Letters from Mentors

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I LOVE having a daughter – I never dreamed it would be this much fun and that she’d be this feminine from the get-go!

But, with all that said, it’s actually a lot scarier to me having a girl to raise.  I understand boys ❤ and although they need a lot from their mothers, a lot of the bulk of their gaining and understanding their masculine strength can only come from their fathers.  So while it’s been beautiful to see my husband fill that role pratically perfectly, this new baby girl has turned our world upside down in this respect.  Now I’m the one who needs to teach her what true femininity and godly womanhood looks like.

Lord have mercy on me!  LOL 😀 😛  Even with all my studying, it still feels like a job I’m not fully prepared for.  But that’s why I’m forever grateful to mentors, my own mother ❤ , older women at church, and blogs with that kind of guidance.

Proverbs says to get all the wisdom, knowledge, and understanding that you can, and it’s wonderful that we have access to people we’d never know if it wasn’t for the internet!  I love how there’s so many women I’ve come across over the years who have been kind enough to give me tons of advice on raising children and being a godly wife!

In fact… I’m seriously considering starting another mini-series, complete with it’s own tab (maybe), called “Letters from Mentors,” where I’ll be featuring emails I’ve received from women usually in their mid-40’s or 50’s, who have given me AMAZING advice on different topics that would fit well here on my blog.

Women you’d see in this series would be people like Sunshine Mary (Sunshine Thiry), Liz (red pill commenter from years back), Stingray (from On The Rock), Lori Alexander (from The Transformed Wife), April (from The Peaceful Wife), Ame (from Blending Ame), RPG (from NotesFromaRedPillGirl), and a few other Christian women I’ve reached out to recently to see if they’d be interested.  Hopefully it will be an expanding thing, even with my real life mentors contributing from time to time.  I’m in debt to so many of these incredible women for the advice they’ve given me over the years and setting a positive example of seeing them interact online and in real life.  And the online ones love to write! LOL  So why not try to capture some of the letters I’ve received from them, that maybe would be helpful to other women out there as well who are in the middle of raising a family?

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In fact, my husband is helping me create a little booklet for our daughter of all the posts I’ve written under the tab for her.  I figured these “Letters from Mentors,” would go great in there as well!  I’m a big paper person… I love books you can physically hold.  This little booklet is only about 8-9 inches tall, in a mini-binder, and so cute!

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And it’s so sweet how quick these older, wiser women were to either reach out to me themselves, or to be open to my going to them to seek their wisdom.  They were so generous and kind-hearted toward me, and so humble!  And thankfully, I’ve only ever had one woman snub my request to email her and then humiliate me for asking, but then I realized… maybe she really didn’t have any wisdom to impart afterall... LOL 😀 .  Oh well 🙂 may the generous, humble ones be honored and praised for gladly giving advice to someone younger looking up to them.  It is definitely appreciated, and now I’m hopefully going to find time to capture their words in our homemade book (and here), so others can have access to their wisdom, too.

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Stingray is the first woman’s advice I’d like to write about here on this post.  For people who don’t know her, she used to run a very well-written blog on male-female, red pill concepts, with a heavy focus on married women’s responsibilities, called On the Rock.  I urge you to go check it out!  A woman in her mid-40’s, with a growing family and husband she adores, she is a faithful Catholic with admirably strong convictions.  I adore her.  When I was pregnant and we found out it would be a girl, she was one of the first women I thought of when thinking of people online to ask for advice on a variety of “raising a daughter” topics.  That says a lot about the impression she had on me.

Like I said before, it just seems so much harder raising a girl, than it has been raising boys.  Our culture is so dark, and where it used to be more based on virtue and morality, now it’s actually praised to sleep around for years, before finally deciding to get married and have children – if a woman decides to get married at all!!!  I don’t want her to be like that.  I don’t want her to choose a more painful, even disastrous path for herself.  And I don’t want her growing up believing that it is “ok” or desirable at all, even if our idiotic society deems it acceptable.

I’ve rambled on too much.  Here is just one of Stingray’s excellent letters, I sincerely hope you as a reader, enjoy it.

