Drinking in God’s Beauty – Celebrating 10 Years of Marriage!

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We’ll be gone for awhile on an island enjoying and drinking in deeply God’s beauty ❤  We’ll also be gone during our 10 year anniversary!  10 years have flown by so fast, and it has been beautiful and such an incredibly journey through life’s ups and downs, yet clinging to each other and God always trusting He’ll get us through.

Even though things feel dark – my husband’s coworker who was shot in his chin is doing better, and we’re still praying for the family of his other fellow police man who was shot and killed a few weeks ago.  We’re so grateful that the one he regularly worked beside is still alive after being shot like that in the face – he has a very young daughter who looks up to him like he’s the world.  These men that protect us daily from evil and fulfilling God’s Romans 13 calling… it is such an honor to be a wife to a man God’s called to fight against that kind of chilling evil.

This may be a bad season for us, but this morning I felt God’s strength when I put on the armor of God – it felt so literal and powerful to get me through another day for our kids, to be their support.  Even though the fog of exhaustion is at times overwhelming, God’s given us so much joy and beauty… even in difficulty.   🙂

Looking forward to going back to one of our favorite places.

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Trusting God

The past couple of years have been hard emotionally.  I haven’t wanted to write about any of it really, because I usually want to try to learn something – or at least understand it – before writing about it.  I think it was Hemingway who said “Never write about something until you’re through it.”

Well, what if it doesn’t have a clear “end?”  What if you still haven’t learned anything profound from it?

What if you’re never really “through” it?

Losing my dad has been so horrible.  I don’t write about it, but I think about it often.  Sometimes I become extremely depressed when thinking too much on it.  Which is partly why I gained weight last year.  Remembering how much my dad wanted me to enjoy life in it’s fullest with a healthy body – and to be happy with my body, is why I started being healthy again right before we got pregnant with our 3rd.

He’s gotten much better, but the stroke (if that’s what it was) really changed his personality, and I miss him so much.

***

And then on the blue line side of things, seeing so many innocent men and women die – seeing the public generally not understanding or thinking “this is what they signed up for” – that they literally signed up to be assassinated in a country that used to be free – has been hard to understand heads or tails of.  I didn’t want to write my thoughts on all the police deaths for many reasons: the anger, the depth of heartache, facing the truth that most of them are racially motivated, the ugliness of it all, and just plain not being able to understand it.

Something that HAS really helped, has been leaning on God, even when I was extremely depressed or terrified.  Trusting Him and trusting in His goodness even though knowing He allows the worst to happen has been healing.

The only thing I could find that’s close to explaining what I’ve been learning about God’s protection, even when He allows murder and death of good people, is this audio of Elisabeth Elliot.

She explains it well and it brings peace to me to know that no matter what happens in this life, our ultimate ends are safe and secure in Him.  Which is why it’s better to trust in God, even in times like these.

Deeper Look into Envy & Social Media

This is a really interesting topic to me, and I considered titling this post “Women prone to the sin of envy need to stay off social media.”  It wasn’t meant to be a command or anything, just merely an observation which even female Christian leaders and teachers are coming to admit is becoming necessary.  You won’t hear them come out and say it so directly, they’ll usually just advise a woman to take a break from social media or not spend too much time on it, but it’s becoming more and more obvious that even modern women in church leadership are now recommending it for the mental health of the women who become dissatisfied with facebook or instagram (or blogs, etc.).  Even with staying off of social media however, women with this particular sin still have to do some major heart-work & self-evaluation to keep the envy from creeping into their real life interactions.

The sin of envy is a lot older than facebook, so staying away from blogs, facebook, instagram, etc. for them isn’t really a “cure,” for their sin.  It’s a heart issue that stems from not focusing on thankfulness, God’s perfect provision, and being content with what God’s already given you.  And it’s pretty tragic that it seems to take some women well into their late adulthood before they ever learn to really deal with it appropriately.

