Am I Tricking Men When I use Makeup? Is Makeup Unethical?

So…

the Makeapp …

LOL….

I’m going to try to write this post with a straight face…

….

ok!¬† I can’t ūüėȬ† ūüėÄ

I’m laughing as I type ‚̧

Are we women tricking men with our makeup usage?

This is a lot like the constant harpy criticism that we’re all just teaching women to manipulate men… UN-ethically at that!¬† Oh my!!!

Recently, as you may have seen, an app came out called the Makeapp that allows men (or anyone really) to take a picture or upload a picture of a woman, and completely simulate what she probably looks like without makeup.

It’s not a perfect app, I’ve read up on it a bit and apparently some people actually look better without makeup than this app claims (it adds pimples and acne, so if you don’t have skin problems it won’t be completely accurate).¬† But overall, it’s pretty correct!

Is it tricking men to use makeup?

This topic has come up before in the world of male – female issues, in fact, I’ve actually written before on women covering their acne with makeup and men responding not so pleasantly to it.

Is makeup tricking men?¬† Well, to be completely honest, yes, it is, in a way.¬† But most reasonable people understand that makeup tends to make a woman look better, so they “get it.”¬† It evens out skin tone, it imitates the flushes and redder lips a woman gets when she’s in ovulation – making her extremely more sexually attractive.¬† It lengthens her eye-lashes, another thing proven to drive men subtly insane.¬† Is it manipulation of some kind of form?¬† I guess it is… when it’s used the way it’s intended (to make men more sexually attracted to you).

I decided to do it ūüėÄ

I used this picture… and in it (below) I actually don’t have very much makeup on.¬† Concealer, some foundation in areas but not all over “full-coverage,” mascara, and light pink lip gloss:

makeapp

LOL… So I guess I look like I have the flu ūüėÄ ….

But ok… so is using makeup really unethical?

I think my other older post answers this question some.¬† If you’re deliberately hiding major flaws and such, yes, it’s effectively tricking a man into thinking you look VERY different from how you actually look.¬† You could make some kind of case that doing that was “unethical,” although most women who are doing that are doing it for their own self-esteem issues and not really trying to harm anyone.¬† But still, men don’t like feeling tricked… even if you’re covering acne for yourself so you can feel more confident ūüė¶¬† They’ll still (as we saw in the other post) react badly to it if you put yourself out there like that one girl did.¬† It’s a no-win situation.

If you’re a teen and you’re worried how this app will affect the way guys see you, please try not to worry and just focus on important things.¬† If it DOES bother you, figure out ways to take care of your skin (toners, acne scrubs, prescription medicine if need be).¬† The thing that will give you the most confidence without makeup, will be having beautiful skin, and that’s just the truth.

Most men totally accept knowing you’ll look better with some makeup applied.¬† Heavy emphasis on the “some.”¬† ¬†Too much and it turns them off… usually.

*

But almost all men dream of a woman who looks good without makeup and doesn’t need it to be beautiful.¬† And that’s the truth.¬†¬†

*

And that’s why this new Makeapp where men now have the magical ability to SEE what you look like underneath makeup really gets to women.¬† To be exposed for how you really look shouldn’t be an issue (a romantic interest will certainly find out anyway!), but for many it seems to be.¬† “It’s unfair!” some say.¬† “It’s SEXIST!” others say.

***

Is there any good “take away” from this new app in the hands of men? ūüėČ

Yes!¬† If you have good, beautiful skin, you’ll look great even without makeup!¬† Does the app distort it?¬† Yea, it does, but if it makes men feel better lol…. *shrug*

And technically, this makeapp shouldn’t worry you if you’re using makeup correctly anyway.

On the other hand, the Makeapp can also ADD LOTS of makeup to your face LOL… this was only after adding “one application” of makeup!¬† LOL… more like cosemtic surgery haha!

WOW!!!

thumbnail_MakeApp-9284628

**Tear!!**¬† I don’t even recognize myself!!!¬† What an app!

Anyway… this app is really distracting!¬† If you’re a single woman, any man who is interested in you will already notice when you’re not wearing much makeup, and he’ll usually like it!¬† I’ve read many comments and emails where a girl says she couldn’t believe how the first time her boyfriend or husband told her she was “beautiful” was actually when they had been swimming or at a water park all day and all her makeup had washed off, or when they were hiking and it melted off -and guess what?¬† He still adored her.

If you have beautiful skin, you’ll still look great without all the makeup.¬† And that’s what men love.¬† I do believe most men do NOT want a woman who wears too much makeup.¬† It’s kind of obvious when someone does (unless they’re a brilliant makeup artist, which honestly men, most women aren’t).

But for women, even if you’re married – no, especially if you’re married – your husband wants to see you without any makeup on at appropriate times – first thing when you wake up, in his T-shirt or naked (however it is you prefer to sleep) – he wants to see his bare-faced Beauty and know you are his.

‚̧

Stephanie

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Aren’t You Just Teaching Women to Manipulate Men?

This isn’t just a question I’ve received before via email or in a comment, it’s a criticism that many people have pointed out whenever there’s a woman teaching (in real life or online) other women how to treat their husbands better in order to have a happy marriage.¬† I’ve seen it time and time again throughout the 4 years of blogging at this site.¬† And yes, I’ve been accused of selling “snake oil” to wives – manipulative feminine behaviors and techniques to get their husbands to give them what they want.¬† In reality, anything considered to be “snake oil,” would prove to be false over-time.¬† And I’ve many men and women tell me that these things are truth.¬† Manipulative techniques don’t actually work long-term in a marriage for producing good.¬† So no, I’m not selling “snake-oil” to wives.

This accusation¬†always comes up though… always.¬† Even when I’ve come across women teaching others about simple femininity (not for wives but in general, how to be a woman), there’s always a few sour women who seem to scream from the sidelines, “MANIPULATION!!!!!! You’re just manipulating your husband into doing what you want him to do!!!”

***Side note***

Here is where a woman I love and admire, and have talked to privately in the past concerning what to do over these accusations (been meaning to email her again soon for daughter advice – if you’re reading this sweet Stingray, heads up for an incoming email),¬†Stingray, has also confronted this accusation (albeit in a totally different way of accepting these tactics as manipulation)!¬† I’ve emailed with her a few times in the past, and respect her opinion greatly, so I’m adding it in to give you more insight into how like-minded women view this topic.¬† Click the link above if you want her specific take on this accusation that we’re teaching women to “manipulate” men.

I thought it would be good to go into this on my own blog, and go ahead and answer this question and criticism I’ve had off and on, because it IS important and women have a right to know an answer.

