Always Have Great Sex!!

Hi Dr. Laura!

My husband is easy. He’s pretty much in the mood all the time. Whenever, wherever… we have sex at least once a day, sometimes two or three (and we’re in our 40’s). But because women are different, I found that it’s good to always stay “prepared”…

One way is, I NEVER go to bed with clothes on. The second is that I have a few things I rotate inside of my head about my husband throughout the day. Things I love about him, things that attracted me to him in the first place. I focus fully on one or two things and before I know it, I’m ready to go. And yes, even with a headache.

My mother taught me to never say no to my husband, but I realize that there is a difference between just being a willing participant and being right there in the moment with him. It’s my very favorite part of the life we share, and I think it’s his, too.

Julie

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I’ve talked on the blog before a few times, about how I listened to Dr. Laura on the radio fairly often when I was a little girl.  My mom always had her on (when she was on air), and wow was it insightful LOL!  The female callers complaining about their husbands were always the worst and most annoying people to behold.  They’d complain about their husband’S normal male-habits, or negative things like having a porn addiction, or that he didn’t clean the house the way she wished he would, or that he had no motivation to move up in his career or make more money, and on and on the complaints were.

She’d speak very harshly to them, although I enjoyed hearing her tell them those things, I always thought to myself that being that harsh with the women was not something I’d want to do.  But perhaps I was wrong… ?  Maybe those types of women truly do need a smack to the head or to be treated as harshly as they’re more than likely treating their husbands.  A lot of the stuff I heard that the men were going through (when the men would call in) sounded like emotional and psychological torture or abuse!  So maybe I was wrong to think they didn’t need some very harsh “slamming” of their own behaviors, perhaps that’s the only way to help them gain humility – by giving them a mirror to see themselves the way other people see them.

And how many women that were like that, were Christian women going to church?  You would think Christian women would set the bar high for being kind and gentle and extremely respectful of their husband and his “flaws,” guarding him and protecting him from strangers’ misjudgment.  I could always tell, even as a young girl, that these women were very sure they were “right” and “good” even though it was pretty obvious they were gossiping and slandering their husbands to strangers on the radio.

The good callers were the ones who were humble, and who listened to Dr. Laura’s advice and allowed her to call them out if what they were doing was wrong.  Like the woman who penned this letter above ❤  She’s taken Dr. Laura’s advice to have LOTS of sex with her husband, and to not only do it because of duty, but to do it enthusiastically and with a good heart towards him!

It’s my very favorite part of the life we share, and I think it’s his, too.”

Yes!  I’ve told my man this many times 😀

Let’s look at her tips for having a better sex life:

  • NEVER go to bed with clothes on (lol… yea that does work!)
  • Focus on good things about your husband throughout the day – things you like about him as a man, and things that made you attracted to him in the first place
  • Don’t just have sex  more, have MORE FUN SEX.  Don’t just give him “duty sex” (bleh) but actually enjoy giving him sex

I actually think there are different “kinds” of sex (no I’m not talking about sex positions – Eek!).  I mean there can be different motivations for having sex.  One of my favorite motivations to give my husband sex is being thankful for him and for everything he does for us as a family.

I call it “Gratitude Sex!”

It’s when you’re so thankful that your husband provides for you, is such a good father to your kids, and is so good in a myriad of little ways, that you just want to knock his socks off with really good (grateful) sex!

I think husbands are often taken for granted.  They’re expected to work hard and expected to do the dirty jobs around the house… but do we as wives really thank them enough?

Is it so bad to thank them with our bodies?

In my experience, it’s more than good 😀

Stephanie

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Sarah – She Did What Was Good & Did Not Give Way to Fear

I’m starting a new blog page where I will file posts on biblical women.  It should be fun and fascinating to delve into their different lives and really dig deep for what we can learn from them as women who love God.

They will be a little controversial though.  My short Abigail series took some readers by surprise, and revealed her story through a perspective that isn’t usually taken in our modern day.  Here’s a hint: Everyone likes to say she was the perfect example of the UN-submissive wife to a foolish husband, but I found God leading me to the exact opposite conclusion!  I encourage you to read it if you haven’t had a good look at why the way she treated her foolish husband Nabal made her stand out with respect and honor.  It may not be what you expect.

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I’ve been thinking though, recently, about Sarah, Abraham’s wife.  God seems to have put her on my heart for a few months now, and I’ve been quietly studying her words, reactions, as well as what other people had to say about her across the Bible.

I didn’t know it, but she is actually the most mentioned woman character in the Bible – even more so than Mary, the mother of Jesus!

I had no idea she was so important.  And it’s been odd how often she has come to my mind in these past few months, along with parts of her story, and always her actions or reactions.  It’s been weird I’ll say that much.

What makes her so interesting to me?

It’s the way she obeyed her husband without fear,

and is honored repeatedly for it in God’s Word.

***

It’s taken me a long time to see her through this lens.  When I was a child growing up in a Christian school, we learned about the biblical men and women all the time.  I mostly viewed Sarah as the woman who dared to laugh at God and was shocked by her nerve.  I didn’t like, or relate, in any way to her attitude.  I understand her circumstances more now, and can see how human she was when hearing the response of her pregnancy in such old age.  To me she finds redemption in being mentioned in the New Testament as the model of the kind of woman who is beautiful in God’s eyes.  But again, it took me a long time to understand what all that meant.

Let’s look at the passage of Scripture I’m referring to specifically:

“Let your beauty not be external – the braiding of hair and wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes – but the inner person of the heart, the lasting beauty of a gentle and tranquil spirit, which is precious in God’s sight.

For in the same way the holy women who hoped in God long ago adorned themselves by being subject to their husbands, like Sarah who obeyed Abraham, calling him lord.

You become her children when you do what is good and have no fear in doing so.” 1 PETER 3:3-6

I’m going to take this apart in the same way I did for the Proverbs 31 woman piece by piece (but for length’s sake – not delving into the Greek meaning of each word this time).  Here we go!

What kind of beauty is “precious in God’s sight?”

  • The beauty found in a woman’s heart – her character and inner beauty
  • The lasting beauty of a gentle and peaceful spirit
  • Beautifying (adorning) yourself by being submissive to your husband, like the holy women of old, like Sarah who obeyed her husband and called him lord
  • When you submit (subject) yourself to your husband, and have no fear in trusting him (doing so), you achieve the beauty this passage is talking about

How amazing that this passage is directing us to be like Sarah, not only in the way of disregarding showy outward beauty, but also focusing on the character and actions we are to develop if we want to have a lasting beauty that is “precious in God’s sight.”

And the key to achieving this kind of lasting beauty of a gentle and quiet (peaceful) spirit, is to fully submit to obeying our husbands, and to respect and revere them.  Like Sarah did when she called her husband “lord,” we are directed to imitate her behavior, and “become her children” when we live these things out in our day to day lives.