So even though it’s not a “cure-all,” staying off social media entirely for women who have the sin of envy, is a very good start to get them on the right path spiritually.

I love Proverbs 31 Ministries, it is extremely rare that I disagree with something those women post about – they are usually very on point, and the post linked above isn’t some exception here.  ❤

Karen Ehman wrote a post for Wednesday morning titled “Coming Apart at the Seems,” where she wrote the premise for a woman tempted to envy happy people on social media, is that it makes it “seem” like their life is so much better than the woman who’s envying.

There are so many points you could make on this that it’s hard to know where to start, but the main difference I’ve found between women who go to social media and come away feeling depressed, unhappy, and dissatisfied with their own life, and the women who can have social media and still be happy seeing other people’s happiness, is a heart issue.  One woman is sinning with social media use (envy) and another woman isn’t, at least not in that particular way.  Karen doesn’t cover in depth the women who are able to have social media and enjoy seeing their friends’ happiness because the post would probably be too long, but since I find myself always in that category, I can offer some perspective from the other side.

I’m weird.  I find myself even being happy for people I don’t really like if I see something good is going on in their life – it really makes me happy for them and even contemplate if I’ve misunderstood or misjudged them.  Unless I’ve determined they are an evil person (like terrorist-level evil), I really don’t want to see anyone come to harm.  But again, envy has never been a sin that I’ve wrestled much with.

Karen pointed out in her article that the women who feel depressed or dissatisfied after scrolling through facebook and seeing people doing positive things or being happy, compare their own life to the ones they’re viewing online.  This one word compare is so important here.  If you compare your life to someone who looks to be happier than you or has more material or physical blessings than you, you may feel more depressed.  If you compare yourself to someone who isn’t doing so great in life or failing at things – even making bad decisions, you may start to feel superior and prideful.  The correct response is humility and understanding blessings but also that life isn’t fair for everyone.  Some people really will have much worse life outcomes than others, and it’s not always their fault.  Karen doesn’t touch on those outcomes, but I think it’s important to know and understand that comparing either way can lead to deception and sin.

Her examples were interested to me when coupled with the word she chose “seems” though … keep in mind, this is from her perspective of “comparing UP:”

  1. “Wow.   Seems like she sure has academically brilliant children.   Student of the month awards for both her kids at once?”
  2. “Man.  Look at that fancy dinner with her smiling husband. They seem so in love and happy. And we could never afford a night out on the town at a restaurant like that. Nope. Our nights out are often spent in a spat while we split an entree at a chain eatery to keep the cost down.”
  3. “Oh lovely. A workout selfie at the gym. Look at how flat her stomach is. And those sculpted arms? Seems like she has oodles of time to devote to exercise and a body and appetite that cooperate. Maybe I’ll finally start my diet tomorrow. Or next Monday. Oh, who am I kidding? Seems I’ll never look like that.”

Ok, so since this is so interesting to me (nerd alert), I want to analyze #1… first, the opening word “Wow.” looks like she isn’t really that impressed in a positive way.  Usually, when I say “Wow” about something, there’s real enthusiasm there and it’s expressed more like “Wow!…”   Then we see her go on to say it “seems” like this other woman has academically brilliant children because they both have gotten Student of the Month awards.  Academically “brilliant” may not be an accurate description exactly, Student of the Month surely isn’t that hard to get at most schools, but more of an exaggeration in Karen’s mind.  People who think grandiosely about others tend to have problems idolizing them or feeling really bad when compared next to them – it’s like they don’t realize that they’re exaggerating this other person’s life and success at all.  Again, “Student of the Month” awards don’t necessarily mean her kids are “brilliant.”

From my point of view, when I see someone’s kids succeeding and doing really well, I’m really happy for them or even have a feeling of being over-joyed.  It’s weird… and I don’t know why I’m like that.  Granted our oldest has gotten all-A’s this year at a really hard science and math school, if he was doing very poorly seeing other people’s kids succeed may have affected me differently.  When you’re comparing from a point of view of lack (having a child that doesn’t succeed in school) it may be painful to see friends who have kids who easily excel.

