behaviors and techniques to get their husbands to give them what they want.  In reality, anything considered to be “snake oil,” would prove to be false over-time.  And I’ve many men and women tell me that these things are truth.  Manipulative techniques don’t actually work long-term in a marriage for producing good.  So no, I’m not selling “snake-oil” to wives.

This accusation always comes up though… always.  Even when I’ve come across women teaching others about simple femininity (not for wives but in general, how to be a woman), there’s always a few sour women who seem to scream from the sidelines, “MANIPULATION!!!!!! You’re just manipulating your husband into doing what you want him to do!!!”

***Side note***

Here is where a woman I love and admire, and have talked to privately in the past concerning what to do over these accusations (been meaning to email her again soon for daughter advice – if you’re reading this sweet Stingray, heads up for an incoming email), Stingray, has also confronted this accusation (albeit in a totally different way of accepting these tactics as manipulation)!  I’ve emailed with her a few times in the past, and respect her opinion greatly, so I’m adding it in to give you more insight into how like-minded women view this topic.  Click the link above if you want her specific take on this accusation that we’re teaching women to “manipulate” men.

I thought it would be good to go into this on my own blog, and go ahead and answer this question and criticism I’ve had off and on, because it IS important and women have a right to know an answer.

I hope this proves to be a thought-provoking post for you, no matter which side of the fence you sit on.

The Feminine wiles

Even by definition, the feminine wiles are described as clever talk or tricks, used to persuade someone to do what you want.  I’ve seen many women say behaving in a  feminine manner that brings out the best in men (your husband, but also your dad, brother, even sons are affected by this!), is just tricking him into behaving the way you want him to behave.  Using your femininity in order to inspire masculine virtues to come out in any man, is supposed to be a beautiful and good thing.

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But yes… to answer the critics… it CAN fall into manipulation IF the woman’s heart isn’t pure, and into it for the pure motivations of loving her husband.

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Manipulation is ugly.  Manipulating men to get them to do what we want is horrible.

No.  I am not trying to teach women how to “manipulate men,” with what I write or offer up here.  I don’t believe it is even possible long-term, for a wife, or even a single girl, to keep up a manipulative act.  Eventually the act will fall away, and her real self – her terrible character – will come out and chase men (even her husband in a multitude of small ways) away.

This criticism is only looking at the ugly side, and ugly heart motives, when it comes to using these behaviors and actions.  So while yes, a woman CAN use my advice to manipulate a man into falling in love with her or marrying her even, it’s intended to help women who have a pure heart, who genuinely want to love their husbands better and build a beautiful marriage.

I can’t help a woman whose heart is bent on seeing things only through a filter of sinful thinking.  Only she can lift that veil with prayer and making the choice to ask God to give her a clean and pure heart toward her husband.  So since I can’t really help a harpy screaming from the sidelines “MANIPULATION!!!!!!” I’ve gotten used to this false accusation (like Stingray had as well back when she was blogging) that it’s all “snake oil” and “unethical.”  This used to bother me, but now that I’ve talked to more women and have had the chance to see (in real life) the difference in their attitudes when presented with this stuff, I “get it.”  It all comes down to whether or not their heart is pure in wanting to love and be good to their husbands.  The sad thing is that a lot of women really don’t have pure intentions.

I’ve also seen women try to implement these things when their husband is already divorcing them.  If they’ve treated him terribly for 20+ years, and then suddenly try to implement these behaviors and techniques, yea he’s going to have a hard time believing his wife is sincere.  Then I’ve seen the wife (after becoming divorced and getting very bitter) usually complain that applying these techniques only made things much worse for her.  These are often the ones screaming “MANIPULATION!!!” the loudest.  If it didn’t work for her, it can’t work for anyone else!  Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!  

Her husband’s strong negative reactions are actually explainable in a psychological way – it’s called “The Pandora’s Box.”  Sometimes it’s salvageable, but often it’s just not.  Usually there’s just been way too much nastiness there, and for decades long.  You can’t just easily undo that kind of trauma you’ve done to your husband, by acting kind and respectful now.  Even if you are sincere now, he has to work through MAJOR forgiveness issues, trust issues, etc. and a lot of men find it too painful.  A lot of men get angry that you’ve wasted so many years treating them horribly, and are only now just “waking up,” and taking responsibility for how you’ve damaged his soul.  It’s all very ugly and dark… but it’s reality when you reap what you’ve been sowing for decades in the heart of your husband.

I may write on that more (I do love to write!), but to me that is why these things are so crucial for women to know before they even start dating!  How many marriages would have been saved if women were only taught these crucial things about what men want when they were teens?  This is why I was motivated to start writing, and why I often target the younger crowd.

 

This is why your Character is important

Your character is talked about a lot on my blog.  Who you are – if you are truly all these things women teach about (including many posts on my blog) – others will understand and take note that you’re consistent.  This is best displayed in real life – with the real life men around you – whether it’s your father, husband, sons, etc, they will be the ones who ultimately know you and your character, especially over time.

I guarantee that your husband is already aware of who you truly are, and you’re either working to have a beautiful character and implementing these behaviors in your marriage to make it flourish, or you’ve let these things slide and you live with a somewhat happy marriage – but with no idea how great it actually could be.

Either way, your “real self” will always be exposed to the people you live with, especially your husband.  I’ve written before that who you are online, when no one is looking or holding you accountable – that’s who you really are.

Having a beautiful character is what will make these teachings work.  Having a pure heart is what will make your actions not seen as manipulative, but instead, sincere and they will inspire your husband’s love for you to grow immensely.

No matter how good you look on the outside (physically and in behavior like when practicing being kind or respectful to your husband), if you don’t have it together on the inside, if your heart isn’t in it, he will know, and he will hate it.

He will hate it because he will feel manipulated by you.  Hence why if I was really selling you “snake oil,” it just wouldn’t work for the long-haul of a marriage.

Your actions will always be manipulation on your part if it’s not coupled together with your heart intentions – in other words, if you aren’t loving him with purity and sincerity, you may as well not be loving him at all.

 

Great Post Re-Blog on Inner City Prostitution

When I started this blog, my target audience was married men looking to improve their marriage. Judging from my stats, I have found I have a substantial female following. Which should tell you guys that your women are also interested in improving the marriage, to the point where they are seeking out advice for you. […]

via Sharing What I Learned Working H.T. — doingmarriageright