Things I Want My Daughter to Know: Men Don’t Like Tattoos on Beautiful Women

Image result for beautiful women ruined by tattoos

This should be a given, but unfortunately, with our culture especially, it’s “bad” to come out with truth like this.  First, I should admit that this is an “in general” post.  There ARE some men who like women with tattoos as visible and large as this lady’s.  But MOST men are turned off by it.

It’s just the way it is.

A woman’s body is like a beautiful piece of artwork – and she is, as God made and designed the female body to look feminine and wonderfully made.

Related image

Yes, she is like a beautiful piece of fine art – worth millions of dollars – and yet she’s been disfigured by markings all over one of her arms… leaving the artwork, that would have been worth millions, virtually worthless.  The picture above even has an artistically beautiful tattoo in my opinion (there are worse I’ve seen!), but men just do not usually see it that way.

They don’t see “beautifully artistic.”

They see disfigurement.

And this topic is a controversial double-standard – men tend to look great with tattoos, in fact, subconsciously it increases their sexual attractiveness to other women because it speaks danger or rebellion.  It may carry over from ancient days when warriors would use paint to intimidate their enemies.  Tattoos tend to masculinize a person, so while that’s great for a man to appear more masculine, it takes away from the femininity of a woman.  As “unfair” as it may seem, it’s just reality.

 

Here are some male comments from the article I found this topic being discussed at (yahoo.com):

“She is hot but I’m not a fan of a lot of ink on women.” 

Ink, from Classy to Trashy.” -Mark C

“Ladies tattoos are ugly.” -Rockon

“the tattoo ruins the picture…” -Steve

“Would you put a bumper sticker on a Ferrari?” – Brian

“Why does anyone (especially attractive people) desecrate their physical body with graffiti, people with nice cars don’t put any bumper stickers on them!” -Roger

“As pretty as she could be, the tattoos take it all away.” -I

“Naw, too much ink.” -MarkH

“Really unfortunate about all the tattoos.” -Richard

“The tattoos turn a sold 9 into maybe a 5.” – Jesse

 

***

And the comments went on and on and on.  Men just REALLY do not like tattoos that visible and big on women.  Even if a woman is extremely beautiful – the tattoos make her completely unattractive to most men.

That’s a very powerful tidbit of information for young women to realize, but while most won’t be paying attention to what men think (or care), hopefully you’ll listen to us and read these entries in your journal I’m making for you ❤  and you’ll resist any strange temptation to turn yourself into a coloring book! 😀

 

Related Reading –

Side Note: Yes, I know some readers may point out that I am the girl with a dragonfly tattoo (my website name).  It’s really small, and only my husband sees it.  He loves it but again… it’s really discreet.

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36 thoughts on “Things I Want My Daughter to Know: Men Don’t Like Tattoos on Beautiful Women

  1. oh, you hypocrite! lol. just kidding.

    but your post is on point. at least for me. as i commented elsewhere, one or two small tattoos that have some real meaning, can be cute.

    the problem being that more than a few women get tattoos that are too large, don’t have any real meaning in their life, and have too many of them.

    there is one young woman that i am incredibly fond of. she has a tattoo on one of her feet, and above her ankle that are kinda cute. but her others get increasingly larger, and just don’t look that attractive.

    she is absolutely beautiful, and incredibly sexy. but the tattoos really ruin an otherwise stunning woman.

  2. Good points, Stephanie. My daugher will definitely know what her father thinks of tattoos. She is a work of art…not to be tampered with!

    Fyi…I wrote about this topic several times. When I brought the same issue up on social media, the sh*t hit the fan. You would have thought I was promoting the murder of children.

    https://majorstyles.blog/2016/11/18/mothers-are-now-getting-tattoos-for-their-teenage-daughters/
    https://majorstyles.blog/2016/12/31/what-will-happen-to-the-heavily-tatted-women/

  3. On another social media site I subscribe to (an alternate to FB) I am subscribed to a few “artistic nude” feeds and the reality of what you have said in this post is so starkly apparent its sad. Beautiful women, ruined by getting “inked”. Now, I will admit, my wife has a couple of small tattoos, and they don’t bother me, but women with full sleeves on one or both arms; full CHEST tattoos; one whole leg or upper thigh. This, I do not understand. To add to the madness many of them forgo “cute”, “girly” flowers and such and end up getting demon skulls, monsters, bleeding and torn creatures, PERMANENTLY INKED ONTO THEIR BODIES!

    As I said in my “women’s day” post, the female form, in shape, in color, in clarity, is one of the most sought after and reproduced shapes in the history of the world. Be it in painting or physical design, to capture it is to capture something that is instantly pleasing to the eye, for both men and women! Todays culture, however, has turned the beauty of women into a curse. “Men just want me for my body, but what about my mind!”. Its a sad thing to see a lovely woman with anything more than small, pretty markings, and sometimes even that is sad. I guess the main thing is that ladies shouldn’t overdo it.

  4. I agree!

    Unfortunately today’s modern day Princess Leia wannabes know more of how to be masculine than feminine.

    On the other hand they become shriking violets whenever a man dares to look at them instead of protesting himself at their feet.

    After working all day around men this is definetely not the kind of female I would want to come home to.

  5. “On the other hand they become shriking violets whenever a man dares to look at them instead of protesting himself at their feet. ”

    I think you mean “whenever perceived low value men” dares to look at them. If Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson or any host of athletes or movie stars were to look at them they would eat it up.

