Am I Teaching Women to Manipulate Men?
This isn’t just a question I’ve received before via email or in a comment, it’s a criticism that many people have pointed out whenever there’s a woman teaching (in real life or online) other women how to treat their husbands better in order to have a happy marriage. I’ve seen it time and time again throughout the 4 years of blogging at this site. And yes, I’ve been accused of selling “snake oil” to wives – manipulative feminine behaviors and techniques to get their husbands to give them what they want. In reality, anything considered to be “snake oil,” would prove to be false over-time. And I’ve many men and women tell me that these things are truth. Manipulative techniques don’t actually work long-term in a marriage for producing good. So no, I’m not selling “snake-oil” to wives…. (CONTINUE READING)
Is there Hope for the Hopeless?
This post is for women who believe their situation is “hopeless,” because it contains a major key I’ve used in my own life and in helping other women realize what to do when they have no idea what else to try.
It REALLY really works. And this kind of information is what my mother raised me understanding and living out from the time I was 12!… (CONTINUE READING)
Why I Wear My Hair Long – Even with a Baby
I know this is a sensitive subject (anything to do with a woman’s beauty is a sensitive subject lol) and this is a personal choice… but women who wear their hair down are almost universally perceived as feminine and alluring. Hair is such a gift God’s given us to enhance our natural beauty. And it is one of the main things men find sexy or attractive about a woman. It’s her hair…. (CONTINUE READING)
Married Women: Play Dress Up for Playful Sex!
This post was written right after Halloween encouraging wives to take advantage of after-Halloween sales on sexy costumes, but it can apply any time of the year! My husband loves for me to collect Halloween costumes, some of the racier ones are great for lingerie! Every year we either buy one on sale, or sometimes have waited until after Halloween to take advantage of when they really mark them down…. (CONTINUE READING)
Married Women: Your Character Can Either Inspire Love or Indifference
I’ve written a few posts for single women concerning the topic of making their character – who they really are – more attractive. When trying to attract a good man, a single woman obviously needs to be worthy of him and working on having the same character that she expects of her future husband, but it just doesn’t stop there.
Married women, more so than ever, need to also be keeping good emotional and mental health and be growing spiritually… all these things are important to increasing the beauty of their character throughout the trials of life. You often find out who you really are, when you’re going through trials and pressed on all sides…. (CONTINUE READING)
Email Questions: Why Don’t You Write More About Being a Police Wife?
I recently had a younger woman who is about to marry an LEO, email me asking me if I could write more on what it’s like being a police wife. I don’t really write about being a police wife. Why? I think I’ve answered this before, but with a blog that has 500+ posts, I’ve even forgotten when and where I gave that answer. So I’ll give it again. I don’t write about it because there are so many other blogs out there that do it much better than I would probably…. But since I’ve gotten this question a couple of times, here are some tips I’ve learned to be a supportive police wife: (CONTINUE READING)
JORDAN PETERSON: What a Marriage Should Look Like
I found this man, Jordan Peterson, via youtube just recently. Apparently he’s been around for awhile and I’ve been living under a rock… or just never-ending laundry LOL! But he is brilliant and reminds me so much of the way my dad talks and thought about life. Just very addicting to listen to, that kind of beautiful mind.
This is one of THE BEST description breakdowns of what a truly great marriage should look like in practical terms. He covers all aspects, even describing almost to a “T” my husband’s tattoo he has of our marriage (the three strand cord), however he leaves out God since I don’t believe this man is a Christian…. (CONTINUE READING)
Unhappily Married Women Claiming Happy Couples are FAKE on Social Media
Around our last anniversary in August, I saw a viral blog post going around that blatantly told happy married couples (those on facebook) that their happy photos and positive notes they post to each other makes certain married couples feel bad about their own marriages. Here is the specific post, “I Cannot, In Good Conscience, Participate in the Love Your Spouse Challenge,” where one woman took the self-righteous approach of declaring that the challenge participants were so fake, that she just couldn’t participate by honoring her husband for 7 days posting positive things about him and their marriage because it wouldn’t be “real” enough…. (CONTINUE READING)
Christians Aren’t Called to Have “Great Sex” – They’re Called to Have Bad Sex
A couple of years ago, Relevant Magazine did an article telling their Christian audience that they were not “called to have great sex in marriage.” I read it because a friend that was in a serious relationship had recommended it, but I was very bothered by what I found. The article presented some truths for sure, one being that sex is not what marriage is all about, and this is right of course, if you marry only for sex and don’t seek a partner that has good character then you are in for a difficult marriage (and the good sex will quickly disappear). But in Relevant Magazine’s attempt to help marriages, they missed the point of sex being one of the most important things in a marriage, and often the glue that holds a marriage together. Why was the article written to help marriages in such a way that it actually discourages Christian couples from having “amazing” sex? …. (CONTINUE READING)
What Happened to the Proverbs 31 Series?!?
