Email Question: Is Online Dating a Good Option for Women?

I thought this was a great question!  I didn’t meet my husband this way, so take my advice with a grain of salt, but from what I’ve heard from other women is that yes, it really really works for y’all.  Online dating is MUCH (like 100 times harder) for men actually.

But for you younger or older women out there, yea it seems like it tends to work out.

A curious thing, too, is that online dating can be so easy for women that it can work for y’all even without having a picture of yourself up.

A woman I used to work for has a daughter who I’m friends with, who has been a working model since her mid-teens, and is getting married to her fiance in a few months, whom she found online ❤ 😀 !!!  She is naturally shy and modeling actually exacerbated her social anxiety – something that happens a lot to models who start in their teen years.  Meeting men that were marriage material was extremely hard for her in real life and she is from a very rural area with practically zero prospects.  Zero men + a social anxiety disorder = difficult dating to say the least.

The thing that sealed the deal for her using online dating?  She fell in love with him solely through conversation – them talking back and forth online.  She harps on that fact and believes it was a special “gift” – that it’s so special to her to have fallen in love with someone without ever even knowing what they looked like!  To fall in love with their mind first, before ever even seeing them – is how she described it.  Talk about uber-romantic lol.

To hear him tell the story of when they finally met up in person, it’s SO cute… he never knew how beautiful she was, because he’d never seen her!  He said he was afraid when he saw her, and terrified she wouldn’t be attracted to him.  He’s not a male-model type at all, it was totally his personality that made her fall head over heels for him, so I kind of understand his fear.  The sad thing about this is that if she had included her picture, he probably would have never even tried to talk to her 😦 .

She’s since ditched the modeling (a good thing in my opinion) and is going to focus on being a wife to him after she graduates soon.  Just really really sweet and so awesome I got to see this thing play out.

Tips for women using online dating:

  1. I don’t know how this sweet girl pulled this off… she’s very picky, so I’m not sure what she really vetted for when searching for men online, other than like-interests and then of course, the conversation.  So possibly searching for things that are important to you… religion, politics, sports, or hobbies… think things you and your future husband could reliably do together and actually enjoy doing together
  2. Even though she didn’t use a picture, I tend to think that’s usually an important part of online dating in order to make sure men contacting you are truly attracted to you.  This wasn’t a factor for her, so she selected her physical beauty out of the equation because she knew she’d be able to vet for character better that way.  She did this purposefully also so that regular men weren’t too intimidated by her to even attempt to approach.  So… it’s up to each girl to decide how she wants to do this obviously, but probably most girls should go ahead and use a reliable photo of what they really look like.  If you do something weird to your photo or use an old one that doesn’t represent what you look like *now*, the man is going to know when he meets up with you, and there’s probably a 99% chance he’s not going to call you back because he’ll feel like you tricked him. Because you DID.  Don’t do it!
  3. Vet hard for character.  Character is the most important thing about a man.
  4. Meet at a safe public place where lots of people are around and don’t go off alone with any man until after more than a few dates.  This “comfort level” will vary greatly depending on each woman and the man she’s seeing, but just be aware enough and don’t suppress your gut-level feelings.  If you have a “bad feeling” about a man (like he’s lying to you or unsafe in some way at a gut-level), best to pay attention to it and not see him again.  You may be right.
  5. Carry a weapon, whether it’s a baton that fits neatly in your purse (I love my baton my brother bought me last Christmas!) or even if it’s just a pepper spray.  Something to kind of help you be able to up your chances of running away would be good.  Mentally go through a scenario where you’d have to find a way to escape.  You’ll probably never have to use your mental preparation in real life, but it’s good to be prepared nonetheless.

 

 

 

Side Note:

Email questions are intended for women, so any men with questions need to go to male sites with those questions, or ask my husband Sheepdog2013 here via comments.

Good options for male questions:

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Single Women: Don’t Do Messy-Girl Style!

bregieheinen polished

Single women… men notice your counter tops!

Not those counter tops – not even your kitchen counter tops, although those matter, too.  I’m talking about your counter space in your restroom, and the storage of your feminine beauty items.  A woman’s restroom and how clean she keeps it is actually more important than you think.