    Unfortunately it seems like tattoos are become the defacto way for women to represent how “individual” they are. Supposedly it tells the world how nuanced she is and tells her life story. I have a cousin who is always posting her trips to the tattoo shop on Facebook. She was a pretty girl back when we were younger, but was rebellious at heart like her mother and ended up getting tossed around by life. Now she’s around my age (I’m 42) and she has put on quite a bit of weight and, of course, years, but that could all be dealt with. What cannot be dealt with, though, are the massive tattoos she has put all over her body. The last one I saw was of hypodermic needles arranged in the shape of a flower. She indicated that it was based off of the cover of the band Gungor’s “Beautiful Things”, and I understand where she is coming from with it, but its tacky and gross and huge and it does her no favors in making her attractive to a man. Overall its just another way for women to be rebellious AND garner attention. “Its my body I can do what I want!” and “Look at me, I’m so individual and deep because of my carefully selected tattoos!”.

  6. And thank you Snapper for adding the things you’ve seen! It’s fascinating that most men think like this, especially when for some strange cultural reason, tattoos have become extremely popular everywhere. It’s so obvious at the gym or when swimming that nearly everyone has them now.

  7. “but women with full sleeves on one or both arms; full CHEST tattoos; one whole leg or upper thigh. This, I do not understand. To add to the madness many of them forgo “cute”, “girly” flowers and such and end up getting demon skulls, monsters, bleeding and torn creatures, PERMANENTLY INKED ONTO THEIR BODIES!”

    ^^Yea 😦 We just were at the gym this morning and saw a woman covered in tattoos and one was a huge scorpion… it almost looked demonic it was so ugly 😦

    Your entire first comment is gold, Snapper. I love what you said about the female form.

  8. “You would have thought I was promoting the murder of children.”

    Anything that makes women feel judged seems to get reactions like that. How dare men have preferences and tastes… likes and dislikes.

  9. the problem, is that men “give in” and overlook our likes and dislikes too easily. men do an awful lot of settling, and a lot of women do little compromising.

  10. and it’s not just a distraction to a woman’s physical appearance.

    the idea of tattoos=damaged is pretty widely believed. whether it is true or not, it leads to preconceived ideas about a person. especially when the tattoos are large and very overt.

  11. Great post! And you are right in my opinion. My wife has a small one on her lower pelvis that only I get to see. Sometimes it peeks out the top of the bikini, but I find that sexy. Large sleeves etc. do not look good in women in my opinion.

    That being said, tattoos are personal and opinions differ.

    I have a large St Michael slaying the devil on my upper right arm. In short sleeves it is barely visible. I went with a black ink because I personally don’t like all the color, particularly on men.

    I got it when I retired. I was thankful to get through my career without major injury. I felt I had him watching over me. I know… sounds dumb to some, but that’s what I feel.

    Tattoos are permanent and should mean something. Getting random tattoos because the “look cool” or are trendy is a mistake. When I ask someone what their tattoo means and they say “I just liked it” I lose a little respect for them. Not that they care I suppose. The interesting thing is I find it is often women who say they got a tattoo with little or no meaning. I always found that odd with how vain most women are. As long as they are happy, good for them I guess.

  12. “I have a large St Michael slaying the devil on my upper right arm. In short sleeves it is barely visible. I went with a black ink because I personally don’t like all the color, particularly on men.”

    ^That sounds really nice and meaningful. It’s totally different for men, even though that seems “unfair,” it really does just make y’all look more attractive and masculine.

    And my husband wants to get something very similar to that, too! He already has a giant couple of tattoos on his arm that he wanted to get that represent our love and marriage to each other – the three strand cord that is not easily broken (Eccles 4:12). But he’s going to get another huge one on the other arm that will be a crown of thorns with nails looking like they’re going into the skin with blood dripping out (kinda gross lol). And then another one of a knight with the cross on his chest armor that he wants on his back, representing how he’s literally doing God’s work in fighting evil.

    LOL… he really really likes tattoos.

  13. I’ve honestly had very little desire in my life to get inked. At once time I told my wife I was going to get a little naked blond cartoon girl somewhere on me as a bit of a tribute to her if I had lost some weight and put on a bit of muscle, but that was a long time ago and I don’t know if I would do it now. I thought I wanted a cross and some scripture at one time, and I did see some guys cool hex sleeve that I thought was just badass (I don’t know why, I have a weird thing for hexagons, they are just cool to me. Still, I’m out of shape and haven’t been able to get motivated to get in shape, so it will likely never happen. Heck, even if I DID get in shape I don’t know that it would happen. Just not a priority for me. That being said I have seen some guys with really awesome ink before. Tattoo artists, the good ones, can do amazing things.

  14. Leviticus 19:28 KJV
    Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you: I am the Lord .

  15. This is one of those laws that wasn’t done away with at the cross. I personally believe that it is still God’s will for his children today.

  16. Oh, yes. Very true. I’m a ballerina, or I used to be and so body lines are important to me, especially on women. If a woman has a tattoo, it cuts her body lines up and looks weird. I hate foot tattoos especially.

  17. So true! It’s sad that this is reality, but it is true.

    Have you ever tried Mary Helen Bowers’ Ballet Beautiful workouts? Most past dancers really love them, and WOW do they get you in shape!

    Here’s a clip:

  18. And yea… I’ve never seen past ballerina dancers get any large tattoos or even visible tattoos. If they have them, they are always covered.

  19. No I haven’t! Might have to check them out. I occasionally attend an adult ballet class and then otherwise workout at home.

  20. I would rather see more ladies taking ballet than pilates or yoga. Every ballerina I have ever seen looks very, very fit, but it looks like a lot of work! 😃

  21. I’m one of those weird ones that isn’t terribly fond of tattoos on either sex. I get that a lot of people with temporary jobs and temporary relationships want something permanent, and it can be a great conversation starter to ask them what one means,

    My overall take, though, is that they require someone to have their hands on the person getting tattooed for an extended period of time, and as others have noted, they can indeed break up the pattern that a spouse ought to rejoice in.

    I don’t think that Christians are bound by the Torah in this matter per Leviticus 19:28, but I do think that spouses ought to contemplate the Song of Songs and ask “how do these tattoos affect my spouse’s enjoyment of me?”.