Analyzing #2….  “Man.  Look at that fancy dinner with her smiling husband. They seem so in love and happy. And we could never afford a night out on the town at a restaurant like that. Nope. Our nights out are often spent in a spat while we split an entree at a chain eatery to keep the cost down.”   Again, with the opening word “Man.”, she just doesn’t sound that happy or really impressed with what she’s viewing.  She notices the dinner is “fancy,” that the husband is smiling, that they “seem” so in love and happy.  The “seem” word is what is so interesting to me in Karen’s post.  I get it that there are people who are really faking it on social media… who really may have horrible marriages but put up a front that they are really happy and post pictures to try to “prove it,” so maybe “seems” is the correct word to use just in case.  But I’m certain it’s impossible for those people to keep faking it 100% of the time, eventually an unhappy marriage will make it’s way to the light in one way or another.

I can think of 2 couples my husband and I know who are great examples of truly happy and fulfilled marriages – we know them from real life circumstances, and their facebook posts reflect accurately what is going on in their reality. It is so clear from us knowing them personally, they really DO have more joy and happiness in their marriage than the average person does.  A LOT more joy and happiness.  They are much older, too, so this happiness and joy over that many years is pretty rare to see.  When they post a picture of them out on a date and the husband is smiling, they really ARE having fun and loving being married to each other in that moment.  You aren’t seeing something that “seems” to be happiness, you’re getting a tiny glimpse into their reality.

After saying to herself that they “seem” so in love and “seem” so happy, she promptly compares her date nights to theirs.  We have never had a ton of money, so our date nights really are very cheap and I feel I can relate here at least in that way.  Want a look inside my mind?  For some reason, I just don’t feel envy when I see our friends or family out on expensive dates and enjoying themselves.  Those kinds of dates are rarely in our budget (maybe once or twice a year at most!), but even if they were, we just don’t spend money that way and probably wouldn’t enjoy it if we had enough to try.  If you are familiar with my family’s background I’ve written about before, you’d know that my parents acted like spending money lavishly was insane.  They had a “millionaire next door mentality” almost to the extreme, and thankfully, I married a man who thinks the same way.  So we actually really enjoy going out on frequent dates and spending practically nothing!  It’s like something we’re passionate about or find extra happiness in – in NOT spending money on fancy dinners, etc.  So I don’t relate to her being upset or feeling down that they can’t afford fancy dinners.  When I see those posts on my facebook, I still feel happy for the couple (we need more happy marriages in this world!), and move on with my life.

Our nights out are often spent in a spat while we split an entree at a chain eatery to keep the cost down.”  This is sad!  I have a ton of respect for Karen for being so honest so we can really get a look into what envious women are thinking, but this is tragic to me.  If a married couple can’t even enjoy date nights – nights that are usually carefully planned and away from kids where you can relax and enjoy each other – without fighting (“our nights out are often spent in a spat”) then it makes me wonder how often they fight when they’re doing just day to day struggles??  So from our point of view, when we have date nights, we’re out having fun and enjoying ourselves, and we try to do this to the max.  We laugh and tease each other, we play and flirt and make sexual innuendos – we REALLY enjoy our time alone together and it always ends in having sex when we come back.  No fighting, no little spats, just fun, massive flirtation, adventures together, and good sex.