This is all well and good, right?  But have you looked at Sarah’s life with Abraham?  Have you studied enough to understand what this passage in 1 Peter is implying?  When it says that she obeyed him, doing what was good (submitting to him), and without fear, that is no light and ordinary statement.

This woman obeyed her husband during some of the toughest circumstances imaginable. 

And with a good attitude.

And without fear.

Her love, faith, and trust in her husband and in God are so beautiful when we closely study her story.  She has inspired me by her faith SO MUCH in the past months, constantly popping into my head at the strangest times, that I had to write this down here, hoping that it would bring joy and inspiration to someone else. ❤ 🙂

In our modern age where Christian wives seem to be constantly looking for flaws in their husbands’ leadership style so that they don’t have to submit to him (and obey him), Sarah’s story is a huge wake-up call as to how we’re really supposed to be responding.

How God expects us to respond.

I can hear the screeching of the wheels on the pavement now…

But Sarah obeyed when it was not convenient!

Yes, she definitely did.  Many times!  This woman had so much trust in her husband and in God, that yes, she willingly obeyed even when it was not just annoying, but even when it was extremely difficult.

Just the other day I was spending time with God early in the morning before anyone else in the house was awake, and suddenly a map from the back of my Bible fell out and onto the floor in front of my foot.  I expected it to just be another journey showing the different routes Paul took on his mission trips, since those are pretty much the only maps I’ve seriously studied.  But when I looked closely at it in the dim morning light, I saw it was actually Abraham’s travels when God called him and Sarai to leave Ur!  I had never really appreciated how far they had to travel, and keep in mind they had no idea where God was wanting them to end up.  It hit me again (like it has for months now) just how amazing her trust and faith in her husband and in God were – to follow her husband like that.  Away from everything she had ever known, and over such a difficult journey, through dangerous foreign lands, and not even knowing where she would end up with him in the end.  Talk about trust and faith producing a beautiful obedience in the heart of a wife toward her husband!

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This is a picture of the page of my Bible that fell out when I was doing my morning talking to God and reading His Word.  When I look at this journey, I immediately think about how ridiculously hard that would have been for a woman to travel back then, in that kind of desert and arid weather, with their shoes, and just the plain, overall discomfort she’d have and the temptation to complain or whine or ask “Are we there yet?!”  Honestly, it makes our long family trips to New Mexico from south Texas seem like a breeze in our air-conditioned and roomy van!

As Christian wives, have we behaved as well as Sarah did when she followed Abraham on a truly difficult journey, not even knowing where they were going?  How many times have we whined about little inconveniences, wanting the easy way out?

Maybe our husbands need us to get up early and help with making lunches and getting breakfast on the table before the kids leave to school or before he has to go to work.  I know in our family, it’s my job to make it as easy as possible for my husband to spend critical time with our older son in the morning, since he works most evenings.  Even if the baby wakes up several times in the night, I still want to make sure it doesn’t affect their time together – it’s the only time during the day (most days at least) when my husband does a devotion with our son and leads him into understanding the deep meanings of Scripture.  He gives him advice, listens to his problems or concerns, and it’s a truly beautiful time that would not be possible if he was having to do all the work I usually handle for them in the morning as far as getting everything ready for them to leave.   The way I see it is that I can either have a bad attitude or demand I get my own sleep (a convenience for sure, but not necessary since I can nap later on in the day), or I can serve them with a happy heart and be grateful that he’s spending this time investing godly principles into our son’s heart.   I choose to be grateful!

You can apply this to anything your husband may want you to do, but doesn’t line up with your idea of easy or convenient for yourself.  Maybe he wants you to make good, healthy meals for the family, but you’re stuck on fast food on the go, or cafeteria food so you don’t have to wash the dishes?  Maybe he’d like you to make and pack him lunches everyday, but you don’t want to spend the time serving him like that because it cuts into your time in the morning for yourself to eat?

If our husbands need us to do something that is hard or difficult, do we carry an attitude of resentment toward our task or him for asking more of us?  Maybe your husband wants you to stay home to raise your young children, even though it means living on a lesser budget that makes life more difficult.  Are you doing it with the attitude described in 1 Peter 3?  Or perhaps he wants you to work and put your young children in a daycare – something that’s heartbreaking and hard for a mother to do?  Are you trusting him and God that He will provide safety and protection over them and ultimately redeem the situation in the end?  I know this sounds a lot easier than it actually is when carrying these things out, but it was never promised that living this Christian life would be easy or convenient by any means.  Our true test of our faith in God is when we do these things, and do them not out of just a sense of duty, but with a glad and happy heart!

Obviously the best response is to do what is needed, and practice more gratitude if we’re tempted to resentment over having to endure inconveniences that come with following.

I know this sounds hard, it’s probably unlike anything you’ve ever read before when it comes to marriage and how we’re supposed to act in regard to our husbands leading us.  But the Bible talks constantly about the value of doing the difficult tasks needed to be done.  And whatever we do, we are to do it as though we are doing it for God.  When we act like Sarah and “do what is good,” and “without fear,” we are honoring God with our choice to obey our husbands, even when it is inconvenient to do so.

*

But Sarah obeyed even when Abraham was making poor choices!

This is a hard one for Christian wives in this day and age.  If her husband is doing ANYTHING even the tiniest bit “wrong” in her eyes, his wife is usually quick to point it out to him and try to get him to be better in his leadership.

I’m sure we’ve all seen examples of this.  It’s common now to know or see Christian wives who refuse to fully submit to their husbands until his porn addiction is gone.  Or maybe it’s his bad eating habits that bother her that she tries to change.  Or his love of watching sports on Sundays, when she thinks he should be helping her fold the laundry.  Or his decision not to do family devotions or spend time reading God’s Word in the way she’d like to see.  There are so many things that wives want their husbands to be doing or not doing before they’ll even think of obeying and submitting to his leadership.

But that’s not the way God intended marriage to work.

A wife can’t demand her husband be perfect in her eyes and do everything the way she desires it to be before she’s supposed to actually submit to his leadership for their family!

If she’s demanding that he change, nagging him to go to counseling to fix his issues, or trying to get him to change in any way, she’s the one who is doing the leading in the marriage – and expecting him to submit to her wants, desires, and needs.

Even if a husband is leading in an imperfect way, we as wives are still called to obey.  His leadership is not contingent only on leading perfectly, and never making mistakes or bad choices.  Like Sarah, we become “her daughters” when we submit to our husbands’ leadership.

*

But Sarah obeyed even when Abraham led her (and other people) into sin and deception!

Yes, she did.  Again, it speaks to her faith and trust in her husband and in God that she was able to follow Abraham even when it was not the right thing for either of them to do.  The Bible is still clear that she did what was good by obeying him and subjecting herself to his leadership.