  22. Yeah, I’ve been of the mind that women who want to get married might be wise to wait until AFTER marriage to get tattoos. I mean, find out BEFORE marriage how your husband feels about it, then agree together AFTER marriage as to what extent and content is okay. My brother likes tattooed girls and his wife has a couple, I think, but he isn’t bothered by full sleeves and stuff like that, so he likely wouldn’t have a problem with his wife getting one. I, on the other hand, don’t mind tattoos, but would never, ever want my wife to get something that big and definitely nothing that wasn’t considered “girly”. Flowers, faeries, etc. would be good, skulls, snakes and weapons: No.

  23. I just stumbled across your post while doing a search and was intrigued by the title. At first I thought it couldn’t possibly be a serious article, so imagine my surprise. You should probably add the word “some” in the title, because the title isn’t accurate the way it is. You would be telling her only what you want her to hear, and not the truth. The truth is that there are men that love women with tattoos. I think you’ve taken a small sample of what is probably an older generation. Many tattooed ladies on Instagram have millions of adoring male followers. Model @lolobe4 has over one million which is a pretty impressive number. I’d also like to point out that women’s sexual fluidity doesn’t have anything to do with tattoos.

  24. You’re right that there are some men who don’t mind lots of tattoos… but it does seem like the majority wouldn’t want to marry a woman like that and bring her home or expect her to be a good mother. It’s sad that there’s a stigma like that, because I’m sure those girls aren’t thinking about that when they get giant sized tattoos, but this does seem to be true.

    I know I think I linked to a scientific study on how men treat women with tattoos versus not having a tattoo – and overall the consensus was that men treated them as if they were sexually promiscuous. It may be purely hindbrain stuff to where if you asked them what they thought, they’d say one thing, but actions-wise, the science found they **treated** women with tattoos like sex objects.

    I wish there was more research into this area though.

  25. Well, good thing that most women who get those tattoos aren’t going to want men who think like this. It’s 2018, tattoos are pretty, women should be able to do whatever they want with their bodies regardless to what men like, and men need to stop thinking that they can dictate what a woman should and should not do. And now I’m tempted to get a huge tattoo just so men can leave me alone.

  26. @Selena awww :/ I get it that this stuff must sound really ridiculous. People have different values though, and there will always be a majority versus a minority. And that’s not wrong that most men don’t want something – it just is.

    And please keep in mind that like Papa Ink said, there ARE men out there who like women covered in tattoos. But if you’re tempted to get a huge tattoos just to keep men away, then maybe you just don’t like men?

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  28. Pingback: What does the Bible say about tattoos/body piercings? | The Road

  29. Blog Author – Took over this comment because responding to it is easier inside it’s quotes 😀

    Hello, person of a different set of values/opinions here. First of all, I happened upon this post by accident while looking for ideas, for a tattoo, so you can probably predict what I’m about to say.

    I think this post applies to a small demographic of women with traditional values, who are actively seeking out family life, and a man to share those values and a life with; that’s obviously fine. We all have our goals in life. Mine just happen to be different, so I wanted to share another perspective.

    That being said, it’s interesting to me to read an article that puts so much power in the opinions of not just a man, but another person, to dictate your value and worth. But since this post focuses on how men see women, I too will focus on that.

    Noting in this article says this is ever about a woman’s value or worth. You’re putting that emphasis on tattoos (how men see you) by your own rationalizing. And this is already proven with scientific studies that it’s not just about how men see women, but how society in general (especially professional people or upper class society) sees women with visible tattoos.

    I, like many more ‘modern’ women, do not define ourselves by how men see us; it is not a priority. We do not dress, do our makeup, or make decisions based on whether or not a man would like it; we do it for ourselves.

    That’s actually a lie you tell yourself daily to explain why you would ever dress up or try to look nice. Yes, it’s for yourself. But it’s also *very important* to realize you’re doing it for others, too, even if you have to lie to yourself about it.

    The thought of asking for a man’s permission to do something for myself, to my body, that makes me happy and feel beautiful is perplexing (to say the least).

    That makes sense given that our culture allows women to even murder the baby inside them without needing to ask a man’s (the baby’s father’s) permission. Of course you don’t think about how your behavior would affect your husband. You would never care about his wishes/desires, right? LOL Liar.

    In my opinion, men do not validate our beauty, or give it to us; we already have it. As a woman it is important to know and own what we bring to the table, whether that be personally, professionally or romantically. It is not our (women’s) job to live our life in a way that appeases men.

    Again with the psycho-babble of, “Don’t worry, we’re all beautiful!” It’s just not even scientifically true. There are many many studies out there that prove what beauty is in a female face/form. People are judging others all the time, whether they like it or not. Does a person’s beauty have to define them or their value? Definitely no. But it does say something about a person when they don’t do what they can to take care of themselves and present themselves well. Is it fair that society judges the outside (and sometimes doesn’t care about the inside of a person’s character)? No, it’s not fair, but scientifically, it’s just how our brains respond. We have to train ourselves to think differently.

    If a man feels that he can call me ‘ruined’ or ‘ugly’ because I have a tattoo, that is not a man I want to be with. LOL of course! It’d be a horrible match. I’m not saying tattoos actually make a woman ruined or ugly, but men are allowed to have opinions on who they’d want to marry or date. You can’t force all men to like women with visible tattoos, which is what you’re trying to do here.

    In my opinion that says more about his character than it does mine, in that he feels comfortable judging a woman with the goal of shaming her, or making her feel less than. Or maybe he just doesn’t like tattoos? LOL Why is that so hard to understand that a lot of men secretly feel this way?
    The better question to me is, why the hell aren’t you allowing men to pick what kind of women they prefer?

