Things I Want My Daughter to Know: What is International Women’s Day?

International women's day poster design, retro style, eps10 vector

I noticed last year, and I’m usually late to notice these trends so maybe this has been going on for longer, women everywhere online have started to celebrate a holiday called “International Women’s Day.”  Sometimes it is celebrated by going on strike and refusing to work or show up to their obligations.  And sometimes it’s simply celebrated by posting a photo online of the woman standing there, looking proud, and wearing a shirt with this on it:

feminism

It is almost the like Emperor who wore no clothes, as women can’t seem to, “see,” that having a day that is supposed to celebrate their intellect, strength, and beauty in being a woman, doesn’t have to mean vulgarity, losing their jobs because they didn’t show up, or walking around angry for a lifetime day.

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Melting Down Purity Rings into a Golden Vagina

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But it gets worse than that.  Christianity has been assaulted (obviously) and the assault is winning dramatically more than any defense made to push it back.  We now have “Pastors,” like the female(?) pictured who actually have melted down purity rings into order to make a golden vagina idol statue.

From the False Prophet female pastor –

“This thing about women that the church has tried to hide and control and that is a canvas on which other people can write their own righteousness ― it’s actually ours,” Bolz-Weber told HuffPost. “This part of me is mine and I get to determine what is good for it and if it’s beautiful and how I use it in the world.”

In the end, Klein writes, purity culture essentially taught girls that they were responsible not only for their own chastity, but also for that of the boys around them. Girls who had premarital sex were compared to “used” cars, tissues and gum that no one else would want. Purity culture had a particularly devastating and dangerous effect on gay and lesbian teens, since in condemning all sex outside a heterosexual marriage, it left them with no hope for a future relationship. Ultimately, girls were led to believe that their sexual thoughts and choices determined their spiritual standing in the eyes of God.

“The difference between purity and holiness is that purity is always about separation ― separating ourselves from people who are less religious, separating ourselves from our sexual natures, from our desires,” Bolz-Weber explained. “But holiness is always about connection ― to God, to ourselves, to our nature.”

I was the right age when experiencing the purity culture, had a purity ring and signed the, “True Love Waits,” pledge, and while many women claim it “damaged,” them to become aware of the consequences of the choices they would eventually decide to make, I know I benefited from the messages to save sex for marriage.

I know women who used to be normal Christian girls going to the same religious school I did, and went extremely wild in college and when they moved away to urban cities, so wild that it was unbelievable to watch.  Of course they’d look back at those promises they made to God and to others to keep themselves pure, and feel intense regret, anger, inward shame, and then be tempted to throw it all out as “BS.”

Of course they’d think melting their former purity rings down into a golden vagina could “redeem,” them from their choices to rebel and go wild and degrade themselves in alllll kinds of ways that I saw happening 😦 .  Instead of letting shame lead to repentance and redemption, they are choosing the path of rebellion and joining with dark forces to take down the entire “purity culture,” with their hats, costumes, and ultimately, idols.

But why the obsession with the female reproductive parts?  Why are women marching (and keep in mind a lot of this seems to have started, or gotten worse, after Trump won) with “pussy” hats on their heads?

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Why are there now shirts even Christians are wearing that claim God came out of a woman’s “vulva?”

But more importantly, why all the obsession with the female vagina?

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“God came out of a vulva…”

we need to wear “pussy hats” to defend ourselves…

or vagina costumes...

or let’s make a golden calf I mean vagina out of our purity rings, and that will save us.

 

My guess?  My analysis of this very strange phenomenon where I’ve witnessed longtime friends (who were very devout religious people… one who almost gave her life to become a nun she was so pure and sweet, and once… very wise) are now donning these symbols, is it comes down to an intoxicating kind of idolatry.  I think it’s something females are more easily tempted into obviously, so it may sound strange to any man reading this, but this is (I believe) a strange kind of idolatry we haven’t seen in this age, but has been present before.

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“GOD works so that people will be in awe of Him.

Whatever is, has already been, and whatever will be, already is.  GOD repeats the past.” 

Ecclesiastes 3:14b-15

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I’m sure there are many religious scholars out there who could explain this far better than I can, (and if you know of any, please add a link in the comments), but female goddess worship and literal vagina worship has been around almost since time began.  The Bible assures us that what we are seeing now, has been seen before, and it is all basically saying the same thing.  Yes, even the “Christians,” wearing shirts saying their God came out of a vulva, completely degrading the sacredness of Christ’s birth and holiness.

They’re all saying this:

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That picture up above was not created by myself.  I’ve found (personally unfortunately) that quite a few Christians out there are wearing things like that.  And with what these (once sane, as I can testify) women are doing, is basically saying this same sentiment.  God is ONLY God, because He came from a vulva.  The vagina is so holy, it is something we should make a, quite literal, golden idol out of.  It is, at it’s root, satanic.

 

Cleaning up the mess the STRONG women are making

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The unfortunate thing… is that the kind of woman who actually does exhibit strength, ability to keep commitments like work, persistence and in general… is a responsible adult, has to regularly clean up the mess the “STRONG Women” are making and leaving behind.  Whether it’s literally, like the above photo where a FEMALE janitor was having to clean up their Strong Women graffiti, or figuratively, as in we’re having to work harder to keep our kids’ values straight, and to keep our own daughters from being infected with this (apparently intoxicating?) disease.