Let’s take a look at the scriptures where these incidents occurred:

10Now there was a famine in the land, and Abram went down to Egypt to live there for a while because the famine was severe. 11As he was about to enter Egypt, he said to his wife Sarai, “I know what a beautiful woman you are. 12When the Egyptians see you, they will say, ‘This is his wife.’ Then they will kill me but will let you live. 13Say you are my sister, so that I will be treated well for your sake and my life will be spared because of you.”

14When Abram came to Egypt, the Egyptians saw that Sarai was a very beautiful woman. 15And when Pharaoh’s officials saw her, they praised her to Pharaoh, and she was taken into his palace. 16He treated Abram well for her sake, and Abram acquired sheep and cattle, male and female donkeys, male and female servants, and camels.

17But the Lord inflicted serious diseases on Pharaoh and his household because of Abram’s wife Sarai.18So Pharaoh summoned Abram. “What have you done to me?” he said. “Why didn’t you tell me she was your wife? 19Why did you say, ‘She is my sister,’ so that I took her to be my wife? Now then, here is your wife. Take her and go!” 20Then Pharaoh gave orders about Abram to his men, and they sent him on his way, with his wife and everything he had.

And then it happened a couple of decades later, almost exactly the same as the first time.  Abraham’s faith was still not complete in this area, but did Sarah nag him?  Did she resent him for not having more faith to not place her in another ruler’s harem (again)?

20:1 Abraham journeyed from there to the Negev region and settled between Kadesh and Shur. While he lived as a temporary resident in Gerar, 2 Abraham said about his wife Sarah, “She is my sister.” So Abimelech, king of Gerar, sent for Sarah and took her. 3 But God appeared to Abimelech in a dream at night and said to him, “You are as good as dead because of the woman you have taken, for she is someone else’s wife.” 4 Now Abimelech had not gone near her. He said, “Lord, would you really slaughter an innocent nation? 5 Did Abraham not say to me, ‘She is my sister’? And she herself said, ‘He is my brother.’ I have done this with a clear conscience and with innocent hands!” 6 Then in the dream God replied to him, “Yes, I know that you have done this with a clear conscience. That is why I have kept you from sinning against me and why I did not allow you to touch her. 7 But now give back the man’s wife. Indeed he is a prophet and he will pray for you; thus you will live. But if you don’t give her back, know that you will surely die along with all who belong to you.”

8 Early in the morning Abimelech summoned all his servants. When he told them about all these things, they were terrified. 9 Abimelech summoned Abraham and said to him, “What have you done to us? What sin did I commit against you that would cause you to bring such great guilt on me and my kingdom? You have done things to me that should not be done!” 10 Then Abimelech asked Abraham, “What prompted you to do this thing?” 11 Abraham replied, “Because I thought, ‘Surely no one fears God in this place. They will kill me because of my wife.’ 12 What’s more, she is indeed my sister, my father’s daughter, but not my mother’s daughter. She became my wife. 13 When God made me wander from my father’s house, I told her, ‘This is what you can do to show your loyalty to me: Every place we go, say about me, “He is my brother.”’” 14 So Abimelech gave sheep, cattle, and male and female servants to Abraham. He also gave his wife Sarah back to him. 15 Then Abimelech said, “Look, my land is before you; live wherever you please.” 16 To Sarah he said, “Look, I have given a thousand pieces of silver to your ‘brother.’ This is compensation for you so that you will stand vindicated before all who are with you.” 17 Abraham prayed to God, and God healed Abimelech, as well as his wife and female slaves so that they were able to have children. 18 For the Lord had caused infertility to strike every woman in the household of Abimelech because he took Sarah, Abraham’s wife. ©NET
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It’s hard to believe her amazing attitude in all of this!  Her husband expected her to show her loyalty to him by misleading (lying by omission that she really was his wife and not just his half-sister) other people!  Again, how does this compare to how we respond to our husbands’ failings or moments when he may have a lack of faith?  Do we keep our faith in him even when we see his doubts and fears, or do we demand he be better for us and lead us more to our liking?

The biblical response is to have faith in him and in our all-powerful God.  That even if our husbands make a mistake, or have their doubts, that ultimately God is still in control, and that we are safe in the palm of His hand.

Sometimes it is important to stop a man from sinning, like Abigail did, by using her gracious character and inner beauty to calm a King’s rage and murderous intent.  You can read my thoughts on Abigail’s beautiful actions here (PART 1), and here (PART 2).

But Sarah’s silence in these situations was wise and showed her heroic faith!  It wasn’t silence out of timidity or sinful “giving way to fear.”  The Bible is clear that she did not give way to fear, in fact the attitude she displayed “that of a peaceful and tranquil spirit,” is translated to controlled strength and tranquility that arises from deep within.  That kind of control, feminine strength of character, and peace in times of trouble, can only come from God and having a rock solid trust in Him.

When studying the context around these passages, I found that historically when a ruler saw a stranger’s wife that was beautiful and desirable, he was free to kill the stranger in order to take the woman for himself.  However, if she was traveling with a family member (kin) like a brother or a father, then the ruler would simply negotiate a price for taking her as his bride (or concubine), and the male family member would be spared (maybe even given a prestigious place in their society).

So Sarah and Abraham found themselves in life and death situations when they were traveling as a couple in these foreign lands.

Now stop and think about this for a minute.  Can you IMAGINE how a modern day Christian wife would handle something like that?!?!  Let’s go through some mental contrasting how wives in our age would respond to that scenario, compared with how Sarah responded and then is praised afterward for doing the right thing:

  • Modern day wives would give way to fear.  They’d panic when seeing their husband was making decisions that looked questionable, or if he was lying to ruler’s about who she really was.
  • Modern day wives would be upset that he “demand” or expect her loyalty to him to be shown in this way.
  • Modern day wives would be mad at their husbands for not “protecting” them from the ruler’s lust and desire to have sex with her because of her beauty.
  • They’d be upset that their husband didn’t stand up to the ruler and engage in a (likely deadly) fight, sacrificing his life for her honor!
  • They’d be livid that he allowed her to be placed in another man’s harem.
  • Or they’d take advantage of having the opportunity to have sex with a powerful ruler!  How many times have we heard wives admit on the radio that they’d cheat with a famous man if they had the chance?
  • Or they’d make it through like Sarah did, in one piece, but still hold on to the anger and resentment of being degraded like that.  When they got back to their Christian groups, they’d throw their husbands under a bus by complaining to other wives just what their husbands tried to do to them when they were on a trip!
  • Or MUCH WORSE in my opinion, they’d drag him to the leaders in their church to get them to “counsel” him (effectively AMOGing him or criticizing his leadership as “poor” and “ill-effective”) until he felt he had to follow her ideas and designs for their marriage.

