Because He’s Not a Hero… From Anonymous Sgt. A. Merica

Every day, America sits on the brink.

We teeter between good and evil.

The Thin Blue Line isn’t a fictional concept.

It’s real – and it’s what separates society from anarchy.

It’s why you can go to work.  Why your children can go to school.  Why you can sleep in peace at night.

Protecting the people… are the Sheepdog.

They are our police.  They are your protectors.  They are the guardians of the castle and the people behind it.

But I am not your Sheepdog.

I do not guard the castle from direct attack.  I do not seek to defend those whom it protects.

No, I am the wolf.

I am the one you don’t want to know about.

While the Sheepdog protect… I destroy.

But I am YOUR wolf.

I hunt my prey – and my prey fears me.

Those I hunt are those who would do you harm.  Those who seek to destroy the castle and everyone behind it’s walls.

I am the one who stalks them.

As they prepare to come for you… I pounce.

I am not kind.  I am not merciful.

I take the fight out of them.

Then I take them out of the fight.

Their throat is my prize.

Their end is my glory.

I destroy evil… so it cannot destroy you.

I am not your Sheepdog.  I am your wolf.

And you will never know my name.


For more than 25 years, I’ve served our country.  I started in the military and moved my way up quickly.  That’s what happens when you are single and hellbent on destroying evil.  I had no interest in starting a family.

After just a few years in the military, I rose quickly and became part of a special operations group working in some of the most dangerous places in the world.

Here in America, we are spoiled.  We take our fluffy pillows and lattes for granted.  We close our eyes and sleep well because very good men are doing sometimes very bad things to very bad men to keep us safe.

But over the years, I watched the rules of engagement change.  When serving our country, and then serving here in law enforcement, I watched as the hands of my brothers, sisters and I were tied.

September 11th happened because of failures here in America – not just because of evil.  We lost countless lives because we drew a divide between our agencies.  Politics and feelings got in the way of stopping evil.  Red tape and a hierarchy of information ensured that destruction came to America.

It will come again.  Political correctness has run amok.  Evil has infiltrated our communities in the name of everyone being “offended”.  We are in trouble.

Luckily, there are still patriots like me who believe in destroying that evil.  We will do what it takes to hold the thin blue line, even when it means we have to operate in the shadows.

I had no interest in having a family, but somewhere along the line that changed.  I’m now a father of four.  My wife and my children don’t know what I do for work.  My friends have no idea.  I’m part of an elite group of that tracks down and eliminates that evil.

I do it for my children.  I do it for my God.  I do it for my country.  I do it for you.

I am the wolf.  And tonight, like every night, I will hunt.

***

 

Hearing from men like this is so interesting.  Reminded me of this scene… “Because he’s not a hero… ” they really are so much more than that.

 

Thank you Anonymous.

Thank you for protecting us.  How many would you (and all other police officers) die for, who don’t deserve your life sacrificed for theirs?

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For the Love of Blue

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For a few years now, my husband’s former Lieutenant has invited us to his church every January for a special service where ALL the members honor and thank the law enforcement officers who go, and pray over them and their families and just surround them with support.  It. Is. Powerful.

This time, like every other time, the Pastor gave such a clear-minded sermon and hit a plethora of topics (not really police related, but speaking on cultural and religion decline) where churches are now failing in addressing; it blew our minds again to finally hear such sound, wonderfully True, preaching. He even several times, mentioned the word “defiled,” talking about men and women (yes, he made it a point to call out women) who are defiling people, and how much the churches have declined over the years.  ❤  This is a mostly all black church, the services last 3 hours long, and the love and presence of the Holy Spirit you feel when you’re there makes people cry.

