Why Can’t I Help My Husband Lead Us “Better?”

I recently wrote a post addressing the question of what to do when a wife wants more kids but her husband doesn’t.  Apparently, it’s a common thing for Christian women to look at their husbands’ faith or ability to trust in God, and decide it needs some work and that they’re the ones to “help him out here.”

I got an email after writing that post from a woman who disagreed with some of my answers, and agreed wholeheartedly with the other blogger’s advice, saying she reads her blog frequently.  I do like The Thinking Housewife’s blog 🙂 , it is possible for someone to give out very bad advice and yet still be a good person or have other good writings I think.  Her blog is a lot like mine in many ways in that we share many of the same stances against feminism.  One post she’s written recently, called Traditional Housewife – The New Hitler, is especially a great read about how the Leftists and feminists (but I repeat myself) view housewives.  It even focuses on our internet presence, which is very interesting.  But this reader’s issue with my post is she thought it’s right and even godly for a wife to point out her husband’s spiritual flaws, or to try to make him realize when he should be having more trust or faith in God.

I will admit that this topic can get very murky because in some respect a wife does have that privilege in her husband’s heart, to gently and humbly point out if she sees something is wrong or could be harmful in the future.  However, that is not the advice The Thinking Housewife gave out to women in that position.  The main point of her post (and the counterpoint of mine) was actually trying to get a husband to follow the wife’s lead for their marriage.  And in trying to get him on board with her decisions to lead them, The Thinking Housewife used a variety of unhealthy tactics.

Let’s look at what she suggested again:

If your husband is worried about money, that’s understandable but he should ask God for help and for the grace to handle whatever occurs. Why does he have so little confidence and trust? Insist with him that it is wrong for you to use contraception.

Continue to talk to your husband and don’t give up.

Let him know that your marital happiness is gravely threatened.  (from here)

Aside from the fact that she’s promoting using threats to get the husband to follow his wife’s convictions, this approach of “insisting with him,” and continuing to talk with him without giving up, are not productive with men.

When it comes to using the threat of a wife’s happiness (which is not the point of marriage at all, even if it is a wonderful byproduct), making it seem like she will be forever miserable if he doesn’t follow suit – and then her misery will of course affect everyone in the entire family, is not psychologically healthy for a woman.  If a mother decides that she’s not getting her way, so she’s going to be miserable (their marital happiness will be “gravely threatened”), then she’s basically trying to control her husband (Eve’s curse), and not seeking to live peacefully and by faith and trust in God.

It’s important that we realize that all of this advice is coming from a position of self-righteousness or a feeling of superiority in the heart of the wife toward her husband.  I’ve noticed that this is something Catholic women tend to have toward their husbands (and also toward non-Catholics), because their church has decided authority on issues like these, and therefore doesn’t allow husbands to make their own decisions regarding how many children he wants to have. **Instead of debating this point in the comments, we should probably just focus on how Catholic people can encourage their wives to submit to, and obey, their husbands like commanded in the Bible, while still following all the rules and restrictions of their faith.**

It’s also the most ironic thing to me, that while The Thinking Housewife is encouraging Christian women to view their husbands as not having enough faith in God, she’s actually endorsing these women’s own lack of faith in their husband’s decisions, promoting psychologically unhealthy manipulation tactics (using threats of her being miserable and affecting their family negatively!), and consequentially, encouraging a Christian woman’s lack of faith in her husband’s leadership – which is (especially if he’s Christian) ordained by God.

For the Catholic women out there, let’s look again at what God says about this in the Bible:

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.

23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.

24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Ephesians 5:22-23

It’s important for Catholic women or any woman in this position, to truly understand how much faith this takes for wives to submit to their husbands “in everything.”

I really do believe it’s crucial to start teaching Christian women that instead of always looking for where our husbands may be “wrong” on something – or doubting his intentions in his leadership of our family, or his faith, etc., that instead, she needs to learn to have faith in him, and to trust him enough to follow his imperfect leadership.  In doing this, it’s a beautiful chance to reveal how much faith she has in God herself.