 

Good morning, Stephanie,

I’m sorry this has taken me so long to write.  
I do have 2 girls.  Things are different in raising them in that you will be more hands on and your husband will be less with them, but the dynamic of both is still really important.  But really, the biggest thing is that your girls will be watching you to see how to navigate the world.  They will watch how you treat your husband, how you dress, how you approach house work, how you approach the world around you, etc ad infinitum.  But, and this is hugely important in my opinion, they will turn to your husband to learn how to navigate men.  Not directly, but Dad is their first love.  Obviously not in an inappropriate manner, but they will still look to him to see how he reacts to their learning how to be feminine.  
They will look to him to see how he reacts to how they dress, “Do I look pretty, Daddy?” How he reacts when they bake him something, to something they accomplished, etc.  He will be a far more effective teacher of things like modesty because they will learn from him what men like.  Dad’s approval and disapproval in HUGE.  So it will be you who teaches them directly, but it will be Dad’s reaction that sends the lesson home.  
As far as tantrums, it depends.  Some “tantrums” are quite charming and cute.  Dad might not want to stop those outright, because a girl learning how to influence her father in a good way is an excellent skill for her to learn.  We used to jokingly have the girls go to their dad and flutter their eyelashes when they would ask him for something and it was great fun.  It’s also a good lesson.  He would say no when appropriate and yes when appropriate.  They learned that it wasn’t always going to work, but also that it was cute and was influential.  But then, he would always shut down hard any girly tantrums that were just tantrums.  
Does that make sense?  In essence, you want to teach them how to use their femininity for good.  Because for better or worse, they will learn how to influence men and that is a powerful thing.  A tempting thing.  Most especially if they are beautiful.  So learning early on what a strong man will allow, and more importantly, what he is capable of, is hugely important.  
So my best advice is to use your instinct.  You don’t want them to squash who they are, you want them to be the beset them they can be.  That includes all those feminine things that they can use to destroy or build up.  It ends up being that you will directly teach, but they will want to buck you.  Your husband will be the one who indirectly shows them that what you are teaching means everything.  
Let me know if any of this doesn’t make sense or if you have any more questions.  Also, thank you for the compliment.  Blogging just took a back seat to growing children and family.  It had to and it just kind of happened organically.  Plus, the manosphere lost it’s shine for me.  It lost it’s intellectual appeal with more and more people coming in.  I knew it would, it was just a matter of time.  
I hope you are all doing well!  
Best, 
Stingray
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Pearls & Lace

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So… I have a ton of jewelry, mostly gifts from childhood, that I just never ever ever wear!  LOL… I am having so much fun giving our daughter all of my jewelry.  Even if she doesn’t want to wear it when she’s older, she can always keep it and pass it down if she wants.

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Her birthstone is pearl.  And I happen to have a few strands of real, precious pearls.  Yes, I know you have to be sensitive with them!  Baby drool is not something they’d take well to I’m sure, but it was fun anyway 😀

She also will have earrings passed down to her in every shade of pearl, thanks to my Momma ❤

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And for adorable Bloopers …. 😀

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What’s this?

Baby belly button!!!

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Single Women: Don’t Do Messy-Girl Style!

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Single women… men notice your counter tops!

Not those counter tops – not even your kitchen counter tops, although those matter, too.  I’m talking about your counter space in your restroom, and the storage of your feminine beauty items.  A woman’s restroom and how clean she keeps it is actually more important than you think.

Growing up my mother always tried to instill in me to keep my bathroom area – mainly the counter top space – clean and organized, free of clutter, but it always seemed like a chore and slightly unnecessary.  Especially when one is single – who sees your counter top in your bathroom?  It began to make more sense in college when I would see my friend’s dorm rooms and see guys using their restroom.  If it was dirty or unclean, the guys would mentally make note of it, sometimes even say something about it.

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A few years ago, I read an article over at Into The Gloss, the chicest resource for what the models and celebrities secretly wear and do for their beauty regimen, a brief instruction to all the female readers to not be a “messy girl” and that one of the greatest sins of chic they could commit was to have a messy bathroom, especially a cluttered up counter top.

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It’s true.  Since then I’ve read many comments from men, talking about how much they wish women were aware of what they accidentally show them when they enter their apartment. Or (gasp!!) use their girlfriend’s bathroom.  Men love to have the idea of a woman being polished, together. Seeing you outside of your home, looking beautiful and polished, only to find out that your inner world is a mess is disappointment to them.  Most men are completely and utterly turned off by the messy girl life style.  It demonstrates low value, that the girl doesn’t care about her possessions, that she isn’t responsible enough to take care of where she lives, and that she doesn’t have the integrity to be disciplined and clean behind closed doors.  When reading Into the Gloss, where it showed pictures daily of the Top Shelfs (bathroom storage) of the beauty supplies, perfumes, candles, etc. the models and designers, producers, and leading women in the beauty industry – all women of high value – each and every top shelf was organized and clean.

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I don’t want it sound like this is the most important thing in attracting men, because obviously it isn’t!  The models and designers that have their bathrooms go on photo-shoots probably clean like never before!  But it’s still something beautiful and good to aspire to.  It’s unreasonable to expect 24/7 organization, but the key here is to learn how to make it easier, more manageable, and give you that boost of enjoying a clean, organized bathroom space.

