Things I Want My Daughter to Know: Your Beauty Will Fade & That Will Be Beautiful

growing old together

I just caught up with Lori Alexander’s post on beauty fading from a Christian (Proverbs 31 wife) perspective.  You can find it here (it’s great)!

cute

I do think about aging quite a bit, to me it’s nice, but I’m also aware that maybe it hasn’t really “hit” me yet.  When I’m sleep deprived, which is more often than not these days 🙂 , I DO feel like the Crypt Keeper lol.  But when our baby girl actually goes the full night sleeping (very rare), I wake up and feel fresh again.

But I’m getting older, there’s no mistaking that.

To me, aging is a privilege.

“Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained by living a godly life.”

Proverbs 16:31

elderly

Seeing my husband get older is actually quite sexy!  I love knowing we’re “growing old together.”  It’s very fulfilling in a way that’s hard to describe.

Seeing elderly couples who you know, are actually still in love, touches my heart!

elderly love

I think I’m lucky I married a man who is a dreamer ❤ and together we regularly talk about our plans for when we’re older.  The hopefulness of grandchildren, where we’ll take them, how much we’ll just enjoy having (hopefully) a lot of family around us during the holidays.  The real test of our parenting and relationship with our children will be when they’re finally adults and whether or not they want to spend time with us.  Our oldest son has brought up pretty often that he loves being with us and will be devastated when he moves out – I’m sure he won’t be as devastated when he becomes that age 🙂 , and I do assure him he’ll be “ready,” but at least right now, he tears up and says how much he loves living with us.  Everyone gets older whether they want to or not… as sad as it seems, at least it brings new chapters in life to explore as adventures.  I’d rather embrace these things than run away screaming from them.

asian

But even with saying all that, we still look pretty young – which is good and bad.

Just today a woman at the playground I was at with my children was talking to me, then suddenly actually asked me out of the blue, how old I was lol!  This does happen sometimes, and I don’t get it… it’s a little strange to ask a complete stranger how old they are in my book!  But I told her, and she was surprised and said how it was because I look so young and yet I have 3 kids.  She told me I don’t look older than 25.  A couple of months ago an elderly woman with her grand-daughter saw me grocery shopping alone, wearing my husband’s high school football shirt (where her grand-daughter just graduated), and thought I was probably from her graduating class!  When I told her how we’d been married 10 years, and had 3 kids, her mouth literally fell open.  Still shocked, she told me I looked 18.

I do sometimes wonder if the very cushy life I’ve lived, being married to a good man, having his babies and being able to stay home with them, has led to me still look younger than I would have if I had chosen a different path.  We definitely don’t have much stress aside from his job and some financial tightness of me not working.  But overall, we both feel very comfortable and happy – we have so many blessings we feel guilt over them at times.

But this is something I want my daughter to know and understand.  Even when you beauty does fade, and you start to really show your age (whenever that magically happens), I want her to enjoy it.

Part of enjoying it is enjoying (like Lori A. said in her post linked at the beginning) the relationships you’ve built up over the years with your husband and children.

I do think a large part of why I’m not afraid of growing older is because I feel so secure in the life we live together.  The Bible does say perfect love casts out fear.  My husband’s love for me, his enjoyment of growing older together with me, is probably the source of the happiness I can feel when I imagine being a grandmother myself.

It’s like the ultimate reward for a life well-lived.

Stephanie

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18 thoughts on “Things I Want My Daughter to Know: Your Beauty Will Fade & That Will Be Beautiful

  1. i was always asked my age, too, as i’ve always looked younger than i am. i would reply, “How old do you think i am?” it kinda made it fun.

    i’m getting to an age, though, where i’m beginning to understand how aging can make one anxious. i didn’t think it’d be an issue for me, but i’m finding little things matter more than i thought they would. 🙂

  2. “i’m getting to an age, though, where i’m beginning to understand how aging can make one anxious.”

    Yes, I think I understand… there are so many little negatives that come with aging that make it hard. Just last weekend I was talking to my mom and she mentioned how when they get sick now, that it takes a lot longer for them to get over it – even if it’s just a simple cold.

    And I’ve known a woman who was remarkably healthy – running half marathons, 5Ks etc, who suddenly got cancer around age 50 😦 Her husband also was really in shape and yet had a small stroke a few years before their cancer journey. You just never know how age will affect you. So I think I understand that part.

    I guess I was talking more about the beauty aspect of a woman’s beauty fading. No longer looking “attractive” in the world’s standards seems to really bother women.