See what I did there?  Instead of putting all the blame on the husband in cases like this – or worse, trying to make him feel like he’s a bad Christian and doesn’t have enough faith – instead of choosing that route (which is a very negative and unproductive route) she can instead focus on her own faith (something she has control over) in being able to trust God even though she may not agree with the direction her husband is leading them in.

No husband’s leadership is going to be perfect, just like no marriage is going to be perfectly perfect 🙂 .

But I’ve seen that the best marriages

are where the wife learns to trust her husband with her life,

and also to ultimately trust God that He can and will lead them

even when they may take paths she doesn’t feel are right.

That is where the real growth of marriage begins, when the wife can fully trust her husband (which is a reflection of her own trust and faith in God), even when they’re going through stormy waters or rough patches.

When she decides to stop doubting his leadership, and to follow him like Sarah followed and obeyed Abraham, she has the chance to grow a beautiful faith like we are told in the New Testament.

In case anyone wants to go back and read the post I did which details submission even in the hardest circumstances, here is a link to the Sarah post.

“Let your beauty not be external – the braiding of hair and wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes – but the inner person of the heart, the lasting beauty of a gentle and tranquil spirit, which is precious in God’s sight.

For in the same way the holy women who hoped in God long ago adorned themselves by being subject to their husbands, like Sarah who obeyed Abraham, calling him lord.

You become her children when you do what is good and have no fear in doing so.”

1 Peter 3:3-6

Watching couples where you can tell the wife truly trusts and follows her husband’s leadership makes women everywhere swoon, because not only is it beautiful, it’s actually romantic to be able to trust like that in your man!  And feminists hate that!  They hate that there are good men out there who cherish their wives so much, and wives who love them so much in return, that they’re actually willing to follow them and trust their leadership.  Because these feminists women don’t have that, they don’t want us women who know what it’s like to exist because it’s a reminder of how much they’ve failed.

No one else is telling you to have faith in your husband like this, but I am.  Husbands need their wives to believe in them and to trust their decisions for their family.

And I’m telling you to put your trust in God – that He can and will work things out for good for all those who are called according to Him (Romans 8:28).

________________________________________________________________________________

Aside from the faith or spiritual position, even from a practical perspective, there are clear reasons why a wife trying to get her husband to be “better” just doesn’t work.

Here is a quote from the author my mom had me reading as a young, pre-teen girl (and the main reason I am the woman I am today):

There are some Christian Women who have been taught “to provoke their husbands to righteousness.”  But the word provoke does not mean what is commonly implied.  The true meaning of the word is to incite, to inspire, or to arouse.  It does not mean to nettle or to push.

Women are Self Righteous

Why do women try to change men?  Because they have a self righteous attitude.  they feel that they put forth more effort into doing what is right, try more diligently to make marriage successful, are more active in church, and are better persons than are their husbands.  They look down on men, and therefore feel that the men, not themselves, need to improve.

The Sadduccees and the Pharisees in Biblical times had this same self-righteous attitude.  They were faithful to attend church, paid tithes, prayed, read the scriptures, fasted, observed any number of rituals, but the Savior called them “hypocrites”, not because of their faithfulness, but because of their self-righteousness.

The Christian Attitude

The very heart of Christian doctrine is: It is ourselves we must change.  We have been told to cast out the beam from our own eye first, and then we will more clearly see the mote which is in our brother’s.  Women who try to change their men trample on their freedom, and violate righteous principles.

From Fascinating Womanhood by Helen B. Andelin

This doesn’t mean that the things your husband decides to do will always work out.  Sometimes your husband’s leadership may result in some kind of failure.  If he got married young, chances are a few things worked themselves out through trial and error.  Or maybe your husband was a bachelor for a long time and wasn’t used to suddenly having to live with a woman in his house.  Maybe he had to adjust to the change through trial and error.  There’s nothing wrong with men having to take time to learn how to be a husband or how to lead in the way he feels comfortable in leading.  It’s the same with being a wife – it’s not something that just happens over night and POOF!!… you’re suddenly the perfectly trusting, adoring wife.

The first step is faith – having faith in your husband. 

And then the second mountain is usually figuring out how to deal with setbacks or failures, and still be able to keep your faith in him, as well as in God.

