When I started this blog, my target audience was married men looking to improve their marriage. Judging from my stats, I have found I have a substantial female following. Which should tell you guys that your women are also interested in improving the marriage, to the point where they are seeking out advice for you. […]
There’s a woman who wrote a post I was semi-aware of this Summer, but didn’t want to dig deeper into thinking about (because it was ugly). I’d literally just had a baby when I first skimmed her post – and I could only skim it because it was that disturbing to read and think about too much.
In it she tries to get the reader to feel guilty for judging a child molester every time we hear the sordid details come out about how they harmed or killed an innocent child.
Yes, you just read that.
She tries to make the reader feel guilt for judging a person who delights in harming innocent children.
She then goes on to claim that we shouldn’t step into the Judge’s seat regarding these kinds of evil people. She repeatedly says the phrase “Don’t judge…” “Don’t judge…” Telling the reader they have no business judging evil people, even if it’s socially acceptable.
She even goes so far as to ask the reader, who could be a victim of child molestation themselves 😦 , if they REALLY are a “better person” than a child molester.
Her own words:
So we put ourselves firmly in the seat of Judge, and we mete out what we would consider Justice. I have to laugh at the incongruity here, given one of the maxims of our day is “don’t judge”…
“Don’t judge” – unless the person you’re judging is a paedophile.
“Don’t judge” – unless it’s someone who is clearly way worse than you.
“Don’t judge” – unless it’s publicly acceptable to do so.
Do you think you’re better than a paedophile?
That’s not a trick question.
Are you a better person than a paedophile?
She “laughs” at the incongruity of normal people daring to judge a child molester when calling for justice to be done. Why would a Christian laugh at a situation dealing with something so clearly evil, and something we are supposed to view with soberness and yes, we are called to judge and expose evil (Eph 5).
In the comments, when responding to a victim of child molestation 😦 , who obviously was very offended by her suggestions in this post, she defends herself and takes this analogy even further to include other evil acts some humans engage in: killing a police officer – which earns people the death penalty in some states. Don’t judge them, she says. You’re no better as a person, than a cop killer.
Ok, so where does this “you’re no better than a truly evil person” stop with this line of reasoning?
With all the mass murdering happening in the news lately, first the church that was my Uncle and Aunt’s old church being shot up with MANY children and even pregnant women murdered last week, to just this morning hearing of an elementary school being another target of an evil mass murderer. Are we really called to “not judge” evil doers who commit acts like these? Is it really better “to laugh” at the people who DO get angry and voice their sentiments of desiring justice?
Is it even NORMAL for a person to laugh when something like this has happened? Let alone to laugh at people being upset over it?
Let’s apply her spiritual reasoning to that situation, changing the words “pedophile” to “mass murderer:”
Don’t judge… unless it’s a mass murderer.
Do you think you’re better than a mass murderer?
That’s not a trick question.
Are you a better person than a mass murderer?
The details just now coming out of yet another elementary school being shot up with many innocent children being harmed or dying from their injuries, this question (and this blogger or those like her who are trying to get us to subtly feel guilty for righteous anger or judgment) is even more critical think about.
It’s devastating, and yes, people are JUDGING the person who had so much evil inside them, that they carried out an act like this against innocent children. Should there be forgiveness? Yes, eventually. But to tell people not to “judge” an evil doer?
How dare we believe we are a “better person” than someone who did something so truly diabolic right?
I would never “laugh” when reading people responding to an officer being murdered in his patrol car. I would never go to the Widow left behind, or the child of that officer (people I minister to in real life) and try to get them to hear they were “no better” … “as a person” … than their husband or father’s killer. Forgiveness, yes, totally. But even that has to come with lots of time for most victims of that kind of evil. But to try to make them feel “no better” than someone who murdered their husband? No, I wouldn’t dare go there. Sure we all deserve hell. But certain acts are very evil, and no, not all people are equally as evil as some others allow themselves to be.