This is not real strength.  These are not strong women.  What they are displaying are their glaring weaknesses and shortcomings where they haven’t matured into full adulthood of being resilient (possessing inner strength), responsible, and conscientious.

They are so weak in character, that they don’t care if children read their shirts or see their vagina costumes; guarding children’s innocence (something a truly strong woman would do) is not on their agenda.  Because their vain selfishness is on full display to all society, they are wearing these symbols in order to promote the murder of children inside the womb, and right when they’ve been born (infanticide).  So of course their moral fabric isn’t twinged at the thought of children seeing these things, they’re more concerned with their rights to murder these same children before they get bigger.

No, these are not strong women.  May you learn the difference between pseudo-strength, and true resilience and strength of character.

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“She draws on her strength and reveals that her arms are strong.

Strength & honor are her clothing, and she can laugh at the time to come.”

Proverbs 31:17, 25

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Things I Want My Daughter to Know: Dress Like This – And You’ll Scare the Good Men Away!!!

Lord have mercy!  This is just insane.  I feel sorry for this woman, celebrity Nicky Hilton, but oh. my. gosh.  I don’t care WHAT is in fashion when you are a teen Little One, but you

ARE NOT GOING OUT OF THE HOUSE IN ANYTHING REMOTELY LIKE THIS.

And this was just days before this woman’s wedding day, where she chose a much more flattering dress (thank goodness).

But the damage was already done to her reputation.  It was reported (and maybe caught on camera?) that she accidentally FLASHED people in the first dress… again, just days before her wedding :O 😦 .  You may think that because she found maybe a good man that you can pull this off, too, but no… don’t even try that.  She’s rich, Sweetie, and you’re not a millionaire heiress lol!

No husband wants a woman who was flashing the public due to her stupidity in wearing an immodest dress, so it calls into question the kind of man she’s secured.

Think about it.  Coming from the man’s perspective, he’s marrying a woman who just flashed the public (and possibly the world) days before their wedding.  How would his family react to seeing that published?

“A beautiful woman who lacks discretion,

is like a gold ring in a pig’s snout.”

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You’re going to have to get used to us saying “No,” when it comes to crazy fashion ideas or teen shenanigans in order to protect you.  A lot of it is going to be protecting you from yourself, in a way, because sometimes women seem to lack any shred of common sense!

Being Christian, this should bother the body of Christ and be something that’s talked about.

Dressing immodest just screams you want sexual attention

Over the years, it really has proven itself over and over again to me, that even the most modest seeming woman (no matter her age I think), seems to desire attention.  This happens even if she’s not aware of it consciously, but probably most are aware of it, and just suppress it or lie to themselves that it’s not that bad.  Even, unfortunately, sexual attention that is truly inappropriate.  This shows itself in different ways depending on the woman, but again, I’ve found this to be true across the board, no matter who you’re dealing with.

Dressing immodestly exacerbates this issue, and takes it to a whole new level of shameless advertising of one’s feminine body.  It really is making it obvious to men (and other women, who will not like it) that you are seeking sexual attention overtly.

You’ll scare the good men away

But perhaps the main reason this topic is so important for you to understand, is because if you do decide to dress like this once you’re grown up, you WILL NOT be attracting the kind of men who are of good character.  The kind of men who will make good, trustworthy husbands who actually have integrity.

To put it plainly, you’ll scare the good men away, and rightfully so, because good Christian men DO NOT want a woman (or wife) who dresses like a prostitute! 

I feel like this should be a given, and I know you’ll grow up hearing this rationally and practically so much that you’ll probably feel like this is a given, too, but apparently in our world, even Christian women like yourself should be allowed to wear skintight apparel, or spaghetti strap tops around men in public, or mini skirts, or a myriad of other immodest selections.  You will see as you grow up, that even in the church it is becoming “taboo” to enforce any kind of dress code, which DOES NOT benefit the fellow Christians (not the young men or older men, and certainly not the women who dress this way at Church).

So it’s either that you’ll scare the good men away, or they’ll just use you in a weak moment.  One thing for certain is that dressing like this will attract men of bad character.  Or it will encourage men of good character, to view YOU as having bad character.

Whichever way you look at it, it’s just not good for you, Sweet One.

 

Quick Link List

  • Sigma Frame’s Why Are Christian Women Known as Whores?
  • Wintery Knight’s Lori Alexander is Right, Serious Christian Men Debt-Free Virgins w/o Tattoos

 

 

 

 

 

Is Marriage Really “Ugly?”

MARRIAGE IS NOT BEAUTIFUL

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“Marriage is ugly. You will spend the rest of your life seeing the absolute best and worst in someone. You will see them when they are mad, sad, stubborn, and so unlovable that they make you want to scream. You will witness parts of them no one will ever see but you. They will ignite all sorts of emotions that include anger, weeping, laughter and joy.

Marriage isn’t a beautiful thing, but it is amazing. It is knowing that someone loves you and won’t leave you even when you are being nasty. It is having someone who’s got your back no matter what. It is fighting over stupid things, falling asleep in each others arms, and feeling like there will never be enough time to spend together.

Marriage is the dirtiest, hardest, most rewarding job there is because at the end of the day you get to crawl into bed with your best friend, the weirdest, most annoying, loving, goofy, perfect person that you will ever know.

Marriage is not beautiful but it is quite an adventure!”

 

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I came across this online today, and kind of went “Huh?”