In other words, many things about your husband’s leadership will probably work themselves out through trial and error.  If a wife tries to keep that in mind, while also working on her ability to trust, and doesn’t nit-pick, or harp on his failures, or become a critical Christian toward her husband, then they’ll move beyond it.

I’ll probably post more about this at another time because it could be a rather longish post.  But knowing you both will fail each other at some point, and having a forgiving attitude puts a lot of failures in perspective, which again, allows for marriage growth and becoming more in love ❤ and closer.

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24 thoughts on “Why Can’t I Help My Husband Lead Us “Better?”

  1. so what she is suggesting, is emotional manipulation to get what she wants.

    and how come there is no mention that the mans concern about finances, might actually be a sign?

  2. The concept of wives directing their husbands in their spiritual growth or “pointing out flaws in their spiritual lives” seems like something very modern and feminist. I mean, imagine walking up to your boss at your job and respectfully asking him if his decision is good for the company as opposed to flat out telling him he is running the place into the ground. One would be somewhat acceptable while the other is flat out disrespectful and insubordinate. This is the method most modern Christian women are taught because they are fed the concept that they are spiritually superior to their husbands and, thus, have the authority to try and forcefully redirect their husbands in spiritual things.

    I see nothing wrong with a wife respectfully questioning a decision by her husband, but the idea of being extra vocal and pushy about it, as you have pointed out, goes completely against scripture! Ladies, DO NOT BE SURPRISED IF THIS METHOD ENDS UP IN A CATASTROPHIC FAILURE! There’s a reason God said that men cleanse their wives by the water of the word but that wives win over their husbands through their silent submission. Modern Christians think that a mans resistance to being badgered and nagged means they are Neanderthals and that they must be trained to understand “talking things out”, but God knows that man is resistant to such ministrations and is swayed more by action. A wife trying to take the reigns, especially by being disrespectful or insulting toward her husband, is a sure fire disaster.

    It is sad that we are straying so far from the word of God in our modernized and “cultured” society. I just finished reading through 2 Timothy last night, actually 2 nights ago, but I was shocked at the accuracy of some of its verses and how well they apply today and read through it a couple more times to soak it all in (emphasis mine):

    “3 But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: 2 For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, 3 unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, 4 traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away! 6 For of this sort are those who creep into households and make captives of gullible women loaded down with sins, led away by various lusts, 7 always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth. 8 Now as Jannes and Jambres resisted Moses, so do these also resist the truth: men of corrupt minds, disapproved concerning the faith; 9 but they will progress no further, for their folly will be manifest to all, as theirs also was.”

    Follow God’s design! It may not always be easy, but it will always be right and beneficial to you in the end! Even if things don’t pan out how YOU want, to be obedient, to hear the words “Well done, good and faithful servant”, those should be our goal! The advice of pushy Christian women is not the path to these things, but is the polar opposite!

  3. @FML I think it’s a popular Christian theme to trust God with your finances so that they just “work themselves out.” Sometimes I’ve seen that plan work when they are reasonably mature and responsible people, but it can also be too fairytale-like where they expect God to drop money in their lap when they’re being **irresponsible.**

  4. “It is sad that we are straying so far from the word of God in our modernized and “cultured” society. ”

    @Snapper, yes 😦 It’s sad to me that we’ve come so far that Christians give advice for wives to use psychological manipulation and threats (a super unhealthy way of relating) to get their husbands to get on board with the wife’s plans for their family. No where in all of clinical psychology would that ever be acceptable in any other relationship, but apparently for Christian women, it’s “ok” to do this to your husband. 😦

  5. A reader pointed out via email that Desiring God just did an article that brushes on this topic:

    Titled “Happy Wife, Happy Life” it seems to have more red pill truths than normal Christian articles like this paragraph:

    “And one could say it from an eternal perspective: Happy wife (in the Lord), happy life. But what is most often meant by this phrase cannot be missed: a man’s life is less miserable when his woman gets her way.

    Such deferment is tempting: no conflict, no unhappy bride, no blame. Just letting her have her way is much more comfortable than making unpopular decisions on weighty matters, that you think (and pray) are spiritually best for her and your family: Whether they be where your children go to school, what church you join, where you live next, when to have children, or countless difficult choices that require spiritual energy, courage, and faith.”