I hope this proves to be a thought-provoking post for you, no matter which side of the fence you sit on.

The Feminine wiles

Even by definition, the feminine wiles are described as clever talk or tricks, used to persuade someone to do what you want.¬† I’ve seen many women say behaving in a¬† feminine manner that brings out the best in men (your husband, but also your dad, brother, even sons are affected by this!), is just tricking him into behaving the way you want him to behave.¬† Using your femininity in order to inspire masculine virtues to come out in any man, is supposed to be a beautiful and good thing.

*

But yes… to answer the critics… it CAN fall into manipulation IF the woman’s heart isn’t pure, and into it for the pure motivations of loving her husband.

*

Manipulation is ugly.  Manipulating men to get them to do what we want is horrible.

No.¬† I am not trying to teach women how to “manipulate men,” with what I write or offer up here.¬† I don’t believe it is even possible long-term, for a wife, or even a single girl, to keep up a manipulative act.¬† Eventually the act will fall away, and her real self – her terrible character – will come out and chase men (even her husband in a multitude of small ways) away.

This criticism is only looking at the ugly side, and ugly heart motives, when it comes to using these behaviors and actions.¬† So while yes, a woman CAN use my advice to manipulate a man into falling in love with her or marrying her even, it’s intended to help women who have a pure heart, who genuinely want to love their husbands better and build a beautiful marriage.

I can’t help a woman whose heart is bent on seeing things only through a filter of sinful thinking.¬† Only she can lift that veil with prayer and making the choice to ask God to give her a clean and pure heart toward her husband.¬† So since I can’t really help a harpy screaming from the sidelines “MANIPULATION!!!!!!” I’ve gotten used to this false accusation (like Stingray had as well back when she was blogging) that it’s all “snake oil” and “unethical.”¬† This used to bother me, but now that I’ve talked to more women and have had the chance to see (in real life) the difference in their attitudes when presented with this stuff, I “get it.”¬† It all comes down to whether or not their heart is pure in wanting to love and be good to their husbands.¬† The sad thing is that a lot of women really don’t have pure intentions.

I’ve also seen women try to implement these things when their husband is already divorcing them.¬† If they’ve treated him terribly for 20+ years, and then suddenly try to implement these behaviors and techniques, yea he’s going to have a hard time believing his wife is sincere.¬†¬†Then I’ve seen the wife (after becoming divorced and getting very bitter) usually complain that applying these techniques only made things much worse for her.¬† These are often the ones screaming “MANIPULATION!!!” the loudest.¬† If it didn’t work for her, it can’t work for anyone else!¬† Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!¬†¬†

Her husband’s strong negative reactions are actually explainable in a psychological way – it’s called “The Pandora’s Box.”¬† Sometimes it’s salvageable, but often it’s just not.¬† Usually there’s just been way too much nastiness there, and for decades long.¬† You can’t just easily undo that kind of trauma you’ve done to your husband, by acting kind and respectful now.¬† Even if you are sincere now, he has to work through MAJOR forgiveness issues, trust issues, etc. and a lot of men find it too painful.¬† A lot of men get angry that you’ve wasted so many years treating them horribly, and are only now just “waking up,” and taking responsibility for how you’ve damaged his soul.¬† It’s all very ugly and dark… but it’s reality when you reap what you’ve been sowing for decades in the heart of your husband.

I may write on that more (I do love to write!), but to me that is why these things are so crucial for women to know before they even start dating!  How many marriages would have been saved if women were only taught these crucial things about what men want when they were teens?  This is why I was motivated to start writing, and why I often target the younger crowd.

 

This is why your Character is important

Your character is talked about a lot on my blog.¬† Who you are – if you are truly all these things women teach about (including many posts on my blog) – others will understand and take note that you’re consistent.¬† This is best displayed in real life – with the real life men around you – whether it’s your father, husband, sons, etc, they will be the ones who ultimately know you and your character, especially over time.

I guarantee that your husband is already aware of who you truly are, and you’re either working to have a beautiful character and implementing these behaviors in your marriage to make it flourish, or you’ve let these things slide and you live with a somewhat happy marriage – but with no idea how great it actually could be.

Either way, your “real self” will always be exposed to the people you live with, especially your husband.¬† I’ve written before that who you are online, when no one is looking or holding you accountable – that’s who you really are.

Having a beautiful character is what will make these teachings work.¬† Having a pure heart is what will make your actions not seen as manipulative, but instead, sincere and they will inspire your husband’s love for you to grow immensely.

No matter how good you look on the outside (physically and in behavior like when practicing being kind or respectful to your husband), if you don’t have it together on the inside, if your heart isn’t in it, he will know, and he will hate it.

He will hate it because he will feel manipulated by you.¬† Hence why if I was really selling you “snake oil,” it just wouldn’t work for the long-haul of a marriage.

Your actions will always be manipulation on your part if it’s not coupled together with your heart intentions – in other words, if you aren’t loving him with purity and sincerity, you may as well not be loving him at all.

 

Barbie Knows How to Be Fruitful & Multiply!

be fruitful multiply

This is so cute!  A fellow police wife and friend has a daughter who takes toys to the store sometimes.  Apparently the whole Barbie family had to go on this grocery outing LOL!

This is what she said —

“My children fully believe in the word of God

and know that we are to be fruitful and multiply,

this includes Barbie world.

I must say that I will miss these days

when I’m caught off guard

either by carrying around a huge stuffed animal that is a duck

or pregnant Barbies…..

it’s Saturday y’all.

That’s all I got.”

This is partly why I love Texas.¬† It’s the South, the Christian women are REAL.¬† And little girls still play with Barbie and want to have BIG families.

I know… I’m sorry you’re not Texan ūüėȬ† Feel free to move here, though.

‚̧

Stephanie

Email Question: How Much Should I Chase a Guy?

This was a question I got back in 2013 or 2014 via email. ¬†How much should a woman in college (or even in her 30’s) chase a guy that she likes? ¬†I’ve had other email conversations about topics somewhat like this as well, such as “my boyfriend doesn’t seem to be very interested in getting married (at all) anytime soon…” or “my fiance doesn’t want to set a date, hardly ever makes an effort to see me, and just moved across the country for a great job opportunity – what do I do?”

At first glance, I’m always tempted to tell women that you shouldn’t chase men, but sometimes circumstances make it appropriate and even sensible. ¬†It’s all about determining how much he really likes you, or if he’s just using you and “isn’t that into you.” ¬†For most of these questions, I had to ask multiple other questions in order to get to the root of what was going on. ¬†For instance, with a fiance that is ambiguous about an actual married life, hardly ever makes an effort to see “his girl,” and just moved across the country for a great job opportunity – there were a lot of questions needed to understand if he was serious about marrying her, if he expected her to build a life with him in their new place, if she was emasculating him with her demanding career in New York, and so on. ¬†It ended up being that he expected her to move with him, but didn’t want her to feel pressured to leave her job, so without communicating that, he just left and tried to keep the relationship alive from cross country. ¬†He was more into her psychologically than it looked but she didn’t know that because he didn’t tell her that.

