Make a Weapons Wall for Your Boys!

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For at least a year (maybe two… it honestly runs together with the babies and pregnancies), I’ve wanted to create a Weapons Wall for our boys and all their weapons.¬† We just have so many, and storing them in a “Weapons Box” is great and all, but we’d rather actually see them and get to admire them everyday ūüėÄ .

Can you tell we live in Texas? LOL ‚̧

Anyway… this was a very easy project.¬† Just gather all your weapon toys, lay them out so you can see them, categorize them, plan where they should go on a wall (or several walls if you have enough), and the put them up!

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It’s a little dark because I had to do this at night when they were sleeping.

First, I planned out where the suit of armor would go…

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This is actually the pieces from the Armor of God.  The Helmet of Salvation, the Breastplate of Righteousness, the Belt of Truth, the Gospel of Peace leg armor, the Shield of Faith, and the Sword of the Spirit Рwhich is the Word of God.

Also… there’s Thor’s hammer, for our Little Viking ūüėČ

And we have a bigger size (and more realistic) ancient looking helmet for our oldest.

Everything is hanging, that way it’s easy to pull off and put back on.¬† If anyone has any ideas to use something other than tacks, I’d love to know!

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Something I really love is all the knives they have… especially the Bowie knife, from James Bowie, one of the wild and crazy heroes of the Alamo battle and Texas Revolution.¬† What an amazing man he was!¬† He’s remembered as one of the fiercest fighting men of Texas history.

Doing this also helped us realize they need more guns.¬† And I haven’t figured out how to hang the nerf guns the oldest has ūüôā so they’re still in his room.¬† He also has really awesome laser guns that help him better his aim (to near perfection)!¬† But those would need more heavy duty stuff to figure out how to hang.

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What’s missing also is their swords and light sabers… we may move the alphabet and start more on that side going down.

The bow, arrows, and quiver toys are so much fun!¬† They really work!¬† And my oldest told me he and my mom made that quiver together ‚̧ .¬† How cool is that?!

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Apparently recently in the UK, time has stopped over the young Prince George playing like a normal boy would… with a weapon.¬† LOL

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“Completely tone deaf of Kate… to give Prince George a toy gun. Doesn‚Äôt she read the papers in her own country with all the gun deaths? If the Duchess of Sussex had done this, she would be excoriated in the media! Lucky George isn‚Äôt black or police would have shot him,” one user wrote.

Another chimed in, “#PrinceGeorge playing with a toy gun! Unelievable! #KensingtonPalace shame!

“This isn‚Äôt okay anymore…¬† My American side here, biased maybe b/c of everyday #gunviolence in USA, but my British side agrees.¬† No child in this day and age should look at any gun as a fun toy. This looks far too real,” someone else wrote.

And that… is why they’re losing their country to Muslims.

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Anyway, I’m sure there are much better weapons walls out there, but this is just our version and it was definitely a fun project!

If anyone has ideas for how to hang nerf guns… that may just be our next thing!

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Stephanie

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Men – Don’t Waste Your 20’s Misunderstanding Women & What They Want

When I wrote Single Women Don’t Waste Your 20’s in Casual Sex & Hookups, I was going off of a feeling I have gotten from many friends and acquaintances who feel as though that is what they did. ¬†It started with just seeing examples in my family like my cousin’s experience that I described in that post, and expanded to friends who are older, and has expanded to friends my age that are just “waking up,” and realizing the decade that they’ve missed.

What I never thought of before, at least, not being aware of enough to write about it, was the fact that many men (especially Christian men), feel this same way.

They actually feel as though they missed out on an entire decade of understanding what women want, and as a result, are unhappily single in their 30’s and even into their 40’s.

