Godliness Requires Choice & Action

I know this probably sounds like common sense – but go there with me for a moment.  I’ve only recently really thought about how weird it sounds when Christians make bold statements that whatever good things have come about in there lives, that it was ONLY due to God and had zero effort from them.

I know that I could not have done anything good enough or helped create a beautiful marriage with my own actions – there’s just not enough goodness in me to be able to do that.  So to God be the glory, for all things HE has done!

I know on the surface this looks pretty good and spiritual.  Let’s be honest, the way it’s worded, it’s supposed to look spiritual… but is it actually true?  Can we really be or do nothing good to “help” create a beautiful marriage?   I wondered why it sounded so spiritually fake, until it became clear a few months ago that it is a form of false humility.  False humility is when a Christian tries to look really humble, but in reality they have ulterior motives of pride buried beneath the surface of their spiritual statements.  Let me break it down piece by piece.

Normally, giving all credit to God is a good attitude to have toward our lives and the gifts we’ve been given.  To realize that yes, ,everything good given to us IS from God… but when it comes to being realistic with other people on actually achieving godliness, which realistically, is becoming more like Christ in our marriage, or with our kids, or toward our enemieswe should be honest that the transformation happens through our own choices in responding to God and in allowing Him to do the work in us that changes us.  That’s a huge piece of the puzzle that’s missing from statements like the one previously mentioned – the admission that we have allowed God to have His way with us, and to affect the way we behave toward others.  It is always a choice to follow Him, and a choice to develop godliness by clinging to Him overtime.  So yes, we can have the power to do good in our marriages, with our children, and toward our enemies – that power is given to us from God, but only when we submit to Him and allow Him to.

When thinking about this topic of false humility, these beloved verses came up below.

12 So then, my dear ones, just as you have always obeyed [my instructions with enthusiasm], not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence, continue to work out your salvation [that is, cultivate it, bring it to full effect, actively pursue spiritual maturity] with awe-inspired fear and trembling [using serious caution and critical self-evaluation to avoid anything that might offend God or discredit the name of Christ]. 13 For it is [not your strength, but it is] [c]God who is effectively at work in you, both to will and to work [that is, strengthening, energizing, and creating in you the longing and the ability to fulfill your purpose] for His good pleasure.

Philippians 2:12-13 Amplified Bible

These verses have fascinated me since about 2009 when I really started to study them and ask Bible teachers and leaders what they meant.

It’s a two-fold process – we have to work out our salvation with fear and trembling (actively be pursuing God daily and growing in spiritual maturity… repenting when we’ve fallen or become discouraged).  AND God does His part by working IN us, making us want to please Him even more, and giving us real grace (power) to be able to do more than we could without the Holy Spirit in us, extending our abilities beyond what they would be.  

The latter verse would not be able to happen without the first.  That means God would not be working in us like that if we were not inviting Him in, pursuing Him and His ways, putting His will over our own as a daily thing, and constantly seeking to grow in spiritual maturity.

I think when it really hit me that the previous mentioned statement is a form of false humility meant to look super spiritual, was when I realized that if it solely depended on Jesus alone – if we had nothing to do with following Him and reaping those rewards – then everyone who was a Christian would look and act exactly like Jesus did by default. ALL Christians would have ALL the fruits of the Spirit down pat, and with perfection.  Obviously, spiritual growth doesn’t work that way LOL!

No… it’s just not true that we have no goodness in us or power to affect our spiritual growth, although it sounds true to give God all the credit for our good marriages, or relationships with our kids, or how we deal with enemies.  It looks good – very spiritual and “right.”  But unfortunately it’s deceiving to leave out the fact that a Christian who has developed godliness in their marriage… or with their children… they did so because they sought after Him.

Remember, the second verse (Phil 2:13) of God working in us, can’t happen without that first verse (Phil 2:12) where we decide to keep working out our salvation in fear and trembling.  We have to invite Him in so that He can have His way.

What a beautiful reminder that the grace God gives us – which is the power to go beyond what we’d normally be able to accomplish – is available to all of us if we only seek Him and live out Philippians 2:12.



  1. As one who has been married for 23 years, I can very much assure you, that I cannot take ANY credit for that. The fact that we have two girls that love the Lord and are serving Him, I can guarantee you, that we can’t take any credit for that, either. You see that’s a reward from the Lord for our obedience to Him. And even that obedience is because of His grace and mercy. My responsibility as a Christian is to keep my eyes, fixed on the Lord Jesus Christ. I do this, by spending time with Him and submitting to His Word. He takes it from there. No, I cannot take the credit for any good in me.

  2. I think it’s extremely complicated! Even just looking at different people in the Bible, there were definitely people who had more goodness in them, by their own choices and actions, than others who knew God and even knew what He wanted.

    Cain and Abel are just one example of many where you can see someone has made choices to work out their salvation, allowing God to work in them and He mysteriously will bring His work in us to completion (but I do think that’s only if someone allows Him to). I don’t think God forces us. But it is really mysterious to me.

    And you encourage women through your writing ❤ Faith without works is dead. I think it gets tricky in "taking credit" for our gifts and anything good we have done. Should we take credit for everything? No. Should we acknowledge that certain things we do really do help (like make time with God a priority… be kind to others… be kind to our husbands, etc.).

    I think one of the main reasons why the Proverbs 31 wife was said to be in the Bible SO rare is because most women even if they're Christian, are not going to do as much as she did. They just aren't. When I was writing a huge (over 100 pages) series that turned into a book on the Proverbs 31 woman, the most viscous attackers were other Christian women for some reason. The one who said the quote I have up above, she herself called me a Pharisee for even writing about it in that much depth – saying that I was making up standards for women that I would not even be able to do (yet they're right there in the Bible… it's not like I was writing something Satanic lol).

    So I think seeing someone with that attitude, who ALSO sees something like the Proverbs 31 woman and labels women who are trying to be like that, "Pharisees," it doesn't add up to me. Maybe it's just an excuse to not have to do the work of becoming a Proberbs 31 woman in their heart I don't know?

  3. The Word of God comes with regulations for us as Christians. There are dos and don’ts we must abide by, we see in the lives of the Israelites that they had to do, or don’t in order to be blessed. I am not saying we don’t have to do (actions) I am saying though, that I cannot take the credit for anything ‘good’ I do. The Bible clearly tells me that my righteousness is like filthy rags (Isaiah 54:6). Now there are some people, who would like to believe that godliness is just going to be theirs without any work from them. That is not accurate thinking, because as you said, God will not force us, nor force anything on us. But the Bible does have God’s standards; His precepts which we must obey, and that is ‘work’. Oh how I wish we were meeting over coffee, love ‘talking’ with you

  4. That is definitely true – the Isaiah verse about our righteousness being as filthy rags!!!

    And thank you, you’re so kind! I love reading your blog, it’s very uplifting and yet it teaches truth.

  5. I actually took it all down (it became over 100 pages, and that was at the half-way point!!) and I have been making it into a book. It also brought us quite a bit of harassment online, so it was just more peaceful to take it down and write it incognito. I want to focus on my babies and husband and not be so distracted with things like that right now lol. I think it will mostly be for our family to be passed down through the generations hopefully – if they find value in it. 🙂 It was SO humbling to feel God direct me in writing it, there was just so much there that I’d never known before, and each chapter was a gold mine for ME in discovering things I never knew about the historical applications, biblical femininity, etc. It blew my mind! But I’m sorry it’s gone… maybe someday I’ll write it under my own name or something. For now it’s in our living room ❤

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