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I remember the first time we came, it was shortly after we had lost one of the sweetest detectives that worked with my husband (pictured above).  He had just been sitting in his patrol car on a fill-in shift, when he was shot in the head for no reason by a black man.  The funeral was so devastating, and even though I was serving at it, for awhile I just couldn’t stop crying.  Hearing his family speak… it broke something inside me.  Feeling this kind of welcome and love and honesty about police deaths coming from black men and women was so needed for me at that time.  Back then our officers were 18% more likely to be murdered by a black male, now the percentage is higher I believe.  2016 was the deadliest year for police officers, but each year over 100 die on duty from a variety of job-related incidents.  I watch my husband put a black mourning band over his badge when these deaths happen, and sometimes in the past, the deaths kept coming to where he couldn’t take it off for days and days.  It was so difficult to keep hearing who the perpetrators were, the life-threatening messages they were sending to our officers and their spouses (and kids!).  Hearing how they were attacking them even in their homes, sometimes threatening their wives and children.  The Pastor spoke about all these things, and remarked on how amazing it is that no other churches talk about this (and yes, this has bothered me before in the past how even our own church would never touch the subject).

The Pastor spoke directly to us law enforcement families.  Reminded us of how they are God’s ministers, God’s Avengers who bring wrath on those who do wrong (Romans 13).  He reminded us spouses of what our calling in this marriage is as well.  He spoke of the burden we carry in being this support system, and I had a glimpse into how I’m not really letting God give me the strength I need for this particular burden as much as I thought I was.  I love being an officer’s wife, but many elements of it are hard, even when one deliberately separates themselves from the deaths and funerals.

But we are so blessed to know my husband’s former (now retired) Lieutenant ❤ and we SO blessed to know this congregation of strong, faith-filled believers.  My husband even suggested we start tentatively going to this new church (<3 !!).

Hope everyone is doing well, posting has been slow as child-raising has fully taken over 😀 ❤ !!  We are also making it a point to go to the gym most days, and I love this season of getting back in shape (we do on and off seasons to fluctuate with life and the holidays).

Stephanie

Trusting God

The past couple of years have been hard emotionally.  I haven’t wanted to write about any of it really, because I usually want to try to learn something – or at least understand it – before writing about it.  I think it was Hemingway who said “Never write about something until you’re through it.”

Well, what if it doesn’t have a clear “end?”  What if you still haven’t learned anything profound from it?

What if you’re never really “through” it?

Losing my dad has been so horrible.  I don’t write about it, but I think about it often.  Sometimes I become extremely depressed when thinking too much on it.  Which is partly why I gained weight last year.  Remembering how much my dad wanted me to enjoy life in it’s fullest with a healthy body – and to be happy with my body, is why I started being healthy again right before we got pregnant with our 3rd.

He’s gotten much better, but the stroke (if that’s what it was) really changed his personality, and I miss him so much.

***

And then on the blue line side of things, seeing so many innocent men and women die – seeing the public generally not understanding or thinking “this is what they signed up for” – that they literally signed up to be assassinated in a country that used to be free – has been hard to understand heads or tails of.  I didn’t want to write my thoughts on all the police deaths for many reasons: the anger, the depth of heartache, facing the truth that most of them are racially motivated, the ugliness of it all, and just plain not being able to understand it.

Something that HAS really helped, has been leaning on God, even when I was extremely depressed or terrified.  Trusting Him and trusting in His goodness even though knowing He allows the worst to happen has been healing.

The only thing I could find that’s close to explaining what I’ve been learning about God’s protection, even when He allows murder and death of good people, is this audio of Elisabeth Elliot.

She explains it well and it brings peace to me to know that no matter what happens in this life, our ultimate ends are safe and secure in Him.  Which is why it’s better to trust in God, even in times like these.

8 Reasons Police Families are Stronger than Your Average Family

This was a beautiful post I found from Melissa Littles, one of my favorite bloggers and author of Bullets in the Washing Machine.

She can be found at The Police Wife Life:

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I’ll address those lingering in the “offended by everything” category of 2015 first: The acknowledgment of one is not the equivalent of diminishing another.

Talking about what makes police families stronger is in no way suggesting any other type of marriage or relationship is “weaker.” I’m simply discussing some commonalities amongst many LEO families which make the bond of togetherness uniquely special.