Feminism told women that being promiscuous was fine. ¬†That it wouldn’t have an effect on their emotions, their psyche, or their future marriage. ¬†They could be as promiscuous as they wanted, and would still be valuable in the eyes of men. ¬†Letting themselves be used, like a cheap whore, was suddenly very empowering. ¬†The thought of a submissive wife that followed her husband’s lead was distasteful, meant that the woman was stunted in growth and maturity, and was labeled as the woman being a doormat or under¬†oppression. ¬†Even the church, to a great degree, has bought into this lie and feels uncomfortable really tackling the issue of wifely submission from a biblical standpoint.

But consider the message feminism sold to you men.

Men were told by feminism that their masculinity was wrong, that manly behaviors were unnecessary to attract women. ¬†Just be Yourself, your emo, socially inhibited, not-good-with-women self and that someonesomeday… would finally see your true worth! ¬†But don’t bother improving yourself! ¬†We don’t want to tell you that! ¬†You don’t need to be macho… in fact, it’s oppression to tell you that (Emma Watson)! ¬†You just wait, hangout with your geeky or nerdy friends and someday, God will drop a heavenly, gorgeous princess into your lap because you’ve been a good boy. ¬†You’ve waited (and remained celibate) for SO long. ¬†God will reward that.

It’s ok to show your more feminine nature, men – those¬†behaviors of showing emotions, being more vulnerable and open are¬†valuable for men to display!

In fact, the man who is truly sure of himself and acts more effeminate, is a REAL man (note the shaming language these women use when saying that word).  Homosexuality is even more preferable and popular than real masculinity.

We can clearly see that the lie feminism sold to women concerning their liberal sexuality not having any negative effects is wrong, but it’s trickier to pin down the lie that real masculinity isn’t what women desire.

But the result¬†of these lies feminism sold to men was creating a male that women wouldn’t be attracted to, at least not viscerally attracted to. ¬†Why does that visceral attraction matter? ¬†Shouldn’t women be attracted to men for more than their sex appeal anyway? ¬†Of course. ¬†But what matters most to men in their marriage? ¬†Respect, admiration, and sex. ¬†Their sex life is pretty high up there in importance, so marrying a Christian wife who’s only barely attracted to them sexually is a recipe for years or decades of frustration, anger, and resentment.

There are many men who are waking up and either realizing they wasted their 20’s being too nice, too sweet, too supplicating to attract a woman to marry, or that they married someone who constantly undermines their authority, disrespects them anywhere she goes and to anyone who will listen, and would rather be doing anything than having sex with him.

These men feel angry when they wake up. ¬†They feel like for most of their lives, that they were lied to, and you know… they were. ¬†By well meaning mothers, by the girls that rejected them, and even by church leadership in telling them in words or through implied messages, to be something that was unattractive to women. ¬†The Single Nice Christian Man… the one who is always rejected, or at the very least, has very few dates. ¬†The one who is always told to “Just Be Yourself,” but constantly gets the feeling that it’s this being himself that is getting him rejected.

Every time he tries to approach a woman, he fails. ¬†It begins an incredibly devastating cycle of desire for a girl he likes, hope that he might be able to get her if he does A-B-C-D, finding his hopes dashed because she’s obviously not attracted to him, feeling the pain of rejection, the feelings of hopelessness, the questions of “what is wrong with me?” or “will I ever be enough?” ¬†And then he is brought back to the desire again when he sees another girl he would like to have a relationship with.

Christian men are especially at risk for this Cycle of Hopeless Dating (I’m terming this CHD). ¬†I’ve written before on how Christianity seems to cripple their young single men, and while I still think some of those points were correct, I’ve come to the conclusion that the problem is much more complex.

I talked about our Christian singles not understanding how to lead a woman (and getting mixed messages that their wives were really leading anyway), not understanding positive masculinity because they didn’t have any ritual or ceremony celebrating becoming a man, and I even touched on some important, albeit minor things that Nice Guys do wrong in relationships, but what I didn’t get down to was the real issue of why they are wasting so much time.

It’s because they just don’t understand women and what they really want from them as single Christian men.