But since she asks you, if you are in fact, “a better person” than a pedophile, let me extend her question in the wake of this recent new shock to humanity and goodness:
Are you a better person than a mass murderer who kills children while they’re sitting in school?
Well, are you?
For society’s sake, I truly hope you are.
Because of the ugly and dark nature of this post, I had a VERY hard time deciding whether or not to publish it here on my blog. I published it, then deleted it, then published it again, then deleted it again. I literally could not decide how to expose this reasoning, which I believe to be pure evil, without having it pollute my own blog (which is supposed to have a totally different purpose). The evil undertones towards victims of those people who choose to do evil actions toward them in the original woman’s post, are so intensely creepy to me. So it’s not something I’m interested in discussing here, but at the same time, I think the exposure to this kind of false humility (hidden self-righteousness) of Christians telling people not to judge evil doers, is VERY important to be thinking about critically. It is why our society is having such problems with pedophilia – which will soon be seen as “normal.” Telling someone, a victim of child molestation, that they’re “no better” as a person than their molester is setting society up to view pedophilia as acceptable and no longer evil. When we start seeing evil doers as people we “shouldn’t judge” like this woman tells us to, we will see it become normalized. But because of all the above, I don’t have commenting as an option (just too creepy). As Abraham Lincoln said, some truths are “self-evident.”
This is going to be a really short post, I may (but may not) write more on it later, just depends since we’re entering a REALLY busy time for our family with all the holidays coming up soon and various events we need to attend.
But I just wanted to write something quick in response to this idea that wives can’t work through issues – even very major issues – with their husband.
This post is for women who believe their situation is “hopeless,” because it contains a major key I’ve used in my own life and in helping other women realize what to do when they have no idea what else to try.
It REALLY really works. And this kind of information is what my mother raised me understanding and living out from the time I was 12!
There are many who will tell you that having a good marriage is just good fortune or that you’ve been really fortunate to have picked someone perfect for you – or who you can at least “submit to.”
“A happy marriage: That’s a pretty subjective term to be sure, but when you hear about your good fortune often enough, you learn not to take it for granted. If you’re smart, you know full well not to take credit for that, and just count your blessings.”
Yes, it’s very very true that you need to be grateful – so grateful – for having a good, happy marriage. But it’s also not wrong to realize that certain things you’ve done or things you’ve chosen to change about your behavior, have been a credit to creating that happy marriage. I’m sure Elspeth knows this, but saying it in the way she did, leads men and women to believe that seeing someone else’s good fortune and happiness in marriage is all due to chance or luck, or some other factor. It leads to believing only the lucky ones got the good deal.
And that’s just not true.
In reality, marriage largely depends upon the WIFE’S behavior ❤
Here is a starting reading material for anyone interested in finding help for their hopeless situation. I’m not special… ANYONE can manage to understand these truths and learn them, then when they’re ready, walk another woman through them when she may need some help.
Here is reading material, happy reading!
I know this is a sensitive subject (anything to do with a woman’s beauty is a sensitive subject lol) and this is a personal choice… but women who wear their hair down are almost universally perceived as feminine and alluring. Hair is such a gift God’s given us to enhance our natural beauty. And it is one of the main things men find sexy or attractive about a woman. It’s her hair.
It’s normal in America for married women to either cut their hair short after kids, or just always wear it up. this isn’t so in many areas of Europe or even some other Eastern cultures where even older women wear their hair long. As a result, I’ve read reports from men who have traveled to these areas, that they are AMAZED how sexy and beautiful even the older women are. And it’s LARGELY because of 1) their attractive slender shapes and 2) their HAIR!
I’ve written about this hair topic a few years before when Dr. Laura described it as American (or Western culture women) having something called “frump syndrome.” Even reading it, it just sounds scary! It’s when women stop wearing makeup and always wear their hair up (hardly ever styled) and generally don’t care how they’re dressing now that they’re either 1) married, or 2) a stay at home mom with little kids or babies. It’s pretty common, especially the hair thing. It’s also really unattractive 😦 especially to men.