    Yea I can see where this fits in with The Thinking Housewife basically promoting a kind of “happy wife, happy life” approach to getting the husband to have more children than he feels convicted to or is right for their family.

  6. “Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives.”

    I believe that this applies to everyday Godly living as well. Yet once you get into it, this topic is so broad. Honestly, when I feel like berating my husband, whether my stance on a topic is right or wrong, my attitude toward him IS wrong and God will not bless that. It’s at that point I need to meet God on my knees and ask for forgiveness and a change of heart.

    And do you know what I have seen happen when God changes my heart? The people around me change as well.
    My husband and I are really blessed with a good relationship. I’m able to respectfully tell him what I think, and we can have a conversation about it, even when we don’t agree. He knows I will respect his decision. We also know one another’s spiritual gifts and so there are times we seek each other’s counsel. We have both changed our minds at different times.
    More then anything, it’s important for couples to communicate with one another clearly and with loving respect, while giving it all to God and seeking his plan and his will. I can’t stress enough the importance of praying together.

  7. What really stuck out to me was: “..always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.”

    If that doesn’t sound like a lot of modern day teachers and so called church leaders I don’t know what does. They continually talk about and modify the understanding of scripture that is pretty plain and clear. They muddle the waters so that no one really has a solid understanding, but can pick and choose which understanding best fits their needs. Wives submit to your husbands? A little. A lot. In one situation but not another. Take your pick. Whatever works at the moment.

  8. The term is meant to interpret avoiding conflict through being lax in ones leadership. What it fails to convey is the fact that, without leadership, the direction of the marriage goes haywire. Women don’t really want to lead their marriages, most just want what they want, when they want it. When the refuse hits the fan, though, they don’t want to be responsible and can easily lay blame on their husbands.

    I recall a time where my wife and I went through some bad stuff, throughout which she insisted I was not only a horrible husband (but a good dad, of course) but also that she didn’t need me because she was an adult and capable of making her own decisions. Some time afterward we were watching a movie, “The Grey”, about a group of rig hands stranded after a plane crash and being hunted by wolves. Every other word out of their mouths was “F–k”, which isn’t too far off from the truth about the speech of rig hands. At one point I asked my wife if she was good with watching the movie or if the constant use of the word bothered her, to which she replied she was fine. Midway through the film she goes off on a tirade about how I should have turned the movie off and protected her from the excessive foul language. When I asked her why she didn’t say something when I asked her about it she responded that I “should have known without having to ask”.

    That was a long time ago, but proves my point. Doesn’t want instruction, but doesn’t want responsibility either. Is an adult who doesn’t need help, but is a child who needs protecting. This is why God placed men squarely in charge of their daughters and later their wives. Many of them seem to lack good sense, some from time to time and some all of the time, but nearly all require some form of direction and instruction at some point because at critical times their emotions can control their decisions, which can lead to very devastating results. I dont meant this to be an insult, but God did what He did for a reason, and its plain to see part of that reason if we dont look through rose colored glasses.

    Dollars to donuts that using The Thinking Housewife’s method the wife would lay into her husband for lack of funds should the undertaking of another baby, without good planning, lead to living paycheck to paycheck, but that is something we good Christians must never speak of.

  9. Linda that is SO GOOD!!! That is very true that when we allow God to deal with our hearts that it has an impact on other people as well. Thank you for always adding such amazing insight ❤ I'm so glad I've met you online, your wisdom is very valuable.

  10. “because at critical times their emotions can control their decisions, which can lead to very devastating results. I dont meant this to be an insult, but God did what He did for a reason, and its plain to see part of that reason if we dont look through rose colored glasses.”

    ^Snapper, no offense taken at all! This part I quoted from you is actually something I’m working on in draft form – about emotions and even taking it a step further to include hormones and how those effect women’s decision making and feelings.

    I don’t know if you’ve read anything on it, but menopause sounds horrifically terrifying when it comes to hormones getting women to blow up their marriages and treat their children like dirt! Not that they are an excuse, but it is something women should be aware of.