Even Elisabeth Elliot had something to say on the beauty of cleanliness in a woman,

“The way you keep your house, the way you organize your time, the care you take in your personal appearance, the things you spend your money on, all speak loudly about what you believe. The beauty of thy peace shines forth in an ordered life. A disordered life speaks loudly of disorder in the soul.”

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Tips to keep your bathroom looking like a Top Shelf:

  • Keep your vanity counter clean by wiping it down every night after you use it, this helps dust and debris from building up over time.  My dad taught me this and continued to do it himself for years.
  • Only keep a few key feminine or favorite pieces on your counter top to avoid clutter.  Clutter just looks horribly messy, believe me I wish it didn’t!  So just stick to a couple of key pieces that are beautiful, even better if they can provide dual functions like a toothbrush holder. I have a couple of elegant pieces right now, 2 that serve as dual functions.  My Grandma’s antique angel jewelry holder is the stand for my contact case, a beautiful tiny vase holds my favorite nail polishes and glasses, along with little things like bobby pins at times.  And an antique, glass perfume bottle I found at a thrift store for $1, just to add a more feminine touch.
  • Store your bulky beauty items that you rarely use either under the cupboard in trays, bags or boxes to keep out of the way and yet still organized and easy to find when you need them.
  • Store your more regularly used beauty products on a shelf – a Top Shelf is great for this.  It’s out of theway, and easy to reach, and it forces you to only keep so much at a time – making you periodically have to go through your items to put away things you don’t use anymore, or throw away old bottles.
  • The hardest thing for me to keep on top of is dust getting on the things that are on the counter top itself, even the flowers.  Either weekly or monthly, depending on how much dust you collect in your house, try to just dust off the key pieces.  It’s hard for me to notice when it’s building up, so having a somewhat steady time when I dust there is better overall.
  • USE WINDEX!  In this age of the Selfie, how many girls and young women do you see posting up selfies with dirty mirrors?  Men actually make fun of this phenomenon, that the girl is so narcissistic that she’s focusing so much on herself, that she can’t see that the mirror itself is dirty, giving the photo a horrible overall look.  Use Windex once a week when doing your regular bathroom cleaning duties, it makes it so much more beautiful to have clean mirrors rather than dingy ones.

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We all try to look our best when out in public.  Single women especially, try to look polished.  But a truly polished young woman will care about the little details of her home, and work to keep even her counter tops clean and organized.

It all basically comes down to being clean and organized.

Men appreciate this, much more than society tells us.  So enjoy the beauty and peace of a clean, elegant space!

Single Women – You Have The Power in Attracting a Man… Unleash It!!!

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You want to get married… even in this crazy day and age where marriage is quite down right risky business, deep down, ever since you were a little girl, you probably envisioned that, someday, you would be married, have a beautiful house, a job, maybe be a mom, have a family of kids all your own.  But now that you’re grown up, marriage seems far away, maybe even out reach for whatever reason.

Single women, let me let you in on a little secret, you have all the power in being able to attract a good man of character – a quality man.  Oh yes, you do.  You have the control here, you just may not know the way to unleash this power that every woman has.

1) Make Your Outward Appearance Attractive – This may sound shallow, but God designed men to be extremely visual creatures, so the first thing they will notice about a woman is her physical appearance.  Is she fit?  Does she dress well?  Is her hair taken care of? Does she project confidence in the way she carries herself, stands, or her posture in general?

The amazing thing about your appearance is that it is almost completely within your control!  You have the power to own this one with a little knowledge and instruction.

Firstly, to be attractive, you need to be fit and healthy, this doesn’t mean anorexic or bulimic (so don’t even go there), but it does mean that your body and Muscle:Fat ratio needs to display that you are shape and that you take care of your health.  Men appreciate this, as they are not only visually drawn to women who are fit, but that it also subliminally sends a message that you are responsible enough to be in the shape you are in.  I know this may sound unfair to women who may have metabolism issues, or possibly health issues that prevent them (or make it extremely hard for them) to lose weight.  This isn’t argument about “fairness,” but about getting creative in what you can do in order to get your body more toned, firmer, etc.  Most people (barring disabilities) are able to work out and make an effort in their fitness level.  People have different body types, and that is great 🙂 most men are not super attracted to the Fashion Model body type as they typically complain they don’t have enough “curves,” so don’t worry if that seems unattainable, this is not me encouraging you to become a body type that may not fit you.  This is me encouraging you to use your body and its natural attractiveness to your ultimate advantage.  If you are not at the level of fitness that you want to be, do something about it.  Start an exercise routine of working out 3 to 5 times a week, buy some hand weights at Wal-Mart, buy a yoga mat and some workout DVDs so that you can work out comfortably in your apartment or at home at first.