    The comments from the men in the post demonstrate a society in which women are put on display, like show dogs, and one by one are told whether or not they’re aesthetically wanting. And while this is going on, the men who are judging are being held accountable to no one. This is a pattern we need to break. LOL you sound like a female Hitler! And how exactly do you plan on breaking men of their preferences?!? LOL Are you going to brainwash them into seeing beauty where they might not be able to physically? Why are you so controlling that you want to change the preferences of men you don’t even know? You’re allowed to have preferences, too, you know. What if some man was offended that you wanted a man who looked a certain way, and then he told you he needed to break your, “pattern,” of being attracted to a certain type? You’d think he was psychotic. Which is exactly how you’re coming across in this comment. It’s such a hilarious comment to me, I may make it into a separate post.

    I also saw the mention of a ‘double standard’, and the ‘oh well’ sort of attitude surrounding it. That shouldn’t be an ‘oh well, guess that’s our lot in life,’ sort of thought. It’s again promoting a culture in which women are judged on their appearance, shamed for doing things that are considered masculine, and discouraged from escaping the boundaries of what’s expected of them as women.

    There’s a lot of double standards that go the other way though, towards men being pigeon-holed into certain roles or positions. Double standards are something we live with every day, mostly due to the way the human mind and brain chemistry work (hormones). This is not something you can change, although I’m sure a lot of crazy feminist-types are trying to change the way men think (and naturally are supposed to think). Masculinity is now considered, “toxic,” as well as femininity. I think the tide will swing back though, it usually does.

    Women should not be taught that if a man disrespects you, judges you, or treats you like dirt, it’s you’re fault as a woman.

    Again with the off the mark applications to what was written here. No one is saying a woman should put up with a man disrespecting her or mistreating her, you’re creating fabrications in your own mind. The simplicity is that yes, you will be judged by employers, parents of your spouse, family members, friends, enemies, coworkers, people in general for different things, and that’s not going to be preventable. If a woman wants to get a tattoo, (I do have one you know), she’ll need to know it reflects on her decision making, for better or worse, just like every other decision you make as an adult.

    Employers are perfectly right to want to hire a person who doesn’t have facial tattoos for example. You may say they’re, “mean,” LOL but that’s totally their prerogative to pick and choose who they want to work for them. How you cannot understand this is hilarious to me. Just apply the employer’s choice, to a man’s choice in who he wants to bring home. Yes, many men won’t care anymore because this kind of rarity is not valued (by women mostly), that and men will take what they can get usually, which gets them into all kinds of problems later on when they find out what it means to marry someone who doesn’t make decision considering how it will affect their spouse. We’ve seen those kinds of marriage, they really suck (whether it’s a man or a woman acting without regard to what their spouse wants). Hopefully before you get married you learn that marriage is a partnership, and your decisions will always effect the other person, for better or worse.

    It is not your responsibility to live up to a man’s expectations of how a woman ‘should be’ or ‘should act’ or ‘should look’. Women shouldn’t be made to feel that if they fail these expectations that they’re deserving of the potential shaming to follow.

    I think you’re confusing what you’re responsible for, and what you *should* do if you want to attract a certain kind of man. No, of course you’re not, “responsible,” to live up to just any man’s expectations, that doesn’t make any sense, why would you do that? But if you want to attract a certain kind of man, it’s wise to figure out what would help you in that search. It’s also wise to pay attention to the science that tells us men, even when they dont’ want to, treat women with tattoos like they’re more promiscuous (slutty). Why would anyone want a man to automatically treat her like she was more slutty than the next woman? You can’t just reprogram the way the male mind works, this is natural for them, and it makes sense that the more society degrades into having no sexual morals, men will see women more and more as whores and sluts, and that’s what we created ourselves. And isn’t that how women are treated now more and more? Even though they don’t like it? You can’t fix this with more tattoos, we already have more females tattooed than ever, and it’s not going well.

    We’re people with our own wants, needs, expectations, ambitions and desires; and those things are what define us. Those things matter, and it’s okay if they don’t fit inside a neat little box of ‘how you should be.’

    Again, I totally understand this, I wanted a tattoo and got one, too. Of course it doesn’t, “define,” me, but it *does* make a statement about me in some way – a way I very carefully chose in relation to the size and placement. It was very calculated on my part, and I’m very happy with making those decisions first before just going out and covering myself in ones I’d later regret. Tattoo-regret is a very real thing, I can’t believe I have to explain this to someone (sorry, not patient today LOL). There are MANY women (and men) who choose to get tattoos lasered OFF because once it’s on, they realize the way it makes others look at them, treat them subtly and guess what? They don’t like it one bit! Are you denying they have a right to change their decision and laser it off? Does that make them less of a smart person? It actually proves they are smart, because they’re reacting to things that are outside their control (the way other people treat them) by doing something WITHIN their control (lasering the tattoos off to make life more easy). They’ll make more money without them, their life will be more successful statistically.

    And of course no one fits inside a neat little box, and no one is telling you to care about what these men think. It’s just an awareness post that describes how men think (and more importantly, how they subconsciously, without even realizing it, treat women with tattoos). That’s important info, even if you don’t like it. It’s info I want my daughter to be aware of, so she can make good, wise, rational decisions in what she does to her own body later on and understand what kind of consequences those decisions will have.

    This post could have been titled, “Things I Want My Daughter to Know: Employers Don’t Hire People with Tattoos as Often as People w/o Them. It’s just a common sense thing that needs to be explained because it will determine how she’s treated and how her life goes. When you tell teens or young adults that people don’t care what they look like (which is exactly what you’re arguing here), you’re not helping them, in fact you’re harming them by lying to them about what life is really like. You can’t (and I’m sure you wouldn’t) tell you child they can act and dress however they like and society will just have to accept them. I’m sure (I hope I’m sure LOL) you’re rational enough to teach them social mores of what’s appropriate or not. Hopefully you’ll warn them that certain hair colors or piercings everywhere, or even certain behavior will get them treated differently than a more normal looking person. It’s ok if they want to do/act in certain ways (to an extent), but not everyone is going to accept them or agree with how they present themselves. A lot of times social mores were created to help people not be shunned or excluded. You can’t really change this, it ebbs and flows with whatever is acceptable at that certain point in time, and you can see the dramatic changes all throughout history.

