Email Questions & More Ponderings

First, a Pregnancy Update 🙂 

I’m finally in the third trimester of this pregnancy and am currently in between week 30 and 31.  It’s been amazing how much more difficult this one has been, granted I am older (33), but somehow the problems have seemed much worse than in the past pregnancies.  Last pregnancy was hard at the very end, but not as early as this one has been, if that makes sense.

I’ve had a longer time of nausea/vomiting (5 months worth, and then it just came back at 7 months for a second act!), a couple of tiny varicose veins that are a little painful and annoying (just thankful they’re tiny!), and just a general exhaustion that probably comes from being a mom to three kids under 10 already 🙂 .  I have to ask my doctor about another problem that just popped up, but it looks like from online diagnosis’s that I might be put on bed-rest in a couple of weeks 😦 .  I’m so glad it is close to being over, and that the baby is growing fine and doing well – I have to think on the happy things to keep from feeling overwhelmed.  On a side note – compression socks are AMAZING lol and really seem to work for the circulation problems I’m experiencing.  My mom bought a bunch for me right away when she found out I was having issues, and I can tell the difference when I wear them or forget to, they really work!  And to note – I never had anything remotely like this with the past 3 pregnancies!!!  So varicose veins… bad circulation… all that is very new, and (I guess?) contributed to age.

Our Last Baby…

I had one email from a reader asking if I’m really ok that this is our last baby, and how my husband not wanting more is the reason we’re stopping, and how I’m feeling about all that.  You know… I really am thankful God has made this pregnancy so awkward and difficult, it DOES help with accepting that my husband doesn’t want anymore 😀 !!!  That probably sounds so shallow and non-spiritual of an answer 🙂 but it IS the truth!  I wrote a more, “wise-sounding,” spiritual answer here if anyone is still interested.  I’ve never really let it bother me much anyway, I always just accepted his limit, and honored it by not allowing myself to get upset or bothered.  I’ve actually thanked him many times over this pregnancy for calling it quits in light of how hard it’s been.

And he really is giving us a grace in setting his own limit.  It’s not just hard on me, a difficult pregnancy is hard on the whole family, because so much of what I do gets backed up or not done as well.  It’s hard on him having a very sick wife for 5 months plus, and it’s VERY hard on our other children, almost not really fair to them to have a mom that is so sick for so long (and now looking at potential bedrest for the last 6-7 weeks – you can imagine how hard that will be on them and him!).  So in light of all that, his decision has proven to be very wise in my mind, and I’m so grateful he had the courage to do it even though he knew I wanted a lot more than four.  It’s been wonderful watching his confidence as our spiritual leader and head of household grow through the years.

I think it’s good to respect your husband’s decisions as the head of the household, even if other people try to get you to feel offended or feel bad for you (had a comment like that last pregnancy)!  Recently my husband had a conversation with his parents where he could hear his dad in the background, angry at one of my husband’s boundaries and firm decisions (over something super minor and of little consequence to them!).  It immediately made me so sad he has parents who act offended at him having boundaries, I actually apologized on their behalf to him, since to me that’d be painful.  Luckily we figured out a plan where my parents could accommodate his parents’ wishes, which will hopefully make them change their mind.  We have countless examples of experiences like this with them, but it still kind of shocks me each time how they react in anger at what I’d view as, “normal,” boundaries.  The only good thing God’s shown me in this, is that it makes my husband turn closer to us as an immediate family.  The more someone reacts in anger at another person’s boundaries, the more it kind of just pushes that person away, and makes them not want to be around those people much.  Growing up in a household where he wasn’t allowed to have boundaries makes his spiritual growth in this area even more remarkable in my mind.

Fear of Childbirth

I was asked if I was scared again of another c-section… a reader remembered the last pregnancy where I mentioned this since it’s well-known multiple c-sections are kind of risky, with even the possibility of death.  I wrote about the last experience with our daughter here – in preparing oneself spiritually for childbirth (all the fears etc.).  I really was somewhat afraid of dying for some reason… it is a little more risky with multiple c-sections, so much could go wrong, yet usually doesn’t.  But this time around, it feels very different.  There’s a confidence that even if I do pass (which I’m sure is still highly unlikely) there will be contentment and peace in God allowing that… it’s almost a whole new level of trust.  I really don’t understand this kind of peace, and I haven’t experienced it before except right before each birth when I really just have to let go and trust God while being awake and cut open, knowing He has the final say in the operating room.  Last time there was a lot of scar tissue, which is normal for repeat c-sections, but it does cause complications at times because the different organs/tissues stick to each other (have literally grown together!), and need to be separated.  Last time I remember it taking them quite some time to sort it all out, and from just a little research online, most doctors don’t like opening a woman up and seeing that mess – and I don’t blame them!

Overall it’s been a fast pregnancy, and we’re so excited for the coming baby boy to add to our fold in 2020!!!!  ❤

Happy New Year Readers!

9 Comments

  1. I am pleased to hear that your pregnancy has progressed relatively well, especially based on your history. I trust the Lord will give you peace as you complete your journey with this new bundle of joy.