We may be Christian wives trying to do the right thing, but we still have a sinful nature that leads us astray and into not honoring or submitting to our husbands if we aren’t careful to study these ancient texts and learn how to act in the ways God desires for us.  We want to display that kind of beauty that is so precious in God’s sight, right?  Then that means we have to take Sarah’s examples here, when she submitted to her husband’s leadership, seriously.

Go back over the bullet point list of ways modern wives would react to the situation Sarah found herself in.  Have you reacted in one of those ways in the past?  It’s never too late to repent and humble yourself, and to start honoring your husband.  Sarah doesn’t do ANY of those things!  She doesn’t even seem to hold on to any resentment, and the Bible is usually quick to point out when a man or woman has misgivings or ill-feelings.  If she was holding on to resentment or using his mistakes to hold over him later on, she wouldn’t be held up as the example we’re supposed to model in Peter 3.

No, it seems her actions are in line with how 1 Peter 3 describes her character as having inner beauty of the heart.  She loved him, she didn’t want him to die.  So she submitted to his plan to lie to the rulers of the land, and even be taken into their harems, so that she could keep her husband alive and trusted that God would make everything right.

Let’s look again at her qualities that made her character precious in God’s sight:

  • She had a peaceful and quite spirit – not a panicky, or nagging, or complaining, or bitter, or resentful spirit
  • She is called precious in God’s sight for obeying Abraham and for subjecting herself to him and his leadership.
  • She is honored for calling him “lord,” even though he subjected her to doing something that was wrong and deceptive and leading others into sin.

It cannot be understated that Sarah was honored for obeying Abraham – and not giving way to fear when she did – even though his leadership was less than perfect (1 Peter 3:5-6).

She not only was honored in the passage we have unpacked here, she is the first woman mentioned in the wonderful chapter that outlines all the “Heroes of Faith,” Hebrews chapter 11.  When I was 11 years old, our school had us memorize this entire chapter.  It was so beautiful to recite and memorize each person mentioned and honored for their courageous faith displayed in critical times of their life.  Their examples were glorified forever in God’s Holy Word because they decided to make the right choiceTo have faith even when it was extremely hard or inconvenient.  

Again, this is not something we as Christian wives can just gloss over and forget about.  Sarah, with all the mistakes or poor choices Abraham may have made in leading her, is named among the Heroes of Faith for choosing to obey him, follow him when it was hard, not complain or hold resentment against him, and even follow him into circumstances that caused others to sin!

Her heroic faith coupled with her beautiful character in choosing to obey Abraham, is an amazing testimony to her trust in God, that His will would prevail in those circumstances, and that she would be taken care of.

May we have faith like this, and seek to honor and respect our husbands with the kind of fierce commitment and obedience that Sarah had toward Abraham.

Stephanie

 

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Sarah: A Woman Like Us

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That Stepford Gal’s post Women Should Be Seen & Not Heard (using your beauty to influence and save people or entire countries!)

Why Marriage Groups Can Turn into “Let’s Rag on My Husband’s Flaws Publicly”

When writing the Proverbs 31 woman study series and book, I was blown away by how wonderful and inspiring this ancient archetype’s love for her husband is described.  Each tiny verse gave way to pages and pages of studying all over the Bible – we found verses that coincided with the words and meanings to give us a much richer, deeper view of the tapestry of her life and actions.  I’ve honestly never studied something so fascinating and relatable to my life right now, what I’m trying to be and do for our family.  The women who were studying along with it who gave me valuable feedback experienced those same feelings as well.

Again… it is mind-blowing how deep this tiny passage of scriptures goes when it comes to how women (Christian women) should be loving our husbands.  It is so clear that this model is what we’re supposed to be living up to, even though I believe it takes time and maturity, as well as maintaining a close relationship with God so that the power of the Holy Spirit directs you in the way you should go.

But make no mistake, there is a reason why the Bible describes this kind of wife as a rare treasure.  It’s just not common at all to develop your wifely-ness (is that a word?) to that degree!  And when you try, you’re labeled a hypocrite, Pharisee for holding other women up to a standard people will say YOU can’t keep, a “shill,” and be extremely harshly criticized for even daring to talk about a woman’s journey to be more virtuous.

The harsh criticism doesn’t matter, ultimately you will be creating a marriage that is heavenly in experience, and achieving a degree of excellence in how you love your husband that affects people in real life. ❤  In fact, one of the best chapters that dove into truly explaining the depth of your heart toward your husband, in all things, was chapter 4, “His Wife is Overflowing with Goodness.”  In that chapter, it was revealed to me through my husband’s and God’s direction, that the Greek work for “goodness” in the Bible, which is “Agathosune,” literally means, “virtue equipped at every point.”  

It is not the kind of “goodness” described in the English language, I found out.  It is a MUCH deeper, much more like Jesus kind of “goodness.”  Agathosune is described as aggressive goodness, but when applied to our husbands, it must be tempered with submission to his will, and gentleness, and huge doses of respect and adoration for him as your husband.  But an example of agathosune in other relationships (not authority/submission relationships), is that it calls others out on their sin and destructive ways.  It is the very “goodness” Jesus displayed when he overthrew the tables of the merchants in the Temple, and chased them out with a whip, whipping their backs as they rushed out in terror.  I found when writing this chapter back then, that there is no English equivalent to describe that kind of virtue.

***

Now, all that said, the reason for writing this post came from remembering my time in different marriage groups – both in person and through online groups where only the wives were present.  I’ll never forget our first experience in a marriage group.  It was only 2 weeks after our wedding (4 weeks after our secret marriage where we did it in court), and there we were with our fresh, baby faces so excited to meet other couples who wanted to pursue God in their marriages and learn to love each other better.

But that’s not at all what we found in that church marriage group.

We sadly saw tons of conflict, negative remarks the wives would make about their husbands – with him sitting right there!!!!  And husbands making cutting remarks back in defense because she just humiliated him in front of practical strangers!  Lord have mercy it was eye-opening and depressing.  We were so naive… and even though I’d spent YEARS listening to Dr. Laura’s awful female callers berate their husbands (and she slam them with hard, cold truth 😀 ) I actually believed that Christian women would somehow know better.

But they don’t 😦  At least not yet.  That’s why in large part, I started this blog to reach out to friends and family who had never heard or realized you create the marriage you want.

