Always Have Great Sex!!

Hi Dr. Laura!

My husband is easy. He’s pretty much in the mood all the time. Whenever, wherever… we have sex at least once a day, sometimes two or three (and we’re in our 40’s). But because women are different, I found that it’s good to always stay “prepared”…

One way is, I NEVER go to bed with clothes on. The second is that I have a few things I rotate inside of my head about my husband throughout the day. Things I love about him, things that attracted me to him in the first place. I focus fully on one or two things and before I know it, I’m ready to go. And yes, even with a headache.

My mother taught me to never say no to my husband, but I realize that there is a difference between just being a willing participant and being right there in the moment with him. It’s my very favorite part of the life we share, and I think it’s his, too.

Julie

____________________________________________________________________________________________

I’ve talked on the blog before a few times, about how I listened to Dr. Laura on the radio fairly often when I was a little girl.  My mom always had her on (when she was on air), and wow was it insightful LOL!  The female callers complaining about their husbands were always the worst and most annoying people to behold.  They’d complain about their husband’S normal male-habits, or negative things like having a porn addiction, or that he didn’t clean the house the way she wished he would, or that he had no motivation to move up in his career or make more money, and on and on the complaints were.

She’d speak very harshly to them, although I enjoyed hearing her tell them those things, I always thought to myself that being that harsh with the women was not something I’d want to do.  But perhaps I was wrong… ?  Maybe those types of women truly do need a smack to the head or to be treated as harshly as they’re more than likely treating their husbands.  A lot of the stuff I heard that the men were going through (when the men would call in) sounded like emotional and psychological torture or abuse!  So maybe I was wrong to think they didn’t need some very harsh “slamming” of their own behaviors, perhaps that’s the only way to help them gain humility – by giving them a mirror to see themselves the way other people see them.

And how many women that were like that, were Christian women going to church?  You would think Christian women would set the bar high for being kind and gentle and extremely respectful of their husband and his “flaws,” guarding him and protecting him from strangers’ misjudgment.  I could always tell, even as a young girl, that these women were very sure they were “right” and “good” even though it was pretty obvious they were gossiping and slandering their husbands to strangers on the radio.

The good callers were the ones who were humble, and who listened to Dr. Laura’s advice and allowed her to call them out if what they were doing was wrong.  Like the woman who penned this letter above ❤  She’s taken Dr. Laura’s advice to have LOTS of sex with her husband, and to not only do it because of duty, but to do it enthusiastically and with a good heart towards him!

It’s my very favorite part of the life we share, and I think it’s his, too.”

Yes!  I’ve told my man this many times 😀

Let’s look at her tips for having a better sex life:

  • NEVER go to bed with clothes on (lol… yea that does work!)
  • Focus on good things about your husband throughout the day – things you like about him as a man, and things that made you attracted to him in the first place
  • Don’t just have sex  more, have MORE FUN SEX.  Don’t just give him “duty sex” (bleh) but actually enjoy giving him sex

I actually think there are different “kinds” of sex (no I’m not talking about sex positions – Eek!).  I mean there can be different motivations for having sex.  One of my favorite motivations to give my husband sex is being thankful for him and for everything he does for us as a family.

I call it “Gratitude Sex!”

It’s when you’re so thankful that your husband provides for you, is such a good father to your kids, and is so good in a myriad of little ways, that you just want to knock his socks off with really good (grateful) sex!

I think husbands are often taken for granted.  They’re expected to work hard and expected to do the dirty jobs around the house… but do we as wives really thank them enough?

Is it so bad to thank them with our bodies?

In my experience, it’s more than good 😀

Stephanie

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25 thoughts on “Always Have Great Sex!!

  1. I also wish Dr. Laura had not had such a harsh tone. I could not listen to her bc of that. That and I can absorb other people’s emotions easily so listening to upset people or negative people is also hard on me. Sounds like she had a lot of wisdom I could have used! Although at that time I was drinking the feminist kool aid still, sadly, so maybe I wouldn’t have “got it” back then. You are very fortunate your mom was teaching you the right things! She sounds great!