Sometimes we do snap a picture and post it to facebook, but usually we’re too busy to remember.  But if another woman with Karen’s point of view sees our photo on her news feed and has her same line of thoughts, saying it “seems” like we’re so in love and so happy, she’s getting a peek into our reality.  She really may have a marriage where they fight often when they’re supposed to be out having fun and relaxing, but that’s not the case with us.  Seeing a glimpse into our reality makes her feel bad and feel tempted to envy, or tempted to feel superior by thinking that “well it’s only PART of their lives and who knows what’s REALLY going on.”  If she knew the whole story, how this is just how our marriage operates and how satisfied we are by the end of the date night, cuddled up together after a fun adventure and great sex, feeling both so loved and fulfilled emotionally inside that it feels like a real-life fairy-tale, she’d probably even feel worse about her own marriage knowing our reality was so much better than hers presently.  It’s sad 😦 her reality is the direct opposite from our reality – both in the way we view things (not desiring fancy dinners, being optimistic in hard times financially) and in what’s really going on (fighting every time they’re out on dates versus us hardly fighting ever).

One can see why staying off social media altogether for women prone to this sin would be a good thing, especially for their mental and spiritual health.

Analyzing #3…..   “Oh lovely. A workout selfie at the gym. Look at how flat her stomach is. And those sculpted arms? Seems like she has oodles of time to devote to exercise and a body and appetite that cooperate. Maybe I’ll finally start my diet tomorrow. Or next Monday. Oh, who am I kidding? Seems I’ll never look like that.

So again with the opening words of her facebook observations, this time it even sounds sarcastic.  Maybe it’s not, but it would make sense with the depressive attitude she has while scrolling.  Again, I really commend Karen for being so open and honest here.  So she looks over this woman’s selfie at her flat stomach and sculpted arms, and then makes a judgment that it “seems” like this other woman has “oodles of time to devote to exercise,” and has “a body and appetite that cooperate.”  I think I can relate here somewhat since I see those selfies all the time, too.  But being a part of a fitness group where even extremely overweight women lose ALL the weight overtime, I know for a fact it doesn’t take “oodles of time,” each day to get your body to feeling great, fit, and strong.  Realistically, all it takes is about 20-30 minutes a day… that’s it!  It may take a couple of years doing that though, and usually does for women who have over 100 pounds to lose, but when you’re not that far from your goal (50 pounds or less), it just doesn’t take that long if you’re consistent and committed to yourself succeeding.  So it’s sad from Karen’s viewpoint, she already shoots herself in the foot before she’s even begun by making it “seem” to out of reach.  Then we see her talk about “maybe” starting a diet soon, but there’s no real conviction or commitment in “maybe,” so it’s highly unlikely she’ll really try hard enough.  And finally she ends with a definitive sabotaging statement, giving up and claiming she’ll “never look like that,” anyway, so why try?

Just very tragic to see how these women think when scrolling through facebook or instagram (which is worse since it’s nothing BUT pictures).  The woman taking the selfie really IS probably much happier in her life – not just with her body, although that definitely adds a lot to a woman’s overall happiness, but also the fact that she’s getting up and going to the gym, meeting people there, making friends to support her in her fitness goals and filling her life with positivity.  It feels incredible to take care of yourself physically, and it’s kind to yourself to prioritize your health – the rewards bring so much joy and happiness to a woman’s life.  While Karen is sitting down in an already depressive mood, staring at this other woman’s picture who is out and about, having fun and making positive life choices to make her life happier, it’s only Karen who is the one hurting in this case.

You can read the rest of her post to find out how she brings it around in a lesson of finding contentment in your own life’s choices.  It is a great message and was fun to analyze for me.  So again, staying off social media doesn’t “cure” the sin of envy, that sin will still show up in real life when the woman is tempted to feel that way about coworkers or relatives or friends.  The only thing that seems to combat envy on social media is developing the habit of thankfulness or living every day with “Thanksgiving,” for the blessings in your own life.  Women prone to this sin also need to be wary of feeling prideful if they delete their facebook or social media – using the attitude that it’s “all nonsense anyway,” and looking down on the women who can still have it and not be tempted to envy.  Realizing with humility that it may be too much for them to keep a pure heart, or that they have a heart issue with contentment and gratitude so facebook isn’t “for them,” is a much better response than merely feeling superior because they don’t use it anymore.