BETRAYAL that Regularly Happens in Marriage Groups:

  • An attitude that displays your open disrespect for your husband.  I’ve seen women just freely talk about their husbands’ flaws and bad habits.
  • Using negative words to describe your husband’s character to other women in the group (or men if it’s co-ed like many church marriage groups are).  Words like “selfish,” “unkind,” “lazy,” “fat,” are not words you should use when describing your husband to other people – it’s just obviously not respectful of him.  I’ve seen Christian women do this very easily, and then agree with other wives (who gladly chime in to point out his failings) that their husbands are “selfish,” or “lazy.” One good example of this was when a wife was complaining to the group of 100’s of women online, that her husband loved to sleep late especially when on vacation with their family.  When he would allow her to sleep in, he’d feel tired later on, and she’d feel guilty for even asking him.  I watched other wives immediately chime in with remarks that their EX-husbands used to mistreat them like that, and that he was lazy and being selfish and not a good father!  Something like this probably shouldn’t be talked about in a group setting. There are so many ways to better deal with things like that, rather than allowing other wives, of all things, to persuade you that your husband is “mis-treating you” with his “selfishness.”  What if it’s not really selfishness?  What if it’s a misunderstanding and he’s just not aware of what you need or want?  What if he’s ok with feeling a little more tired if it means he was kind to you in allowing you to sleep in once a week?  Surely there can be a compromise between you two, without destroying his reputation among other people who don’t know him (or you).  Even if something IS selfishness on his part, what good is going to come from letting a group or even 100’s of women online, know you think so little of him and his character?  Just unwise… all around.
  • Talking about your husband’s bad habits… not protecting his reputation from people or strangers.  Giving away free negative information about your husband to perfect strangers online is kind of the definition of foolishness.  There are ALL kinds of verses that talk about the Fool – speaking too soon before they have all the information necessary (slander), using specific proverbs like a drunk person (talking out of place and misapplying Bible verses), not seeing danger ahead and taking cover, but instead plunging right into it.  It would stink to be the husband of a foolish wife who regularly betrays him by talking too much about his failings.  If there’s anything the Proverbs 31 wife would never do, it’s paint her husband in a negative light.  Protecting his reputation and character is one of her basic priorities and a huge part of loving him and being good to him.  Remember, he has an important position in society and sits at the city gates (and praises her ❤ so romantic)!  How does the foolish wife return the favor of a husband who praises her in public?  By revealing his secrets and struggles to people in marriage groups or through their blogs/social media accounts.

 

Bottom line, I think marriage groups can be great and foster wonderful, life-long friendships even, but through our 10 years of being almost always a part of one (or multiple if you count the online groups I’ve been in), the chances of betrayal are WAY higher in groups like this unless they are moderated very well (and sometimes harshly in putting an end to a wife discussing things that should be worked out between only her and her husband).

THE GOLDEN RULE:

DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU’D HAVE OTHERS DO UNTO YOU

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If you want someone to treat you with respect (or protect your reputation), maybe you should consider how you treat others first.  I believe that observing that one rule is what leads to true humility, and honoring others as better than yourself.  Also, be slow to speak, and quick to listen.  And when it comes to your husband, the man you’ve made vows to and are supposed to adore, being good to him, also means protecting him and his reputation (it’s virtue equipped at every opportunity, remember?).

So join in positive marriage groups, but don’t use them foolishly.  Be a good wife to your husband, and protect him always.

Stephanie

 

How to Stand Strong in Stressful Times

This is a great video.  I urge all you readers to watch it.  It’s SO. GOOD.

I found it about two or three months ago, and it’s just repeated wisdom of what I’ve heard all my life growing up in a strong, Christian school from age 4-15, having strong Christian parents, and then mentors who have poured into my life.

I feel so lucky (not sure “blessed” would be the right word here) – but seriously lucky to have had all those people in my life, to the point where this message is not new to me, but wonderful to have so much wisdom piled into such a short video.  We’re all at the mercy of where God places us – what kind of parents we will have is probably the biggest deciding factor on how our lives will turn out.  And yes, I have some “survivors guilt” I think from having such wise, wonderful people for parents.

Anyway… no matter what you’re going through, and this message seems to speak to many things, I hope you find comfort in this video.

Stephanie

 

Puppy Love!!

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Our sweet, mischievous dalmatian (who sometimes drives us insane 😀 ) loves our babies!  I can’t believe how good he is with them, but then again dals have lots of babies of their own as a breed, and the males are actually involved with their pups – they’re good doggie fathers ❤

So he’s gentle and protective with our kids – it’s so cool to watch.

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Sweet face….

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He’s like our gorgeous nanny-dog who helps me watch the kids… kind of like the one from Peter Pan 😀 it’s nice.

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And our sweet baby girl is about to turn 7 months this month!  It’s hard to believe how fast time has flown by.  She just got her ears pierced a couple of days ago, and she looks so beautifully feminine with those little baby earrings ❤

I’m so grateful for all the gifts we’ve been given, surrounded by love and crazy little kids!

Stephanie

Things I Want My Daughter to Know: Be the One He’s Thankful He Married

We just got back from a weekend trip – it was fun, exciting, and relaxing somehow all at the same time. 🙂  Since we were in the car for a few hours (both going and coming home), we had a lot of time to talk and reflect on the years we’ve had together ❤ .  It’s just been so beautiful – even through trials and such with outside forces, we’ve always felt like we faced them together – not as if the trials put us at odds.

Somehow it came up in those hours of talking, about my husband’s past – and he told me about a girl he had really liked in high school (he’s told me before, we both know about each other’s past relationships) – he thought she was gorgeous and just the perfect angel he’d love to marry – but he was too shy to ever have asked her.  If you’ve read our story, him being too shy almost cost him our entire life together, as it prevented him from asking me until I was already in a relationship!

Anyway, he reminded me of her backstory and what she did in college and after.  She was Catholic, but in name only, and turned extremely wild and slept with a lot of guys… something he told me would have torn him apart if he had been with her.  But thankfully they went their separate ways and he forgot about her for the most part.

He saw her picture recently and brought it up in this conversation that she looks so unlike what she used to – that the years of sleeping around and partying made her beauty (and boy did she have it!!) really fade and made her look older and harder.

She’s married now, he said, and has one kid, but he told me this weekend in the car, that he was so thankful he married me and that he avoided this other girl.

I feel sad for her in a way, this is definitely not a “gloating” post or anything like that.  But it is a topic I’m going to eventually let our daughter know.

It’s important to be a virgin when you marry your husband.

It’s CRUCIAL to let him know EVERYTHING you’ve done (good and especially anything bad) so that he knows you intimately – true intimacy and doesn’t feel like you’ve lied to him about anything.

Saving your purity (not just of your virginity, but literally everything – your breasts, any touching, etc.) is really REALLY important to your future husband.

And lastly, you want to be the woman he’s GLAD he married.  Not the promiscious angel beauty that he’s glad he avoided (sad!).

Hopefully she will take this wisdom to heart, like I did when my own mother told me.

Stephanie

Am I Tricking Men When I use Makeup? Is Makeup Unethical?

So…

the Makeapp …

LOL….