I get it that marriage has difficult moments because both the husband and wife are human (and sinners) and we just kind of have a human knack for selfishness… BUT it shouldn’t always feel ugly or be this way.

I know I’ve gotten criticized for being an envy inciter for posting happy pictures or talking about how good marriage can be, but perhaps it’s my optimism that helps me focus on the positives.  I would just never call marriage “ugly.”

To me, it really is beautiful.  Yes, even with the misunderstandings, or when dealing with an imperfect human… when you talk it out together, forgive each other and choose move on, it does feel beautiful.  Misunderstandings and working through problems can actually bring couples closer when they do it peacefully and keep the end goal in mind (of staying close together in oneness).

But I guess that would mean women need to take responsibility for their bad behavior in a marriage (or should I call it toxic femininity LOL?).

There are many behaviors that could make a woman (or a man) feel like marriage is indeed, ugly.  Especially their own marriage if these behaviors are present.

We really shouldn’t just allow ourselves as women to be “nasty,” toward our husbands.  That should be obvious.  And we shouldn’t allow ourselves to pick fights over “stupid” things.  There’s wisdom in bringing topics up in a peaceful way, or in choosing one’s battles.  Having a peaceful and loving attitude does wonders for maintaining a happy marriage.  This means you shouldn’t be so uptight with your husband that you make everything a fight.

I’m not saying that a wife will be able to never have moments of acting sinful toward her husband (“nasty” or fighting over stupid things), but when it does happen, there should be true repentance.  Letting your husband know you will try to not act like that again is also helpful in him forgiving you.  I do believe that with the fruits of the Holy Spirit at work in a Christian woman’s life, a woman doesn’t have to fall into repeat patterns of “nastiness.”  Even a bad case of PMS shouldn’t make a woman feel the “freedom,” to lash out at her husband.  Because lashing out shouldn’t be a freedom.  And no, marriage shouldn’t be ugly.  

An adventure?  Yes, and I’d like to say it’s a good one to be on.

Letting Children Have a Vision of Marriage

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“The parent who loves his children and takes pleasure in training them in right conduct gives the best possible testimonial to marriage.

On the other hand, the parent who constantly complains about his physical, financial or emotional burdens breaks down his youngster’s vision of marriage as a worthy state in life.”

– Rev. George A. Kelly 

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I stumbled upon this passage above a month ago when reading, and it felt like getting hit with a two-by-four upside the head!  LOL  While I do strive to be the best mom I can be to our kids, enjoying teaching them and doing life with them, the overall quote felt convicting!  The worst thing I think in my journey as a mother would be to rob my children of the hope and joy they should have at this age – by making them fear growing up and feeling like they won’t be able to handle whatever burdens or trials they’re supposed to carry later on.

But I never linked breaking a youngster’s vision of marriage as a worthy state in life, with complaining – it makes so much sense!

And of course it’s true, a complaining mother is a drain on everyone in the family, she  sucks the joy and happiness out of life.  Sure, life may be hard, but I can see how crucial it is to choose our attitudesomething my husband taught me I think in our 2nd year of marriage from a book he had read in college.

Ironically, it was a book about work-ethic mentality, meant for people in the corporate world!  But it was a great book for how to live one’s life in general, echoing sound biblical advice of doing one’s work with a cheerful attitude, putting other’s above yourself in “making their day” (making them elated!), and finding fulfillment in enjoying your work.  It was interesting… to think one can change their whole experience of even their dire circumstances, by simply changing their attitude.

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How Does a Mom Exhibit a Worthy Vision of Marriage?

Make it a point to have fun, and have fun with your children and husband often!!!

This is something that should be a given, however, I think our natural default as humans is to fall into complaining.  Therefore we have to choose our attitude, no matter what is going on.  And to tell you the truth, even if everything is going well, our sin nature masked in the temptation to complain can come out even then unfortunately.

With how busy life gets, or bogged down with various day-to-day tasks, hardships or even trials families go through, I am seeing how setting aside time for making joyous and happy memories together is a necessary engagement.

This means even if we’ve had a long week, and we had something fun scheduled at the end of it, we make sure to still do it, in lieu of staying at home and calling it an early night.  We’ve found it’s so much more fun to go out together and experience our “fun” things, rather than just giving in the passivity of tiredness or even the kids’ moods.

Love your husband well… and openly… and at every opportunity!!!

It is sad to me that this still needs to be said, but nothing makes children happier and more at peace than seeing and knowing how in love their parents are, and how much fun they have together and with them.  

I think it is the secret recipe for a blissful family life overall.  Not that hard things don’t come, or heartbreaking tragedies, but even in the midst of these in our life together, we’ve found that the love and joy between us, carries us through those times much easier than it would be if we didn’t have that in our marriage.

Complaining or bad attitudes in general just makes everything harder, less fun, and definitely less loving.  This is true whether at work, school, in friendships, but probably especially within a marriage and around one’s children, who see them as they are all the time.

One of my favorite books of the Bible is Philippians, because it is the book on how to have joy in one’s life.  This passage comes to mind whenever I find myself tempted to complain:

“Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may be blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and perverse generation, in which you shine as lights in the world as you hold forth the word of life, in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor in vain.” 

Philippians 2:14-16

I want my children to have a good vision of what a worthy marriage looks like, however human we may be.

Stephanie

Email Questions… Virginity is a pile of horse manure?

