Help Your Husband Get Ahead

helpyourhubby getahead

Last night I was at a meeting of wives who meet after their busy days, at an office that has been closed, after dark, bringing all kinds of food for each other (and our kids) to eat, all for the purpose of supporting our husbands in their profession.  Usually we talk about various projects we can do for our husband’s, events we hold, and general budgeting and planning… but last night we touched on a topic that inspired this post: How to Help Our Husbands Get Ahead.

We talked about the different things we can do to help them pursue promotions (and get raises), practical tips like helping them make notecards, or studying certain things ourselves so that we really know what we’re talking about with them.  Being up-to-date on any changes that would affect them or their job tasks such as news items, new laws, and political decisions.  It was a great topic, we even went into financial strategies for the quickest ways and safest ways to invest our money so that it would have triple return.

It made me think about how we in this day and age, usually just let our husbands worry about such things and go through them alone – wives aren’t usually making notecards for their husband’s huge exam, or studying his material so that they know how to converse with him about it… wives now-a-days are extremely busy – we’re always running our kids to different activities, handling usually the bulk of the household chores (whether working or not), and the bulk of parenting (whether working or not)… add in a full-time job, and how on earth do we survive let alone help our husbands?

In our feminist culture, a selfish ideology is projected of I want ME to excel… he can handle his own career, you rarely see a wife that is truly interested in her husband’s career advancement – to the point of involving herself to make sure it happens.  The thing is, marriage is a partnership, you’re supposed to help each other throughout all of life – many men would help their wife study – its part of their loyal nature and desire for quality time together to readily accept helping her study for an upcoming exam.  Women, on the other hand, are usually quick to turn their husbands down, mainly due to all the extra things we’re trying to juggle.

It was an interesting topic, it made me really think about how it’s a privilege to help your husband get ahead – and you will certainly reap the rewards afterwards.  Finding the time to really assess what it would take to help him get a promotion or take more classes to advance his career, seems to be worth it for your family and your marriage.

So pay attention, ask him questions, see if he wants to do anything else with his life, and help your man get ahead!

Advertisements

Men Don’t Just Want More Sex… They Want to Feel Full

Sex is intoxicating… but it is also the most misunderstood aspect of a marriage.  Most people think that a man’s general complaint is that he wants more sex, when in reality, he really wants (and needs) the most fulfilling, emotionally binding, exciting kind of sexual fulfillment… he just may not even know it.

Men crave not just sex, but a deeper emotional connection with their wives that comes from their wife actually enjoying sex with him, verbally expressing how much she craves him, and the thrill of fulfilling each other’s fantasies in the safe environment of their marriage relationship.

When a woman merely gives-in to fulfill her wifely duties or even passively tolerates a normal sex life with her husband, she is slowly killing him inside (and the passion in their marriage).  Men are much more emotionally in-tune than society generally gives them credit for, they want connection – they want that passionate sex that true lovers have.

Often if men aren’t getting this kind of sexual fulfillment from their wives, they look elsewhere outside the home… it’s honestly natural (even if it is immoral).  If their wife is prudish, always wanting the same kind of sex, or thinking about her to-do list while he’s on top of her, the man is going to feel it!  Husbands want an engaged wife – a wife that’s not afraid to let him know what feels good – or great to her!  He wants his wife to feel in-tune with her sensuality and confident enough to even make sounds if he’s really getting it right.

The last thing a man wants is lots of sex without quality over the emotional connection that comes from really great sex.

Throughout history men have always sought out prostitutes and extra marital sex.  Even today men continue to seek out skilled prostitutes (who know how to really act like they enjoy sex with their customers), strippers, phone sex (men really do love when you use your voice during sex), and the bustling online porn industry so that they can try to sate this need for their sexual fulfillment.  In my experience, most men would give up all of that to have a great sex life with their spouse; they are usually driven to these other options by being married to a woman who doesn’t understand (or sometimes even care about) their need for sexual fulfillment.