Hi! If you’re looking for the series I wrote back in 2015, I’ve taken it all down (over 100 pages!) and have been making it into a book. It will mostly be for our family to be passed down through the generations hopefully – if they find value in it. I’ve also been tailoring it into a book for police wives, since there’s been a lot of interest there 🙂 I received many messages and emails and friends in real life who loved that series, and I’m so glad it was able to reach so many women. It was very anti-feminist and caused us to have more “haters” coming after us personally than anything I’ve ever written in my life! Very interesting that it had a community of literally 1,000’s of women angry and hateful over me simply writing about the biblical applications of the Proverbs 31 wife. Anyway, email me if you are ever interested in discussing the topics that were written about! Each chapter was 10-25 pages long, and it was a VERY in-depth “book.” One man reading it referred to it as real spiritual “meat,” not “milk,” incredibly deep and fascinating. It really was humbling to feel God direct me in writing it, and each chapter was a gold mine for ME in discovering things I never knew about the historical applications, biblical femininity, etc. It blew my mind! Sorry it has been taken down, but again, feel free to email me with questions about the sources or material used in the research.
Hope you enjoy the rest of the blog!
His Wife Desires to do Good Work
The virtuous woman seeks work for herself to do that willbenefit her family. Instead of waiting for chores to pile up or for things to get noticeably out of wack, our virtuous woman diligently searches for what needs to get done so that she stays busy and on top of her work.
Another way to look at this verse, is to understand the implications behind her searching for wool and flax – she is selectively picking raw materials that are of quality to be used in the cloth or clothing she will make. She knows if she doesn’t pick out the best quality raw materials, her eventual product that she sells to the merchants (vs 24) or makes for her husband or children to wear (vs 21), will also lack quality…. (Not Available Anymore)
His Wife is Over-flowing with Goodness
Continuing on with our study of the virtuous wife in Proverbs 31, we have just looked at many of the facets that make up her husband’s being able to safely and fully trust in his wife, and now we move on to a congruent concept. A virtuous wife understands her role is to do her husband good, not evil, all the days of her life. This one sentence, this one little verse, is so tantamount to understanding what God intends for a wife to be and do for her husband; as I sit here trying to figure out how on earth to write a single post the encompasses all the ways this could be exemplified, I feel amazed. It isn’t simply about gender roles, as it goes much deeper than that to encompass the way she lives her entire life! Her main ministry is to do her husband good and not evil, if she succeeds at anything else, and yet fails in this area of serving her husband, she has lost everything because she’s failed to maintain the most important relationship on earth that God has given her…. (Not Available Anymore)
Her Husband Can Safely Trust in Her
This is one of my favorite verses in this Proverbs 31 passage about the virtuous wife. I don’t think there is any greater pleasure in a marriage than having the assurance that the heart of your husband safely and completely trusts in you! Its a testament that you are living out submission and obedience to your husband with near constant perfection! So if your husband can say that his heart fully trusts in you, you are a rare and beautiful jewel to him! If you’re not sure that your husband would agree with this statement in your marriage, however, if you’re in a difficult time in your marriage, take heart. There’s always the chance to make his trust a priority in your marriage, you can start today by applying these basic principles in your life…. (Not Available Anymore)
The Power & Difficulty of Becoming a Woman of Virtue
A virtuous woman is a force to reckon with, as we already know, the Proverbs 31 woman is resented by many women because of how powerful she is. How is she able to accomplish and be so much? Her ability and competence may be intimidating to a young wife, but especially to a wife who feels as though she’s never measured up to the biblical standard, or has flat out failed in her attempts. I think we’ve all been there in our own personal journeys in feeling as though we’d rather give up, but let me encourage you with this post that there is a secret to why this wife is able to do and be so much to her husband and family. A virtuous woman has a unique power source, and it’s available to you, too…. (Not Available Anymore)
The Best Gift You Can Give to Your Husband
The Best Gift You Can Give Your Husband, is to be a Proverbs 31 woman. There are many women out there who deeply resent these verses (31:10-31), and you can find many women who have written articles trying to diminish or discount this woman’s high standards and godly beauty. They downplay her virtues, saying that it isn’t about just one woman, or that it was “targeting men, not women,” and the excuses go on and on as to why we (as modern women) should disregard these very clear verses in the Bible. I urge you to be confident enough in God’s word to reject these notions that these verses aren’t applicable today. “A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband.” Proverbs 12:4
The problem for women who resent the Proverbs 31 passages is:this is God’s standard of godly, feminine beauty, this is God’s model for a virtuous woman…. (Not Available Anymore)
Why Is Attractiveness in Marriage Important?
“I think, however, that it is part of the vows to do what you can to maintain passionate love. Being attractive is part of that. I also think it is possible to make yourself be in love with someone (having done it myself). There are limits, of course.Romance and passion are often dismissed in christian teaching about marriage, just like attractiveness and beauty are. I suspect this is partially the cause for the attractiveness issue.”
His concern that Christian teachings throw out or dismiss the importance of romance & passion, or attractiveness & beauty in marriage are well-founded. I’ve written before in Men Need an Attractive Wife, that… (CONTINUE READING)
A Woman’s Attractiveness Reflects on Her Husband’s Appeal, Talent, & Ability
I had one of the most interesting comments last week by Object of Contempt, wondering how keeping passionate love, romance, and a woman’s attractiveness alive and well in a marriage are intertwined with each other, and if they are at all supported in Scripture. He admitted that most women don’t seem to have a problem with wanting to be attractive, but for the women who are extremely against it, are there any biblical passages that show it’s important to God?