  2. Thanks Bloom. Yea she is still sometimes harsh, but I’ve noticed she’s usually more harsh with people who are extremely obtuse or pushy in their own way they view things. If they’re in denial, she pulls them out of it (or tries to lol). I don’t know… I’m sure it’s not always best to be that harsh, but it’s nice to hear someone speaking truth in an environment where no one else is.

  3. I can absorb other people’s emotions easily so listening to upset people or negative people is also hard on me.

    me, too. drives my family nuts sometimes, but they’re also really protective of me, too, which is really sweet 🙂

  4. it is amazing, isn’t it, the power of our minds and thoughts! we can change everything by changing our thoughts … and what married person doesn’t want great sex! 🙂

  5. “…and what married person doesn’t want great sex!”

    Apparently… a lot of people out there, or they’d have better sex lives they created in their marriage!

  6. My wife, apparently. After trying 25 years, I gave up. Going on 3 years in the “friend zone” now. Every other month or so she offers herself up, thinking she’s doing me a favor. She doesn’t know that after all the embarrassing rejections, and thanks to the many pounds she’s packed on, I’m completely un-attracted to her now. Fortunately we’re still pretty good friends, so I guess this is the new normal.

    My fear? Any woman who walks into my life and finds me attractive. Even as a Christian, I really don’t know how to keep from surrendering to that.

  7. The act of sex is an act of submission on the part of women, and most women now days are not into submission towards the men they are married to. That’s why you see so many red-pill sites proclaiming that wives starve their husbands for sex but would drop their pantaloons in mere seconds if Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson offered a quick roll in the hay. Sex is often viewed as a chore. Great sex is wanted, but without the work of having to make sex great. I actually have a post I have been sitting on with some advice on how ladies can do this, but its kind of out there and I’m not sure how it would be received. I’ll have to think about whether or not I want to pull the trigger on it.

  8. That’s a rough one, man. Very sorry to hear. I wish I could offer some advice beyond “find some red pill sites”, but I don’t know anything about how you feel about all that stuff. I, personally, can attest to much of it being true and useable, but not everyone feels that way.

  9. HD!!!! I always loved seeing your posts a few years ago when you were blogging more. I’m so sorry I didn’t know you were in that situation.

    The ironic thing is that you’re probably extremely attractive – you men age SO much better than we do. We’re going almost daily to a high end gym in our city and we see men your age working out and they look very attractive. They’re high value, and I’m sure most are very smart and good people overall. She’s playing with fire 😦 … a lot of women are when they live like that.

  10. “I wish I could offer some advice beyond “find some red pill sites””

    In my opinion you men can only do so much, it really comes down to if the woman/wife will follow her husband’s lead or not. I guess that’s why it’s nice to be able to reach women through these sites… and they do read! I’ve had emails from them and hits back from the red pill women reddit forum where they share their “awakening moments” when reading our sites!! So we are helping in a way, but i guess ultimately only God can change someone’s heart. And even then, we have to want to submit to Him as well…. :/

  11. In my opinion you men can only do so much, it really comes down to if the woman/wife will follow her husband’s lead or not.

    i absolutely agree. i know that a lot of men do not agree with this. but i do. we each have the freedom to choose. one spouse can do everything right and it still not be enough to cause the other to do what they should. same thing with parenting … you can do everything right as a parent, but our kids still get to choose.

  12. i could be all wrong here . . . but, i’ll put it out there …

    i think all women do want great, hot, sex lives … but i do not think all women are willing to do what it takes to have them because they’ve bought into the lie that it’s not their fault … and also that they shouldn’t have to work for it.

    it takes proactive work to intentionally think of the things about your husband that make you desire to have sex with him.

    it takes proactive work to intentionally be the kind of woman your husband desires.

    it takes proactive work to intentionally draw your husband into you.

    above all that – it takes owning the responsibility that it is MY/HER choice to make these things happen.

    women get caught in the if/then lie-trap … if *he* would just … if *my life* were different … if *whatever* … THEN i could think hot sexy thoughts about my husband all day … then i could become the woman my husband desires … then i could draw my husband into me.

    it’s a lie.

    a woman’s biggest sex organ is her brain, and she can control that if she so chooses. society and romance novels and even the church want to blame it all on men, so women buy into it, and it’s a lie.

    why, in this world of feminism, where women seemingly want control, do they not acknowledge how much control they really have, astounds me. but they don’t because if they do then they have to take responsibility for their own actions, for their own thoughts. and that is something women do not like doing. the irony is they whine about men not controlling their thoughts and behavior while all along their own thoughts and behavior are rampantly sinful and selfish and self-serving and toxic.