Once she had that honest conversation with him about his expectations for their relationship or future marriage, she was able to make the hard decisions of whether or not she wanted to continue being a career girl, or give it all up to gain a marriage and family life with **this man** having and being a devoted mother to his children in the future. ¬†I say “this man” because she also had to calculate her chances of finding another man she was that into, who would **want** her enough to ask her to marry him and give her the opportunity to be his wife, even it that meant he wanted her job/career to be second to his.

It would have made their lives and relationship a lot easier if they were both just honest with each other up front: she being honest that she wasn’t all that fulfilled with her amazing career in New York – something that made him feel like she didn’t really need or want him that much anyway – and him with his expectations for his future wife in having a career that she’s willing to sacrifice or put second to his. ¬†Feminism and it’s lies of treating men and women’s desires as always equal has really made men and women confused about what each other wants and needs as life goals change. ¬†She felt like her career would fulfill her as much as a family would, until it finally hit her that she’d actually like being married more. ¬†And he felt like she really did care that much about her career (as much as he felt about his own) that he felt it would be selfish to have asked her to move with him and marrying him then, and start a real life together as a family. ¬†Both men and women are lied to in this day and age, and told from childhood that these things are truly what women want and should feel fulfilled by (their career). ¬†Men are constantly told that women don’t really need them or want marriage that much. ¬†So men actually believe this now days. ¬†That coupled together with a high value man who has found meaning in his own career (which is how it should be for men), makes everything extra complicated. ¬†Men are told that women are just like them in how much they value their jobs, so they believe that and treat women accordingly.

Plus men are opting out

Something I’ve learned from these email questions from young women is that men are not really that interested in marriage these days. ¬†At least, not to the degree women are taught men would be by the time they were “ready.” ¬†These men seem to be wonderfully fine and fulfilled without a wife in their life… even if they have a great girlfriend – she’s not going to be promoted to wife very easily.

This makes it very hard to understand whether a man is with you, but not that into you, or if he truly wants you to be his wife someday. ¬†It’s the woman’s job to make sure she’s not letting herself be used, that if he’s not that into her, that she leaves. ¬†This is part of what makes dating so complicated, especially in this environment. ¬†Understanding men and what they want has never been more critical.

Trust me, while a high value man won’t be falling all over himself to proclaim his devotion at every opportunity, there will still¬†be strong signs that he values you and wants you in his life, especially if he’s considering you as his wife.

This particular email, however, had the college-aged girl describing a relationship where she was always the one pursuing him, setting up times to see each other, and he generally seemed to still have a lack of interest even after all her trying, but would go and see her anyway.

The first question I asked her was this:

Are you having sex with this guy?

I know women are supposed to be “liberated,” and “sexually free,” but having sex just makes it a million times harder to understand whether or not he’s using you. ¬†Sex used to be the main reason WHY men got married younger, because women understood it was a valuable thing that should be kept within safe boundaries of love and marriage only. ¬†It used to be a widely known truth that men can have sex with women they don’t really love, and will readily use a woman who puts herself in that position to be used. ¬†Women don’t “get that” these days, and I’ve had to tell a couple of them through email what their mothers should have taught them about this truth.

Plus a woman’s sexual behavior was a pretty good indicator, although not always, of whether or not she’d be a loyal and trustworthy wife if he married her. ¬†Being a virgin,¬†for a woman, was something that made her more desirable for marriage because it meant a laundry list of “pluses” she’d bring to him as a wife:

  • No prior lovers to compare him with (and all that entails… both physically and emotionally)
  • No emotional baggage from past sexual relationships (for women, sex makes relationships too intense to where they really imprint on her psyche forever changing who she is)
  • No emotional baggage from horrible breakups – that ironically come from that intense bond that sex creates for a woman. ¬†These scars seem to be very deep for women and shouldn’t be ignored by a man looking for a wife
  • No past crazy experiences with sex or being used or “feeling used” that she has to work through in order to be sexually “free” again with her husband later in life
  • No STDs he has to be worried about
  • No past STIs he has to be worried she had and “treated” that could still affect her or him later
  • No ugly and devastating secrets in her closet like abortion or miscarriages from a prior boyfriend – things that scar a woman and make it harder for her to be great wife material psychologically
  • Less chances that they’ll divorce later on in marriage… study findings have recently confirmed that the longest and happiest and best sexually fulfilled marriages are when the woman was a virgin, and that¬† the least chances of divorce was with women who were virgins. ¬†Next results were for women who had very low partner counts as opposed to women who had higher partner accounts. ¬†But EACH PARTNER dramatically seemed to affect a woman’s marriage outlook and sexual happiness.
  • Even if men don’t know these facts above consciously, humans seem to be ingrained in understanding these things subconsciously, as men have always had two types of women: the type they sleep around with before marriage, and the type they “bring home to Mama.”

Considering this list, it is really important to teach daughters how valuable their sexuality is, and try to impress on them how important it is that they try to save their virginity for their husband. ¬†Yes, it sounds outdated for non-Christian women, but for Christian women, we’re taught this from very young. ¬†The point is: even if you aren’t Christian, you’ll benefit greatly from keeping your sexuality for your future husband. ¬†Can a woman still be a good wife if she’s been sexually active? ¬†I believe so, but I also think it makes things harder – unnecessarily at that. ¬†And if you’re Christian, you have NO BUSINESS having sex before marriage. ¬†No if’s and’s or but’s. ¬†Does it get complicated if you’re older or previously married, yes it does. ¬†But always remember that historically sex was saved so that the woman wasn’t used. ¬†It’s in the woman’s best interest, and historically always has been, to save sex for a strong, valuable and committed lifetime partner.

So in this particular email, she was having sex. ¬†Surprise Surprise! ¬†Thanks feminism for ruining everything and making dating a million times harder for men and women. ¬†I suggested she stop and find Christianity and Christian counseling to find out why she’s giving her sexuality away to men (it’s seems to be usually something emotional – cue daddy issues – or just wrong rationalizations of earning love or commitment¬†this way),¬†and start the healing process from letting herself be used. ¬†It’s been known scientifically for awhile now that daughters of divorced parents are typically more likely to not stay virgins long or wait to have sex until marriage. ¬†So since so many millennials have come from divorced families, the promiscuity among them shouldn’t really be shocking. ¬†It’s hard to believe in something you’ve seen and experienced dramatically with your emotions, fail consistently. ¬†So while I understand that almost all millennials are having sex prior to marriage, it still doesn’t change the fact that these women having sex with their boyfriends complicates the relationship and their impending future marriage with that guy or another man later on. ¬†It doesn’t change the consequences of it making it more likely for her to be used sexually because she’s making herself too available sexually.