  11. Good stuff.

    Lately, I’ve been having the opposite observation.

    I see so many men just abdicating their responsibilities to their wives because they are too busy at work or just have too much on their plate, leaving their wives feeling overwhelmed.

    So a husband who actually wants to take the reigns and be in charge is a blessing, even when it can be a hit and miss. At least he’s TRYING to lead.

    I know two women who have their foot out the door because their husbands aren’t present and all, but they feel that asking their husband for more direction would make them disrespectful wives.

    I mean…exact quote:

    “Isn’t that right, Pedat? Isn’t that what red pill Christians teach that a woman should wait on her man to lead and not be disrespectful? I’d hate to come under fire by those people for actually wanting my husband to cover me and lead my household. You guys seem to go very hard on women who expect too much from their husbands.”

    Personally, I think that if a woman says, “just please make a decision!” I don’t have an issue with that though I know a lot of RP Christians would consider that to be borderline.

    But I just can’t relate to weak men though.

  12. When I hear people talking about how absent men are in their marriages due to work and responsibilities I like to refer back to the film “In the Heart of the Sea” which recalls the tale of the story that inspired the book Moby Dick. Early in the film the main character is speaking to his wife, his pregnant wife, telling her that work calls (he is a whaler) and he must go and he loves her and will see her later: Two years later. He specifically tells her he will be gone for two years, when she is on the verge of giving birth to their first child.

    I dont buy the whole “my husband isn’t present” business anymore, or that women need so much help. Machines do the majority of work around the house, so whats the complaint truly centered around? When my wife leaves for extended trips to visit her mother I keep house just fine. Laundry gets done, floors get mopped and vacuumed, counters get wiped. The only thing that causes me to get behind is my own laziness! Not malicious laziness, just lack of a desire to do what needs to be done.

    Men being close to their wives on a daily basis while continuing to work is a modern convenience and not something that would have been so common in older times, maybe not even a century ago. Doing something as simple for us as travelling to another town a mere two hours away would easily take twice as long or longer on horseback or wagon. Men leaving their wives and children for extended periods of time, with no little or no contact, but any contact would have to have been by letter or, if lucky, phone, would describe most of human history.

    A mans wife should be the keeper of his home, she shouldn’t need direction for every little detail unless he insists on providing it. That women are “one foot out the door” because their husbands work hard to provide them with what they have and provide little hands on support says more about them than their husbands. If you follow the captain/first mate comparison for husbands and wives you realize that the captain DOES abdicate a lot of responsibilities to his first mate because he is busy piloting the ship! If the first mate cant handle it then what good is he? What good is it if, for every tiny thing the first mate has to run to the captain and ask for instruction on how to get it done? Or what kind of first mate complains that the captain is always so busy steering the ship when he could be down in the boat helping mop floors and put away dishes. Silliness. No wonder Christian men are avoiding Christian women.

  13. @Snapper

    “Men being close to their wives on a daily basis while continuing to work is a modern convenience and not something that would have been so common in older times, maybe not even a century ago. Doing something as simple for us as travelling to another town a mere two hours away would easily take twice as long or longer on horseback or wagon. Men leaving their wives and children for extended periods of time, with no little or no contact, but any contact would have to have been by letter or, if lucky, phone, would describe most of human history.”

    I totally agree with that. When reading historical journals and such and stories of what life was like back then for women who married and had children, it was more the norm that their husbands were **very** involved with their own work lives (making money however they could). It was also different for different classes of people.

    I like how you brought up the Captain/First Mate model, and how the Captain has to delegate some of his duties so that he’s not micromanaging and unable to be proficient at what he’s supposed to be taking care of.

    I don’t know… to me the complaint that a woman’s husband is “just abdicating his responsibilities” to his wife because he’s 1) too busy at work or 2) has too much on his plate rings very hollow – to me that’s how a lot of marriages have worked across time, including my own (and my husband is a wonderful leader but he expects me to do what needs to be done even when he’s not here)! What wives in that position can do is learn how to help *your own husband* in the best way that you can – in the exact ways he needs you to. This will probably look different for different marriages. Some men have careers where they will be gone a lot more often than a man with a typical 9-5 job. Think about men who are deployed… of course life will be like a single mom at those times, but that is what is required of you as a wife, due to the life you took on when you married a man with that kind of mission.