I’m going to try to write this post with a straight face…

….

ok!  I can’t 😉  😀

I’m laughing as I type ❤

Are we women tricking men with our makeup usage?

This is a lot like the constant harpy criticism that we’re all just teaching women to manipulate men… UN-ethically at that!  Oh my!!!

Recently, as you may have seen, an app came out called the Makeapp that allows men (or anyone really) to take a picture or upload a picture of a woman, and completely simulate what she probably looks like without makeup.

It’s not a perfect app, I’ve read up on it a bit and apparently some people actually look better without makeup than this app claims (it adds pimples and acne, so if you don’t have skin problems it won’t be completely accurate).  But overall, it’s pretty correct!

Is it tricking men to use makeup?

This topic has come up before in the world of male – female issues, in fact, I’ve actually written before on women covering their acne with makeup and men responding not so pleasantly to it.

Is makeup tricking men?  Well, to be completely honest, yes, it is, in a way.  But most reasonable people understand that makeup tends to make a woman look better, so they “get it.”  It evens out skin tone, it imitates the flushes and redder lips a woman gets when she’s in ovulation – making her extremely more sexually attractive.  It lengthens her eye-lashes, another thing proven to drive men subtly insane.  Is it manipulation of some kind of form?  I guess it is… when it’s used the way it’s intended (to make men more sexually attracted to you).

I decided to do it 😀

I used this picture… and in it (below) I actually don’t have very much makeup on.  Concealer, some foundation in areas but not all over “full-coverage,” mascara, and light pink lip gloss:

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LOL… So I guess I look like I have the flu 😀 ….

But ok… so is using makeup really unethical?

I think my other older post answers this question some.  If you’re deliberately hiding major flaws and such, yes, it’s effectively tricking a man into thinking you look VERY different from how you actually look.  You could make some kind of case that doing that was “unethical,” although most women who are doing that are doing it for their own self-esteem issues and not really trying to harm anyone.  But still, men don’t like feeling tricked… even if you’re covering acne for yourself so you can feel more confident 😦  They’ll still (as we saw in the other post) react badly to it if you put yourself out there like that one girl did.  It’s a no-win situation.

If you’re a teen and you’re worried how this app will affect the way guys see you, please try not to worry and just focus on important things.  If it DOES bother you, figure out ways to take care of your skin (toners, acne scrubs, prescription medicine if need be).  The thing that will give you the most confidence without makeup, will be having beautiful skin, and that’s just the truth.

Most men totally accept knowing you’ll look better with some makeup applied.  Heavy emphasis on the “some.”   Too much and it turns them off… usually.

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But almost all men dream of a woman who looks good without makeup and doesn’t need it to be beautiful.  And that’s the truth.  

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And that’s why this new Makeapp where men now have the magical ability to SEE what you look like underneath makeup really gets to women.  To be exposed for how you really look shouldn’t be an issue (a romantic interest will certainly find out anyway!), but for many it seems to be.  “It’s unfair!” some say.  “It’s SEXIST!” others say.

***

Is there any good “take away” from this new app in the hands of men? 😉

Yes!  If you have good, beautiful skin, you’ll look great even without makeup!  Does the app distort it?  Yea, it does, but if it makes men feel better lol…. *shrug*

And technically, this makeapp shouldn’t worry you if you’re using makeup correctly anyway.

On the other hand, the Makeapp can also ADD LOTS of makeup to your face LOL… this was only after adding “one application” of makeup!  LOL… more like cosemtic surgery haha!

WOW!!!

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**Tear!!**  I don’t even recognize myself!!!  What an app!

Anyway… this app is really distracting!  If you’re a single woman, any man who is interested in you will already notice when you’re not wearing much makeup, and he’ll usually like it!  I’ve read many comments and emails where a girl says she couldn’t believe how the first time her boyfriend or husband told her she was “beautiful” was actually when they had been swimming or at a water park all day and all her makeup had washed off, or when they were hiking and it melted off -and guess what?  He still adored her.

If you have beautiful skin, you’ll still look great without all the makeup.  And that’s what men love.  I do believe most men do NOT want a woman who wears too much makeup.  It’s kind of obvious when someone does (unless they’re a brilliant makeup artist, which honestly men, most women aren’t).

But for women, even if you’re married – no, especially if you’re married – your husband wants to see you without any makeup on at appropriate times – first thing when you wake up, in his T-shirt or naked (however it is you prefer to sleep) – he wants to see his bare-faced Beauty and know you are his.

Stephanie

Aren’t You Just Teaching Women to Manipulate Men?

This isn’t just a question I’ve received before via email or in a comment, it’s a criticism that many people have pointed out whenever there’s a woman teaching (in real life or online) other women how to treat their husbands better in order to have a happy marriage.  I’ve seen it time and time again throughout the 4 years of blogging at this site.  And yes, I’ve been accused of selling “snake oil” to wives – manipulative feminine behaviors and techniques to get their husbands to give them what they want.  In reality, anything considered to be “snake oil,” would prove to be false over-time.  And I’ve many men and women tell me that these things are truth.  Manipulative techniques don’t actually work long-term in a marriage for producing good.  So no, I’m not selling “snake-oil” to wives.

This accusation always comes up though… always.  Even when I’ve come across women teaching others about simple femininity (not for wives but in general, how to be a woman), there’s always a few sour women who seem to scream from the sidelines, “MANIPULATION!!!!!! You’re just manipulating your husband into doing what you want him to do!!!”

***Side note***

Here is where a woman I love and admire, and have talked to privately in the past concerning what to do over these accusations (been meaning to email her again soon for daughter advice – if you’re reading this sweet Stingray, heads up for an incoming email), Stingray, has also confronted this accusation (albeit in a totally different way of accepting these tactics as manipulation)!  I’ve emailed with her a few times in the past, and respect her opinion greatly, so I’m adding it in to give you more insight into how like-minded women view this topic.  Click the link above if you want her specific take on this accusation that we’re teaching women to “manipulate” men.

I thought it would be good to go into this on my own blog, and go ahead and answer this question and criticism I’ve had off and on, because it IS important and women have a right to know an answer.

I hope this proves to be a thought-provoking post for you, no matter which side of the fence you sit on.

The Feminine wiles

Even by definition, the feminine wiles are described as clever talk or tricks, used to persuade someone to do what you want.  I’ve seen many women say behaving in a  feminine manner that brings out the best in men (your husband, but also your dad, brother, even sons are affected by this!), is just tricking him into behaving the way you want him to behave.  Using your femininity in order to inspire masculine virtues to come out in any man, is supposed to be a beautiful and good thing.

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But yes… to answer the critics… it CAN fall into manipulation IF the woman’s heart isn’t pure, and into it for the pure motivations of loving her husband.

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Manipulation is ugly.  Manipulating men to get them to do what we want is horrible.