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It’s been a long time since I’ve sat down and really sifted through various emails from readers and fellow bloggers to answer some questions publicly, so sorry for the delay!  We’ve just been b-u-s-y, and that’s been good!  Lot’s of things going on that just take a lot of mental energy, and little time for finishing up posts in draft (or the topic has gotten stale… so some things that seemed a good idea get skipped).

One of the hardest questions I’ve received (for me to answer anyway) was about Lori Alexander’s post regarding men preferring to marry women who hadn’t had sex, had no tattoos, and no debt (especially college debt).

I liked her post, it echoed a few of mine where I touched on the same subjects of virginity and tattoos.  I did think about posting my thoughts agreeing with her, however coming on the heels of her extremely popular post, it just didn’t seem right at the time – coming from someone who met all those things myself when we married.  It would have been hard to write something like that without sounding like it was coming from a place of superiority, in other words.

Concerning Lori’s post, yes, I believe many men probably do prefer the ideal maybe theoretically, but the issue seems so complicated with how so many men choose to marry the exact opposite these days, it’s confusing to me.  What they are thinking, I’m not sure, but I do know that it’s still the norm for men to not necessarily value women who meet those 3 criteria, and seem to be very happy to marry outside them.  It’s very possible to me that marrying a woman who is a virgin, tattoo-less, and debt-free just isn’t important to them at all, because the opposite is so acceptable in our culture.

Many men hold those personal preferences and feelings deep inside, though, so perhaps her post is correct in that most men really do desire a woman with those traits, but due to our hedonistic culture that promotes having no morals and values, they settle for what they can get.  With us in our marriage, my husband has told me more than a few times in these 12 years that he knew I was different, and cherished me because I was innocent in those things.

I did read several articles bouncing off of Lori’s initial post, where different Christian female authors completely degraded the value of being a virgin.

To me that was beyond awful, and it made me think of my daughter and how these are the women writing the books that will be in Christian circles for years to come.  So the next generation of daughters will be growing up with Christian female leadership literally teaching them their virginity on their wedding night is nothing but a pile of horse manure.  This fact was so devastating to realize and to try to come to terms with, that our religious or Christian culture has fallen so far away from biblical truth, that this is what our leadership is espousing.  A lot of my staying silent was just trying to take in all that, and accept that this is where maybe the majority of Christians seem to stand.

From Christian author and blogger, Sheila Gregorie

“is it a good idea to wait until you’re married to have sex? Yes, it is. It’s certainly what God wants, but I believe He wants that for our good, not because He’s just making a rule.

That being said, 

virginity is not the be all and end all.

And, in fact, ultimately virginity means nothing.

It’s just a pile of horse manure.”

What a condemning (and self-damning) comment.

So as I was reading the responses and attitudes of the Christians I’m at least aware of, it took me aback to see how just pointing out those truths enrages women to the point of disgracing themselves in making anti-biblical public statements as Sheila and others have done.

So…  I think I stayed silent because I knew I had met all the criteria of being a virgin, tattoo-less, and debt-free, and it just felt so strange seeing all the different responses (both the positive and negative) and comparing them with what we experienced in our marriage.

Yes, me being debt-free when I married was a definite plus for my husband.  Having no tattoos was a visible symbol to him of my being so young when we married, and sheltered in a sense from corruption.  It also revealed to him my growing up with lovingly protective and honorable parents who prevented me from getting one, even after I was an adult.

But by far, my being a virgin for my husband was probably the single most crucial thing to our married life and how it impacted us for the good.  There’s even been recent studies showing how important a wife’s virginity (or low partner count) is for the health and happiness of her future marriage!  This is not to say that non-virgins can’t receive grace and forgiveness from Christ or go on to have good marriages and sex lives with their husbands.  But it is just undeniable how much better it was that I didn’t have a sexual history of encounters that loomed over us as we became one flesh and started a vibrant, unencumbered sex life.  I knew this right away when we started having sex, and knew that it was good that I didn’t have prior experiences affecting me differently.  Coming to the marriage bed with a clean slate paved the way for only good, positive and loving experiences, in other words.  And it felt so freeing.  It was intense sex without any guilt.

Out of the 3 preferences Lori listed, it seemed strange to me that the most important one was the most reviled in even our *Christian* culture!

Virginity used to be something so treasured and valued.  It was a beautiful gift a woman gave to her husband, and not only a gift, but as Sigma Frame recently pointed out (that I was not aware of in this manner), was an actual blood covenant that God designed to bind two people together in a deeply supernatural way.  No wonder how it’s proven over and over again in studies that women who marry as virgins tend to have happier marriages, or be much less likely to cheat on their husbands.  In my opinion, it’s becasue the bond is sooooo strong, and that coupled with the love, attraction, and sense of building a life together helps you survive later hard times, but that’s just my opinion.

In biblical times, virginity on the wedding night, as Lori’s post encouraged, was so treasured that the couple would purposefully consummate their marriage on white sheets so that they could take them out to show the family the next day.

A young bride’s purity and innocence sexually was celebrated and something that gave her honor – honor in her marriage privately, but also honor in their community publicly because she kept something sacred for her husband and for God.

Ironically, we live in a society that actively shames virgins (especially males), and instead of our Christian brothers and sisters coming to the defense of virginity and purity, we see their real thoughts on the issue.  That “ultimately virginity means nothing… it’s just a pile of horse manure.”  What a long way we’ve come from what was biblically lived out, honored, and celebrated.