    So instead of justifying men who refer to women as ‘ruined’ and ‘worthless’ based on their own arbitrary standards, change the tides, and support the women they’re shaming for knowing what they want, and being fearless in pursuing it.

    You can follow your own advice on that, no one is stopping you for sure 🙂 . But I personally don’t have to support or agree with women who feel the way you do. I don’t think you are even truly aware of what you really think. You think you don’t dress up or wear makeup for other people… most women actually do. I mean… do you wear makeup even when you’re just going to be at home all day? Do you force yourself to put it on when you won’t be seeing anyone? Answering these questions for yourself will maybe help you see that you’re not being intelligently honest in this discussion. You just sound irrational, controlling (“ALL men MUST like tattoos!”) and kind of like a Female Hitler in the making. You want men to find tattoos attractive, but all men aren’t required to find the same thing attractive – this should be common sense. You can’t just take away a man’s preference because it hurts your feelings LOL. You can have your point of view, but certainly you can’t change the science in how men who even say (and may truly think) they like tattoos, still treat those women like they’re more slutty than women who don’t. They still make men see women as sexual objects to be used, even when those men don’t want to think like that. Maybe you just don’t believe in science, that would explain a lot actually.

    If you recognize the stigma, the unwarranted criticism, or whatever prejudice it may be, don’t just let it happen. The title of this article includes “Things I want my daughter to know”, well I’d want my daughter to know: that she defines herself, she architects her life, and she doesn’t need the approval of others to feel beautiful or complete.

    Hopefully, like I’ve said before, you’ll teach your daughter to be a rational human being who makes decisions not based on crazy emotions (like you’re doing), or trying to control the entire world’s population of men by bending them to her will (like you’re doing), and teach her that her value comes from God, but that she can do things to violate herself (abortion, murder, sins in general) that will affect the way she feels about her value negatively overtime. Hopefully you’ll give her the real sense of accomplishment and success in being a good, wonderful person who values herself and makes decisions based in wisdom, and not on simply emotions.

    The woman in the photo is beautiful. Her tattoos do not change that.

    You’re entitled to your opinion. Again, you can’t control what other people think. And this woman (or your daughter/future child) won’t be able to control what is acceptable either. At some point, whether it’s for a job, or partnership, or other important function, everyone has to submit to rules and desires of something that is in power over them. It’s interesting that anyone would have a problem with that notion that not everything will be seen as, “ok,” or acceptable.

    She is not ruined, diminished, broken, lost, unsuccessful, or worthless. She has defined herself, knows what she wants and who she is, and has decided to express that. What you’re seeing in that photo is confidence, strength, a sense of self, and an independence from others.

    Those things could be true, but that won’t help someone get a high-paying job that discriminates against people who make those choices in visible, distracting tattoos. Maybe more employers are open to them now, and maybe that trend will continue, but it may not. Why wouldn’t you want people knowing what will potentially help them to actually **be** successful in life? Why so much emphasis on controlling what people think who are different from you?

    For those reasons alone, she is beautiful.

  30. Thank you for responding to promptly, it was a lot to read, but I addressed most of your points I think:

    Noting in this article says this is ever about a woman’s value or worth. You’re putting that emphasis on tattoos (how men see you) by your own rationalizing. And this is already proven with scientific studies that it’s not just about how men see women, but how society in general (especially professional people or upper class society) sees women with visible tattoos.

    ——-
    I’m just quoting your original post regarding a woman’s worth:
    “Yes, she is like a beautiful piece of fine art – worth millions of dollars – and yet she’s been disfigured by markings all over one of her arms… leaving the artwork, that would have been worth millions, virtually worthless.”

    Additionally, I can assure you that corporate America is changing in the way it views people with piercings, tattoos, and weird colored hair, because enough people with them are changing the stigma. My ability to take responsibility and do my job has nothing to do with my tattoos or piercings, and companies are realizing this. Especially as they delve into hiring people between the ages of 18-35; it’s pretty much the norm at this point. Obviously there still exist people with hang ups, or turn a blind eye to baseless assumptions based on some ink or a piercing, but I’m confident we as a society can move past that superficiality.
    ——-

    That’s actually a lie you tell yourself daily to explain why you would ever dress up or try to look nice. Yes, it’s for yourself. But it’s also *very important* to realize you’re doing it for others, too, even if you have to lie to yourself about it.

    ——-

    I mean…you’re just wrong about that. I wear jeans and hoodie to work most days, I don’t wear make-up, I keep my hair short and easy to style. I’m about comfort in my day to day, not out trying to pick up a guy at the office. Also, there’s a distinct difference between wearing a nice outfit for an important meeting, and dolling up everyday to find a man. (I mean if that’s your goal, more power to you, but again it’s not my priority in life).

    ——

    That makes sense given that our culture allows women to even murder the baby inside them without needing to ask a man’s (the baby’s father’s) permission. Of course you don’t think about how your behavior would affect your husband. You would never care about his wishes/desires, right? LOL Liar.

    ——

    I’m gonna skip the murdering babies bit, cause that’s conflating a very serious and nuanced issue with getting a tattoo…

    That’s not what I said, I said that my husband would not get to decide what I do with my body, and vise versa. My getting a tattoo does not affect him, nor does dying my hair purple, or getting a 15th piercing. Things that I would include my husband in on: getting a pet, moving to another city/state for work, getting a joint bank account, our next vacation, if I’m gonna be out of town for a couple weeks, asking what take out we should get for dinner, etc… You’re conflating a multitude of possible scenarios and conversations that can exist within a relationship or marriage. Not asking permission to do with my body what I want, is not the same as not caring about his needs and expectations. But I also wouldn’t want to be with a man that expects me to change for him, and that goes both ways.