  3. Oh ok!

    Ame!!!! If you feel comfortable enough, I would love to have you guest post on this topic from your point of view.

    And I have another topic in mind as well… Female Hypergamy throughout aging – what it does to a woman to go through the different stages and how it impacts her identity (or something).

    Would you be interested in writing on those topics and guest posting for me?

  4. Pingback: Bits N Pieces – BlendingAme

  5. Nice post. I was like you, when I went in to have my fifth child the nurses thought it was my first. At 25 I looked 16, at 35 I looked 25 and at 36 I looked 36. Eek. I hadn’t heard of the wall but I sure hit it! But as you say, when you grow older together it is ok. People think that having babies ages you but it keeps you young – as prolonged fertility shows I guess. My husband gets his hair cut by a traditional Italian barber who is in his sixties. They were discussing how their wives kept their looks relatively speaking and they both had a bunch of kids. The barber said, “oh, yeah, they gain 5 years of youth for each child.’ I guess that used to be common wisdom.

  6. “and at 36 I looked 36.”

    LOL!!!!! So cute!!! Yea, I’m totally waiting for it to finally “hit” and hit hard 😀 I’m sure I’ll be freaked out, but even that itself is hilarious to me.

    Did you deal with it ok? If you don’t mind me asking? Hopefully I’ll still be blogging so I can post the before and after pictures LOL… I’m really interested in what it’s going to be like.

  7. In all honesty, yes I did find it a bit tough. I have never been one to fuss about my looks. I thought I would just grow old gracefully and that would be that. So I was thrown by the fact that suddenly I did feel a bit insecure. I couldn’t really understand why it bothered me. Even at 36 I looked fine, but I aged a decade in a year and for me that took some adjusting to. I did, and sometimes still do, express my insecurity to my husband but of course he is going to reassure me so it doesn’t help greatly. Anyway i don’t want to suck the life out of things by worrying, I just have to accept it and be grateful. It was funny to find the manosphere and realise that the wall was a thing! I thought it was just me. That helped in an odd way. – though for a while it made me feel more insecure because the manosphere also made me realise just how important looks are. I mean i thought i knew but i didn’t really. However, my husband still thinks I look good so i guess wife goggles really are a thing too! I’m 44 now and I guess I just feel a bit sad that I can’t give my husband that youthfulness anymore but he is happy and we are both enjoying a new stage in life so it’s good. We enjoy each other now more than when we were first married. I am impressed with the effort you put into looking good. I never realised it was that important and rested on my laurels but better late than never. So that is how I am coping with middle age – just trying to make the most of it.😃

  8. Oh and i’m now at the stage where I feel overtaken by my husband. He’s getting some of that distinguished ‘weight’ to his attractiveness whilst i’m just getting old, lol. Plus he just started training new recruits – he’s in public service too – so I expect he will attract some attention. i have never in my marriage felt insecure , i know my husband is totally into me and greatly values his marriage but let’s just say that I have a new awareness of the realities of life. Aging is sobering but then it should be. I plan on making the most of what we have. You seem to be making the most of your marriage so enjoy the ride!

  9. That’s so sweet ❤ Aw thank you so much for commenting and letting me know what you experienced with it.

    Aging a decade in ONE YEAR… that is just insane, and of course a woman would feel insecure after that! Wow!

    "though for a while it made me feel more insecure because the manosphere also made me realise just how important looks are."

    ^Let me tell you a secret 😉 the men in the manosphere don't truly value looks above substance, and for a married woman. The wall is usually meant to be implied toward the poor single women who haven't found someone yet (or foolishly divorced the one they had in their youth). The men ALWAYS bring up the topic of "Wife Goggles," which is when a husband doesn't really see his wife in the critical way other men would… he sees you through his wife goggles that have lenses of love and adoration (if you're good to him, which it sounds like you are ❤ ).

    My mom always told me about the wall growing up (although she never called it that lol). She would frequently bring up how the tables turn for men and women after a certain age, and how men often look and are sexier well into their 30's and 40's. That my husband (whoever he would be) would increase in value over time. It was nice to know that I didn't have to pick someone already "ready" and set to go, that way we have kind of grown up together.