His main question was how a woman would address another woman who is really determined to refuse to be attractive to her husband? Would she need a certain approach to make it more palatable?… (CONTINUE READING)
Featured On the Peaceful Wife
We got married in 2007, and we were so young (I was 20 about to turn 21, he was only 23), and still in school. I was lucky that in our first year, I had a job at a Christian bookstore, so I had endless access to great marriage books that I read when the shop was super slow or on my breaks. I ended up buying a lot of the books, and they are still in our library now, although some I’ve given away to other women I was encouraging in their marriages. But it was mostly from these books and some books I brought from home when I moved out that helped me understand what I was doing wrong in my communication style…. (CONTINUE READING)
Can I Desire Spiritual Growth for My Husband?
I recently came across a question from a wife that was asking if it was ok to seek personal (and to me that also means spiritual) growth for her husband. She wondered if maybe personal growth (desiring it) should only be for oneself, and if it was maybe wrong to desire it for someone else.
This is a great question, and something I believe God’s shown me even recently through the many lessons He’s taught me this past year of 2015. Not about my husband at all, but it centered around me desiring personal and spiritual growth for people I interacted with who were continually acting sinfully and in ways that dishonored God. I’m so grateful and humbled that He’s done so much in my life in just this one year, and especially these last few months!
So without further ado, this is the answer I gave her:… (CONTINUE READING)
Married Women, Flirting & Loyalty
I was out early in the morning without the boys so that I could do our Christmas shopping without them finding out what they’d get. I thankfully rarely get hit on now days because I’m almost never without either my kids or husband when going out. But that morning being alone, even dressed very down and almost shabby, barely any makeup on and hair a little wild looking, there was a man that was also shopping in the toy section and asked me where I thought he could find a certain kind of toy that didn’t appear to be carried there. We went our separate ways, but then I saw him again in a different aisle awhile later, he looked a little nervous, but came up to me anyway, telling me that he’s been looking for a beautiful woman and wanted to know if I would go out on a date sometime with him…. (CONTINUED READING)
Christians Aren’t Called to Have Great Sex, They’re Called to Have Bad Sex!
A couple of years ago, Relevant Magazine did an article telling their Christian audience that they were not “called to have great sex in marriage.”
I read it because a friend that was in a serious relationship had recommended it, but I was very bothered by what I found. Thearticle presented some truths for sure, one being that sex is not what marriage is all about, and this is right of course, if you marry only for sex and don’t seek a partner that has good character then you are in for a difficult marriage (and the good sex will quickly disappear). But in Relevant Magazine’s attempt to help marriages, they missed the point of sex being one of the most important things in a marriage, and often the glue that holds a marriage together…. (CONTINUE READING)
Encourage Your Man in Hard Times
Over the weekend, I was asked to write about encouraging your man when he’s going through a particularly difficult time, from a younger friend I truly admire and love. She is hands down, just ridiculously amazing! Her faith, her sweet optimism, her pure, beautiful spirit has always inspired me and encouraged me to be better myself. I have no doubt that she has touched the lives of many people with her optimism and encouraging spirit. Even when I used to work with her, I noticed that she had this power to make even the most grouchiest of people’s faces light up when she encountered them. She is gifted with such a beautiful spirit… (CONTINUE READING)
Respecting Your Husband’s Space
Something I deeply treasure in our marriage is the time we spend together. Whatever season we’re in, whether there is ample amount of time, or barely enough time to reconnect, I truly do value that sense of togetherness.
When we were dating and in college, some of our mutual friends joked that we were attached at the hip, they said they never saw us by ourselves – we went everywhere together, did everything as a couple, and tried to see each other as much as humanly possible…. (CONTINUE READING)
The Best Thing
We were out running errands this last Thursday, when my husband decided to stop by an RV dealership just to look and see what they had since we saw we were ahead of schedule. He’s had this hint of a dream of owning an RV for a few years now, it started with the desire to be able to travel in retirement, and then grew to the dream of using it for vacations with our children camping around the country. It is cute, and even though I really disliked the thought of RVs in general, I adore how he is so drawn to them…. (CONTINUE READING)
Protect Your Rest – Protect Your Family
Last week, one of the leaders in our Bible study sat at my table, she listened as we went over our homework and talked about the ideas or thoughts we had regarding it. When it came time for her to speak at our table, she let us in on something she thought we should really know:
She said she wished she had spent more time playing on the floor with her kids, had had dinner more often at the table, rather than spend so much time driving around town getting to their activities. She said she was always in the car, the kids ate their fast food dinners in it as they drove to the next big thing. And now, as she’s looking back and her kids are much older, she wishes she had lived this part of her life differently…. (CONTINUE READING)
My Husband Isn’t Romantic Enough!
“I have read many of the posts on your site and I agree with some things you say. I agree that women should not deny sex to their husbands and I do not deny sex to my husband, although there are many times I don’t feel like having sex with him.