So with that piece of advice, I predicted she’d probably lose the boyfriend since it would show clearly whether or not he truly loved her, or was just using her as a convenient booty call. ¬†She found out, which she would have eventually found out sooner or later anyway, that he really was only interested in her for the sex he was getting… hence him otherwise not really being that into her.

Let’s go through the clues again just to make it easy to read here. ¬†When a young woman is:

  • Always the one to initiate contact with the man
  • Always the one to set up times to see each other
  • Usually having sex when they have these “dates” – which aren’t really dates but sexcapades back at her or his apartment
  • The only one interested in keeping up the “relationship” where he doesn’t seem to care much
  • Has that sense that if she were to stop having sex, he’d just move on to someone else or they’d have nothing else to do together

If these things are happening to her (or you reading along), it’s time to cut your losses and move on. ¬†In the famous words of Greg & Liz,

“He’s Just Not That Into You!” ¬†

So no, you don’t chase this man. You let him go, because truly… you never really “had” him.

The great thing about this, is you can change and realize what you’re doing to yourself and start to value your sexuality for what it is. ¬†Although I do strongly recommend good counseling to find out the why behind your having sex with men or boyfriends – is it just because you were never taught to save it for marriage, or is it something deeper and more worrying… like your dad leaving when you were young because your parents divorced and you don’t trust men to be good and the value of marriage?

A man who values you as a potential wife will also want to have sex with you before marriage, but he won’t use you. ¬†All the same though, having sex before marriage will make it more likely for the relationship to turn toward him using you, because men tend to get tired of women who they’re having sex with if they’re not in a committed marriage with them. ¬†It’s a mystery, even I’m not completely sure why a man “gets tired” of a girlfriend he’s sexually active with. ¬†Sometimes it works out and they get married, but a lot of times it doesn’t.

 

Hope this answers any lurkers’ questions! ¬†Keep lurking and emailing if you’re too embarrassed to ask these in the comments section. ¬†I’m only doing this because it’s annoying that no one else seems to be, in the mainstream, for you younger people out there still stuck in the HORRIFIC dating stage of life. ¬†It’s not fair that you didn’t have moms that guided you with this valuable information… and since mine did, I feel like it’s wrong not to write about it or answer questions like this when asked. ¬†

And for the mentally ill nutcases who still think I should answer political questions etc…. questions like this one are fun and have a “low emotional cost” for me to answer publicly here, they also probably won’t attract more mentally ill obsessive like you ūüôā so if you want the interesting drama of political stuff, my advice remains the same.

‚̧

Stephanie

 

Are there ever times you SHOULD or CAN chase a man?  Yes!!

  • If he’s too shy
  • If he’s divorced and burned (but still stable and a great catch – which a lot of frivorced men are)
  • If he doesn’t think you’d be into him (one of the most romantic examples of this Ruth & and Boaz) ¬†Read here.

Babies Babies Babies!!!!!

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Our littlest one is getting bigger (over 11 pounds now!!!) and more beautiful with each passing day! ¬†Oh the joy of getting to cuddle her, hear her coo as she looks up at me, and watch the boys with her… just fills my heart with so much love.

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I could seriously have 100 babies with my husband and still want more with him.

It’s ridiculous ūüėÄ

I don’t know what it is, but having his children makes me love him even more deeply and fiercely.

When I was still in the hospital after the birth, one of our friends who came to visit us joked that if we had met in high school, we would have had 10 kids by now. ¬†ūüėõ

My husband’s comrades got together and gave us the sweetest, most thoughtful gift for our new baby. ¬†Their card, all signed with their different hilarious messages like, “Congrats on your 12th kid!” and “Get some cable!” among some really sweet messages ‚̧ will forever be in my heart.

In spite of their funny card, they picked out the most elegant baby gift I could imagine: a Vera Wang silver baby cup with our daughter’s name engraved on it on the front. ¬†Just so special and beautiful.

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Here’s to baby cuddles and chubby giggles!

‚̧

Stephanie

Opening Series of Email Questions & Things We Want Our Daughter to Know

Throughout the almost 4 years of having this particular blog, I’ve received quite a few emails asking me all kinds of questions. ¬†I think it may be interesting to put some reader questions up as their own posts, especially the ones I’ve gotten from young girls and women. ¬†I definitely don’t have all the answers, so it’s nice to allow regular readers or even passing through commenters a chance to answer something in their own way. ¬†If you’re a mom to young women, feel free to comment adding your own input – even if we’ve clashed in the past, these posts will be pretty much unmoderated in comments and I probably won’t argue with you because I’m too exhausted most of the time anyway. ūüôā

It won’t be anything political or focusing too much on negativity (like Islam’s influence in the world…). ¬†Those posts are just honestly way too much for me to handle with being a mom of an infant and 2 other young children that need all my mental energy and emotional stability for them. ¬†My husband’s work also demands that I be able to hold down the fort so to speak at our home, and those kinds of posts with the kinds of people they bring here, are just NOT what or who I want to be entertaining. ¬†Some women can handle that kind of constant online drama, and handle it really well! ¬†For me I’d rather be doing something more constructive with my time… like getting cleaning done… or dancing around with my boys in the living room to funny music. ¬†Or cuddling with our new baby girl. ¬†Being so overwhelmed with gratitude that God’s given me this life and children and husband to take care of. ¬†The beauty is beyond words….

But about the negative/dramatic posts… it just drains me too much to put my energy into arguing with someone online, even if it’s someone sincere and good-hearted. ¬†I can’t do it at this point, my family needs all of that time and energy for them.

Keeping the house clean and organized, managing our household needs and schedules, along with watching all three of them and starting the basics of homeschool with the preschooler this fall, is about all I can do. ¬†In my sparest of spare time, I edit and rewrite parts of our family book on the Proverbs 31 woman & the police wife version, or read funny sites that make me laugh and relax, and sometimes… I make a post here.

***

Another thing I hope to be able to do, is to write maybe one post a week (or month lol) on issues we want our daughter to learn and know about. ¬†So these will be solely female topics, although men are very welcome to add their input, especially if they have experience in raising a daughter. ¬†We’d love to hear your thoughts or advice.