  13. a woman’s biggest sex organ is her brain

    Yes, this is very much true. Men and women both enjoy sex, but only when they have time to get “sex in their head”. Yes, even men! It just so happens that men can be sexually turned on by much less than women, but women have a wider spectrum of things that turn them on! Either way, if your mind isn’t on sex guess what? Your not going to really be in the mood for it! Unfortunately for guys a brief glimpse of decent cleavage will do the trick, while women may require a bit more time and conscious effort into getting “in the mood”.

    I will publish my post on Friday. I’m not quite sure how it will be received, but it kind of deals with this whole subject. Like I said, I wrote it weeks ago, but just haven’t been sure it would have been wise to post it. The fact that the subject has been coming up on more than one other blog may be a good sign.

  14. It seems like articles like this is just written to make unmarried people feel inferior or less ‘blessed’, isn’t?

    You may accuse me of being “selfish” but it seems that married people who love to constantly talk about sex to boast are being selfish. Yes, that is right.

    Yet, they do not realise that by doing so, they are tempting many unmarried people into discontentment, and therefore sexual sin. Yet, they wonder why so many single professing Christians fall into sexual sin, and do nothing to help their follow Christians from falling to sin.

    Before you make any accusation against me, I am perfectly abstinent and not struggling with pornography and masturbation like some or perhaps many married people are. And, Yes, I dare challenge and contend with those married Christians who just love to make unmarried Christian feel like they are less blessed or second best because they do not have the privilege of sex.

  15. “It seems like articles like this is just written to make unmarried people feel inferior or less ‘blessed’, isn’t?”

    They’re written for married women, jojo. That’s it.

    Feminism has made married women feel like they can use sex as a weapon… I write to try to get women thinking about it in a different way, and to see how selfish that is. It works! It’s really convicting for some of the married women who read and email me, or read and then talk to me in real life. I’ve convicted good friends over my writing, because they saw how they were supposed to be treating their husband. That’s a huge reason why I write. And if you haven’t noticed, it’s not very popular to call out women denying their husbands sex or being selfish in their marriages. That’s what these posts are designed to do.

    Frankly, I just don’t write for single men. I think I did maybe one or two articles in the past years ago, trying to get men to realize how much value they have to offer (and to not discount themselves), but honestly, a single man can’t really learn anything from my site, and YES it may make him feel very discontent. I’m sorry! That happens in real life as well when one of my husband’s single friends gets to know us as a couple… they have that temptation (they’ve even told us this) to envy what we have! I’m so sorry you feel that way, but our marriage is a testimony as to how to try to do it right. It can either inspire people to be better to their spouse, or I guess it can inspire people to be envious of our marriage 😦

  16. Something I thought of as well that has to do with this topic of viewing others through a lens of envy is that, when you do that, you’re discounting your own blessings in your life. I have no idea who you are or what things God has given you that are gifts and blessings, but those are the things you should be thinking about, focusing on, using yourself to help others, and thanking God that you have them… not looking at my life and giving in to feeling envious that you don’t have what I have been given. I don’t have a perfect life at all, I just choose to be thankful for the things I DO have and to make the most of it in positive ways.

    Gratefulness is the cure to envy or discontentment. At least that’s what I think.

    A major point of this post was to urge married women to feel **grateful** for their husbands and to show them that with their bodies. That’s a VERY good thing – even a godly thing… and it’s good to encourage and to teach women to love their husbands in this way – and view their husbands with gratefulness – it makes any person happier when they view their life through gratefulness.

    The way to feel content or happy with your own life is to try to be grateful for what you have. That may mean not looking at my site if you can’t bring yourself to be happy for us, or maybe not using social media at all. Only you have that power to stop yourself from using social media as an outlet to feel ungrateful for your own blessings God’s given you.

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