I think most women do this unconsciously. They fall into a routine of always putting their hair up in a pony tail or bun and never think about how much better (more feminine) they’d look if they put more effort into wearing their hair down. If you’re married, it’s selfish to never care about the way you wear your hair, or to start dressing frumpy just because you’re a stay at home mommy. I know that sounds harsh, but you don’t see working women dressing the way us stay at home moms tend to (ouch!). It’s because they know their workplace and their boss has higher standards of appearance. Well, turns out most husbands also want to see you putting effort into your hair, makeup and clothes, even if you stay home with the kids. To me this all makes sense… if a woman puts effort to look nice when she goes out for other people (or her own self-respect) of course she should put in effort on a daily basis for her husband who sees her at home. It’s a major sign of disrespect to never put an effort into making yourself look more feminine or beautiful, even while staying at home. And the BIGGEST contributing factor to a woman’s femininity is arguably, her hair.
It’s our most powerful “accessory.” 😉 ❤
For many women, it takes more work to wear your hair down, which is why they probably don’t do it. I have to make sure it’s styled because my hair has insane body and sometimes frizz and doesn’t tend to look great when I just wake up. So it takes a little bit of effort – not even that much though, like 5-10 minutes depending on the day, but my husband is CRAZY about it when I wear it long and flowing. And compliments me on it frequently.
Just this morning he walked in when I happened to be changing… my long hair was falling down over my breasts, and he was taken aback for a moment watching me… and called me his Lady Godiva! ❤
He loves it, and he notices it all the time. But the truth is… he wouldn’t even SEE how long it is if I always wore it up daily when working around the house. He (and I!) would be missing out a big part of my feminine beauty if I selfishly daily hid my hair away from him. It’s the little things that tend to enhance the romance in a marriage, and this is just one of the many “little things,” in my opinion.
With a baby, I get it, it’s easier to put it up, but don’t put it up all the time, even if you do have a baby. Put up with a little hair pulling 😉 I’m going through this right now, literally lol with my 4 month old. You can teach them not to pull it so much. And your husband will appreciate seeing you looking more feminine and beautiful – showing him you care about his desire to see you that way.
And obviously for doing chores, it needs to be out of the way so you don’t get frustrated and ca see what you’re doing. But for things like carrying the baby around, breastfeeding, making some snacks or lunches (where you’re hair is less likely to be in the way) try wearing it down and see how much more feminine you feel.
Try a challenge and wear it down mostly for the next week. If you’re guilty of always wearing it up for comfort and not having to mess with it, this will probably be hard for you at first to get used to.
This also means you’ll have to spend some time to make it look actually presentable, because just wearing it down if it’s not clean, brushed, or at least styled, won’t have the same “beautiful” and feminine effect for you or your husband.
If it’s frizzy and wild, this means you’ll need to put in the time and effort to make it look nice when down. You probably wore it down a lot when you were dating right?
Don’t go to the Frumpside.
Try wearing it down.
This is part of Lori Alexander’s most recent post, I thought it was an amazing testimony many of you would like to read and think about. It was from a woman in her online chat room:
“Friends, I know that with the church shooting, many are experiencing fear and apprehension that such a thing could happen. Mentally, we know God is sovereign and in control, but we still experience worry for our families and ourselves. Could this happen to us? I wanted to tell you my story, not to sensationalize, but to testify to God’s faithfulness to his promises. (Warning, it may be upsetting to some.)
During my senior year of nursing school, I was sitting in class taking mid-terms when a classmate came in and began shooting. This was fifteen years ago when the only school shooting had been Columbine. No one knew what was happening and it took a while for us to realize. He shot one professor immediately. Our second professor was very vocal about her Christian faith. (She would always end her lectures telling us that she couldn’t talk about it in class, but if we ever wanted someone to talk to about where she found hope or someone to pray for us,to call or visit her any time after class.)