No.  I am not trying to teach women how to “manipulate men,” with what I write or offer up here.  I don’t believe it is even possible long-term, for a wife, or even a single girl, to keep up a manipulative act.  Eventually the act will fall away, and her real self – her terrible character – will come out and chase men (even her husband in a multitude of small ways) away.

This criticism is only looking at the ugly side, and ugly heart motives, when it comes to using these behaviors and actions.  So while yes, a woman CAN use my advice to manipulate a man into falling in love with her or marrying her even, it’s intended to help women who have a pure heart, who genuinely want to love their husbands better and build a beautiful marriage.

I can’t help a woman whose heart is bent on seeing things only through a filter of sinful thinking.  Only she can lift that veil with prayer and making the choice to ask God to give her a clean and pure heart toward her husband.  So since I can’t really help a harpy screaming from the sidelines “MANIPULATION!!!!!!” I’ve gotten used to this false accusation (like Stingray had as well back when she was blogging) that it’s all “snake oil” and “unethical.”  This used to bother me, but now that I’ve talked to more women and have had the chance to see (in real life) the difference in their attitudes when presented with this stuff, I “get it.”  It all comes down to whether or not their heart is pure in wanting to love and be good to their husbands.  The sad thing is that a lot of women really don’t have pure intentions.

I’ve also seen women try to implement these things when their husband is already divorcing them.  If they’ve treated him terribly for 20+ years, and then suddenly try to implement these behaviors and techniques, yea he’s going to have a hard time believing his wife is sincere.  Then I’ve seen the wife (after becoming divorced and getting very bitter) usually complain that applying these techniques only made things much worse for her.  These are often the ones screaming “MANIPULATION!!!” the loudest.  If it didn’t work for her, it can’t work for anyone else!  Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!  

Her husband’s strong negative reactions are actually explainable in a psychological way – it’s called “The Pandora’s Box.”  Sometimes it’s salvageable, but often it’s just not.  Usually there’s just been way too much nastiness there, and for decades long.  You can’t just easily undo that kind of trauma you’ve done to your husband, by acting kind and respectful now.  Even if you are sincere now, he has to work through MAJOR forgiveness issues, trust issues, etc. and a lot of men find it too painful.  A lot of men get angry that you’ve wasted so many years treating them horribly, and are only now just “waking up,” and taking responsibility for how you’ve damaged his soul.  It’s all very ugly and dark… but it’s reality when you reap what you’ve been sowing for decades in the heart of your husband.

I may write on that more (I do love to write!), but to me that is why these things are so crucial for women to know before they even start dating!  How many marriages would have been saved if women were only taught these crucial things about what men want when they were teens?  This is why I was motivated to start writing, and why I often target the younger crowd.

 

This is why your Character is important

Your character is talked about a lot on my blog.  Who you are – if you are truly all these things women teach about (including many posts on my blog) – others will understand and take note that you’re consistent.  This is best displayed in real life – with the real life men around you – whether it’s your father, husband, sons, etc, they will be the ones who ultimately know you and your character, especially over time.

I guarantee that your husband is already aware of who you truly are, and you’re either working to have a beautiful character and implementing these behaviors in your marriage to make it flourish, or you’ve let these things slide and you live with a somewhat happy marriage – but with no idea how great it actually could be.

Either way, your “real self” will always be exposed to the people you live with, especially your husband.  I’ve written before that who you are online, when no one is looking or holding you accountable – that’s who you really are.

Having a beautiful character is what will make these teachings work.  Having a pure heart is what will make your actions not seen as manipulative, but instead, sincere and they will inspire your husband’s love for you to grow immensely.

No matter how good you look on the outside (physically and in behavior like when practicing being kind or respectful to your husband), if you don’t have it together on the inside, if your heart isn’t in it, he will know, and he will hate it.

He will hate it because he will feel manipulated by you.  Hence why if I was really selling you “snake oil,” it just wouldn’t work for the long-haul of a marriage.

Your actions will always be manipulation on your part if it’s not coupled together with your heart intentions – in other words, if you aren’t loving him with purity and sincerity, you may as well not be loving him at all.

 

Why I Wear My Hair Long… Even with a Baby

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I know this is a sensitive subject (anything to do with a woman’s beauty is a sensitive subject lol) and this is a personal choice… but women who wear their hair down are almost universally perceived as feminine and alluring.  Hair is such a gift God’s given us to enhance our natural beauty.  And it is one of the main things men find sexy or attractive about a woman.  It’s her hair.

It’s normal in America for married women to either cut their hair short after kids, or just always wear it up. this isn’t so in many areas of Europe or even some other Eastern cultures where even older women wear their hair long.  As a result, I’ve read reports from men who have traveled to these areas, that they are AMAZED how sexy and beautiful even the older women are.  And it’s LARGELY because of 1) their attractive slender shapes and 2) their HAIR!

I’ve written about this hair topic a few years before when Dr. Laura described it as American (or Western culture women) having something called “frump syndrome.”  Even reading it, it just sounds scary!  It’s when women stop wearing makeup and always wear their hair up (hardly ever styled) and generally don’t care how they’re dressing now that they’re either 1) married, or 2) a stay at home mom with little kids or babies.  It’s pretty common, especially the hair thing.  It’s also really unattractive 😦 especially to men.

I think most women do this unconsciously.  They fall into a routine of always putting their hair up in a pony tail or bun and never think about how much better (more feminine) they’d look if they put more effort into wearing their hair down.  If you’re married, it’s selfish to never care about the way you wear your hair, or to start dressing frumpy just because you’re a stay at home mommy.  I know that sounds harsh, but you don’t see working women dressing the way us stay at home moms tend to (ouch!).  It’s because they know their workplace and their boss has higher standards of appearance.  Well, turns out most husbands also want to see you putting effort into your hair, makeup and clothes, even if you stay home with the kids.  To me this all makes sense… if a woman puts effort to look nice when she goes out for other people (or her own self-respect) of course she should put in effort on a daily basis for her husband who sees her at home.  It’s a major sign of disrespect to never put an effort into making yourself look more feminine or beautiful, even while staying at home.  And the BIGGEST contributing factor to a woman’s femininity is arguably, her hair.

It’s our most powerful “accessory.” 😉 ❤

For many women, it takes more work to wear your hair down, which is why they probably don’t do it.  I have to make sure it’s styled because my hair has insane body and sometimes frizz and doesn’t tend to look great when I just wake up.  So it takes a little bit of effort – not even that much though, like 5-10 minutes depending on the day, but my  husband is CRAZY about it when I wear it long and flowing.  And compliments me on it frequently.