Hopefully this kind of answers the reader’s question.  I’m not sure why I stayed silent except that I felt to say something when I actively met all 3 criteria would be viewed as looking down on the women who didn’t.  At the same time, the values should be defended and upheld when anyone (but especially Christian leaders) call our values “horse manure,” which is why I’m saying something now.

The next most interesting question was “What do you think of women being in ministries?

I’ll answer that another time since this post has gotten fairly long, but it is a very good and relevant question for our times.

Thank you for reading!  I’m curious to know what readers or other bloggers think about this issue… do men actually value women with those three traits as better options for a wife?  How does one explain the prevalence of married couples who didn’t meet (especially) the virginity preference?

 

 

Letters from Mentors: Supporting Your Police Officer Husband

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Mine is bottom right, taken a few years ago

About a month ago, I had a dream that my husband had already passed away, and that I was living day to day, imagining he was here for short time periods to talk or touch base with, but that in reality, he was gone from this world and I was all alone, handling everything on my own and just “make-believing” I had a partner to do life with.  I was so grateful when I woke up that it was just a dream!  And it hilariously (and horrifically) reminded me of those women a few years ago in the media who were so lonely, they started having romantic relationships with ghosts! LOL  But I can’t deny that it had an element of truth to it in that being a police wife can sometimes feel like being a “married single mom,” even when our husbands go above and beyond to be there for us and our children!
Supporting one’s husband is something I’ve written about before in a more general sense for any wife, here.   It can be extremely stressful being a Police Officer’s wife due to the particular circumstances that come with that career.  The difficult family-schedules, the missing out on birthdays, major holidays, and weekends and special days with family members can be hard on not just the wife, but also your children.  And the unique struggles a police family faces aren’t something I think a wife should navigate alone.  We need neighbors who we feel connected to, supportive family members who can help out when our husbands can’t be there, loving friends who understand our limitations with our husband’s odd schedule or rules, and mentors who can guide us when we have questions and fears about this life, and in emotionally navigating the ups and downs of the political environment saying police officers are the enemy.
Ame, from BlendingAme has been such a mentor and friend to me, giving me very cherished advice and encouragement.  This post is from an email she wrote to me months ago, (and repurposed so that it can be for any police wife reading this).
From Ame:
~ ❤ ~

“Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be.” Psalm 139:16

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Before we took our first breath, every day of our life was ordained, written. There is no exception.
It is hard to remember that God has given each of us our own “Death Date,” and NOTHING we do or think or imagine will change that date. Our Death Date was set before the foundation of the world, so your life, your husband’s life, our children’s lives, everyone’s life – and every single day of our lives – were set before the foundation of the world.
 
Are there some who live lives with higher risk of death? Sure. Does that mean their Death Date will come too soon or unexpectedly to God who created every day of their lives? No. We cannot alter our Death Date.
 
The reality is … we all die. People die. At every age and for every reason imaginable. I know a man who works for his county’s Medical Examiner’s office, and he has seen just about every kind of death that is common and many that aren’t … at all ages … expected and unexpected. He has worked in this role for his large county for seven or eight years, and in all that time he knows of only one Police Officer’s death in the line of duty. Do officers of all agencies die in the line of duty? Sure. Is it unexpected to God? Never.
 
Your husband has chosen a very noble career as a Police Officer. It is who he is. He cannot change who God created him to be; neither can he change his Death Date by being and becoming that man. Asking him to choose between you and being a Police Officer is asking him to choose between who he is and who you want him to be, and what kind of choice is that? He would hate you because he’d hate himself, and you would hate him for caving in to you.
 
It is hard, sometimes, to accept our husbands and who they are, as they are. I remember a time when my husband and I had a conversation, and to do something that would obviously be beneficial to him, he flat out said to me, “I will not do that.” There is nothing I can do but to accept it, let it go,  and still choose to respect and honor him. His life is in God’s hands, not mine … not even his.
 
I have a friend whose husband works in a very high-security position with a good amount of stress. Although she has a good degree and had a good career before having children, they decided she would become a stay-at-home-mom when they had their first baby. So, she quit her job and her career when their first baby was born many years ago, and she hasn’t gone back. He is the first one to tell you that the reason he successfully do all that he does in his job is because she takes care of everything at home.
 
Your husband has that kind of job that demands an enormous amount from him. It demands everything from him. It forms who he is as much as who he is was made for this job. In that kind of situation, it’s like God is the CEO, and you are both Exec VP’s over the two divisions of your corporation: he runs everything outside the home; you run everything inside the home. He being the Senior Exec VP is the one you will always report to; never the other way around.
 
Do not focus on those whose husbands are home more than yours. Do not focus on those whose husbands do more outside of their job/career/profession than yours. Focus only on your husband. Focus only on who God created you to be and become and where He has placed you.
 
The risk of death is always there. For all of us. No one is guaranteed tomorrow. No one. It’s shocking to me how little it takes for someone to die … and also how resilient people are. Seemingly benign things take people into the next life all the time, and yet humanity has survived vicious wars, plagues, illnesses, and poverty since the beginning of time.
 
My first husband traveled extensively, and in the early years of our marriage I would worry myself sick. I desperately needed to hear his voice to know his plane made it, he didn’t have a wreck of any kind on the way, or nothing else freaky happened to him.
Finally one day I just got it. I got that God’s got all this, and my worrying about it would not change a thing. Either he would come home, or someone would knock on my door. And not a moment of worry would change that. 
 
