Things I Want My Daughter to Know: Be the One He’s Thankful He Married

We just got back from a weekend trip – it was fun, exciting, and relaxing somehow all at the same time. 🙂  Since we were in the car for a few hours (both going and coming home), we had a lot of time to talk and reflect on the years we’ve had together ❤ .  It’s just been so beautiful – even through trials and such with outside forces, we’ve always felt like we faced them together – not as if the trials put us at odds.

Somehow it came up in those hours of talking, about my husband’s past – and he told me about a girl he had really liked in high school (he’s told me before, we both know about each other’s past relationships) – he thought she was gorgeous and just the perfect angel he’d love to marry – but he was too shy to ever have asked her.  If you’ve read our story, him being too shy almost cost him our entire life together, as it prevented him from asking me until I was already in a relationship!

Anyway, he reminded me of her backstory and what she did in college and after.  She was Catholic, but in name only, and turned extremely wild and slept with a lot of guys… something he told me would have torn him apart if he had been with her.  But thankfully they went their separate ways and he forgot about her for the most part.

He saw her picture recently and brought it up in this conversation that she looks so unlike what she used to – that the years of sleeping around and partying made her beauty (and boy did she have it!!) really fade and made her look older and harder.

She’s married now, he said, and has one kid, but he told me this weekend in the car, that he was so thankful he married me and that he avoided this other girl.

I feel sad for her in a way, this is definitely not a “gloating” post or anything like that.  But it is a topic I’m going to eventually let our daughter know.

It’s important to be a virgin when you marry your husband.

It’s CRUCIAL to let him know EVERYTHING you’ve done (good and especially anything bad) so that he knows you intimately – true intimacy and doesn’t feel like you’ve lied to him about anything.

Saving your purity (not just of your virginity, but literally everything – your breasts, any touching, etc.) is really REALLY important to your future husband.

And lastly, you want to be the woman he’s GLAD he married.  Not the promiscious angel beauty that he’s glad he avoided (sad!).

Hopefully she will take this wisdom to heart, like I did when my own mother told me.

Stephanie

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6 thoughts on “Things I Want My Daughter to Know: Be the One He’s Thankful He Married

  1. You writing this is very timely – my husband and I were also coming back on a long trip and were talking about our romantic past. I found out that someone that I knew a girl that he had been with, and it made me incredibly jealous. I love my husband a lot, but I really underestimated how jealous I his romantic past would make me feel. It is so difficult to think about at the time, because when you’re younger it is hard to put yourself in your future self’s shoes.

  2. @Catherine, I think it’d be totally normal to feel a little jealous or threatened by someone your husband used to love or be with, especially when you’re just starting out together.

    Something that I think helps with those feelings of insecurity is to remember that he chose you, he married *you* over anyone else. That he made vows to you says A LOT about his love for you. I don’t know you or your husband, but it sounds like you can trust his love and feel secure in him.

  3. @Stephanie, thanks. It really wasn’t someone he used to be in love with, but she was someone who he had told me before had been a totally mindblowing sexual partner. It was easier for me to deal with when it wasn’t anyone that I knew in person, but having a face and a personality to put with it really shook me…
    Trust is definitely something I need to work on, for sure. I gain a lot of wisdom about these things through reading your blog!

  4. I’m glad you’ve gotten something out of it. I’m just a human, though, any wisdom I have is definitely from God. And no one is perfect 🙂 we all have issues of some kind (mine are dealing with annoying Christians and trying not to just despise them lol!). I think what matters is if we’re actually growing and trying to do better or to do good – which is hard. People are such idiots.

    But trust should get drastically easier over time in a marriage. And like I said, I don’t really know you or your husband or what your histories are to know whether or not a trust issue is valid or not. If a woman is married to a man who makes her feel like she can’t trust him, sometimes that’s because he really is doing something (like flirting with other women, cheating, etc.). Her “trust issues” would be totally valid there.

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