Just this morning he walked in when I happened to be changing… my long hair was falling down over my breasts, and he was taken aback for a moment watching me… and called me his Lady Godiva!  ❤

He loves it, and he notices it all the time.  But the truth is… he wouldn’t even SEE how long it is if I always wore it up daily when working around the house.  He (and I!) would be missing out a big part of my feminine beauty if I selfishly daily hid my hair away from him.  It’s the little things that tend to enhance the romance in a marriage, and this is just one of the many “little things,” in my opinion.

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Even Prince George likes to get in on the action!

With a baby, I get it, it’s easier to put it up, but don’t put it up all the time, even if you do have a baby.  Put up with a little hair pulling 😉  I’m going through this right now, literally lol with my 4 month old.  You can teach them not to pull it so much.  And your husband will appreciate seeing you looking more feminine and beautiful – showing him you care about his desire to see you that way.

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Mommy, you just look SO beautiful!  Me HAS to stroke and grab your pwetty hair!

And obviously for doing chores, it needs to be out of the way so you don’t get frustrated and ca see what you’re doing.  But for things like carrying the baby around, breastfeeding, making some snacks or lunches (where you’re hair is less likely to be in the way) try wearing it down and see how much more feminine you feel.

Try a challenge and wear it down mostly for the next week.  If you’re guilty of always wearing it up for comfort and not having to mess with it, this will probably be hard for you at first to get used to.

This also means you’ll have to spend some time to make it look actually presentable, because just wearing it down if it’s not clean, brushed, or at least styled, won’t have the same “beautiful” and feminine effect for you or your husband.

If it’s frizzy and wild, this means you’ll need to put in the time and effort to make it look nice when down.  You probably wore it down a lot when you were dating right?

Don’t go to the Frumpside.

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Good Morning Sunshine!

Try wearing it down.

Stephanie

Married Women: Your Character Can Either Inspire Love or Inspire Indifference

I’ve written a few posts for single women concerning the topic of making their character – who they really are – more attractive.  When trying to attract a good man, a single woman obviously needs to be worthy of him and working on having the same character that she expects of her future husband, but it just doesn’t stop there.

Married women, more so than ever, need to also be keeping good emotional and mental health and be growing spiritually… all these things are important to increasing the beauty of their character throughout the trials of life.  You often find out who you really are, when you’re going through trials and pressed on all sides.

1 Peter 3:3-4 

Your adornment must not be merely external—with interweaving andelaborate knotting of the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or [being superficially preoccupied with] dressing in expensive clothes; but let it be [the inner beauty of] the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality and unfading charm of a gentle and peaceful spirit, [one that is calm and self-controlled, not overanxious, but serene and spiritually mature] which is very precious in the sight of God.

I’ve written a couple of posts here and here and here, on why outward beauty (a wife’s attractiveness) is also important, but when it truly comes down to it, I do believe that character is always more important.  Outward beauty is something that can be easily increased anyway, whereas your character takes a much longer time to attain, and then also to maintain throughout life and it’s temptations.

Character is what truly matters about a person

Even the wonderful Proverbs 31 woman’s husband proclaims this at the end of her passage:

Charm and grace are deceptive, and [superficial] beauty is vain,
But a woman who fears the Lord [reverently worshiping, obeying, serving, and trusting Him with awe-filled respect], she shall be praised.

I think it can be tempting for women to, once they’re married or married for a few years on, to start letting themselves go when it comes to maintaining their character.

The problem is, however, that once you’re married, if you let go of having a beautiful character, who you are as a person when your husband chose you and only you, you’ll make your husband eventually fall out of love with you.

A wife’s character is that important.

Your Husband Has a Breaking Point

I’ve recently read some comments from Deti speaking of how a husband eventually has what he called I believe a, “Breaking Point.”  This is when your husband has finally had enough of you acting out your impulses to damage him and he comes to a point where it’s extremely hard to see you the same as he used to.

You never want your husband to get to “that point.”  So stop being stupid and damaging him with being critical, nit-picky, or putting up pictures of his messy side for laughs!

From Deti:

 

All I can tell you is this:

When a man’s wife or long term woman disrespects him one too many times, whatever existed before is completely destroyed.

Gone.

Whatever he felt for her – gone.

Whatever he was willing to do for her before, he’s no longer willing to do, or capable of doing. Everything. Gone. Leveled. Not one stone left standing on stone.

And he never forgets it.

Oh, he can forgive. He can move on. You can even move on together.

But the things you said, the things you did, to destroy it all, are never forgotten.  Not ever.

Some things you say, you cannot unsay. You can’t take them back. Some things you do cannot be undone. That history will always be there. Always. It will never ever go away.

It will always color the way he sees you. You will be forever different to him.

He can, and probably will, get past it eventually. Your relationship might survive. But whatever it was before will not be again. You will have to reconstruct everything. What is built back will not look like what was before. Many times, it will not look anything like what it was before. And you will have to live with that. Or not.

A man can take a lot of disrespect from a woman. And he can go a long time with it. But when you get to “too much” or “one too many times”, it’s done. DONE. OVER. You’ve knocked it all down, destroyed it all. And whatever was before, will never be again.

Perhaps a little food for thought for womenfolk as they wisely and prudently consider their men.

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A big tenant of all the principles of character is to treat others the way you’d want to be treated.  I always ask myself WHY this is so hard for Christian wives to “get?”  We’re basically taught all this in kindergarten for Christ’s sake!!  Why would you be so stupid as to do this to your own HUSBAND?!

So…

Do you criticize him – even when it’s light-heartedly joking about his faults or flaws?  No one likes a passive-aggressive person who makes light of other people’s failings or short-comings to get a few laughs, don’t do this to your husband unless you want to make him eventually fall out of love with you.

Are you sarcastic?  Be prepared to be met with unkind, sarcastic responses back from him someday when he finally has enough!

Do you share his embarrassing moments publicly?  I’ve seen even Christian women take pictures of their husband’s dirty side of his bed, and put it up for display on their blog!  I’d be interested to see how a wife would react if their husband did something like that to them, I think there’s a good chance they’d be very embarrassed.  If you’re tempted to do something like this, even for laughs on social media, always ask yourself if it’s respectful and protecting his privacy and reputation, or being a discreet wife (which men love).

If you put up pictures of the messes your husband makes, people will tend to think he’s a real slob, and then you’ve damaged his reputation and harmed him overall by being indiscreet.

Revealing your husband’s faults in trying to be “real” with other people, is not a kind or wise thing to do, or even fully accurate since you may have caught him at a bad time when he was busy and forgot to clean up.  Either way, are you doing things daily that undermine his trust in you and cause him to slowly view you negatively?

If we allow ourselves to always nit-pick and harp on our spouses’ flaws, (or worse, expose their short-comings online for everyone to see!) eventually we’re going to succeed in having them view US in that unkind manner, and it doesn’t look like that would be fun!

The wise woman builds up her house (and husband), while the foolish one tears it down for likes on facebook or to be seen as “more real.”

 

Stephanie