    Farmers’ wives also have it especially hard during planting season or harvest… they rarely see their husbands and they live so far away from normal communities that it’s extremely lonely, isolating, and emotionally painful at times for them. But being married to a farmer, this is what is called of them in fulfilling their beautiful role of being their husband’s helper. So while I feel for them, and to some degree I’m in that same boat, I don’t at all think of it as some kind of excuse to rag on your husband’s leadership style, or blame him for you feeling overwhelmed when others have had it much harder.

  14. I agree with everything you wrote.

    My post was out of place, and my mind is in a different place entirely.

  15. Pedat… I’m trying to think of a good response to your comment, but I just had a minor surgery and am recovering with strong pain meds LOL so I’m having trouble pin-pointing what exactly is off about it, but something sounds very off with your comment.

    No personal attack here, you know I respect you! But there’s something about how you’re saying these are “weak men” because they seem to need their wives to take on more responsibility than their wives feel comfortable with, that just doesn’t sit right with me.

    First… why on Heaven’s green earth are these women complaining about their husbands to you?! To me, that is a huge red flag, and you shouldn’t (in my opinion) be their emotional tampon or sounding board for their complaints against their husband! It’s not productive for them and I see no benefit to you emotionally or spiritually in letting them “vent” their frustrations in their marriage. It could quickly become a foot in the door for Satan also… just really dangerous for a woman to be going to some man (even a family member in some cases) to complain about her husband. Not good 😦

    Second… for women who sound so “in tune” with red pill ideas, they are very quick to disrespect their husbands by talking to you about their issues with their husbands’ leadership styles. They’d do better to ask the ladies in the red pill reddit forums (I’ve only been there maybe 3 times to see what they’re saying but it did seem good from the little that I read). These ladies would probably tell them they need to be the “first mate” to their “captain” and to do what he needs done. If that means taking on more than they feel comfortable with, well maybe it’s a chance for them to grow in their faith or spiritual maturity. They need to find older female mentors who are trustworthy and who will help them keep their marriage together and strong – not a single man who is going to be an inevitable **wedge** in their marriage causing more harm than good.

    Third…. it’s my view that husbands should have that right to ask their wives to handle any responsibilities that need handling so that he can focus on his mission. The job or role of a Christian wife, should be to figure out how best to help support her husband in his mission. I wrote about that here https://girlwithadragonflytattoo.com/2018/04/24/support-your-husband-in-his-mission/
    and here https://girlwithadragonflytattoo.com/2018/04/09/dont-ruin-your-husbands-love-toward-you-by-failing-to-support-his-mission/

    Fourth… these wives are acting strange in claiming they can’t just ask him what he needs or wants to be done (to take a lead on something in advising her what needs to be done) because it would be “anti-red pill.” 😦 honestly that sounds almost disingenuous on their part!!! I find it very hard to believe that they actually think it’s disrespectful to communicate with their husbands on decision-making issues. If you want to send them to me, my email is angelpixiedust86 (at) live.com – just replace with the @ symbol.

  16. Stephanie,

    Actually, I talk to both the husbands and the wives at the same time. These are younger couples that I know and work with.

    I’m not one to sit and listen to women complain about their husbands for they will get a tongue lashing. The “concerns” raised were done in mixed company.

    I concur with your other sentiments.

    Going into details would not be wise.

  17. The issue lies with societies false elevation of women to sainthood. “Being a mom is the hardest job in the world”, Really? Tell that to the rig hand working in 120 degree heat in full fire resistant gear for 12 hours a day while covered in dirt, oil, blood and sweat? We should most certainly admire mothers, we all have had one, but to make the job of maintaining a house and children seem “difficult” is far-fetched considering the work involved has gotten easier with the advent of technology. At least when held up against work like firefighting, or being a soldier, or even just programming.