But I think you miss the fact that women have an equal right to be dated by their husbands. Why do men think that dating is just before marriage? Why do men stop dating their wives after they get married?…. (CONTINUE READING)
Advice for the Wife Who Doesn’t Love Her Husband Anymore
Many people get married for the wrong reasons… be it to get away from their parents, because they want to avoid being alone (aka: they’re not comfortable enough on their own as an adult so they want to codependently live with another), they are pregnant, or they are 29 and don’t want to be that single person still in their 30’s.
I’d say that women are more prone to marrying for the wrong reasons, but I’ve heard of many men doing it too. Regardless, once a person is married, it’s my belief that they should do whatever they have to do to love that person that they chose, and to actively work together with them to embrace the life they’ve chosen. And make it into the most beautiful life they can together…. (CONTINUE READING)
The 40 Year Sexless Marriage
From commenter Nathan,
“Having lived in a marriage for over 40 years like the one the writer describes I can attest to the damage it will do not only to him but most likely to his kids as well. If this woman continues treating him this way he will almost certainly find himself taking some of his resentment and frustration out on the kids rather than her.
He could easily find himself locked in a battle with the kids for control and respect. Since she obviously has little or no respect for him she will most likely undermine his authority with the kids and he will almost certainly loose that battle as well…. (CONTINUE READING)
My Husband Isn’t Worthy of My Desire, Respect, Trust or Kindness
I received an email from a woman in her mid 30’s wondering how one can honestly desire, respect, trust or be kind to a husband that “doesn’t deserve it.” In her own words, her husband isn’t “worthy” of her desire, respect, trust, or even kindness, that “the real problem is that this advice (my blog’s advice) is EASY to follow when you are married to a great guy and you haven’t ever had any hardships or resentments or relationship issues.” That if you manage to get engaged early, marry the perfect man, have a dream proposal, etc. that you won’t have to work hard, or put any effort in at all, to have a good marriage.
This is based on the societal lie that the only people who have good marriages are the ones who got lucky in their picking, the stars aligned and behold, they acquired their “unicorn,” or mythical creature of perfection in marriage…. (CONTINUE READING)
All For One & One For All
Recently I had a man who is in charge of the psyche department in my husband’s line of work, ask me personally what I thought would help couples to survive the kind of stress that is put on marriages when the men (or women) go through their intensive training academy. He said that often the amount of damage that is incurred to the marriage during that period of time is so intense, that even once the men are out and on the street, the “surprises” of that first year or so afterwards are still inflicting pain long after the supposedly painful period is over. By the time the academy training is over, so much hurt and resentment has typically built up, their marriages often don’t survive much longer, or limp along in pain… (CONTINUE READING)
The Ignorant Sexless Wife
“My wife (26) and I (26) have been married for 2.5 years and known each other for close to 4. Our daughter just turned 15 months.
After the birth of our daughter, my wife was reluctant to have sex for a while because she delivered vaginally. Her OB said she was good to go after 3 weeks or so, but we waited for a couple months to make sure she was comfortable. I initiated and we had good sex, and she mentioned how long it’s been and how she missed it. Then, after that one time, my advanced started getting rejected, you know, standard stuff. After a couple months of it, I started talking to her about it, how sex was important to me for emotional connection etc., and she said it was important to her, too, but she wasn’t in the mood and wanted some time… (CONTINUE READING)
Biblical Submission Is Not…
From The Peaceful Wife, April writes, “There seems to be so much confusion around the concept of biblical submission for wives. I’d like to discuss today something that biblical submission is not because a number of women think they hear me say that biblical submission means passivity:
- I shouldn’t ever say how I feel or what I want.
- I should have no opinions.
- I should never disagree with my husband.
- I should never share my insights, perspective, wisdom, or concerns with my husband.
- I should be quiet all the time.
- I should smile all the time.
- I should let my husband decide everything in our marriage without any input from me whatsoever. I am completely heartbroken to think that ANY wife would ever live like this!” … (CONTINUE READING)
Submission… Is it really a dirty word?
When my husband and I were first married, we had a major problem… we had one car (his truck), and I couldn’t drive it. It was a manual – a stickshift – something both my parents knew how to drive, but I hadn’t a clue. My car that I drove while living with my parents and in college had been an automatic, they saw no value in my going out of my way to learn how to drive a stick. So that first year, my husband took it upon himself to try to teach me how to drive his truck, there was much laughter, some choice words, lots of screaming as the… (CONTINUE READING)
Men Need Sympathetic Understanding from a Woman
I have a penchant for taking pictures of water lilies. Their quiet, breathtaking beauty, their poise as they sit on top of the still water, the reflections around them, are all captivating to me as the scene often speaks to the inner depths of my soul. Such is a woman who offers a man the rarity of a sympathetic understanding.
A commenter, Buena Vista, whom I respect and admire said recently, (emphasis my own),
Two qualities that I find extremely rare in women, of sterling appearance, habits and spirit — or not: a)… (CONTINUE READING)
The Competitive Woman
This… is a photo I snapped of an ad we found in our mailbox for an auto-place in our city. At first glance, it just looks like they’re having fun, washing the car together, but unfortunately, it displays a whole lot more than that with body-language upon a closer look.