It’s not that they are constantly told to be a certain way and it will all work out fine for them, it’s that they are told by the same women they want to attract who then go on to reject them! ¬†They are constantly and from almost every angle, misled to believe that this is what Christian women want.

Christian women never say what it is they truly do want, because it’s not socially acceptable to place so much emphasis on traditional masculinity or key elements of sensuality. ¬†She may say they want a man who vacuums. ¬†She wants a man who shares the household chores and never makes her feel like she needs to be responsible for keeping the house a home (or tidy). ¬†She wants a man who never challenges her on her beliefs or behavior. ¬†A “servant leader” who isn’t really leading because he constantly asks her if it’s “ok?” on any and every topic he’s expected to make a decision. ¬†He always defers to her, she has the final word because she’s really the one leading.

The problem is… Women don’t really want this… because they can’t respect this, and when they get (or worse, marry) a man like that, they disrespect him either in front of him, to him, or behind his back when talking to other women about his lack of ability or leadership.

Do you want a Christian wife who will put you down to her friends when you’re not around? ¬†… Who will constantly make you the butt of her jokes? … Who will harp on you to take out the trash or do the dishes, but turn you down for sex every night of the week for months on end? ¬†Or worse, give you duty sex where she just lays there because she resents having to do it with you?

Women like this have no concept of reciprocity (meeting his sexual needs) because they take advantage of the push-over men they married whom they don’t respect, much less honor. ¬†It usually doesn’t even cross their minds that their husbands actually deserve something better than the treatment they’re giving them or showing them. ¬†And men trapped in these marriages are at a loss as to what to do about it.

Most men honestly think¬†their wives will repay his efforts, appreciate the work he puts into their marriage, be reciprocal when it comes to rewarding shared household tasks with passionate, loving affection and sex. ¬†Most often not… in fact, a recent study has proven that men who shared equal household chores or did chores that were less “manly” had less passionate sex lives, and fewer sexual encounters with their wives.

A February paper in the American Sociological Review reported that married couples in which men take on a greater share of the dishes, laundry and other traditionally female chores had sex less often than average, which in this study was about five times a month. Yet couples in which men confined themselves largely to traditionally male chores such as yard work enjoyed sex more frequently than average. Taken to the extreme, men who performed all the traditionally female chores would have had sex 1.6 times less often than men who did none of them. The study authors, from the Juan March Institute in Madrid and the University of Washington, arrived at the correlation by crunching data from the National Survey of Families and Households (NFSH), which gathered survey information from 4,500 U.S. married couples. The researchers ruled out any kind of coercion on the part of the ‚Äúmanly‚ÄĚ chore-performing husbands by looking at data from the same survey on sexual satisfaction: they found that women from households with more traditional divisions of labor felt no less happy with their sex lives than women in more gender-neutral ones. ¬†…

Displays of masculinity may evoke feminine displays in women, which activates or intensifies sexual charge. Put the man on a rider mower, in other words, and boom‚ÄĒfireworks. Stand him at a sudsy sink, and it’s a probable no go.

Making your husband into your effeminate “partner” that has lost his masculinity is not, apparently, a turn on. ¬†Equal partnership couples apparently have less sex overall.

Apparently, it was reported in the findings of a survey done by American motherhood website iVillage, that most women (including Christian wives) would rather be doing ANYTHING else than having sex with their husbands. ¬†And when you’d rather be doing anything else… you start to find excuses to do anything else.

Here are some of their complaints and confessions about their lackluster sex lives:

Of the 2,000 women surveyed, more than 80 per cent described their sex lives as predictable.

Some 67 per cent said that the position was too repetitive, whilst 56 per cent said the time of day it happened was the same every time.

An alarming 45 per cent could only say at best they were ‘somewhat happy’ with their sex life and

62 per cent said they fantasise about having sex with somebody who is not their husband.

How many husbands live in marriages where their wife gives a constant barrage of excuses for not wanting to have sex with him?

Even when she does give you begrudging sex, keep in mind that by their own admission… 62% of these women are fantasizing about someone sexier than you.