 

Something to think about:

If a woman is going through a very rough period in her life, or has experienced many losses all at once, staying off social media altogether would be extremely beneficial to her until she fully heals emotionally and spiritually.  It would be extremely hard to be going through trauma or tragedy and still keep a grateful heart when seeing the happy and beautiful posts/pictures of her facebook acquaintances every day.  It’s almost cruel 😦 .  Same goes for a woman who is already in a depression.  Seeing happy posts or pictures will either tempt her to sin or tempt her to become bitter and more resentful at her own internal feelings.  It’s hard to be happy for other people when you’re depressed – and that’s normal, so giving herself grace and time away from a computer is taking care of herself mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

 

 

Giving in to Anger, is Gambling with Your Mental Health

“Anger is a distraction,” my mom said, “it’s a person’s way of distracting themselves from the real problems (or pain) in their lives instead of dealing with them.  And you pay a price for it.”

Yesterday, I had a conversation with my mom about why people, especially women (myself included), will often fly into irrational anger – even if they seem responsible, calm, and kind in everyday interactions.  Yes, it’s irrational anger.  To be furious at something that is true, and then to feel the superior prerogative to attack someone out of anger, is irrational behavior.  It is one thing to be angry, it is quite another to lash out at others in your anger.

“And you pay a price for it.”

This is what ultimately is the key to avoiding giving in to unhealthy actions that come from feeling angry.  When my mom was in her 20’s-30’s, she had to learn to deal with her anger, and she admitted to me that she had a lot of it back then.  It was easy to fly into it, to express her anger, and she gave little thought to what expressing it cost her.  In the 1970’s, it was popular psychology to feel confident in expressing your anger or rage.  Now, from recent science on this subject, we actually know that when you express it, your anger doesn’t get better, in fact, it actually gets worse and grows into more and more… anger.  In extreme cases, giving in to your anger can cause abuse or even murder.  Indeed, even Jesus described an angry tongue as being capable of “murdering” someone, how much more so when one is giving in to their feelings of anger in a truly violent way.

It wasn’t until my mom came across a book by Abraham Low, Mental Health Through Will-Training, first published in 1950, that she learned that giving in to anger, is “gambling with your mental health.”

When you feel those feelings of anger or “temper” as Low describes it, your peace and inner solitude are disrupted… you’re rendered ineffective and distracted from accomplishing the tasks of your daily life well.

“You can pay the price of that for days,” said my mom.  It tangles you up, wastes your precious energy, and robs you of your mental strength and health.

***

A large part of being mentally healthy, is to understand how to remain calm, responsible, and how to deal with your own anger.

Dealing with your anger means simply not acting out in it.  It means having self-control.  Humility instead of “intellectual snobbishness” (the desire to show superiority).  To have enough character to behave courteously, friendly… in order to create good will with people you are required to do everyday life with, and strangers you may not know.  Being a mentally healthy person means you take all these things into account, and ACT accordingly.

Yes, being mentally healthy means having wisdom and discernment to know you are obligated to control your actions and behavior.

Being mentally healthy means you do not give yourself permission to lose your temper and lash out in anger against others.  To lose your self-control and pay the price of your peace, the embarrassment, the destructive temper feelings, and the shame that comes when you’re finished giving in to your emotions and realize the damage you caused.

I talk about my mom often on my blog, she was instrumental to a lot of the knowledge I have, and who I’ve become as a woman, wife, and mother to my children.  She really was amazing growing up, always giving advice and beautiful instruction on life.  It is wonderful to still have her here, and yes, she does know about & read my blog.  One of the things she did when we were young was to read a Proverbs chapter a day, based on the days of the month.  I’ll never forget the way she’d read the Bible to my brother and I as we were curled up next to her, and I’ll never forget hearing those words of wisdom as they are still with me.

Here are some of the great verses to remind us what God says about anger and losing our temper:

The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life, but the mouth of the wicked conceals violence.  Hatred stirs up conflicts, but love covers all offenses.