    The apostle Peter gives a long section about how servants should behave towards their masters in one of his letters (1 Peter) and, immediately after finishing the discussion he tells wives to act in the same manner towards their husbands. Why? Because the husband/wife relationship is, at its core, a master/servant relationship! I mean, naturally you can see that the two end up radically different, but the master/servant relationship is the base. In the same way we are servants to Christ! Its not intended to be an insult, simply an observation of fact. We are His servants, yet we are so much more! But just try telling a woman that she is her husbands servant and watch her howl! Even despite the fact that her husband is given biblical instruction to love and care for her and not to mistreat her, it won’t matter one bit! The curse of the garden is in full effect!

    Just the other day I came across a post from my cousin on Facebook. I love my cousin but she is a wellspring of examples of what not to do as a woman. The post was of a woman in work attire and had the caption (paraphrasing here): “I would rather work for the rest of my life than give any man the ability to say to me ‘You wouldn’t have that if I didn’t give it to you’. Her FB feed is full of junk like that, but its also full of “where are all the good men?” memes and junk, too! Society has taught her to never rely on a man but her innate nature as a female rages inside and still tells her otherwise! Her GOD GIVEN nature!

    As I stated before, its little wonder now that Christian men, or ALL men, in fact, are turning away from women and opting to stay unmarried. Who wants to put their hand in THAT bear trap? Who want’s to yoke themselves to someone who, in one moment tells you she doesn’t need you and that she is actually BETTER than you, then the next moment won’t let go of you because she can’t get a grip!

    Why can Christian women just obey the bible?

  18. “Why can’t Christian women just obey the bible?”

    That is a really good question, Snapper. I’m reading a book called “Ungodly Rage – The Hidden Face of Catholic Feminism” suggested to me by Earl, and it is REALLY really scary how much the occult (and so much about “goddess worship”) has infiltrated the church. I’ll hopefully write some posts about it, but it is VERY scary to me how these feminists point blank decided to infiltrate the churches and change doctrine and literally obliterate a male God patriarchal figure.

    As to your question again, why can’t Christian women just obey the Bible? I don’t know why it seems so opposed for us women to just trust and rely on God and on our husbands, to take care of us. Why are women so rebellious? I don’t know, but I do know it’s true that we are almost by nature (sin nature?). I think when women start looking to feminism to “save” them from men or “male dominance in the church,” it is the outpouring of what is in their hearts toward God Himself.

    Beth Moore just recently (kind of recently) wrote an article describing how oppressed she’s been all her life at the hands of male dominated Christianity, and that it’s time to end it. It’s ironically exactly what these Wiccan Feminists were talking about in the 1980’s – that they wanted to get out from the male-dominated Christianity and find the goddess within and view God as more mother-like. But their goal was to stay inside the Church, so that they could change it from the inside out into a more feminist, goddess-worshipping, religion that completely obliterates patriarchy.

  19. Would love to see some posts on that. I really feel like the feminist mindset of Christian women is evil and from satan himself. And it crept in so subtley! I mean, who really see the harm in telling young girls how great they are and how accomplished they can be? That they should have self esteem and be capable? All garbage! It was a trojan horse! It made its way into the church and all the self centered pride poured out. Sad.

  20. “because their church has decided authority on issues like these, and therefore doesn’t allow husbands to make their own decisions regarding how many children he wants to have.”

    Can you point to where this teaching exists in official Catholic teaching? Seriously. Please point me to where in the Catechism of the Catholic Church, an encyclical, or a papal bull where this is official teaching. Because you are making a claim that the Catholic Church’s “decided authority” on the issue is one of the “rules and restrictions” of the faith. I’d like you to point out where, in official Catholic Church teaching, this is one of our “rules and restrictions”.

    It always fascinates me how little non-Catholics truly understand about Catholicism and what it teaches, yet how quick they are to jump all over the Catholic Church for what they THINK it teaches. Even worse, non-Catholics base their understanding of the Catholic faith on people they know who are Catholics and how they practice the faith. Let me tell you something: with 1.285 BILLION Catholics in the world, there are a lot of people in our tent, and not everyone is “doing it right”. For years, I was someone who wasn’t a good representation of a Catholic. I see people every Sunday who “aren’t doing it right”. But because there are people who aren’t good examples of what the faith teaches it doesn’t mean that what the faith teaches is incorrect.