My classmate then turned, pointed the gun at her and asked, “Where is your God now?” She answered boldly, “Whether I live or die, does not change that God is right here, right now.” He then killed her and turned the gun on the class.
Countless times in scripture God tells us, “Do not be afraid.” I want to tell you that He is faithful to His promises. Hiding under the table that morning I knew I was going to die, but the most amazing thing happened, I felt no fear. There was only peace. I remember being sad about how upset my parents would be, but also at peace that God would take care of them.
The most real and authentic prayer of my life was also going to be my last. It was: (CLICK HERE TO READ THE END).
My husband loves for me to collect Halloween costumes, some of the racier ones are great for lingerie! Every year we either buy one on sale, or sometimes have waited until after Halloween to take advantage of when they really mark them down.
Doing Marriage Right’s post made me think of my collection hanging in our closet 😉
Most men would LOVE to see their wives play dress up for them when it comes to bedroom activities!
So surprise him!
The costumes are now on sale 😉
This is the police life… just after posting the Halloween silliness of our life lately, I get a notification that this was just on the news. You try to live with the horror and loss and heartbreak, you deeply enjoy the moments of fun and beauty, but it’s always there, waiting for you again. Coming up again. Over and over again.
The man talking is one of the men my husband knows personally and worked with. If you feel so inclined, it would be good to pray for him.
The funeral of Officer Moreno is the one I spoke about in this post that just occurred a few months ago.
LOL!! Our bad pirate eating his delicious donut!!
So pretty ❤
A regular weekend morning when we have more time to eat as a family when the little ones wake up. Usually it’s just my husband and son on weekdays, because breakfast is the only time he gets to be with him if he’s not off.
And an awesome building project their grandparents got for them below!
They have their own Home Depot aprons LOL… it was so cute!
Seeing my husband teach and work with them is just wow!! So sexy!!!
Their finished projects 😀
My husband built our older son’s costume completely out of cardboard to make it into a transformer car. It was insane! It took a lot of time for them to work on it together, but it was worth it in the end.
Getting ready for a party!!
Lotsa lotsa candy!
Our special Yoda…
His finished costume:
This is what it looked like in the car form (below). It was just so cool!
Hope y’all had an awesome Halloween!
Enjoy your candy, I know I am LOL
I’ve written a few posts for single women concerning the topic of making their character – who they really are – more attractive. When trying to attract a good man, a single woman obviously needs to be worthy of him and working on having the same character that she expects of her future husband, but it just doesn’t stop there.
Married women, more so than ever, need to also be keeping good emotional and mental health and be growing spiritually… all these things are important to increasing the beauty of their character throughout the trials of life. You often find out who you really are, when you’re going through trials and pressed on all sides.
1 Peter 3:3-4
3 Your adornment must not be merely external—with interweaving andelaborate knotting of the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or [being superficially preoccupied with] dressing in expensive clothes; 4 but let it be [the inner beauty of] the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality and unfading charm of a gentle and peaceful spirit, [one that is calm and self-controlled, not overanxious, but serene and spiritually mature] which is very precious in the sight of God.
I’ve written a couple of posts here and here and here, on why outward beauty (a wife’s attractiveness) is also important, but when it truly comes down to it, I do believe that character is always more important. Outward beauty is something that can be easily increased anyway, whereas your character takes a much longer time to attain, and then also to maintain throughout life and it’s temptations.
Character is what truly matters about a person
Even the wonderful Proverbs 31 woman’s husband proclaims this at the end of her passage:
Charm and grace are deceptive, and [superficial] beauty is vain,
But a woman who fears the Lord [reverently worshiping, obeying, serving, and trusting Him with awe-filled respect], she shall be praised.