Wisdom is found on the lips of the discerning, but a rod is for the back of the one who lacks sense.”  Proverbs 10:11-13

***

The lips of the righteous feed many with their instructions….  The mouth of the righteous produces wisdom…. The lips of the righteous know what is appropriate….” Proverbs 10:21a, 30a, 32a

“An evil person is trapped by their rebellious speech, but the righteous escapes from trouble.

A man will be satisfied with good because of the words he chooses to speak....”  Proverbs 12:13-14a

***

“With the words of their mouth, the ungodly destroys their neighbor, but through knowledge the righteous are rescued.

Whoever shows contempt for their neighbor lacks good sense, but a person with understanding keeps silent.

“A gracious woman gains honor….  A kind person benefits their own self, but a cruel person brings disaster on themselves.”  Proverbs 11:9, 12, 16a, 17

***

“The thoughts of the righteous are just, but guidance from the wicked leads to deceit.

The words of the wicked are a deadly ambush, but the speech of the upright rescues them.

A fool’s displeasure is known at once, but whoever ignores an insult is sensible.  

Whoever speaks the truth declares what is right….

There is one who speaks rashly, like a piercing sword; but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

Truthful lips endure forever….

Those who promote peace have joy.

A righteous person is careful in how they deal with their neighbor….”

Proverbs 12:5-6, 16, 17a, 18, 19a, 20b

***

A patient person shows great understanding, but a quick-tempered one promotes foolishness.

A tranquil heart is life to the body, but jealousy is rottenness to the bones. ” Proverbs 14:29-30

***

A gentle answer turns away anger, but a harsh word stirs up wrath.

The tongue of the wise makes knowledge attractive, but the mouth of fools blurts out (without self-control) folly.

The tongue that heals is a tree of life, but a devious tongue breaks the spirit.

The lips of the wise broadcast knowledge….

A hot-tempered man stirs up conflict, but a man slow to anger calms strife.

The mind of the righteous thinks before answering, but the mouth of the wicked blurts out evil things.”

Proverbs 15:1-2,4, 7a, 18

***

When a man’s ways please the Lord, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him.

Patience is better than power,

and controlling one’s temper, than capturing an entire city.”

Proverbs 16:7, 32

Men Need Sympathetic Understanding from a Woman

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I have a penchant for taking pictures of water lilies.  Their quiet, breathtaking beauty, their poise as they sit on top of the still water, the reflections around them, are all captivating to me as the scene often speaks to the inner depths of my soul.

Such is a woman who offers a man the rarity of a sympathetic understanding.

A commenter, Buena Vista, whom I respect and admire said recently, (emphasis my own),

Two qualities that I find extremely rare in women, of sterling appearance, habits and spirit — or not: a) empathy for a man; b) noticing and learning the private, profound interests or qualities in a man. These qualities will generally earn mind-lock over a male, who may in fact be so unaccustomed to them that they are initially threatening.

Men do not desire their most intimate partner to be someone who possesses a critical spirit, a harsh attitude, or a bitter inclination.  Despite being displayed as caricatures of men who are without needs, buffoons to be manipulated for a woman’s benefit, or emasculated-feminized men, the real Man desires a woman who is capable of having empathy for him.

The girl or woman who captivates like the poised water lily possesses gentleness, benevolence – loving to help others, genuine kindness, compassion… the traits that embody a sympathetic understanding for men in general.

Yes, in general.  It is insincere for a woman to display these traits towards one member of the human race, while not extending it to others.  The fact that a woman does possess this capability means that she must, and is required to, show her gentleness and quiet inner strength to even to the disagreeable types.

When a woman endeavors to offer her sympathy to a man, she is capable of feeling with him everything that he is feeling and experiencing.  If he is going through a horrible, tough time, she is there and is sympathetic to his trials.  If he is losing his best friend or mother, she is there suffering the loss with him.  She offers him her gentleness, compassion, warm spirit, while keeping her own inner hope inside.  She can stare into the darkness of the abyss, yet be separate and not overwhelmed by it.  His depression does not rub off on her, yet she becomes a light that God’s given to him (indeed, reflecting God’s own light), to help guide him through the darkness.