My husband may do some posts like that for our boys, too, he has so much wisdom on this topic and has been applying these things for 7 years now. ¬†It truly amazes me seeing his wisdom in action with our boys. ¬†I’ve written before that he acts at least 7 years older than me in maturity, and it’s still true. ¬†That would put him close to 40 in how he thinks and acts… it’s very different from men his age and I love it. ¬†I am so humbled by this man and still so crazy in love, especially when I see what a great father he is. ¬†He is even busier than I am though, and writing just isn’t something really that high of a priority for him, so we’ll see if that is able to happen or not.

So here’s my email if you want to ask us questions featured here:

angelpixiedust86@live.com

We don’t have all the answers… far from it! ¬†But I’m hoping these posts could inspire conversations and input from other people as well.

Tragedy & Joy

IMG_5447_LI

I wanted to write some kind of update awhile ago, we’ve just been so busy or I’ve been distracted – or distracting myself. ¬†I don’t even know what to write now really… so much has happened in just one month.

IMG_4396

I think I’ll try to put it into bullet points what we’ve done or has happened in these past 4 weeks. ¬†Sorry it will probably read pretty strange…

  • We had our adorable daughter, everything went well as far as the surgery.
  • The recovery had a hiccup when I started swelling in my right leg, and then the left leg… I called my doctor, and it was thought to be maybe the anesthesia. ¬†After my milk supply came in and was pretty established, I took a couple of diuretic pills (“water pills”) to flush out the swelling fluid – and it worked well. ¬†Apparently the “postpartum swelling” can be a big issue, and after we got home I began to look like I was 6 months pregnant again the swelling had gotten so bad. ¬†This had never happened with our other two, but the diuretics worked fast and I ended up looking normal again.
  • Our little one wanted to breastfeed so often – every hour for 5 nights straight – that I actually ended up getting Mastitis in that very first week!!!!! ¬†LOL ¬†I didn’t even know you could get mastitis that quickly! ¬†It was very painful but a bit hilarious – thank God for antibiotics!
  • In only the 2nd week of her life, 2 of our officers were shot when contacting a felon. ¬†They were shot right when they stepped out of their vehicle. ¬†One was shot in the face and the other in the chin, the former ended up dying and the latter dragged his partner to safety even after having been shot. ¬†It was so traumatic, and both were about my husband’s age.
  • I’m in a wive’s group that supports our husband’s in their career, one I’ve blogged about here. ¬†I’ve become an officer that deals with events – the coordinating and planning, and since all of the other group officials were either on vacation or unable to come, I had the task of coordinating getting donations for desserts, wives to volunteer, and serving the people at the funeral. ¬†A police funeral is typically a devastating ordeal, but with hundreds to sometimes 1,000’s of officers from around the country showing up to pay their respects to the fallen officer. ¬†Coming together like a family is so appreciated. ¬†Everything about the funerals, though, is physically and emotionally draining and tortuous. ¬†From volunteering for hours, to listening to the family pour out their hearts to us, to serving the army of Police Officers who have come who need encouragement, too… it is painful. ¬†The last funeral before this I cried so much I had to actually go and completely redo my makeup before we had to serve the 1,000’s of guests. ¬†We are in a war. ¬†We lose officers almost every week or other week now.
  • Since I had to bring our 2 week old to the funeral to lead the volunteers, I kept having to disappear to breastfeed. ¬†One time when I was tucked away in a tiny section of the ladies’ room where they provided couches to sit while you nurse, one of the officers who came to the funeral sat down next to me – exhausted – and started to talk. ¬†She was part of the Honor Guard – which is the official name for the group of officers who go to the memorial services and funerals around the U.S. ¬†She was a Sergeant, and from our city. ¬†She knew the officer who had died that day ūüė• . ¬†For some reason, relaxing in the hidden corner of the restroom on the couch with me, she felt comfortable enough to let me know how tired of all this she was – how she felt she needed a break, that many of them do, from all these relentless funerals. ¬†All these senseless assassination-style deaths. ¬†I tried to encourage her and let her know how much we appreciate the Honor Guard and her love for these officers’ families. ¬†But I could see it, too, when I was serving many of the officers face to face – they are so tired of seeing these decent men and women killed. ¬†The collective Honor Guard are some of the best people, the ones who travel to show support and give encouragement to the families in need, but I’m starting to see in their faces just how hard this is on them emotionally to be constantly going to another funeral every other week or so.
  • Police deaths have spiked to 39% in 2017. ¬†Again, it feels like we are in a war. ¬†Like our husbands are deployed everyday that they go into their shift. ¬†At the same time, it feels like we’re not alone. ¬†The police community as a whole, is a safe place to show our emotions to each other. ¬†At the last funeral when I was crying almost uncontrollably, one of the older Honor Guard officers came up to me and hugged me – it meant so much, but I felt so sorry that I knew I was making him feel pain, too. ¬†I could tell that my tears almost made him cry ūüė• ¬†and I don’t want to add more pain to these officers. ¬†It was so touching though, that a perfect stranger would come to not only support us, but even hug one of the emotional wives there behind the counter.
  • I haven’t written about this myself before… probably because I’d have to write it in bullet points like this. ¬†The emotions are hard for even me to put into words.
  • We had a second funeral for one of our officers who passed away from cancer. ¬†We were thankful that he didn’t lose his life in the line of duty, but it still felt like an added insult to an injury. ¬†The funeral was only a couple of days after the first.
  • Even in all this tragedy, my husband and I were invited to one of his favorite Police Academy instructor’s retirement party. ¬†It was actually a wonderful time celebrating this man my husband looks up to and learned from. ¬†We were able to get my mom to watch our boys so it was almost like a date night together with our tag along baby girl. ¬†At the end of the night, his wife let me know they had felt almost guilty holding a celebration like this after all the recent tragedies – her husband had wondered if he should have cancelled it. ¬†I told the wife that of course they should have had it! ¬†It was good to celebrate something positive even in the midst of this. ¬†Everyone there was focusing on the hilarious stories he had, looking at his adorable pictures of when he was young and in charge of the streets, and enjoying celebrating with him the end of a great career. ¬†We needed that. ¬†He did, but we all did in a way.

We’ve also just been enjoying time together as a family. ¬†I’ve had my own thoughts of feeling so much joy when looking at our daughter, and then guilt that I’m feeling that way when our city (and officers) are enduring another tragedy. ¬†It was nice having my husband off for a month… he missed his work and the excitement, but he had fun taking the boys on adventures and us all going out as a family for hikes and walks in the parks close by.

