I’ve written a few posts for single women concerning the topic of making their character – who they really are – more attractive. When trying to attract a good man, a single woman obviously needs to be worthy of him and working on having the same character that she expects of her future husband, but it just doesn’t stop there.
Married women, more so than ever, need to also be keeping good emotional and mental health and be growing spiritually… all these things are important to increasing the beauty of their character throughout the trials of life. You often find out who you really are, when you’re going through trials and pressed on all sides.
1 Peter 3:3-4
3 Your adornment must not be merely external—with interweaving andelaborate knotting of the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or [being superficially preoccupied with] dressing in expensive clothes; 4 but let it be [the inner beauty of] the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality and unfading charm of a gentle and peaceful spirit, [one that is calm and self-controlled, not overanxious, but serene and spiritually mature] which is very precious in the sight of God.
I’ve written a couple of posts here and here and here, on why outward beauty (a wife’s attractiveness) is also important, but when it truly comes down to it, I do believe that character is always more important. Outward beauty is something that can be easily increased anyway, whereas your character takes a much longer time to attain, and then also to maintain throughout life and it’s temptations.
Character is what truly matters about a person
Even the wonderful Proverbs 31 woman’s husband proclaims this at the end of her passage:
Charm and grace are deceptive, and [superficial] beauty is vain,
But a woman who fears the Lord [reverently worshiping, obeying, serving, and trusting Him with awe-filled respect], she shall be praised.
I think it can be tempting for women to, once they’re married or married for a few years on, to start letting themselves go when it comes to maintaining their character.
The problem is, however, that once you’re married, if you let go of having a beautiful character, who you are as a person when your husband chose you and only you, you’ll make your husband eventually fall out of love with you.
A wife’s character is that important.
Your Husband Has a Breaking Point
I’ve recently read some comments from Deti speaking of how a husband eventually has what he called I believe a, “Breaking Point.” This is when your husband has finally had enough of you acting out your impulses to damage him and he comes to a point where it’s extremely hard to see you the same as he used to.
You never want your husband to get to “that point.” So stop being stupid and damaging him with being critical, nit-picky, or putting up pictures of his messy side for laughs!
All I can tell you is this:
When a man’s wife or long term woman disrespects him one too many times, whatever existed before is completely destroyed.
Whatever he felt for her – gone.
Whatever he was willing to do for her before, he’s no longer willing to do, or capable of doing. Everything. Gone. Leveled. Not one stone left standing on stone.
And he never forgets it.
Oh, he can forgive. He can move on. You can even move on together.
But the things you said, the things you did, to destroy it all, are never forgotten. Not ever.
Some things you say, you cannot unsay. You can’t take them back. Some things you do cannot be undone. That history will always be there. Always. It will never ever go away.
It will always color the way he sees you. You will be forever different to him.
He can, and probably will, get past it eventually. Your relationship might survive. But whatever it was before will not be again. You will have to reconstruct everything. What is built back will not look like what was before. Many times, it will not look anything like what it was before. And you will have to live with that. Or not.
A man can take a lot of disrespect from a woman. And he can go a long time with it. But when you get to “too much” or “one too many times”, it’s done. DONE. OVER. You’ve knocked it all down, destroyed it all. And whatever was before, will never be again.
Perhaps a little food for thought for womenfolk as they wisely and prudently consider their men.
A big tenant of all the principles of character is to treat others the way you’d want to be treated. I always ask myself WHY this is so hard for Christian wives to “get?” We’re basically taught all this in kindergarten for Christ’s sake!! Why would you be so stupid as to do this to your own HUSBAND?!
Do you criticize him – even when it’s light-heartedly joking about his faults or flaws? No one likes a passive-aggressive person who makes light of other people’s failings or short-comings to get a few laughs, don’t do this to your husband unless you want to make him eventually fall out of love with you.
Are you sarcastic? Be prepared to be met with unkind, sarcastic responses back from him someday when he finally has enough!
Do you share his embarrassing moments publicly? I’ve seen even Christian women take pictures of their husband’s dirty side of his bed, and put it up for display on their blog! I’d be interested to see how a wife would react if their husband did something like that to them, I think there’s a good chance they’d be very embarrassed. If you’re tempted to do something like this, even for laughs on social media, always ask yourself if it’s respectful and protecting his privacy and reputation, or being a discreet wife (which men love).
If you put up pictures of the messes your husband makes, people will tend to think he’s a real slob, and then you’ve damaged his reputation and harmed him overall by being indiscreet.
Revealing your husband’s faults in trying to be “real” with other people, is not a kind or wise thing to do, or even fully accurate since you may have caught him at a bad time when he was busy and forgot to clean up. Either way, are you doing things daily that undermine his trust in you and cause him to slowly view you negatively?
If we allow ourselves to always nit-pick and harp on our spouses’ flaws, (or worse, expose their short-comings online for everyone to see!) eventually we’re going to succeed in having them view US in that unkind manner, and it doesn’t look like that would be fun!
The wise woman builds up her house (and husband), while the foolish one tears it down for likes on facebook or to be seen as “more real.”