    ——

    Again with the psycho-babble of, “Don’t worry, we’re all beautiful!” It’s just not even scientifically true. There are many many studies out there that prove what beauty is in a female face/form. People are judging others all the time, whether they like it or not. Does a person’s beauty have to define them or their value? Definitely no. But it does say something about a person when they don’t do what they can to take care of themselves and present themselves well. Is it fair that society judges the outside (and sometimes doesn’t care about the inside of a person’s character)? No, it’s not fair, but scientifically, it’s just how our brains respond. We have to train ourselves to think differently.

    ——

    Yes, there have been studies that show what the brain perceives as beauty. There are also studies that show how beauty has evolved over time. Not to mention different cultures have their own definition of beauty. This might actually include being extra voluptuous, having multiple face piercings, having an elongated neck, or yes, even tattoos. My point is, your post states “most men”, but what does “most men” mean when you take into account the multiple of races, ethnicities, cultures and traditions that span the world? What fits your perception of “taking care of yourself” may not be the same for many people.

    ——

    Or maybe he just doesn’t like tattoos? LOL Why is that so hard to understand that a lot of men secretly feel this way?
    The better question to me is, why the hell aren’t you allowing men to pick what kind of women they prefer?

    ——

    I’m not telling anyone that they shouldn’t have preferences, or what kind of woman they should be with. My point is mainly, “You don’t like it? Then zip it and move on.”
    The comments from those men were unprompted and unnecessary. They don’t need to comment on how the woman in the photo is trashy, or ruined. There’s no reason to be nasty about it. I reiterate, it’s fine if someone doesn’t like tattoos or other body modifications, but it doesn’t give the person a right to be a jerk about it.

    ——

    LOL you sound like a female Hitler! And how exactly do you plan on breaking men of their preferences?!? LOL Are you going to brainwash them into seeing beauty where they might not be able to physically? Why are you so controlling that you want to change the preferences of men you don’t even know? You’re allowed to have preferences, too, you know. What if some man was offended that you wanted a man who looked a certain way, and then he told you he needed to break your, “pattern,” of being attracted to a certain type? You’d think he was psychotic. Which is exactly how you’re coming across in this comment. It’s such a hilarious comment to me, I may make it into a separate post.

    ——

    Again, I’m not trying to control people or their preferences. And I also didn’t say we need to break the pattern of men’s preferences, I’m saying we need to break the pattern of women being primarily valued for their appearance. Look at Miss America, they finally got rid of the swimsuit segment, because I’m pretty sure qualifying for a college scholarship should not involve ‘who looks best in a bikini’. Of course we all have physical preferences. Whether or not someone possesses those qualities should not dictate how that person is treated. If a girl has a tattoo, she should not be treated as a slut, if she wears glasses she shouldn’t be called four eyes, etc… And this goes both ways, if a guy is super ripped, it shouldn’t be assumed he’s a ‘bro’, and if he’s smaller it doesn’t mean he’s less of a man.

    ——

    There’s a lot of double standards that go the other way though, towards men being pigeon-holed into certain roles or positions. Double standards are something we live with every day, mostly due to the way the human mind and brain chemistry work (hormones). This is not something you can change, although I’m sure a lot of crazy feminist-types are trying to change the way men think (and naturally are supposed to think). Masculinity is now considered, “toxic,” as well as femininity. I think the tide will swing back though, it usually does.

    ——

    You’re missing the point of that whole movement. Masculinity and feminity are not toxic, it’s when people try to force their ideal version of those things onto others, and then chastise those who do not fit into that definition of masculine and feminine. Examples: men can’t cry, men shouldn’t wear pink, men should bury their pain, women should be modest, women should be seen not heard, etc… It’s what leads to a culture where men feel they can’t express themselves or do something ‘feminine’, and women feel intimidated to pursue STEM fields or something ‘masculine. We end up feeling this friction between not just the genders but everyone as human beings. And you’re confusing double standards that have been institutionally ingrained in our society with biological traits and preferences. As a follow up, biology has shown that the human brain is not binary, and our hormones, thoughts, urges, etc… tend to exist on a spectrum and fluctuate due to environment, diet, age, and a multitude of other things. And I find it worth mentioning again that the perception of beauty is often shaped by our culture and society of the time, because it has evolved A LOT over the centuries, and that’s just in the US, that doesn’t even take into account the 100s of other countries out their with their own cultural norms and standards.
    ——

    Again with the off the mark applications to what was written here. No one is saying a woman should put up with a man disrespecting her or mistreating her, you’re creating fabrications in your own mind. The simplicity is that yes, you will be judged by employers, parents of your spouse, family members, friends, enemies, coworkers, people in general for different things, and that’s not going to be preventable. If a woman wants to get a tattoo, (I do have one you know), she’ll need to know it reflects on her decision making, for better or worse, just like every other decision you make as an adult.

    Employers are perfectly right to want to hire a person who doesn’t have facial tattoos for example. You may say they’re, “mean,” LOL but that’s totally their prerogative to pick and choose who they want to work for them. How you cannot understand this is hilarious to me. Just apply the employer’s choice, to a man’s choice in who he wants to bring home. Yes, many men won’t care anymore because this kind of rarity is not valued (by women mostly), that and men will take what they can get usually, which gets them into all kinds of problems later on when they find out what it means to marry someone who doesn’t make decision considering how it will affect their spouse. We’ve seen those kinds of marriage, they really suck (whether it’s a man or a woman acting without regard to what their spouse wants). Hopefully before you get married you learn that marriage is a partnership, and your decisions will always effect the other person, for better or worse.