Who is in control?
The woman. Let’s take a long look at the woman. Really study her body language and features. Is she more masculine than your average female? This could be cute to me if she were more feminine looking, however, even her muscular structure looks more masculine than her husband’s…. (CONTINUE READING)
Art of Seduction
I’ve written before how important sex is to men. How men need sex… how they crave quality sex versus quantity (though they don’t mind quantity). Its just who they are, and how they were designed to be, and is why since the beginning of time it seems, we have always had the oldest sins around – adultery and prostitution. These have always stayed with us, for very basic reasons that a wife would do well to understand.
This is not to say that women don’t also cheat on their husbands, apparently they seem to cheat just as much as men do – however, this post is for women to understand why their husbands may look at porn, have a fling, or a full fledged affair with another woman…. (CONTINUE READING)
Lesbian Moms, But No Dad?
Heather Barwick is a courageous Gen Y woman who recently has written an open letter to the Gay community about her experience with being raised by two parents of the same-sex. In a world that tries to say (repeatedly) that we are the same – one unisex gender – without realistic and crucial innate differences between the sexes, her VOICE reveals the truth that a father truly is needed. That beautiful, purposeful masculinity is needed, and that when it is absent, something dire is missing.
Read her Open Letter found on The Federalist …. (CONTINUE READING)
Is He Really Sexually Satisfied?
I want to know… are your husbands sexually satisfied?
It’s a loaded question, one that I wonder if many women dare to even ask their husbands, and one that entitled, spoiled women will never have the gall to ask their husbands.
We have an obligation, a responsibility if you will, as the “gate keepers,” to make sure our husbands are sexually satisfied, and take responsibility for our own sexuality to make sure that we are, as well… (CONTINUE READING)
Dads & Sons – Leaving a Legacy for Your Children
When it comes to our children, we want to be the best we can be for them – as a mother, this intention is always at the front of my mind as I try to make interactions and daily life as helpful as possible for our children to feel loved and nurtured and ready for adulthood. My husband has frequently let me know it is also something he thinks of often. It’s important to him whether he’s doing things right – being a good father, and leading our older son towards developing true masculinity in a society that tries to feminize men & say that boys are the same as girls. Raising men is a task that needs a father, a good role model…. (CONTINUE READING)
When an Older Generation Acknowledges You Have a Beautiful Marriage, You KNOW You’re Doing Something Right
So… today we met with our attorney to go over our wills & add in our new baby boy – something I recommend people do every year in January (being a semi-type A personality), its just great to make sure it’s all correct & updated, that no one has gone crazy in your family (to where you’d want to take them off your will or as the guardian of your children should something happen to… (CONTINUE READING)
Importance of Fathers – Sinister Feminist Article vs. Scientific Evidence Fathers Are Needed
In 1999, there was an article in American Psychologist (a scholarly journal) titled, Deconstructing the Essential Father, of which the point was to attempt to discredit the belief that fathers are actually needed by their children in the role of parenting. It’s mind-boggling to me that such a disturbing article was taken seriously enough to be included in an academic journal… (CONTINUE READING)
Lover Above Mother – Putting Your Husband First
Us women typically become cranky and argumentative, with a sexual desire that can be as cold as Antarctica – we take our silly complaints to social media sites like facebook to let the
world our friends list know that WE ARE TIRED OF IT! The irony of complaining about the very people you love the most (your husband and your children)!
The problem is… once children come, marriage just gets complicated. When do you find time to communicate? Most couples aren’t very good… (CONTINUE READING)
Young Couples Getting Married: Treasure Your First Year (Letter From My Husband After Our First Year)
We’ve been married 7 years… it’s been so beautiful and wonderful, we’ve grown so much together & through so many different things. That first year, though it was full of new amazing things – us finding out what it truly meant to be united as one… and us reveling in our new sexual freedom as married lovers, I still tend to look back on that first year as being a little hard to adjust in some ways. We read some amazing books (I worked at a Christian bookstore with access to a great Marriage section), figured out how to better communicate, and were more prepared for the trials we would unknowingly face later down the road… (CONTINUE READING)
Praying for Your Husband in His Work
I’m not sure about you, but my husband definitely needs my support and love in the power that comes in praying over him in his work. He, like most people working full time, deals with a variety of complicated situations ranging from minor every day frustrations to managing several difficult or negative interactions sometimes in a succession right after each other. He especially encounters negativity daily in a way that can wear a person down to a pulp overtime… (CONTINUE READING)
When a Little Weight Goes a Long Way (Can Body Image Issues Ruin a Marriage?)