So… Surprise Him

Men love for their wife to surprise them by coming-on to them, when a wife initiates her desire like this… or throws him for a loop with a Sex-On-The-Spot kind of action, it momentarily makes him forget altogether the stresses of his job, or any other frustration he is having.  Adding variety to when, where, and how a couple has sex is incredibly fulfilling to a man (and the woman)!

Since I could literally write like 5 books on this one topic, I’m going to stop and give some ideas so that the post isn’t ridiculously long:

  • Surprise your husband with an out of the ordinary sexual experience – either the moment he comes home from work, middle of the night sex, or morning sex if those things are irregular for you

 

  • Play a game of strip poker – make sure you wear the best lingerie you have!

 

  • If you live in the country (secluded area) or have your own private swimming pool or Jacuzzi, try having sex outdoors (in privacy)

 

  • Let your husband know you want him by using some kind of code in the morning that there will be lots of action later when he gets home

 

  • Try setting up your morning routines (or evening routines) so that you take showers together sometimes… this is so sensual and gives your husband the mental images of water running over your naked body for days afterward!

 

Whatever you do, have fun and understand that he doesn’t just want more sex… he wants to feel full.

Complaining is Not a Virtue

Criticizing, complaining, and nagging are killers in a marriage.  Usually, it’s the wife who feels this is her role to fill (someone needs to be unhappy don’t they?), but I’ve seen men who do it too.  The effect on a marriage is the same as a serious disease: love dies.

Why would a wife or husband criticize and nag constantly?  I’m not really sure I know… when my husband and I were first married almost 7 years ago, I remember being upset that he wasn’t perfect – it was ridiculous, as if I myself was perfect!  Sometimes he’d forget things, and because we’d agreed on which things we’d take care of, I’d take it personal if he’d forget a choreI remember I tried the nagging – criticizing routine out, but it just didn’t work – it didn’t help my husband & it made me into a nasty person, so thankfully it didn’t last long.

I worked at a bookstore, so I had an endless supply of marriage books to read when on break or during a very slow time.  The number one thing that seems to get to men is their wives choosing to criticize instead of suggesting, to nag instead of reminding.  When I started to take a more mature approach of reminding (and allowing us both to be humans who sometimes need grace) instead of criticizing and nagging, an amazing thing happened – it worked!

When you commit to talking about things you want differently or facing the problems that come up in a mature, peaceful manner that gives respect to your partner, your marriage changes.  The problem with criticizing and nagging is that there is no respect in it!

Let me tell you a real life story that I saw play out.  There was a man I used to work with who is my husband’s age (29), he seemed like a good person, he worked, took care of his wife and young baby, they owned cars and a beautiful house, but he always seemed to be unhappy at work – “grumpy.”  The littlest thing would make him angry because he was always set at irritable.

I didn’t really like him at first because of his bad attitude, but then I found out that his wife was mean to him.  He was doing research on the side so that he could finish a Master’s degree, and his cubicle mate let me know that his wife routinely ridiculed his research.  It seems his wife was rarely happy, complaining and nagging him about everything and anything.  I was in the vicinity when I heard him call her a “bitch” to his friends at work.  He started to get close to one of the female coworkers in another area in our building, I would see him flirting with her, and being around her more and more.  They started joking in a sexual manner.  It was really hard to watch.

If a man can’t find peace in his own home, where he should be able to feel relaxed, accepted, loved, and content, he begins to not only hate coming home, but he begins to hate his life.  That sad reality is often the precipitator of stupid behaviors like drinking or taking drugs, Internet shenanigans, and inappropriate flirting or worse.” -Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands

When a man (or a woman) gets constantly criticized and nagged for things they can never seem to do right, they start at first to try harder, but when that doesn’t work, they eventually give up.  This giving up is like a defense mechanism for them, but it exasperates even more the wife or husband that’s criticizing.  Neither person ever wins this way.

Do everything without grumbling and arguing, so that you may be blameless and pure, children of God who are faultless in a crooked and perverted generation, among whom you shine like stars in the world.”  Bible, Philippians 2:14-15