    ——

    I’ll say it again, finding a significant other, and getting a job are two very different things, and corporate America is changing (see previous answers). I’m not arguing what the rights of the hypothetical employers are, I’m saying their reasoning is likely bad if they’re fixated on a tattoo being the primary indication of a person’s qualifications, and I wouldn’t want to work for that company.

    And yeah, choices have consequences, not arguing that either, I’m trying to get to the deeper issue though, why fixate on something so insignificant at all? We’re all aware of the stigma, so why not train our brain to recognize the pattern of judgement and listen to the person’s professional qualifications and experiences?

    And I addressed this above, deciding what I do with my body is not the same as cutting my SO out of all my life decisions, or devaluing his needs and expectations. I agree it is a partnership between two individuals, where you love the person for their similarities and differences in opinions and beliefs. You shouldn’t expect the person to outright change themselves for you, or judge them for their quirks. I like tattoos, if my SO told me I couldn’t have one, then we’re not compatible, simple as that.
    ——

    I think you’re confusing what you’re responsible for, and what you *should* do if you want to attract a certain kind of man. No, of course you’re not, “responsible,” to live up to just any man’s expectations, that doesn’t make any sense, why would you do that? But if you want to attract a certain kind of man, it’s wise to figure out what would help you in that search. It’s also wise to pay attention to the science that tells us men, even when they dont’ want to, treat women with tattoos like they’re more promiscuous (slutty). Why would anyone want a man to automatically treat her like she was more slutty than the next woman? You can’t just reprogram the way the male mind works, this is natural for them, and it makes sense that the more society degrades into having no sexual morals, men will see women more and more as whores and sluts, and that’s what we created ourselves. And isn’t that how women are treated now more and more? Even though they don’t like it? You can’t fix this with more tattoos, we already have more females tattooed than ever, and it’s not going well.

    ——

    Actually, that ‘treating women more slutty’ thing is a learned behavior, not a biological one. This goes back to certain perceptions being deeply ingrained in our society and culture; men learn from movies, tv, the internet, that women with tattoos and piercings are sluttier, when in fact, they’re just people. What’s the solution? Making sure boys are brought up to know women are not objects, regardless of appearance. And because I know it’ll be brought up again, I’m not opposed to preferences, I am opposed to people being stereotyped and disrespected due to preconceived notions of a stereotype. And again there are matriarchal cultures all across the globe where it is taught from birth to respect women, and there is an overlap in those cultures where tattoos and/or piercings are considered sacred and important. Sexism is not a biological default; it has however become entrenched in our society.

    ——

    Again, I totally understand this, I wanted a tattoo and got one, too. Of course it doesn’t, “define,” me, but it *does* make a statement about me in some way – a way I very carefully chose in relation to the size and placement. It was very calculated on my part, and I’m very happy with making those decisions first before just going out and covering myself in ones I’d later regret. Tattoo-regret is a very real thing, I can’t believe I have to explain this to someone (sorry, not patient today LOL). There are MANY women (and men) who choose to get tattoos lasered OFF because once it’s on, they realize the way it makes others look at them, treat them subtly and guess what? They don’t like it one bit! Are you denying they have a right to change their decision and laser it off? Does that make them less of a smart person? It actually proves they are smart, because they’re reacting to things that are outside their control (the way other people treat them) by doing something WITHIN their control (lasering the tattoos off to make life more easy). They’ll make more money without them, their life will be more successful statistically.

    ——

    That’s great, I’m sure your tattoo looks awesome 🙂 I too put a lot of time and thought into my own, and am currently working on a sketch for another. Obviously tattoo regret is a thing, and that’s their personal choice to get it removed; I don’t think I ever mentioned that being an issue. I also don’t think I ever correlated someone’s intelligence with whether or not they kept their tattoo.

    ——

    And of course no one fits inside a neat little box, and no one is telling you to care about what these men think. It’s just an awareness post that describes how men think (and more importantly, how they subconsciously, without even realizing it, treat women with tattoos). That’s important info, even if you don’t like it. It’s info I want my daughter to be aware of, so she can make good, wise, rational decisions in what she does to her own body later on and understand what kind of consequences those decisions will have.

    ——

    It’s good for a child to know there are consequences to their actions. Also good for them to know they can stand up for themselves, and break social norms. They might not be popular for it, but nothing wrong with having a voice and bringing awareness to a topic.

    ——

    This post could have been titled, “Things I Want My Daughter to Know: Employers Don’t Hire People with Tattoos as Often as People w/o Them. It’s just a common sense thing that needs to be explained because it will determine how she’s treated and how her life goes. When you tell teens or young adults that people don’t care what they look like (which is exactly what you’re arguing here), you’re not helping them, in fact you’re harming them by lying to them about what life is really like. You can’t (and I’m sure you wouldn’t) tell you child they can act and dress however they like and society will just have to accept them. I’m sure (I hope I’m sure LOL) you’re rational enough to teach them social mores of what’s appropriate or not. Hopefully you’ll warn them that certain hair colors or piercings everywhere, or even certain behavior will get them treated differently than a more normal looking person. It’s ok if they want to do/act in certain ways (to an extent), but not everyone is going to accept them or agree with how they present themselves. A lot of times social mores were created to help people not be shunned or excluded. You can’t really change this, it ebbs and flows with whatever is acceptable at that certain point in time, and you can see the dramatic changes all throughout history.

    ——

    I actually think that would have been a better idea for the post. Of course people care what you look like, doesn’t make it right or justified in every circumstance. If I show up to work in sweatpants and not having showered for a week, I’d understand my boss’s concern. But in addition to telling your teen that they should probably not wear sweatpants to work, it’s important to tell them that while the boss has a right to not hire you or to enforce a dress code, they don’t have a right to disrespect you or talk down to you. There’s a distinct difference between the two. And I reiterate, corporate America is changing, I just did a company wide demonstration of my team’s work with all my purple hair, piercings and tattoos, and got props from my executive VP. It’s all about finding the right fit. And as you said, social norms have always fluctuated throughout history, and it looks like things are swinging towards tolerance and acceptance.