Wake up, single men, that means that the majority of women out there are not that attracted to the man they chose to marry. ¬†They’d rather do house work (something women really hate to do) than spend any amount of time engaging in sex or affection with him. ¬†When housework ranks above sex with her husband, you know something is terribly, horrifyingly wrong.

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This is the condition of Christian marriages today, not all of course, but in teaching Christian men how to *not* be masculine, how to *not* attract the women who will actually want to have healthy sex lives with them, we are robbing them of their God-given natures, and plans for their lives to be lived fulfilled.  Sexually fulfilled.  Because a married man does not feel fulfilled if he is not sexually fulfilled by his wife.

Let’s really ponder that.

It is rare to find a man who is really leading his family, who’s wife is whole-heartedly submitting to his headship and authority. ¬†Let’s make it not so rare.

Why Women Don’t Want Nice Husbands

After writing the article on why¬†Women Don’t Want Nice Men, for singles, I decided that another article was needed in¬†application to marriage, and exactly why women don’t really want to be married to “nice” husbands… or why they so often fall out of love with them.

Just like in the Single article, I want to point out that “nice” and “kind” are two different things; “Niceness exists because he feels he has to be that way, it‚Äôs forced and unnatural ‚Äď women are not drawn to this.¬† Kindness is thoughtful and tender, it‚Äôs intentional, and much more of a turn-on.”

I explained in the Single article how Christianity in particular, often sets men up for failure in finding their true masculinity.¬† Men are told they have to be the spiritual leaders, but it’s clear that if they don’t go along with what their wife wants, they are being a bad, un-submissive husband.¬†(Irony Much??)

Too many women won’t allow for their husbands to lead, to really trust them to make the right decisions for them, and relinquish their control.¬† It can be in the littlest things, such as letting your husband dress your children (not “correcting” him or making it a big deal if he gets your daughter’s dress on backwards), or help you around the house without criticizing how he does things.¬† But often it’s even in the big things, like letting your husband decide where your family will attend church (not forcing him to go to one he doesn’t feel right or comfortable in), or a particular Sunday school class, etc.¬† This problem can be so extensive¬†to the degree that whatever the husband wants to lead his family into, he’s met with criticism and “suggestions,” to do things the wife’s way.¬† This is emasculation.

So women end up with emasculated husbands that eventually,¬†are not even attractive to¬†their wives anymore, even though they are the ones¬†who partially¬†set them up to be that way.¬† It’s a combination of our society and the effects of feminism crushing masculinity, as well as men being comfortable in this state of passiveness.¬† The issue is brought to light when the wife realizes that this isn’t what she wants.

The problem is that Jesus wasn’t just another “nice guy,” he was brave, kind, and caring, but full of strength, passion, and masculinity.¬† The masculinity of Christ is something you’ve probably never heard discussed in church, but it is there.

¬†Sometimes women unconsciously seek out men who are nice or passive, so that they won’t have constant fights over decisions – they subconsciously choose a man who won’t stand up to them, or challenge their point of view.¬† The problem with this is that these women never really gain respect for their husbands, and eventually, come to resent that they have to make the bulk of decisions, and carry a load bigger than a healthy marriage would allow.¬† They know it isn’t right, they know he should help more or be more engaged, but their very actions (and maybe his own natural temperament) puts the couple in a double bind.¬† How can it be fixed?

Here’s an example of what I’m talking about, it happens more often than you’d think, especially with our culture of man-hating, more and more women are falling into this trap of wanting to:

“Sarah and her husband have been married fifteen years.¬† She described marrying him because he was so nice.¬† I immediately came back with the suggestion that she made that choice because it put her in control.¬† Now she sees his being “nice” as “weak,” and is frustrated with his lack of helpfulness in disciplining the children.

SARAH: We talked about it and I told him that what I wanted from him is to help me. (a reasonable request right?¬† you’re supposed to be in an actual marriage)….

DR. LAURA: Except he never does it right, right?