  10. Thanks Stephanie. I didn’t learn any of that stuff until recently. I can’t imagine being aware of it all growing up. I believe the guys about wife goggles now but it took me a while to unearth it. The manosphere is an understandably harsh place and that is helpful because sometimes you just need to be told straight, but I am also profoundly encouraged by the odd expression of a man’s heart towards a good woman. All in all reading there has improved my marriage and helped me have Faith in God’s commands. Anyway one other upside has been finding blogs like yours and elspeths – so thanks for writing.
    Whilst we are on ‘the manosphere’, what do you think of the way women love compared to the way men do. I read Rollo a while back and was about ready to slit my wrists (not literally!) over the idea that a woman can’t love a man the way he wants to be loved. I mean I accept his analysis of basic sexual attraction and I can see that we do love and are motivated differently. I have always thought my husband loved me more comprehensively than I did him. I just thought he was a better person than I and I have felt guilty for years for not feeling more loving. My husband says, ‘but you choose to love’ and now that i’ve read more I can see that that loyalty and effort is so important to a man but, meh, i’m a woman so it’s all about the feels! The feelings of love are increasing now as i try to actively submit as opposed to coasting along in a more complementarian way.
    Funny huh, follow God’s commands and things work, who would have thought it! Duh.The sad thing is that I thought i was following them all the time and was frustrated that I wasn’t getting anywhere but my heart wasn’t really towards my husband, just towards the marriage, or more honestly what I was feeling about the marriage. Which is quite sick and exactly what Rollo would say. But heck , I don’t want to be that person! A few years ago, pre manosphere, I thought to myself that I would never really have the feelings towards my husband that I wanted, that I was just a horrible unloving person and that at some level my marriage wasn’t going to work but that I would commit to making my husband as happy as possible because it was right to do so and one of us might as well be happy! I think that ‘loss of hope’ point is when a lot of women frivorce but I’ve never allowed myself to think about that option. Anyway within months I ‘stumbled’ across the solution to a physical problem that has been a massive problem throughout our marriage, then I came across the manosphere and I am finally finding happiness in our relationship. What am I trying to say? I didn’t mean to splurge my life story! Do you think we can love men the way they want be loved because the way Rollo puts it does make women seem less human. I suppose that is my complementarian ideas showing. Rollo himself is happy in his marriage and God made the design of man and woman and declared it good so I guess I am just coveting the man’s position and feeling guilty for not being more masculine. Duh.

  11. I want to respond, but it would take a lot of thought. We’re going out for awhile and then my husband and I have an important event tomorrow I have to get ready for :/ but hopefully I can respond later tonight (it will be long I think lol). But what an interesting comment! Again thank you for reading 🙂

  12. There is no rush. I appreciate your time. Just asking the question helped sort things in my mind some. Weird how that works. Have a great weekend

  13. “The manosphere is an understandably harsh place and that is helpful because sometimes you just need to be told straight, but I am also profoundly encouraged by the odd expression of a man’s heart towards a good woman. All in all reading there has improved my marriage and helped me have Faith in God’s commands. ”

    ^Again, thanks for your comment. I do think you need to be careful what you read in the red pill world. A lot of it has gotten more toxic and hostile toward women, even good women they used to respect and support. I’ve found some of the commenters I admired and respected in the past, are now poisonous to read, and no longer spiritually sound, which is tragic. And I say poisonous because it’s unhealthy to take in what they say – it’s literally that “off” and potentially damaging to accept their wisdom now.

    I don’t read Rollo’s site anymore, so I don’t know if he’s gone down that road toward the “Black Pill,” I think they’re calling it, where the men start to lose faith and hope toward there still being goodness in the world (especially a lack of faith in there being any good *women*). But on what Rollo has said a few years ago, yes, I agreed with Rollo’s assessment that women love opportunistically, but it’s so complicated because I don’t believe women are doing it consciously or from a negative place in their hearts. A lot of it is explained through evolutionary psychology and biology – as to why women have a much easier time loving a man when he’s able to provide for them, in a strong frame, and not showing major signs of weakness.

    Men want women to love them just for who they are – but a lot of why a woman marries a man is because of practical things like being financially stable, holding down jobs well, etc. Women ALSO want men to love them for “who they are” – women as a rule don’t really like hearing that looks matter to men, that weight matters to men… that sexual availability matters etc. I was raised so differently, it makes SENSE to me that those things greatly matter to a man, but apparently a lot of women are very offended that they do. So women also want to be loved just for who they are, and not what they’re capable of doing for a husband.

    Hope that makes some sense!

  14. Pingback: Beauty and Aging ~ Part II ~ The Wall – BlendingAme

  15. Pingback: Beauty and Aging ~ Part I ~ A Humbling Experience – BlendingAme

  16. Pingback: Beauty and Aging ~ Part III ~ – BlendingAme

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