“She hates it when i look at her while she is naked, or nearly so. I cannot help it, I love to see her like that. The thing is that she is not comfortable with her body, she did gain weight during this pregnancy; and she always has a hard time taking/keeping weight off. I don’t care about that, I will love her; I made that commitment 7 years ago. She still makes me want her, and I wonder if she feels the same. Does anyone know how to ask a significant other if they still find you attractive? If so, please inform me. Seriously.” … (CONTINUE READING)
Parenting… How Parents Should Deal with Adult Children
Let me start out by saying my own thoughts in how, to me, parenting is never really “done.” You don’t just drop them once the child turns 18… a good parent that has worked to have a good relationship with their child, will cross over into the realm of trusted friend and advisor. Obviously, this is something that a “bad” parent doesn’t have the privilege of, since they often did not deliberately work to build a good relationship with their child over the course of them being in their own house and under their rules; they are then often not someone whom that child turns to later on for advice and support.
I don’t ever plan on being out of my sons’ lives, even when they are adults. I want to be there alongside them, having a good relationship… (CONTINUE READING)
Religious Assurance that God Hates Sex (How Christianity & Early Feminism Messed Up Sex & Marriage)
In our day and age, where topics concerning sex are frequently talked about and seen everywhere, it is hard to believe that there was a time in which, under Catholic ideology in the 4th century, and then becoming doctrine & dogma in the Middle Ages, dictated that sex between married couples was ONLY to be for the purpose of procreation.
Pleasure and sex – or having sex for pure pleasure and bonding in marriage – was prohibited, especially for wives, who “were admonished to avoid enjoying themselves; it was sufficient to welcome one’s husband as a passive recipient, but to share his ardor was expressly forbidden.”* … (CONTINUE READING)
Don’t Diss the Date Night
I took my son to our beautiful outdoor mall close by to play at the playground, walk around, and go into the big bookstore where they have a great children’s section with train and lego tables. I get to grab a couple of magazines (yes, usually fashion), or read one of the amazing cookbooks around me (they put the tables right under the cooking section… Julia Child I adore you ❤ ). This time I saw an interesting article about how important date nights are for your marriage… or otherwise long-term relationship… (CONTINUE READING)
How Christianity & Early Feminism Messed Up Sex & Marriage
I took my son to the library to return books & movies and pick out a few for the next week. We went late, we were rushed, and the library was about to close, but in we went anyway 🙂 against all odds. We got his new books picked out along with some cartoons, and turned to get Mommy a book for herself. With my 4 year old starting to tantrum, whining that he couldn’t stay longer (they were about to kick us out), I quickly grabbed the first book that looked interesting to me – A History of the Wife – not even completely aware of what genre I was in.
The best things come about when you’re not looking for them – or when you ironically grab a book you would’ve never chosen to read… (CONTINUE READING)
When You Have to Let Go of Relatives (Bullies in the Family)
We had a situation much like this in our marriage, and have taken a lot of heat for pulling away from the toxic relatives in my husband’s family. My husband finally stood up to his bullying cousin and his family who backed him, and even had to stand up to his own parents who blamed everything on us (him and I specifically). Letting go was hard, but staying in toxic family relationships where every holiday had the potential to end in tears and drama was much harder – especially psychologically… (CONTINUE READING)
Harsh Letter to a Career Mother
“I’m learning more as the years go by that you are a career-orientated person who doesn’t have a clue or understand the essence of what it means to be a wife and mother. Call me traditional if you like, but I firmly believe that mothers need to spend more time at home, perhaps 100 percent of their time at home, to nurture a family and develop a home.
Far too often, there are too many things that get overlooked by you as a wife and mother as it pertains to this family. Our kids lack focus, training, and discipline. They have no routine and there’s no order about anything they do. Mothers, in my opinion, are nurturers and teachers who ought to spend as much time with their kids to teach them things, skills that they will use to cope with life. To put it bluntly, you haven’t been a mother… (CONTINUE READING)
When Changes in Your Spouse Can Lead to Divorce
I understand that many Christians (or religious people) think that divorce isn’t an option, that because Christ never said it was ok to divorce (except for marital unfaithfulness) in even dire circumstances, that He truly meant that divorce was never an option. That leaving a marriage was never a valid decision.
Yes, I believe marriage is sacred, and the Bible clearly states that God hates divorce because that is not how marriage was intended to be – the pain, devastation, and trauma of a divorce isn’t something that we were meant to go through. But I also understand how different circumstances can make marriage a living nightmare… (CONTINUE READING)
Lessons I Learned from a Divorced Man
A repair man named Daniel came over yesterday to fix our sink and electrical mysteries at our house. Just a few weeks ago, he had brought us a new stove as our old one had gone out finally… that and our landlord really likes us. It’s great having a repair guy you trust and can have a lengthy conversation with, I always come away feeling like I’ve learned or been reminded of another important life lesson.
Daniel is in his 50′s and is recently divorced from his wife of 21 years. The day after Christmas (after he spent around $4,000 on new kitchen appliances for her gifts), she told him she was leaving… (CONTINUE READING)
Help Your Husband Get Ahead
Last night I was at a meeting of wives who meet after their busy days, at an office that has been closed, after dark, bringing all kinds of food for each other (and our kids) to eat, all for the purpose of supporting our husbands in their profession. Usually we talk about various projects we can do for our husband’s, events we hold, and general budgeting and planning… but last night we touched on a topic that inspired this post: How to Help Our Husbands Get Ahead… (CONTINUE READING)
Couples That Play Together… Stay Together
In our first year of marriage, we had a beautiful new LifeTime gym opening very close to where we lived, we both loved being active and so we thought it would be fun to workout together… and being the sparkly newly-weds in love that we were, we got our gym membership before it even opened.