My late Mentor taught me many things, one of which was to only live things once as I experience them in reality. When I worry, I let my imagination go wild and create all these possible scenarios. When I do that I live through things that aren’t even real yet affect my whole being. 
 
When you live wondering all the time about if or when Patrick will die in the line of duty, you are doing two things. One, you are living an imaginative experience that is not reality and yet is depleting you as though it is reality. And two, you are living his future death (which is guaranteed, by the way, unless Jesus comes back first 😉 ) over and over and over ad nauseam. That does NO one any good, especially you and your children and your marriage. 
 
Have a plan in place written down that is easily accessible. Review it once a year with your husband, and then force yourself to forget about it. You are prepared for “what if.” If you spend your time worrying about “what if,” you are taking away time and energy and emotion from yourself, your husband who is alive right now, your children, and what God wants you to do right now, today.  Don’t do that anymore. You only need to live through your husband’s death once – whether you’re on this side of eternity or the next when he passes through to the other side. 
  ❤
I hope her words bless you like it did me.  It’s hard to trust God with the outcome of our husband’s being in danger, and managing the home-front mostly on our own.  But even in the midst of struggle to find balance or fighting off feelings of guilt that we’re not doing “enough” like other families are able to, I’ve found that the joy and love in even a circumstantially-stressful marriage can far outweigh the trials or hardships one goes through.
I hope any police wife out there reading this knows you are not alone ❤ !
Stephanie
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Spiritual Darkness & Sacrificing Children?

Last year, I read a fellow female blogger write that we shouldn’t dare judge pedophiles.  I had just had our baby at the time and trying to avoid reading too much online, but even just glancing at her article made me disturbed a Christian was promoting this.  I put it out of my mind and didn’t come back to it until well after our baby girl was born.  This author not only called for Christians to not judge pedophiles, she even went so far as to express herself finding humor in other Christians being outraged by it when they try to promote a Christian character of grace (calling their attitude of showing grace ironic in their outrage against pedophiles).  She asked her readers if they really thought they were a “better person” than a child molester.  It’s a question made to make Christians feel guilty for having moral standards when it comes to the treatment of our children.

In light of the recent news of yet again, the Catholic Church using it’s parishes as harbors of safety for pedophiles, I’m wondering if this same attitude of “Oh we shouldn’t judge them – they’re just normal sinners like we are.  Who are we to say that pedophiles are bad?” is somehow complicit in this?  When even Christ followers are encouraging their fellow Christians to view harming children as the same as a lesser sin, are we creating a Christian culture that promotes pedophilia because we’re too afraid of being called “judgmental” or “self-righteous” for judging them and removing them from the church?

I remember back when this was the motto *many* Christians were encouraging each other in order to accept homosexuals and in effort to make that particular sin not seem “so bad.”  Instead of promoting a healthy culture of giving each other grace, however, this attitude that homosexuals weren’t to be judged because we’re sinners, too, quickly devolved into accepting their behavior in the church as “just another type of sin we all commit.”  And then accepting ministry members who were openly gay, and then worship leaders, and eventually homosexual Pastors and Priests who were openly gay.  I remember seeing it all happen and thinking it very surreal that any Christian would fall for this kind of satanic deception that we were never supposed to judge homosexual behavior and separate ourselves from it.

Now it’s been happening again with pedophilia, the ironic part is that, like in this woman’s post, the exact same wording is being used as it was back in the 80’s and 90’s, in order to make Christians feel like they’re “self-righteous” if they judge these sins for what they are.  This is the systematic way Satan was able to infiltrate the church with accepting homosexuality, by telling Christians it was “just another sin,” that they “were no better” and “shouldn’t judge it, or them, because of their own sins.”  It is Satan using Christian forgiveness, humility and grace and twisting it to render the church unable to defend itself against diabolical evils seeking to infiltrate it.  In other words, it’s meant to “noramlize” or “desensitize” Christians into accepting homosexuality, and now, like we’ve seen, pedophilia as well.

The woman telling us not to judge pedophiles has since deleted all her blog posts including the one mentioned here, but the internet is forever, and her post is still available online.  The trusty Way Back Machine will forever and always archive this woman’s blog post found here, if you scroll down to April 6, 2017.

Children are God’s treasures, and the Bible tells us that anyone who corrupts an innocent will have a fate worse than having a millstone hung around their neck and drowned (Matthew 18:6, Luke 17:2, Mark 9:42).  Clearly, Christians should not be encouraging each other to view pedophilia as “just another sin to be accepted into the folds of Christianity.

Anyway, where does this come from, this idea that pedophiles should not be judged, but viewed with constant grace and (basically) allowed to continue their raping of children?  Where does it come from in the church where of anyone, our leaders should be protecting it’s own children?

Are we sacrificing our children on the alter of political correctness, in order not to offend homosexuals and pedophiles?

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*Edited from “all” to “many,” obviously not “all” Christians were promoting the acceptance of gays into the Church, but back in the 80’s and 90’s when I was a child going to a strict Christian school who was openly against that sin, it felt as though the entire church on the outside was generally accepting it as “just another sin.”

Are Women Who Submit to Their Husbands in Sin?