Growing up my mother always tried to instill in me to keep my bathroom area – mainly the counter top space – clean and organized, free of clutter, but it always seemed like a chore and slightly unnecessary.  Especially when one is single – who sees your counter top in your bathroom?  It began to make more sense in college when I would see my friend’s dorm rooms and see guys using their restroom.  If it was dirty or unclean, the guys would mentally make note of it, sometimes even say something about it.

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A few years ago, I read an article over at Into The Gloss, the chicest resource for what the models and celebrities secretly wear and do for their beauty regimen, a brief instruction to all the female readers to not be a “messy girl” and that one of the greatest sins of chic they could commit was to have a messy bathroom, especially a cluttered up counter top.

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It’s true.  Since then I’ve read many comments from men, talking about how much they wish women were aware of what they accidentally show them when they enter their apartment. Or (gasp!!) use their girlfriend’s bathroom.  Men love to have the idea of a woman being polished, together. Seeing you outside of your home, looking beautiful and polished, only to find out that your inner world is a mess is disappointment to them.  Most men are completely and utterly turned off by the messy girl life style.  It demonstrates low value, that the girl doesn’t care about her possessions, that she isn’t responsible enough to take care of where she lives, and that she doesn’t have the integrity to be disciplined and clean behind closed doors.  When reading Into the Gloss, where it showed pictures daily of the Top Shelfs (bathroom storage) of the beauty supplies, perfumes, candles, etc. the models and designers, producers, and leading women in the beauty industry – all women of high value – each and every top shelf was organized and clean.

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I don’t want it sound like this is the most important thing in attracting men, because obviously it isn’t!  The models and designers that have their bathrooms go on photo-shoots probably clean like never before!  But it’s still something beautiful and good to aspire to.  It’s unreasonable to expect 24/7 organization, but the key here is to learn how to make it easier, more manageable, and give you that boost of enjoying a clean, organized bathroom space.

Even Elisabeth Elliot had something to say on the beauty of cleanliness in a woman,

“The way you keep your house, the way you organize your time, the care you take in your personal appearance, the things you spend your money on, all speak loudly about what you believe. The beauty of thy peace shines forth in an ordered life. A disordered life speaks loudly of disorder in the soul.”

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Tips to keep your bathroom looking like a Top Shelf:

  • Keep your vanity counter clean by wiping it down every night after you use it, this helps dust and debris from building up over time.  My dad taught me this and continued to do it himself for years.
  • Only keep a few key feminine or favorite pieces on your counter top to avoid clutter.  Clutter just looks horribly messy, believe me I wish it didn’t!  So just stick to a couple of key pieces that are beautiful, even better if they can provide dual functions like a toothbrush holder. I have a couple of elegant pieces right now, 2 that serve as dual functions.  My Grandma’s antique angel jewelry holder is the stand for my contact case, a beautiful tiny vase holds my favorite nail polishes and glasses, along with little things like bobby pins at times.  And an antique, glass perfume bottle I found at a thrift store for $1, just to add a more feminine touch.
  • Store your bulky beauty items that you rarely use either under the cupboard in trays, bags or boxes to keep out of the way and yet still organized and easy to find when you need them.
  • Store your more regularly used beauty products on a shelf – a Top Shelf is great for this.  It’s out of theway, and easy to reach, and it forces you to only keep so much at a time – making you periodically have to go through your items to put away things you don’t use anymore, or throw away old bottles.
  • The hardest thing for me to keep on top of is dust getting on the things that are on the counter top itself, even the flowers.  Either weekly or monthly, depending on how much dust you collect in your house, try to just dust off the key pieces.  It’s hard for me to notice when it’s building up, so having a somewhat steady time when I dust there is better overall.
  • USE WINDEX!  In this age of the Selfie, how many girls and young women do you see posting up selfies with dirty mirrors?  Men actually make fun of this phenomenon, that the girl is so narcissistic that she’s focusing so much on herself, that she can’t see that the mirror itself is dirty, giving the photo a horrible overall look.  Use Windex once a week when doing your regular bathroom cleaning duties, it makes it so much more beautiful to have clean mirrors rather than dingy ones.

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We all try to look our best when out in public.  Single women especially, try to look polished.  But a truly polished young woman will care about the little details of her home, and work to keep even her counter tops clean and organized.

It all basically comes down to being clean and organized.

Men appreciate this, much more than society tells us.  So enjoy the beauty and peace of a clean, elegant space!