I remember we would almost use it as a date-time escape, normal people sweating on their treadmills would look at us & probably think we were having way too much fun – or just too much in love… (CONTINUE READING)
Women Don’t Want Nice Husbands
After writing the article on why Women Don’t Want Nice Men, for singles, I decided that another article was needed in application to marriage, and exactly why women don’t really want to be married to “nice” husbands… or why they so often fall out of love with them.
Just like in the Single article, I want to point out that “nice” and “kind” are two different things; “Niceness exists because he feels he has to be that way, it’s forced and unnatural – women are not drawn to this. Kindness is thoughtful and tender… (CONTINUE READING)
The Emotional & Spiritual Connection: Having Openness in Your Marriage
It’s amazing to me how many couples can be married for years and years, and yet never learn to be 100% open and honest with each other. I remember years ago watching a movie where the husband and wife were so uncommunicative in their relationship that it caused a multitude of problems for them. They couldn’t or wouldn’t talk about their struggles in life with each other, they couldn’t even be completely honest with each other on a daily basis because of how the other would react (negatively) to unpleasant information. I was shocked how it was obvious that nearly all of their problems would’ve been eliminated, had they just been capable of being completely open and honest with each other… (CONTINUE READING)
Men Don’t Just Want More Sex… They Want to Feel Full
Sex is intoxicating… but it is also the most misunderstood aspect of a marriage. Most people think that a man’s general complaint is that he wants more sex, when in reality, he really wants (and needs) the most fulfilling, emotionally binding, exciting kind of sexual fulfillment… he just may not even know it.
Men crave not just sex, but a deeper emotional connection with their wives that comes from their wife actually enjoying sex with him, verbally expressing how much she craves him, and the thrill of fulfilling each other’s fantasies in the safe environment of their marriage relationship… (CONTINUE READING)
Adorable Thoughts From Husbands – What Does He Really Think?
I love men. I just love the way they think…. I love women too, I love how close women can be with each other – I love how they can cry together in a public place, and no one really cares, because… we’re women! I don’t think you’d ever see a group of men huddled around each other crying and hugging *laughs* it’s just unique to women.
But I love how men are so often straight-forward, it’s a quality that I truly admire and try to emulate in a feminine manner in myself by being honest and open… (CONTINUE READING)
I Wish My Husband Was More Like Hers (& Other Comparisons)
When I was growing up, my mother distinctly taught me that when dating, you should never make comparison statements to your man about other men and how great they are – including even your father. Comparisons are interesting… I’ve thought for a long time that they only serve to bring about two things: pride or dissatisfaction, and never EVER contentment, happiness, or joy. You cannot be content or joyful when you are looking over at someone else’s possessions/house/wife/kids, and are coveting them… (CONTINUE READING)
Complaining is Not a Virtue
Criticizing, complaining, and nagging are killers in a marriage. Usually, it’s the wife who feels this is her role to fill (someone needs to be unhappy don’t they?), but I’ve seen men who do it too. The effect on a marriage is the same as a serious disease: love dies.
Why would a wife or husband criticize and nag constantly? I’m not really sure I know… when my husband and I were first married almost 7 years ago, I remember being upset that he wasn’t perfect – it was ridiculous, as if I myself was perfect! … (CONTINUE READING)
The Incredible Power a Woman Has Over Men
A woman can have a unique and amazing ability to help her man achieve his dreams. This might sound silly or too fairytale-like, but trust me, it is anything but silly. It’s pretty serious. If you’re a woman, and you’re reading this, you need to know that you have incredible power in the life of your husband (or any man for that matter).
This power truly does affect any man, which includes family members and even male friends. A woman has the power to inspire, encourage, and believe in them. She has the feminine power to awaken a man’s dreams… (CONTINUE READING)
Advice for Dating After Divorce
More and more our society is learning to have to embrace “the blended family.” When you are divorced and still have responsibility in raising your children, it can be so difficult to go about dating again. You already know all too well the effects of a marriage gone bad, the effects on you… on your kids. You aren’t wanting to rush into anything permanent – and I think that’s good.
When you are dating, if you are looking for someone to have a relationship with, there are some crucial things you need to think about… (CONTINUE READING)
Men Need an Attractive Wife
The man who needs an attractive spouse is not more shallow than the one who has different needs, it is just that, that their needs are different.
This is not some ploy to get all women to conform to a Barbie-like appearance (gotta love Barbie though), I’m saying that when a man marries you, it is akin to trickery to let go of your appearance and become someone he wouldn’t have married in the first place… (CONTINUE READING)
Wear something excruciatingly sexy for your husband tonight… something he can’t possibly resist… (CONTINUE READING)
Man’s Strength Gone Bad
It’s interesting to me that the violence is most often not physical, it’s verbal.