I think it can be tempting for women to, once they’re married or married for a few years on, to start letting themselves go when it comes to maintaining their character.
The problem is, however, that once you’re married, if you let go of having a beautiful character, who you are as a person when your husband chose you and only you, you’ll make your husband eventually fall out of love with you.
A wife’s character is that important.
Your Husband Has a Breaking Point
I’ve recently read some comments from Deti speaking of how a husband eventually has what he called I believe a, “Breaking Point.” This is when your husband has finally had enough of you acting out your impulses to damage him and he comes to a point where it’s extremely hard to see you the same as he used to.
You never want your husband to get to “that point.” So stop being stupid and damaging him with being critical, nit-picky, or putting up pictures of his messy side for laughs!
All I can tell you is this:
When a man’s wife or long term woman disrespects him one too many times, whatever existed before is completely destroyed.
Whatever he felt for her – gone.
Whatever he was willing to do for her before, he’s no longer willing to do, or capable of doing. Everything. Gone. Leveled. Not one stone left standing on stone.
And he never forgets it.
Oh, he can forgive. He can move on. You can even move on together.
But the things you said, the things you did, to destroy it all, are never forgotten. Not ever.
Some things you say, you cannot unsay. You can’t take them back. Some things you do cannot be undone. That history will always be there. Always. It will never ever go away.
It will always color the way he sees you. You will be forever different to him.
He can, and probably will, get past it eventually. Your relationship might survive. But whatever it was before will not be again. You will have to reconstruct everything. What is built back will not look like what was before. Many times, it will not look anything like what it was before. And you will have to live with that. Or not.
A man can take a lot of disrespect from a woman. And he can go a long time with it. But when you get to “too much” or “one too many times”, it’s done. DONE. OVER. You’ve knocked it all down, destroyed it all. And whatever was before, will never be again.
Perhaps a little food for thought for womenfolk as they wisely and prudently consider their men.
A big tenant of all the principles of character is to treat others the way you’d want to be treated. I always ask myself WHY this is so hard for Christian wives to “get?” We’re basically taught all this in kindergarten for Christ’s sake!! Why would you be so stupid as to do this to your own HUSBAND?!
Do you criticize him – even when it’s light-heartedly joking about his faults or flaws? No one likes a passive-aggressive person who makes light of other people’s failings or short-comings to get a few laughs, don’t do this to your husband unless you want to make him eventually fall out of love with you.
Are you sarcastic? Be prepared to be met with unkind, sarcastic responses back from him someday when he finally has enough!
Do you share his embarrassing moments publicly? I’ve seen even Christian women take pictures of their husband’s dirty side of his bed, and put it up for display on their blog! I’d be interested to see how a wife would react if their husband did something like that to them, I think there’s a good chance they’d be very embarrassed. If you’re tempted to do something like this, even for laughs on social media, always ask yourself if it’s respectful and protecting his privacy and reputation, or being a discreet wife (which men love).
If you put up pictures of the messes your husband makes, people will tend to think he’s a real slob, and then you’ve damaged his reputation and harmed him overall by being indiscreet.
Revealing your husband’s faults in trying to be “real” with other people, is not a kind or wise thing to do, or even fully accurate since you may have caught him at a bad time when he was busy and forgot to clean up. Either way, are you doing things daily that undermine his trust in you and cause him to slowly view you negatively?
If we allow ourselves to always nit-pick and harp on our spouses’ flaws, (or worse, expose their short-comings online for everyone to see!) eventually we’re going to succeed in having them view US in that unkind manner, and it doesn’t look like that would be fun!
The wise woman builds up her house (and husband), while the foolish one tears it down for likes on facebook or to be seen as “more real.”
If you don’t follow, or at least read, The Family Alpha you are missing out. Hunter Drew has some good things to say that many men today need to hear. This Post from June 7th, struck a cord with me. Go read it and tell me if it doesn’t stir something in you. Hunter has done something […]