I’m always late to know everything!  Apparently, it’s been making the rounds on the interwebz that popular and conservative blogger, Sheila Gregorie, has not only recently attacked a Pastor for trying to defend his view of biblical marriage (and calling for him to be fired… and calling for all the women in his congregation to rebel against him), she’s now accused wives who actually submit to their husbands of committing the sin of idolatry!

I used to think Sheila was on the more “conservative” or traditional side of Christianity – but I’d never really read her blog, and I never knew she was a Christian feminist.

Here is where she defends Queen Vashti as being the “hero” of the Esther story, because she stood up for herself and “social justice,” and refused to obey her husband.  It is a very twisted read in order to fit her feminist agenda of Vashti somehow being the “wife in the right,” with Esther being cast as a victim.

“I refuse to be treated like a sex object, because that is not what I am.” She stood up for the dignity of women, something, by the way, that Jesus did, too. In that culture that despised women, she said, “no more!”

Vashti doesn’t have to be bad in order for Esther to be good. Maybe both were standing up to injustice.

A few years ago, after reading what I thought would be a benign Bible study by Beth Moore on Queen Esther, I came across this same sentiment (from Moore) that Vashti really was in the right.  In the study, Moore builds up an elaborate case against King Xerxes in order to discredit him, much like Sheila does.  However, Moore is forced to admit to herself and her readers that Esther’s attitude and heart really were far superior than Vashti’s attitude and actions in winning over the King’s heart.

Sheila believes differently:

“I feel very, very sorry for Esther. I hate movies and books that portray her and Xerxes’ relationship as a love story.

She had to “audition” for a night to be chosen by him, and that’s pretty darn ugly, no matter how you slice it. We need to stop romanticizing it.

She was taken into a harem. It’s basically sex trafficking.

-Sheila Gregorie

Wow, so now Queen Esther was sex-trafficked!  I’ve never seen anyone interpret Esther’s story this far off from what it was meant to be.  It is definitely a type of love story, just as Ruth is another type of love story.  For centuries, women have always found these stories romantic, because they are!

Here is where I talk about how romantic Queen Esther’s love story with King Xerxes is.  From her uniquely tragic upbringing which forged her character and possible demeanor that captivated King Xerxes’, to being raised by a male cousin who gave her insight into men’s hearts, Esther made the King fall very much in love with her – to the point of him repeatedly offering her anything she wanted, including half his kingdom.

After reading Beth Moore’s study, I chose to focus on the good things she wrote about Esther, yet interject my own thoughts (as opposed to Moore’s) on how badly Vashti chose to behave.

From my post 3 years ago:

“Vashti had blatantly and cruelly humiliated him in front of all of Susa, during the finale of his week long party, during a sensitive time of his trying to ramp up political support for his campaign to go to war to conquer Greece (something that seemed like an extremely difficult undertaking).

He, of all men, understood what it meant to have a wife and Queen who would undermine you, publicly humiliate you, and refuse to support you at the time that you needed it most.”  (From Single Women: To Be Captivating is More Than Mere Looks)

Why Do Women Hate What the Bible Says?

Why is this topic such a controversial thing when the Bible says this command several times, I don’t know.  Just in the New Testament alone, I’ve counted four different books with specific verses that explicitly tell wives to submit to their husbands as they would to God Himself. I do know Truth is opposed.  And I know that when you start taking God’s Word seriously for your life, there will be people even in the Christian faith who will undoubtedly attack you for it.

Sheila calling submissive wives “sinful” for obeying and honoring the Word God’s given to us, is very similar to how Elspeth called women who revered Proverbs 31’s passage on the virtuous woman as a beautiful ideal to look up to, “Pharisees.”   It just shows complete lack of reverence for the beauty of God’s Word, and falsely accuses the women who are actually trying to follow it.

In fact, calling them “sinful” like Sheila did, or “Pharisees,” like Elspeth did, is slandering them for following the Word of God, and honoring it as something beautiful and true.  

“Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.

Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.”

Matthew 5:10-11

When women who find beauty in the Proverbs 31 woman’s example are slandered as “Pharisees,” we should rejoice for being insulted and falsely accused by our fellow Christians.  And when women who submit to their husbands like Sarah did, and yet are accused of living in “sin,” we should be glad because our reward is great in heaven.  My husband and I expect behavior like this – attitudes that Sheila and Elspeth have shown against Christian women who respect and follow God’s Word – will only increase with time.

We best be prepared.

Stephanie

When You Want More Kids But Your Husband Doesn’t

This is a topic I’ve thought about a lot 🙂  I could definitely see us having 5-8 children… but my husband, from the time of our engagement, was adamant that he wanted no more than 4 🙂  And I’ve accepted this, although it is a funny thing to tease each other about in good humor.

In reality, this is a very serious topic, and something that could completely destroy your marriage.

I recently was pointed via email to a post written by the blogger The Thinking Housewife, on her advice to a woman who wants more children, but her husband is against it.

Here is an excerpt, but it’s not a long post so I encourage readers to go read all of it if they want:

“If you want more children or fewer children, take it up with God, but don’t do anything that prevents conception. To use contraception is “to usurp the right of God, who alone has the power to say who should be born and who should not.” You say you want two more, but it’s not for you to place an order. Just accept all. To do otherwise is sinful.