Somehow, women with our unique beauty and spirit have powers over men.  I’ve written a few posts on the Muse, and how frequently, muses throughout history of the great authors and noble men, were women who – although simple and often even uneducated – had the unique ability to lift the man’s spirits, to propel him through times such as war (in the past).  It is a lost art, the Art of Offering Sympathy, that women today simply do not understand at all.

But rest assured that men do need this from a woman, especially from his wife if he is married.  It is as much of a need as sex is for a man.  Buena Vista (commenter) hit on something very true with his last sentiment:

“These qualities will generally earn mind-lock over a male, who may in fact be so unaccustomed to them that they are initially threatening.”

A woman who possesses those qualities is captivating to a man.  Men want to be understood, they want to know their lover will give them time when they need it, and not rush a process of frustration, depression, or grief.

Some things he doesn’t need

There are some pitfalls us women are very prone to when it comes to trying to offer men our sympathy and understanding:

  • We minimize his problems, encouraging him to snap out of it, move through it faster, count his blessings, etc.
  • We offer him solutions to his problems when he really desires us to reassure him that we still believe and have faith in him

Thoughts and inspiration from The Fascinating Girl

Pregnancy Comparison 1 & 2

Well, for you email followers I’m sorry you received an unfinished draft version of this post! Bare with me as I make my way through this time of newborn sleeploss 😉

I wanted to compare these two pregnancies mostly because of how they were so drastically different. I think the other post was getting too long and too caught up in details… so here goes a fresh new try.

Pregnancy 1 vs 2

As I’ve written about before, I didn’t feel ready to be a mother when I became pregnant with my first; women in their 20’s aren’t encouraged to get married and start creating their families yet. The pregnancy itself was overwhelming – the changes to my body and the emotions… the actual concept of a baby wasn’t a reality for me until maybe the final trimester.

This pregnancy was planned, but coming right after a miscarriage, it was hard for me to feel excited about it at first. I think I was afraid to actually want this baby for fear I’d lose it. But it ended up being a peaceful, sweet pregnancy with very little stress compared to our first. Health-wise I think this was a much healthier pregnancy. The first time, we ate quite a bit of fast food, I gained somewhere between 45 & 50 lbs. This time we mostly ate homecooked meals – very healthy and low in sodium and fat… I gained 24 lbs instead.

Losing the post partum weight took almost a year for pregnancy #1, but I’ve lost all the weight already for pregnancy #2 because of only gaining 24 lbs. I lost 22 lbs in the first 2 weeks post partum after pregnancy #1, so my body is basically doing the same thing this time, it just had a lot less to lose.

Everyone’s body is different, sometimes the weight just comes off slower – don’t worry about getting it off fast just focus on your newborn and workout once your body is ready. Even though I’ve lost the weight, my body needs to regain the loss muscle tone that allows me to wear my old jeans again – its amazing that muscle actually weighs the same but makes you tinier.

One thing that truly helps is wearing the compression underwear found at almost any maternity store. Its basic underwear with about 5 inches of firm elastic waistband made to compress your belly back in, and helps speedup fluid loss. There are other options that work the same like a belly band wrap that you wear for a month to 3 months daily under your clothes.

This experience was just so much better in so many ways… my first son came a month early due to what my dr contributed to the immense stress we under at that time. My baby spent 5 days in NICU, and we were shell-shocked trying to care and do whatever we could for him. The NICU was great, but seeing him with tubes and an IV was so hard. Baby#2’s birth was ridiculously easy, the hospital stay felt like a mini vacation at a hotel – I even got a massage!

Post partum Emotions

I guess it isn’t surprising I fell into a dark place of post partum depression the first time. With the circumstances surrounding my son’s birth, we also ended up trying to deal with angry in-laws who wanted to let us know they didn’t approve of our boundaries we were trying to set up after the first couple of months.