If you do have a bit of weight to lose, like 30+ pounds, you will more than likely need to take it slow, start off walking around your neighborhood in the mornings or evenings.  Take pictures of your body before and at 4 weeks, 8 weeks, and so on, to give you the added motivation of seeing your results (and you WILL get some results, even with just walking). Don’t give up just because it is hard.  Once you’ve got a routine of walking a certain distance down, pick it up to jogging/running the same distance (or as far as you can comfortably make it, and then stretch your distance with each time).

Getting a gym membership is good idea so long as you are committed to truly using it.  Keep in mind it may be a great place to meet a guy who is also interested in taking care of his body as well.  When a man sees a woman at his gym, he usually admires the fact that she is there, even if her body is not in the shape she thinks is “perfect,” men tend to admire effort when they see it... so when they see a woman coming in day after day, making an earnest effort to better her body physically, they give her due credit as a girl who is serious about getting fit.

You Need to Dress Well – this is also part of displaying your unique style and beauty – owning your personality and showing men (or anyone really) who you are in the way that you adorn your body.  This may be my inner Fashionista talking, but your choice of clothes says so much about you.  Men are drawn to and appreciate typically colorful outfits, and apparel that reveals femininity in its color or the texture.  I’ve found, as a general rule, the clothes that men find most attractive are the ones that men themselves would be least likely to wear.  They are the clothes that show you are a woman, and are not the clothes that display masculinity.  Be sure to only wear pieces that flatter you and your body type, there is just no use in wearing a hot new item or style if it totally ruins the look of your physique or makes your body appear out of proportion.  I myself have a very short torso paired with ridiculously long legs, so all throughout my teen years till now (15 years) I’ve had to choose my shirts and pants carefully to subtly elongate my torso.  Some styles, even though they would look great on other girls, clashed with my body type.  You can search the internet or YouTube in order to find out how to dress for your body type, and also find suggestions of styles of clothing that best flatter your assets, and diminish your “deficits.”

A word about high heels.  Heels are God’s gift to women, they are an instant beauty make-over, capable of correcting your posture on a dime, make your front and back assets appear to their best advantage (you know what I’m talking about!), and make a distinctive feminine clicking sound when you walk by that gives a boost to your personal energy.  Basically darling, you need to invest in heels – good heels.

Other critical aspects of your outward appearance will be saved for posts done specifically covering those topics, but for all intents and purposes, you should be maximizing the beauty of your face in two respects: having a specific skin care routine & applying makeup minimally as possible, but with the best results possible.  Next is your hair, it is your greatest accessory, and the only accessory you take with you to each and every place the rest of your body goes.  I’ll be doing a post solely on hair in the future, but suffice it to say, you are missing out greatly if you think your hairstyle, cut, color, and texture don’t matter… getting your hair right makes a significant enough difference in your attractiveness to men.

2) Work on Developing a Beautiful Character – I’m a firm believer that inner beauty is extremely important in a woman.  It just doesn’t matter how beautifully wrapped a present or gift may be if, when opened, it is full of decaying, offensive-smelling feces.  I’m serious.  All men virtually want a woman who possesses inherent goodness and integrity for a serious girlfriend or lifetime partner.  A plug for Christianity would be the simplistic, yet profoundly life-altering, fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.   A single girl who is positive, happy, full of life, kind, full of integrity, a good work ethic, goal orientated, and so on, will attract many men just because of who she is.  There will be an intoxicating aura about her that draws men of all kinds in.  You only need one good quality man, if you expect the best you can get, you need to make the best effort to be best girl you can be.  In other words, you need to make sure you yourself are a wonderful person that is attractive not only on the outside, but also on the inside.

I’ve written before about how men can be fooled into marrying a woman, only to find out later on that she was of low character.  This isn’t to say that you won’t be one of the many women who fool a man into marrying her because she acts in an admirable way during the dating relationship, but more of a warning to how you will affect yourself, your husband, and your children later on if you do not care to do the hard work of developing a beautiful character.  A woman of bad character hurts everyone that is close to her… I highly doubt (if you are reading this) that you desire to leave such a legacy.

So now that you know the basics of what makes an attractive woman, stay tuned for more information coming on the details, as well as other foundational things like your Personality and Allure (not to scare any of you Christians but this would be your sex appeal – yes, it’s ok to have sensuality even if you are chaste).