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Motherhood & Childbirth

dreams of mothering

Mother’s Day has come and gone again, and for some reason each year I just feel more and more content and happy with our life that we’re building. ¬†I’m not sure exactly why¬†I feel more content and happy with each year, but it may have a lot to do with the growing sense of gratitude¬†of living this life getting to watch our children grow, love my amazing husband, and maybe just getting a little bit more mature.

I still have sin! ¬†Definitely have to work on things at times, but in this area of mothering, even when it’s really especially hard with lots of tantrums or just stubborn behavior and lots to do, I can still see the end result in mind, especially at the end of the day (happy adults that know they were truly loved – no, adored!) and it somehow gets me through those tantrums.

Motherhood is hard at times. ¬†Life in general has so many unexpected things come up and little struggles or trials, to me, mothering my kids just falls in line with normal everyday things to face. ¬†There are many ups and downs with small children when they’re teething or in a tantrum phase, but I think it’s harder if you don’t really understand the fact that it is going to be hard to begin with.

There’s a new disturbing trend of moms on social media complaining about Mother’s Day, using it as an excuse to say how unfair it is that even on that day where they’re supposed to be honored, they still have to take care of their children (wipe noses or change diapers), or clean sometimes. ¬†From reading several of these kinds of posts and videos for 2 years (posted the week before to prep women to feel jipped), it’s clear these moms don’t understand that life is just hard. ¬†Mother’s Day doesn’t always go perfectly or smoothly, especially with small children – and it comes across as insanely immature of an adult woman who doesn’t understand this reality. ¬†Or one who understands it, but still acts like it’s not fair and has an online virtual pity party about the duties of being a mom.

From one of my favorite books that my parents had loved when I was growing up (and got me reading before I was a teenager:

“Life is difficult.

This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths.  It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it.  Once we truly know that life is difficult Рonce we truly understand and accept it Рthen life is no longer difficult.  Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.

Most do not fully see this truth that life is difficult.  Instead they moan more or less incessantly, noisily or subtly, about the enormity of their problems, their burdens, and their difficulties as if life were generally easy, as if life should be easy.

They voice their belief, noisily or subtly, that their difficulties represent a unique kind of affliction that should not be and that has somehow been especially visited upon them…. ¬†I know about this moaning because I have done my fair share.

Life is a series of problems. ¬†Do we want to moan about them or solve them? ¬†Do we want to teach our children to solve them?”

                  -The Road Less Traveled

So back to motherhood… yes, it’s hard, but it’s also so beautiful and I think, really grows us as women to have to go through the struggles of mothering. ¬†Anything hard generally (in my opinion) helps us to grow and mature. ¬†At least it can, if we accept the struggle and go through it trying to learn from it and become better. ¬†Unfortunately, as The Road Less Traveled points out, many people don’t allow problems and trials in their life to grow and mature them. ¬†It’s easier to complain and have self-pity for our own struggles.

I love this quote from the 1800’s by Anne Pratt about the virtue of seeing life optimistically as a wife and mother:

“Every one must have remarked how pleasant is that household in which a cheerful spirit of energy is cultivated by the mistress and mother.

It is a pleasant thing to dwell with one who is not troubled by trifling annoyances,

who is skilled in looking at the bright side of things, and hoping for the best;

with one who believes that all the ways of the Lord are right,

and who attaches a deep importance to duty.

Such a one will work willingly, in the belief that God has appointed both her lot and her duties,

and it is surprising how many obstacles are met and overcome by such a spirit.‚ÄĚ

~ Anne Pratt

In my life, it IS surprising how many obstacles we’ve overcome together, my husband and I, due to having such a spirit of adventure, optimism and gratitude. ¬†In really hard times, it’d be easier to complain or fight or even blame each other, but instead we work together as a team to solve the problem and learn from it. ¬†It really makes all the difference!

CHILDBIRTH

This is just an update on the pregnancy, but since it’s a “motherhood” post, I thought I’d squeeze it in here.

So¬†because our first child was an emergency c-section, and afterwards we decided to not try a V-BAC, this will be my 3rd c-section. ¬†We’re so lucky these days, even to be able to have c-sections! ¬†I recently heard that death during childbirth affected 65% of women during the 19th century. ¬†Obviously the risk is far less for us now, but still, having had repeated c-sections, medically we know each time the risk increases. ¬†Then there’s always uterine rupture or tears where the scar has been cut and re-cut – these also increase with repeated pregnancies unfortunately.

Last time around I remember trying to prepare Patrick for if I was to die in childbirth during the c-section – I know it’s a slight chance, but you never know what’s going to happen and since there was that possibility, why not mentally prepare for it? ¬†I wanted him to know that I wanted him to be happy and to remarry. ¬†It’s been the same this time, except I’ve been having very strong pains where the old c-section scars are, which my doctor thinks is scar tissue stretching (little tears), and probably not “windows” which are where the uterus is so thin that you’re actually able to see things like the baby’s hair. ¬†Windows are supposed to be painless, so the pain I feel at times is probably just stretching (hopefully!). ¬†The risk of uterine rupture is still there though, even though it’s still likely very small.

Anyway, we really want at least to be able to have one more child after this, but unfortunately it depends on the state of my uterus – sometimes they can apparently become “paper thin,” or if they see windows when they open me up, or little tears, etc. ¬†They’ll likely then advise me that I shouldn’t attempt another pregnancy. ¬†ūüė• ¬†We’ll see, many women are able to have up to 5 or 6 c-sections… but it all depends on that particular woman’s genetics and her unique uterus thickness, strength, and elasticity.

Again, we’ll see.

 

This is the True Joy in Life…

This is the true joy in life,

the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one.

The being thoroughly worn out before you’re thrown on the scrap heap,

The being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.

I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community

and as I live it is my privilege – my privilege to do for it whatever I can.

I want to be thoroughly used up when I die,

for the harder I work the more I love.

I rejoice in life for its own sake.

Life is no brief candle to me;

it is a sort of splendid torch which I’ve got a hold of for the moment

and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible

before handing it on to future generations.

-George Bernard Shaw

‚̧

I watched another Freedomain video recently, and he ended it with this quote, along with the latter below from his own mind:

“Wear yourself out in the pursuit of virtue, and leave only the barest husk to be thrown in the grave.

Just be used up completely.

Be emptied of words, be emptied of power, be emptied of dedication, be emptied of challenge, be emptied of courage – SPEND IT ALL.

Let only your skeleton be what the worms get – nothing else.

Have everything else spent to the last penny, and let that last penny of spending be that which kills you, because you have nothing left to give.

And that I think is the satisfying life.”