This time it surprised me how much happiness and bliss I feel post partum… its like realizing how it should’ve felt the first time. I’m actually able to enjoy my new baby instead of feeling a constant fear and dread that something could be wrong. Post partum depression is tricky – if you notice that you don’t feel strong feelIngs for your newborn, or immense fear or anxiety, get treated immediately so that you can recover as fast as possible! That kind of depression was so intense I remember not being able to really register the sunlight – I love sunlit but it was like it didn’t matter, it felt gray. I remember being able to appreciate sunlight again after being treated… if you suspect you have post partum depression, you MUST take care of yourself – it is so sad how it can rob you of the joy of having a new baby.

These two pregnancies just couldn’t have been more different, I’m grateful for the experiences so that I can understand more of what women go through. If you’ve had a birth or post partum experience you’d like to talk about please leave a comment, I’d love to hear from you.

Sunny Day Adventures

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OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA“Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice.” – Dr. Wayne Dyer

I’m still in a kind of funk since the miscarriage… just totally not myself.  I was told it’s one of those things where you go through all the stages of grief.  It’s hard to feel like you’re grieving for something that is misunderstood, I confess, I really don’t even understand how to deal with it.  But enough about that… life is still so beautiful.  These are some pictures of a recent adventure we went on.

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The water was so peaceful.

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FEAR.

To me, fear is one of the worst emotions a person can let get ahold of them.  And I don’t mean that it is wrong to feel afraid, there is a difference between feeling afraid and actually letting fear control your mind and actions.  It is not even the same as experiencing anxiety & its symptoms, although it can be mistaken as that.  Anxiety usually paralyzes you, or makes you “faint” in or with fear.  The kind of fear I’m talking about right now, is fear that motivates a person to act, taking over your mind and pushing aside logic, causing one to make decisions that to others, make literally no sense.

Letting fear control you, destroys you from the inside out.  If you’re a Christian, you probably understand this already as its mentioned so often (365 times I believe) in the Bible.

Fear doesn’t always look the way you’d expect it to look.  I’ve seen people who are afraid, that unless you knew psychology & the way the inner-mind and motivations work, you’d think they were doing fine – brave even – since they were still in action.  But the Truth is in a person’s actions, you can tell when someone is afraid of being replaced, threatenend in their position, afraid of being found out, all by the basic way they act. 

It is extremely sad to watch someone who was once so loving, supportive and “normal” turn into someone who feels threatened at every turn, threatened by someone who might seem better than them, threatened by different opinions, and never at peace for long, if at all, they have to remain in control.  I’ve seen a person try to destroy those who were most loyal to them, because of a deep-seated fear that they were smarter, or better in some way. 

There was once an ancient king who lived at time when Jerusalem was ruled by Rome.  This king, who even endeavored to kill the Jews’ Messiah and “correct” the prophecy, killed his wife and 3 of his sons all in fear of basic disloyalty, fear of losing his throne.  King Henry VIII, driven by the fear of not having his own male successor, also gave in to maddening fear that caused him to kill the women he loved & married, a succession of them!  Fear of loss of control can cause you to hurt the ones you love the most – the ones who care for you the most.

The effects of a life run by fear are devastating – watching & learning these lessons have forever changed the way I think and act.

Just some food for thought, on an early Monday morning. 😉

Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you.
    I have called you by name; you are mine.
When you go through deep waters,
    I will be with you.
When you go through rivers of difficulty,
    you will not drown.
When you walk through the fire of oppression,
    you will not be burned up;
    the flames will not consume you.
For I am the Lord, your God,
    the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
I gave Egypt as a ransom for your freedom;
    I gave Ethiopia[a] and Seba in your place.
Others were given in exchange for you.
    I traded their lives for yours
because you are precious to me.
    You are honored, and I love you.”    Isaiah 43:1b-4

God has made my life a testimony to this passage. 

Every word is true.