I think you should 1) Work on your own spiritual life (see some good talks here) and pray more. 2) Explain to your husband again and again that if you both trust in God, He will take care of you. If your husband is worried about money, that’s understandable but he should ask God for help and for the grace to handle whatever occurs. Why does he have so little confidence and trust? Insist with him that it is wrong for you to use contraception. How does he know that things won’t actually be worse for you financially if you don’t have more children? Neither of you have any obligation to pay for college educations for your children. Remind him of that. 3) Bear in mind that both you and your husband (and all of us) have been formed by a culture that does not understand this issue. Contraception should be illegal, but it’s widely promoted. This should temper your resentment toward him. Continue to talk to your husband and don’t give up. Let him know that your marital happiness is gravely threatened.”

This is by far, the worst advice I’ve ever read on this topic.  Especially considering it’s coming from a Christian writer.

I’m in this position myself, so at least I can relate emotion-wise as to how hard this is to accept (that your husband doesn’t want more babies with you), but again, this is NOT the correct biblical advice women in my position should be receiving.

Here is the advice I would give, and have given to myself, concerning this topic:

  1. You need to trust God, which means trusting that your husband’s decisions for your family (and family size) are going to work out.  He is the person you chose, for better or worse, life is not going to be “perfect,” so accepting the things that aren’t “perfect” (like having 5-8 kids) is a big part of spiritual maturity for you.
  2. Really learning to trust God to let His will be done in your life, when you are submitting to your husband’s leadership as well, provides so much spiritual growth and maturity in finding peace and lasting contentment with His provision for you.
  3. NEVER… NEVER threaten your husband with the happiness of your marriage by making him feel like he **has** to do what you want him to do – especially regarding him having more children with you.  That is the ultimate worst advice for achieving a godly, happy marriage and children I’ve ever read in the orthosphere.  You cannot.. I repeat, you cannot, make a husband feel guilt-tripped into doing what you want, and still retain a loving, trust-filled marriage 😦 .
  4. Contraception issues should be worked out BEFORE marriage, never during marriage.  If a wife feels convicted over using contraceptives, she needs to pray for forgiveness, but still follow her husband’s lead on the subject, and NEVER hold it against him.  She needs to regularly pray for her to never build up resentment or bitterness toward her husband over this issue, and just accept that she should have worked it out before marriage.  This is just her cross she must bear, and she must bear it with grace, without complaining and with a good Philippians 2 attitude.
  5. The Bible clearly tells wives to win their husbands over without a word on issues regarding sin.  If she feels they are sinning by using contraceptives, she needs to take this up with God, but not in a self-righteous way of believing she is “better” than her husband.  She needs to pray regularly for acceptance of her marriage and the state it is in, not work to badger him with guilt and using God to get him to be “better.”

For myself… I really don’t let this issue bother me.  It comes sometimes, the feelings or longings of wanting more children after we have our next (and last) child, but I try never to let it consume me.  I would NEVER want that issue to come between me and the man God has given me to help and support in his mission in this life.

Women were created for Adam, and to be Adam’s helper.  To hook your husband into following your plans for your marriage, is to wreck his leadership and headship over your whole entire family.  And your children will definitely end up scarred by seeing their mother berate their husband over his own decisions in leadership (when she should be working to support him).

Set a good example for your children and be a true helpmate to your husband.  This means learning to accept the man you’re married to, his flaws or convictions are of course, part of him.

Stephanie

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Letters From Mentors: Elizabeth Elliot’s Marriage Advice for Wives

From her book Let Me Be a Woman, Elisabeth Elliot explains how wives can revive the romantic feelings of esteem for their husband:

Marriage is no house party; it’s not a college campus or a stimulating political row or an athletic contest, and the man’s having been a spellbinding orator or a great halfback somehow does not seem terribly significant anymore.

But you ought now and then to remember what he was, to ask yourself what it was, really, that caught your eye.

Come now, you will say to yourself, you didn’t marry him because he was a great halfback, did you?

No, you married this person.

Whatever the inner qualities were that enabled him to do the things he did then are still a part of this person that you go to bed with and eat breakfast with and wrestle over the monthly budget with.

He is a person with the same potentials he had when you married him.

Your responsibility now is not merely to bat your eyelashes and tell him how wonderful he is (but breathes there a man with soul so dead as not to be cheered by a little of that?) but to appreciate, genuinely and deeply, what he is, to support and encourage and draw out of him those qualities that you originally saw and admired.

***

I love reading pretty much anything that Elizabeth Elliot says on marriage and anti-feminism.  She is kind, clear, and to the point, something I admire in a writer.  I thought that some of her pieces may go well in this continual topic series I’m writing called Letters From Mentors.  I’ll be including these in my daughter’s book so that she has access to these other women’s thoughts in one place 🙂 ❤ .

It’s just so beautiful to have different perspectives from older women who have more wisdom or advice than I do right now.  There’s a reason the Bible counsels believers to gather many advisers, and for the older women to be teaching the younger women how to love their husbands and children, it’s because if they’ve been living rightly with God, they should be blessed with the ability to see things a younger (less experienced) woman may be able to see.  

Elizabeth points out something so crucial to marriage in this short script to us. Something so obvious and yet profound.  That we graciously and carefully handle our husbands as the unique man God created him to be.

That we remember his talents and beauty of his soul, and the romantic things about him that made us fall in love with him when dating.

That we genuinely look again at him, from that perspective we had when we were dating ❤ .

That we encourage him in his dreams right now, and for the future.

That we be his best cheerleader in his life ❤ .

And that we try to show him daily how much we love and adore him, just for the man he is and has become.

Stephanie