    Oh, and I love the call to not debate this point in the comments. Classic. “I’m throwing a hand grenade but please, don’t pay any attention to the fact I’m throwing a hand grenade.”

  21. “Can you point to where this teaching exists in official Catholic teaching? Seriously. Please point me to where in the Catechism of the Catholic Church, an encyclical, or a papal bull where this is official teaching. Because you are making a claim that the Catholic Church’s “decided authority” on the issue is one of the “rules and restrictions” of the faith. I’d like you to point out where, in official Catholic Church teaching, this is one of our “rules and restrictions”.”

    ^The official Catholic teaching on use of birth control (controlling in any way, the ability to conceive) is well known. I’ll have to look up the various places I’m sure it’s spelled out for you (although you, as a good Catholic, should already KNOW where your own faith teaches you this). Honestly, you should be telling me where your church forbids preventing conception during sex.

    After that, you can explain to me how this affects the husband’s authority in being able to consciously decide how many children he wants to have and financially support.

    “Oh, and I love the call to not debate this point in the comments. Classic. “I’m throwing a hand grenade but please, don’t pay any attention to the fact I’m throwing a hand grenade.””

    ^To debate it kind of reveals what a bind you Catholics are in. And I’m sure that’s really hard for you to accept. Your Church has ultimate authority on this issue, as well as MANY other issues where other churches decide to be silent so that the husband has more authority over his family. If you disobey this very well known teaching in your Church, or don’t agree with your own faith’s teachings and rules against preventing conception every possible time you have sex, then you aren’t a real Catholic at all.

    Debating it is sad because it points out how your own Church has authority over the husband (instead of God/Jesus having authority over the husband in the Christian faith). You, if you really are a Catholic man, have to first obey your Church, if you are to remain a true Catholic and member of your Church. You are not free to decide to prevent conception each time you have sex, and therefore, you are not free to exercise authority in that manner over your wife and over your family.

  22. “The Church also says that artificial contraception is morally wrong, because each and every sex act can occur only between husband and wife and must be directed toward two ends: love and life, that is, the intimate unity between the man and woman (love) and possibly procreating another human being (life).

    Conception and pregnancy don’t have to occur each time, but no man-made barriers should prevent what God may intend to happen.

    When love and life — unity and procreation — are separated, then sex becomes an end in itself rather than a means to an end. Birth control makes sex recreational, and removing what may be perceived as the “danger” of pregnancy means that couples no longer need to communicate about when and when not to have sex and whether they want or can afford another child.”

    ^That was just from one site. I’ll have to find more, but as per your faith rules and restrictions, sex can only be for “love (unity between the man and wife) and life (procreation.” Those two cannot be separated during sex. There must be that chance that (according to your faith) you could conceive. You are not allowed to control this. Recreational sex is considered by the Catholic faith to be immoral (sin).

    I know recently your church has added in the possibility of Natural Family Planning, but that is separating the “love and life” purpose of sex. And NFP is relatively very modern in the life of the Church (2 thousand years old church/faith) so NFP is not truly Catholic.

  23. This site explains it well and *seems* to be arguing for NFP to be a “good” and not evil, but it contradicts itself all the way through, and especially at the end here:

    “NFP is not an evil, or sinful. It is God’s gift to these times for parents who need a morally good means to help them plan their family responsibly. NFP can be misused, abused, if there are no compelling reasons for delaying the next pregnancy. But the fault there lies, not with NFP, but with the wrong intentions of the couple.”

    Who judges whether or not the husband has “wrong intentions” in responsibly planning his family? If his wife is healthy, and he makes good money, of course adding another child when they already have 3 or 4 + will always be another sacrifice or even could be seen as a burden by that particular husband. So who gets to decide whether or not it’s a legitimate reason to even use NFP? Certainly the husband does not have authority over that, even if his wife disagrees with him (but should follow him anyway), but the Church does. So again, we’re to the same point, that even if he tries to use NFP, there’s a good chance he’s using it “wrong” or amorally because his reason has to be approved by the ultimate authority (not him or God), but the Church.

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