SARAH: It’s not that he doesn’t do it right.¬† It’s that he doesn’t do anything at all.

DR. LAURA: Because when he does it you criticize him.¬† Whenever he tries something, in your eyes it is inadequate.¬† So now he just doesn’t get involved.¬† This is a vicious cycle.¬† I suggest you bot go into counseling.¬† The counselor will remind you to hush up and back off and only suggest something to him.¬† He has to move forward on his own and not complain about not having control when he refuses to take it – albeit under the difficult circumstances of you not being willing to either give up control or share it.¬† If he wants to be held in respect in your eyes and the children’s eyes, he is going to have to be more aggressive, which is not naturally his nature.¬† He can’t blame this all on you, either!¬† Now, I want you to watch yourself all week and observe yourself criticizing when he does exert control.¬† When you do that, he figures, why bother.

SARAH: Right, that is exactly right.

DR. LAURA: So even if he only does whatever sixty percent of thetime or sixty percent of how you’d like it, it’s better than zero.¬† You see, Sarah, it seems wonderful to be in control, but eventually you become overwhelmed and need help and want a partner.¬† For example, if Johnny intentionally threw the water into the shrub, go to your husband and say, “Can you please deal with that?” and then walk out of the room.¬† Don’t even watch it happen.¬† And then – this is the most important part – say, “Thank you.”

SARAH: Okay.”

 

(quoted excerpt from Dr. Laura’s The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands)

When Mothers Emasculate Their Sons

When you have a child you want to be the perfect parent to them; my son is going to turn 4 years old in June, and it has been so crazy, beautiful, and wonderful all at the same time.¬† But there are times when I wish I really knew what I was doing¬†– sure you can ask parents, friends, and mentors and get wonderful ideas and advice from different perspectives, but when it comes down to it, you never really know if you’re completely doing everything right.

I think if I had to pick the biggest mistake that a mother could make with her son (and my biggest fear), it would be this emasculation process.¬† What exactly is emasculation of your son anyway?¬† Reading Wild at Heart by John Eldredge¬†years ago really opened my eyes to what it’s like to live in a man’s world – his problems, fears, passions, and how things in childhood can really affect his masculinity later on.

Emasculation, as this book explains through it’s examples, is a mother’s not allowing her boys to make the transition from her sweet, adoring baby to a male that wants to be adventurous, wild, and even dangerous.¬† Not allowing him to learn to shoot a gun when he’s old enough, not allowing him to be with his dad if you’re divorced, or go on hunting trips, fishing trips, camping trips… these things are invaluable to boys and often remembered in their adulthood.

Overprotecting your son (and even your daughter) is just not good.¬† It gives them the message, “We don’t think you can handle this, so we’re stopping you from even trying it.”¬† It lets them know that you don’t have confidence in them.¬† You give them a confidence complex because they constantly feel that you don’t believe in them in the deepest way.

Boys especially, need that affirmation that they really can handle it.¬† Men have it hard in life, they are always expected by society to be able to handle anything – and this isn’t just our modern society, all throughout history men have been expected to be able to handle life as the sole provider, the frustrations of working to support ridiculously large families, and the brutality and horror of war.¬† If a boy is expected to be happy later in life, he needs to feel that he can handle it, he needs to know his mother believes in him.

Dads play a special role in this process as you can imagine… they are the idol to a boy.¬† It’s strange though, that nearly every man I’ve met has had a difficult relationship with his father (including my own brother which can show you how different siblings can even be treated).¬† The different ways in which dads fail to establish a good relationship with their sons is a different post altogether, but rest assured that dads have the responsibility of bestowing masculinity on their sons – as a mom, I just can’t do it.

“Femininity can’t bestow Masculinity”

 

Even right now this morning as I write, my son has drawn on tattoos of crosses on his legs with his dark blue marker!¬† His response when I act a little shocked: Well, I like tattoos because I’m a BOY… like Daddy.

Point taken.