When a man uses his powerful essence to say the most awful things to others, he does incredibly more harm than imagined; it is a great distortion of what he was intended to be. Their strength was intended to be offered with tenderness, and any hint of violence, even verbally, completely derails whatever good they might have accomplished and replaces it with evil… (CONTINUE READING)
Men: Your Wife Likes to Talk
Women need conversation, men do to, but usually not to the same degree as the female sex. Us women talk on average 50,000 words per day, we typically enjoy conversations at work with our coworkers, getting to know them, their life, and their problems they might be facing, but when it comes to our personal friendships and relationships, the need for conversation is… (CONTINUE READING)
Sex & Affection: A Horse & Carriage?
If someone was to ask me the secret to what makes a marriage work, I’d tell them it’s what makes the couple stay in love – to know without a doubt that they still feel in love with each other on a regular, daily basis.
Yes, I believe love is a choice, but to deny that being happy together and feeling “happily married” is important, is to deny the basis of getting married at all… (CONTINUE READING)
A Man Needs a Tranquil Home
Men often fantasize about a home life free of stress and worry. After work each day, his wife greets him lovingly at the door and his well-behaved children are also glad to see him. He enters the comfort of a well-maintained home as his wife urges him to relax before taking part in dinner, the aroma of which he can already smell wafting through the air.
Conversation at dinner is enjoyable and free of conflict. Later the family goes out together for an early evening stroll, and he returns to put the children to bed with no hassle or fuss. Then he and his wife relax and talk together, watch a little television, and go to bed to make love… (CONTINUE READING)
Why Mistresses Get Your Men
Mistresses Initiate Sexual Contact – “Yes, the man is the pursuer. When a wife pursues her husband sexually, however, it proves that she finds him attractive and desirable. It seems husbands enjoy being found attractive and desirable at least as much as their wives do.”
Mistresses Are Nice – “It sounds corny, but a little kindness goes a long way. Big and tough they may be, men appreciate kind words and consideration. The more brutalized a man is out in the world, the more necessary it is for him to be treated with dignity at home. Terms of endearment, such as… (CONTINUE READING)
The Sexy Wife
Obviously, wives are female; women; girls…. After marriage, and definitely after having children, too many wives contract the “Frump syndrome,” the symptoms of which include wearing flannel pajamas and socks, or sweatpants with oversized T-shirts, to bed instead of some girly thing with lace; not shaving legs or grooming nails; not washing, styling, or even combing hair; taking off (instead of freshening up) makeup from the day just before your husband comes home; using the toilet with him in the room; not making an attempt to smell sweet (with a little perfume or body oil); and never putting on sexy outfits… in front of your husband… (CONTINUE READING)
For You Men
Men hold the key to their heart close – many men have been terribly wounded by the woman or women they’ve trusted – to the point where they honestly believe there is no woman out there who would not take advantage of their vulnerability, so they hide it, behind a rough exterior, behind cool-academic indifference, or by callous humor. Most men simply desire someone to share their heart with – the deepest kind of intimacy possible. They desire someone who understands them, their need to offer strength to the woman of their dreams, the need to feel accepted and not judged for their true feelings, the quietness behind their soul… (CONTINUE READING)
The Controlling Wife
“My greatest struggle has been to have my wife remember that her role is to trust God’s leading through me and not regard me as an enemy. I wish she respected me as the spiritual head of the home, even though she may think she is more qualified to lead herself. God is sovereign despite my mistakes. My decisions for us do not take God by surprise… (CONTINUE READING)
The Man Behind the Proverbs 31 Woman
I’ve always loved the Proverbs 31 passage of the amazing wife. Many women resent being “held” to a standard so intense – they call her Wonder Woman, or she’s passed off as one of those Super Moms that women are annoyed by because she makes them feel less than. But I admire her – aspire to be her – she is kind, trustworthy, strong, unafraid, she selects beautiful clothes for herself and her family, she makes exotic foods, she wakes up before everyone else to make sure even her servants are served. She cares for the poor and always has open arms toward them. She takes care of herself, dressing in fine purple linen (which was the symbol of royalty). She’s sensible with money, she has her own business (a fashion business? She is designing, making and selling linen garments and belts through the merchants…)… (CONTINUE READING)
The Pain of Husbands
I don’t know why, but I understand men – at least, I feel like I do. When we were first married we joined a marriage class with our church that met Wednesday nights. It was an eye-opening experience. It gave us a look at marriage at it’s different stages – it was for “young married couples,” so usually they’d been married under 10 years. I’ll never forget the way I saw some of those women treat their husbands in that class – it was actually repulsive to me. Some that had only been married a year, already had major disrespect and communication issues. One woman complained bitterly about her husband (who was sitting right there!) concerning little things… (CONTINUE READING)
Love Must Be Without Hypocrisy
Go out of your way to show love to each other. If your husband is exhausted after coming home from work – let him rest – give him peace in the safe haven of your home. If your wife is stressed and needs to vent or talk, sit with her and talk… or run a bubble bath and chat or read to her as she enjoys it. My husband and I do that little scenario often – and if we had a bigger bath tub, he’d be in it too. There are millions of chances every day to find things to do for each other – and your happiness will go through the roof when you both work to create a beautiful marriage… (CONTINUE READING)