  2. It’s so personal how one comes to terms with the last pregnancy. I have some days where I feel acutely depressed that our daughter is an only child. She went for a while where she was begging for siblings, and I’m not going to lie, that hurt badly. She was born at 32 weeks with major birth defects to her internal organs (all repaired now, with no lingering issues, thanks to God) and spent 100 days of her first year in the hospital, having several surgeries. Many of those days it did not look like she was going to survive, but she did. We were told by doctors that it was highly improbable that we would have another child with the same de novo genetic defects, but that it was a done deal that I would go into labor way early with any subsequent children. They said if I had another child, I would have to have weekly hormone injections to stave off going into early labor. The idea of having a baby that was being pumped full of hormones really bothered us, so we called it quits. I had always wanted a larger family, and that was so hard. But it was not what God willed, and I have to accept that. I was really scared of having a c-section too, but we were in an emergency situation and there was no choice. Those events do make us stronger, and in a strange way, help prepare you for parenthood.

    Prayers for you and your family. I have been wondering how close you were to having your little one and how it was going, so thank you for the update!

  3. I’m so sorry you have days like that 😦 I’m sure I’ll feel that way too, once it sets in more, but I am sorry. I remember when our oldest was an only child and would ask all the time for siblings or someone to play with – it broke my heart and made me feel horrible! So I can see how that would be very very hard. If it’s any comfort, I think everyone has *something* that is just REALLY hard for them to accept as part of God’s will, most people just don’t reveal all that stuff since it’s almost too painful.

    One thing I thoguht may encourage you, when I see your posts and how much love and energy and time you pour into your daughter, I feel so happy that she gets all that undivided attention!!!! It really will help her I think in advancing. Our oldest got the best of time with me, becasue I wasn’t distracted when he was 0-almost 5 – and those years I just poured so much into him that he excelled and still is excelling far beyond what I ever did at his age. But it’s SAD… I just don’t have the time or energy to do that with our subsequent children, even though I try REALLY hard to make it equal, there’s just no realistic way that it can be again. There may be studies out there I’m guessing (?) on how only children are way more advanced because of that dynamic, but I may be wrong. It is hard though to carve out enough time for each child and really work with them like I did with him. I still try to do it, but I don’t think it has the same effect.

    And when our oldest was an only child, we were SO ACTIVE 😀 we went out to museums and all kinds of places almost every afternoon – so he got a very well-rounded cultural experience much like what I love seeing in your blog’s pictures ❤ I really miss doing that, but there's just no way at times with three so young and now a fourth. We still do go out, but it's more limited and the time we can spend (or places we can realistically handle) are just a lot more limited, which I do feel guilty about.

    Anyway… I think you're doing amazing and making the most and best of what God's provided you with – and people can see that and feel it from your blog, like a testimony, and it honestly inspires me!

    Oh and one more thing, I read your older post about your daughter's birth awhile ago and meant to comment just how amazing it all was! God's hand was all over that miraculous birth, and that post is VERY very powerful. I'll probably go back and add the link in here so people can read it if they find it in these comments. And I still need to do that post on your, "Remember Who You Are," I haven't forgotten, we have just been extremely busy.

    Happy New Year and thank you for adding your comments and for blogging in general! I learn so much from your blog and often come away so inspired by your ideas!! Thank you!!

  4. Thank you Snapper! Hoping y’all had a good Christmas and wishing you the best for 2020!!! Did you get to see your son this holiday or was he off somewhere with the military?

  5. Thanks! I felt a need to write that post after the governor of Virginia started talking about late-term abortion and infanticide. When I hear comments like that, I think of our daughter and her undeniable personhood. If it helps any mothers or fathers navigate unplanned circumstances by trusting God’s divine intention for their lives, I will be happy.

    I think the issue of siblings bothers me so much because I have a brother who is 14 months younger than I am. We were thick as thieves growing up, and even now that we are middle-aged and live on opposite sides of the country we still talk virtually every day. I wish she had someone like that.

    But you are right, she does get our undivided attention. I have such enormous admiration for all the mamas out there homeschooling multiple children. That takes an unbelievable measure of grace and determination. I don’t know how y’all do it.

  6. Yes, fortunately he was off for both Christmas and New Years, but he is preparing for a long year away from home coming up. More towards the end of the year, but he will be bouncing around a bit until then. It was a fun time! Thanks!

  7. That’s so sweet about you and your brother. It’s so wonderful to see adults keep good relationships up with their siblings! And I understand how you’d want that same kind of thing for her. I know so many people who have difficult relationships with their siblings, which is sad. Hopefully it would have worked out well for your daughter if you’d had more, we just can never know sometimes what the future would have held or will hold. It is amazing to me how God can see everything and how I think sometimes He actually protects us from things we never could have foreseen.

    I wanted to say, and of course you know best what’s right for yourself and your husband, but sometimes doctors really can be wrong when they try to figure out what could happen with a future pregnancy! Back before we had our oldest, one ob-gyn I was seeing at the time told me I would probably be infertile due to having a very strange uterus (deformed I’m guessing?), along with cysts that would come and go monthly. I was so so devastated, and called my mom right away crying after the appointment. I think I was 22. But God had different plans obviously, and each child I’ve been able to conceive afterward has been like a miracle to us. My current ob-gyn who’s delivered the last 2 babies and now this one, said that my uterus somehow fixes itself when I’m pregnant, and visibly appears more normal shaped, which again is just so mysterious and odd!

    Our oldest did come early at 36 weeks though, and we never found out the real reason why, but the second and third pregnancies have all lasted until 38 weeks plus. You just never know if the doctors truly understand all the intricacies of what happened or *will* happen later on, or how your body may react a second time or may have changed. But you’re doing an amazing job at being a mother and trusting God on this. And only y’all can really know if you want to go through that kind of trial and sacrifice again. ❤

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