1) We learn early on that compromise without resentment is fundamental.Police Families Are Stronger Than Your Average Family. Compromises are needed
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Officers are sworn to answer the call. They do not have the luxury of handpicking their duties. All LEO relationships encounter the end-of-shift call, and those middle of the night call-outs. Those calls (which extend an LEO’s regular service hours) typically come on days most inconvenient for the family — your daughter’s recital, an anniversary dinner date, your son’s basketball tournament, etc.

LEO families must learn to assign frustration where it belongs — outside the marriage and not within the control of the LEO. Tossing around blame and resentment for the uncontrollable soon becomes a moot point in the marriage. Rolling with the punches and approaching marriage as a joint effort with mutual respect leads to LEO couples that can withstand any hurdle LEO life sends their way.

2) We don’t keep score.

 

Marriage, life, raising children, jobs, self-fulfillment — it all takes constant effort. In LEO marriages there will be times when an LEO spouse will be responsible for much of the daily life tasks. Getting kids to school, the doctor, sporting events, handling finances and household duties — you may be on your own. This happens when an LEO is assigned a special detail which requires more hours, or when extra jobs or overtime is needed to make ends meet. It happens when manpower is short and shifts are long.

We have a saying in our home — “Dad may not be here as much as we would like, but when he is here, he’s ALL here.” He gives his all whenever he’s here to give it. He gives his all to his community when he’s not able to be here. He’s in no way choosing his duty over his family. He’s giving his all in every aspect of his life.

In an LEO marriage you learn quickly that the “my day was worse than your day” game is pointless. We learn to look at the entire big picture of our lives, as a team, and not as two individuals with a “who’s a better spouse” chart. If you are each giving all you have available to each other and to your marriage as a whole, there’s no need for points.

3) We know that little efforts carry the equivalent of substantial memories.

 

LEO families have the unique opportunity to make memories out of moments. Those moments turn out to be some of the memories that last a lifetime — dinners at midnight in parking lots, drive-by visits at gas stations, loading up the kids to take drinks or donuts to mom/dad and their shift buddies. We have many a memory of dad rolling by on his break so we can pass him an order of fries out the window. LEO families really understand that those small moments can make a big difference.

4) We know that family time means SO much.

 

Just as those little moments mean so much, I’ve never seen a child smile like our son when we tell him, “Dad is off for ten days, and we’re going on vacation.”

LEO families make the most of true together-time, because the daily together-time is always full of compromise and last minute changes. When the opportunity arises for a good stretch of togetherness, we make the most of it.

5) We forgive quickly, let go of grudges, and don’t sweat the small stuff.

 

Don’t think there’s not a bunch of hot-headed LEOWs and LEOs out there trying to make it work at home. All this “Loved Deeper, Spoke Sweeter, Tim McGraw diatribe” is not a suggestion that there are not conflicts like every other marriage; however, when you’ve dedicated yourselves to working as a team for the good of the big picture, there’s no point in harboring negativity toward one another.

We learn quickly that anger won’t change the meth heads and drunks and criminal minds that keep our lives on the ups and downs like a roller coaster. We can yell and fight, or we can commit to loving and respecting one another and venting our frustrations without being hurtful.

6) We take immense pride in our blue family, and we are fiercely loyal.

 

Nothing is deeper than our love of the blue family — the pride we take in honoring our heroes, the lengths we will go to help another LEO family, and the sacrifice an LEO family will make for another. An LEO will give his life for his brother/sister in blue.

An LEO’s widow will comfort a blue family during their darkest hours and a blue family will stand beside the loved ones of the fallen…forever. There is nothing deeper than the loyalty of those who truly live with blue blood.

7) We know tomorrow isn’t guaranteed.

 

The LEO marriages that are most successful are those that live each day to the fullest. We do not live in constant fear that today might be the last day we have together. We live each day with no regrets, no “I love you’s” unspoken, no “I’m sorry’s” lingering in the air, no “I wish I would have’s” at the end of the day. Fear of loss does not inspire us. Appreciation for the day we have been given empowers us to make the most of each moment.

8) We love deeper.

 

Not because every shift could be the last, but because each day we love the most is another day of memories that will never be lost.