Stefan Molyneux

***

When watching this video over the course of a few days, the ending quote hit home with why I started blogging in the first place almost 4 years ago. ¬†It really was mostly a creative outlet, but every Wednesday, I’d try to post something on marriage. ¬†We’ve seen and known so many horrible or even “just limping along” marriages, that I wanted to impart some basic knowledge to people who didn’t know these things, and yet were searching for it. ¬†I think this is normal for people who find out great truths to want to impart that knowledge to someone else. ¬†Why on earth would you hide something that can help people with building better marriages, which in turn, creates healthier, happier children, and less divorce, better societies and more productive, good people in this world?!?!

Seriously, if you have that information and are not sharing it somehow,¬†you may want to really ask yourself why you are keeping that valuable help from other people? ¬†This isn’t meant as some kind of condemning judgment, and obviously sharing it can be done in a million different ways, I’m not saying everyone has to go start a blog or youtube channel and try to make a difference in those venues – but it’s just pure fact that by not sharing that information (which is like a treasure really) with people in dire need of it, is morally wrong.

It’s easier to see this fact when you apply it to being wealthy and not generous in your giving. ¬†If a wealthy person isn’t giving in some way to society – to purely good, helpful causes, not the kind that perpetuate problems in society – then it is just like the rich man in the Bible who stores up grain all for himself:

Luke 12:13-21

[13] Someone in the crowd said to him, “Teacher, tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me.”

[14] Jesus replied, “Man, who appointed me a judge or an arbiter between you?” [15] Then he said to them, “Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.”

[16] And he told them this parable: “The ground of a certain rich man produced a good crop. [17] He thought to himself, ‘What shall I do? I have no place to store my crops.’

[18] “Then he said, ‘This is what I’ll do. I will tear down my barns and build bigger ones, and there I will store all my grain and my goods. [19] And I’ll say to myself, “You have plenty of good things laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry.” ‘

[20] “But God said to him, ‘You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?’

[21] “This is how it will be with anyone who stores up things for himself but is not rich toward God.

Being “rich toward God,” is sharing the gospel and biblical truths about how life is meant to be lived. ¬†Sharing that often comes in form of writing, books, blogs, but doesn’t have to only be in those ways.

“The lips of the wise broadcast knowledge, but not so the heart of fools.”

Proverbs 15:7

The best sharing is face-to-face with people in your real life, but writing and blogs is also extremely beneficial to many people – and is a better way to “broadcast” that knowledge and wisdom. ¬†I know this personally because I’ve had the amazing opportunity of being told by those I’ve been blessed to touch!

Looking back, it’s been awe-inspiring to affect¬†so many women’s and men’s lives through simply writing about marriage and sex or parenting. ¬†Giving other people Truth so that they can better live their lives the way God would want them to, has been a privilege that I didn’t foresee when starting out writing as a mere creative outlet!

Our own marriage is in large part as good as it is because of other people who took their own time, energy and heart and passion to write great marriage books that I read during our first year when I worked at a Christian bookstore! ¬†If they had thought what they had to say wasn’t important, didn’t need to be shared, or were neurotically worried that men reading their books would “compare their wives to the women writing these valuable books,” we would probably not have the marriage we have today. ¬†The Truths we learned from these godly authors were SO valuable and important – their books were their ministry. ¬†Many people who benefited from their writing would have missed out on those blessings if the authors had decided sharing these Truths were wrong – including the authors themselves! ¬†Because sharing with others Truths that are life-giving is a blessing in and of itself!

While studying what these authors had to say on a wife’s role in a marriage during our first year, I was amazed it is so easy to get married when one has literally NO IDEA how to maintain that marriage or live together in a compatible way. ¬†Even driving a car takes more time and effort in studying the laws of what is right and wrong to do while in it and out on the road. ¬†I mean seriously, you get more instruction and valuable information when getting a driver’s license than you do before you get married – no wonder there are so many divorces or miserable marriages!

Most of it is likely due to lack of knowledge of how or what a good marriage actually looks like from day to day.

So make your life count! ¬†Don’t live an “unlived life” full of complaining, slander, and wasting your time doing things that harm you! ¬†You are meant for so much more than that ‚̧

Here is Stefan’s video, and again, it look me days to get through it little bits at a time. ¬†And it’s not for children’s ears!! ¬†He’s an atheist, so he cusses sometimes, but the overall messages he does are full of wisdom.

Unhappily Married Women Claiming Happy Couples are “Fake” on Social Media

Around our last anniversary in August, I saw a viral blog post going around that blatantly told happy married couples (those on facebook) that their happy photos and positive notes they post to each other makes certain married couples feel bad about their own marriages. ¬†Here is the specific post, “I Cannot, In Good Conscience, Participate in the Love Your Spouse Challenge,” where one woman took the self-righteous approach of declaring that the challenge participants were so fake, that she just couldn’t participate by honoring her husband for 7 days posting positive things about him and their marriage because it wouldn’t be “real” enough.

There are enough articles and comments out there that explain the same general feelings of married women on FB:

“You happily married couples can’t really be that happy (we realistic ones know you’re lying to us), plus you make me feel bad because my marriage isn’t like that. You’re faking it in your photos and not being “real,” let me show you what IS real by posting negative shit about my husband and I publicly.”

And boy these women really meant it! ¬†The blog post that went viral has actual photos of the writer and her husband angry at each other, fighting and arguing in the kitchen, her denying him sex because she was “too tired,” and on and on. ¬†Obviously they were all staged (nevermind the irony of having to fake “realistic” negative pictures at the same time you’re criticizing posed wedding photos!!), but the message was clear: REAL COUPLES POST NEGATIVE THINGS ABOUT THEIR MARRIAGE ON FACEBOOK. ¬†Fake couples only post the positive things and therefore aren’t “real” enough for these hypercritical women.

Just imagine if it were turned around on the wives! ¬†What if husbands suddenly thought it was great to start complaining on facebook about how their wife doesn’t look the same anymore or turn them on as much as she did 10 years ago? ¬†What he posted about how annoying she’s been to live with or how she doesn’t always do certain chores in a timely manner and this drives him crazy? ¬†These are all things women complain fairly open about in one way or another, and it’s accepted easily in our society. ¬†But wow! ¬†Imagine if a husband decided to write an article posting the worst parts of their marriage (in pictures!!) so that other men could commiserate with him? ¬†It just wouldn’t happen, and if it did, it would be shamed by men and women alike. ¬†It’s not acceptable for a married man to complain publicly about how annoying his wife is, or share pictures of her without makeup on his FB to be “real.”

Sharing your grievances about your spouse publicly in any venue, should never be considered appropriate.

It’s disrespectful and a violation of his trust and privacy.

Our spouses know our most intimate flaws and failings. ¬†In a good, healthy marriage, there’s usually a boundary there that the spouses protect each other from – it used to be called “not airing your dirty laundry.”