    ——

    You can follow your own advice on that, no one is stopping you for sure 🙂 . But I personally don’t have to support or agree with women who feel the way you do. I don’t think you are even truly aware of what you really think. You think you don’t dress up or wear makeup for other people… most women actually do. I mean… do you wear makeup even when you’re just going to be at home all day? Do you force yourself to put it on when you won’t be seeing anyone? Answering these questions for yourself will maybe help you see that you’re not being intelligently honest in this discussion. You just sound irrational, controlling (“ALL men MUST like tattoos!”) and kind of like a Female Hitler in the making. You want men to find tattoos attractive, but all men aren’t required to find the same thing attractive – this should be common sense. You can’t just take away a man’s preference because it hurts your feelings LOL. You can have your point of view, but certainly you can’t change the science in how men who even say (and may truly think) they like tattoos, still treat those women like they’re more slutty than women who don’t. They still make men see women as sexual objects to be used, even when those men don’t want to think like that. Maybe you just don’t believe in science, that would explain a lot actually.

    ——

    Again missing the point, I’m not bashing preferences, I’m bashing the shaming and nastiness towards women who choose to get these body modifications. Also, I don’t wear makeup, almost ever, if I’m going to dinner with family, or to the symphony I might slap on some concealer, but yeah, I mainly stick to my jeans, hoodie, and just my face. And I never said all men must like tattoos, and if a person doesn’t like my tattoo, that doesn’t “hurt my feelings”, I’m pretty much like “ok *shrug*”. Now if a dude came up to me and said my tattoo ruined me in some way, or that I was slutty because of it, or that I was now worthless, I’d be like “why do you feel the need to tell me that?” Like, I don’t like lima beans, doesn’t mean I’m gonna go out on the interwebs and post on pics of lima beans, “Man lima beans are gross, and ugly” “They’re the worst” “I wouldn’t touch that” etc… You can have an opinion on whether or not your like something without being rude about it, or diminishing a person.

    ——

    Hopefully, like I’ve said before, you’ll teach your daughter to be a rational human being who makes decisions not based on crazy emotions (like you’re doing), or trying to control the entire world’s population of men by bending them to her will (like you’re doing), and teach her that her value comes from God, but that she can do things to violate herself (abortion, murder, sins in general) that will affect the way she feels about her value negatively overtime. Hopefully you’ll give her the real sense of accomplishment and success in being a good, wonderful person who values herself and makes decisions based in wisdom, and not on simply emotions.

    ——

    I mean, this is all hypothetical, I’m never having kids. I’m not being crazy or irrational, I feel like my tone has been pretty calm in response to everything. And I’m not trying to control anyone? Really not sure where I said that everyone has to bend to my will. Also I’m agnostic, so I’m sure you’re probably thinking at this point, “Good thing she’s not having kids,” and I agree, too much responsibility for my taste. And I’m actually logical to a fault at times, known in my family as a bit of a robot. Additionally, I’m not the one throwing ‘Hitler’ bombs in response to things I disagree with. But hey, if you think it’s wise to call people Hitler during a debate, that’s your prerogative.

    ——
    You’re entitled to your opinion. Again, you can’t control what other people think. And this woman (or your daughter/future child) won’t be able to control what is acceptable either. At some point, whether it’s for a job, or partnership, or other important function, everyone has to submit to rules and desires of something that is in power over them. It’s interesting that anyone would have a problem with that notion that not everything will be seen as, “ok,” or acceptable.

    ——

    Not trying to control anyone, like I said in my original post, just offering a different perspective. Also, no one ‘has’ to do anything, we ultimately choose what we will and will not settle for. If you choose not to settle, and rock the boat, sometimes it can lead to change. Look at the Civil rights movement, women’s suffrage, the gay rights movement, etc… obviously having a tattoo isn’t on par with the historical significance of those movements, but every movement started with an individual that was fed up with “the way things are.” I’m not saying everyone has to like tattoos, or other body modifications, just like not everyone has to like lima beans. But I don’t think there’s anything wrong in moving towards a society that minimizes prejudice, conscious or subconscious, in things like the hiring process.

    ——

    Those things could be true, but that won’t help someone get a high-paying job that discriminates against people who make those choices in visible, distracting tattoos. Maybe more employers are open to them now, and maybe that trend will continue, but it may not. Why wouldn’t you want people knowing what will potentially help them to actually **be** successful in life? Why so much emphasis on controlling what people think who are different from you?

    ——
    And finally, again, not trying to control anyone. And I work in corporate America, it’s pretty clear that the trend towards acceptance will continue. Want to know why? Because the younger demographic of people graduating college are the ones with the tattoos, weird hair, and piercings. As the baby boomers begin to retire, and gen-x-ers move up in age, companies are having to hire on the young ’ns, train them and bring them up to speed. You know what companies care about today? Stream lining. they don’t care if your hair is blue, have a bull ring on your nose, or have Johnny Depp tattooed on your neck, they will hire you if you can do the work. Especially in the tech industry, devs and engineers are in such high demand right now, companies just want to outbid their competitors for the best ones. They don’t care about your body modifications; I’m talking Google, Amazon, Amex, USAA, Goldman Sachs, State Farm and a whole bunch of others on the fortune 500 will give you a job. The good companies don’t discriminate on such trivial things. You know what makes one successful in life? Working hard, chasing and grabbing opportunity, being personable, kind, dedicated, and open to new ideas.
    ——

    I mean agree to disagree, I really just wanted to get my opinion out there, and share my personal experience.

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