And then we get to the chosen method for this sharing of “real life.” ¬†These women choose facebook (or blogs) to “vent” about how difficult their marriage has been. ¬†Their husband is more than likely “tagged” into the post, meaning ALL – and I mean ALL of his friends – past and present, coworkers, boss or Supervisors, even acquaintances or possibly worse, people who don’t like him or are competing with him in the workplace, will be exposed to his wife humiliating him and divulging the private (negative) aspects of their marriage and for what?

To be more “real” with her facebook friends. ¬†It looks more like betrayal to me when I see women engaging in this kind of public behavior.

His honor, respect and privacy must be sacrificed so she can compete with the other women by being “more real,” than the ones who post only happy and positive things about their spouses.

It kind of boggled my mind for awhile, wondering why other married couples would be that angry at seeing happy ones? ¬†Why would they care? ¬†Why would posting about fighting, or how they’re usually too tired to have sex with their husbands make them somehow more “real?”

Anyone reading this probably already understood this was what was really going on, but apparently I’m not that smart. ¬†I thought these couples really did believe that the happy ones were lying. ¬†They may actually believe that, but there’s something else there that I finally caught on to:

They really ARE that unhappy seeing the happy couples, because their marriage IS less fulfilling, less passionate, and less enjoyable. ¬†ūüė¶

This is probably obvious to everyone else (especially the red pill readers who come here), but somehow it took me months to figure out (lol sad). ¬†I had completely forgotten about this viral post, and only recently caught on to what was really happening after seeing a few more couples we knew divorce in that time, and reading what the wives said afterward. ¬†Their marriages really WERE miserable, and mostly due to miscommunication and lack of meeting needs for the spouses that spiraled into ugly fights and damage beyond repair to their relationship. ¬†Of course when you’re fighting bitterly with your spouses day in and day out, it’s hard to be happy for the happy, successful couples. ¬†I think they truly believe the happy couples live that way as well, and are “hiding” their misery behind a charade of happiness.

It also became obvious when reading these new-trending posts on a couples’ anniversary where the wife feels like it’s necessary to quantify her happiness by explaining that they’ve also had a miserable marriage as well (or have almost divorced), that this is the “new norm.” ¬†Being positive and genuinely happy isn’t looked at as “real” anymore… in fact, it’s looked down upon. ¬†Happy couples are not “real,” unless they were genuinely miserable in their marriage at some point, too.

One woman told me “Well, you want to be relate-able.”

I just don’t know about that. ¬†Relate-able sounds like “average.” ¬†Relate-able falls in line with the status quo, and with so many married couples getting divorced, I really don’t want to be relate-able in that way. ¬†I don’t want to have to complain about my marriage to somehow be “relate-able” with other women. ¬†If our happiness makes others think we’re fake or makes them feel bad about their own marriage, we don’t have control over that. ¬†So it’s not our concern ūüôā ¬†Plus, they are only harming themselves mentally when they dwell on how fake the happy marriages are – what does it do to us? We’ll just continue being happy, while the miserable couples will continue dwelling on their misery.

It’s a little hard to want to be relate-able in our present day culture to be honest.

Relate-able means being overweight since so many women now are overweight, and it’s rare to see a fit mom that’s had multiple children. ¬†Relate-able means complaining constantly about housework, or taking for granted the gift of being a mom – things that science has proven actually make us LESS happy when we vent our frustrations. ¬†Relate-able means valuing the secular things of this world more than the spiritual maturity that comes from a steady walk with God. ¬†Relate-able is having had sex before marriage – so you’re not relate-able if you married as a virgin and saved that gift for your husband. ¬†Relate-able is having had an abortion or a devastating past full of bad decisions and multiple sexual partners. ¬†I’ve never really been that “relate-able” in these ways, and you know? ¬†I don’t want to be.

Relate-able seems to be a lot of **negative.**

Even just being Christians, I believe we’re called to acknowledge we’re all sinners, none of us are perfect, however we called to a higher standard than just trying to come across as “relate-able.”

Maybe we’re supposed to be different for a purpose. ¬†Maybe complaining about our marriage or sharing how miserable it’s been¬†on FB isn’t what Christian women are supposed to do.

 

“For it is GOD who is working in you, enabling you both to will and to act for His good purpose. ¬†Do everything without complaining and arguing, so that you may be blameless and pure, children of God who are faultless in a crooked and perverted generation, among whom you shine like stars in the world. ¬†Hold firmly to the message of life. ¬†Then I can boast in the day of Christ that I didn’t run in vain or labor for nothing.”

Philippians 2:13-16

 

 

This is one of my most favorite verses in the Bible… Philippians itself is probably my favorite book because it explains so much about gratitude and joy in life. ¬†But if you’re a married woman reading this, re-read this verse and really allow it to sink in. ¬†Apply it to your marriage. ¬†To your children. ¬†To your housework or anything that tends to annoy you daily.

You’re not called to be relate-able ‚̧ . ¬†Your purpose is higher than that.

Jesus was so unrelate-able the Pharisees killed Him! ¬†He’s the perfect example of someone pure and faultless getting falsely accused and hated because of His purity and Truthfulness that shamed those who weren’t like Him. ¬†You don’t have to fit in by doing what the masses are doing – whether that’s having sex before marriage, or complaining online about your husband or sharing how miserable your marriage has been so others can relate to you.

You’re called to shine like the stars with your purity as children of God. ¬†It feels wrong to type that phrase because it is so not politically correct and many Christians even take it the wrong way, accusing women who aim for this as being prideful and arrogant. ¬†Even from a Christian woman I’ve gotten the message, “There’s nothing special about you! ¬†How dare you think you could ‘shine like a star’ with being pure and following God! ¬†How dare you have something to say or correct someone like me who knows so much more than you! You’re just full of pride and don’t know anything or have the experience yet.

We have a much stronger testimony when we aren’t striving to fit in with the status quo, when we’re living out our faith and convictions day by day. ¬†Our testimonies actually mean something when we’ve walked that road of doing the exceptional for Christ, and have experienced the trials of living “unrelate-able” when it’s going directly against the grain of our culture. ¬†Anyone who’s lived by their convictions knows this truth that it’s often isolating, painful, and full of self-sacrifice.

Instead of merely aiming for average, we can choose to be inspiring and encouraging, focusing on what Philippians 4:8 tells us to:

“Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable.

Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.”

 

Go out and shine like stars in purity as children of God,

Stephanie

 

Related Reading:

I Cannot in Good Conscience Participate in the Love Your Spouse Challenge

Dear Happy Couples: I Hate You