Awwww I loved this… have had to listen to it over the course of a few days (just so long and with babies there’s no way to actually listen to it all the way through).
Things I like and relate to in this video:
-He talks pretty early on about envy, and why it’s just ridiculous to harbor it, and how to maybe help yourself get over it by practicing the biblical concept of being happy for other people when they’re happy or successful. It’s not the other person’s fault that you’re feeling envy. You can’t blame another person for “inciting” your own problem within your own heart. Unless you want to play the victim role all your life, never growing or learning how to move on. I like how he continuously confronts envy, never letting an envious person feel entitled or blame other people for their sin… reminds me so much of the things my dad said growing up.
One thing that keeps me from ever really feeling envious is that I can see how everyone in this world has had something hard to overcome – even the glamorous movie stars and singers, etc. they all haven’t had it really that “easy.” When you have compassion for others, you’re less tempted to envy their happiness or success. Some of the famous people you see, are actually very unhappy. Even the ones who have found happiness, usually they deserve it because they’ve made choices to create happiness for themselves, and they have things in their past that are horrible and very painful that they’ve learned to overcome. I don’t know. I just want to live a quiet life, enjoying relating to people in my sphere of influence, enjoying raising my kids and trying to help others when I can. No reason for envy… there’s enough happiness to be found for every person, if they’ll just take a look for it.
–Neuroticism – he talks a little about this trait. It is where you’re always questioning yourself, having negative feelings about why you question yourself, and about what you’re doing in or with your life. It robs your peace if you don’t know how to deal with it. I’ve always been fairly neurotic – not a true neurosis like a mental illness… but having “neurotic tendencies” of wanting to do the right thing, but at the same time, not even being sure I was. If you receive praise, you always question if you really deserve it… if you’re really “good enough.” You tend to believe that you’re never good enough on the regular… it’s my mind’s default setting, which is good and bad depending on the situation.
This is where I’ve found mentors and advisers (real life people I trust) to be amazing help. They can often point out if I’m seeing something off, or if I’m actually right in my assessment of a situation or an idea that seems so wrong or even evil. I’ve had to work pretty hard mentally to overcome the constant questioning of neuroticism, though, which is ok… it really does keep me from being over-confident, while still teaching me to remain confident enough in my ability to assess things so that I’m not bent by every whim or wave of theological deception. And to have enough confidence to keep my own personal convictions – no matter who in real life (or here) comes and tries to challenge me on that. Ironically, not being so sure of myself has opened the doors to many wonderful older women taking me under their wing in real life ❤ which has honestly been incredible. Something good from having neurotic (negative) traits lol.
My dad understood how and why I was a little neurotic. He seemed to adore it and would assure me it was much better to always question yourself, than to have a character disorder. He also would assure me that I didn’t truly have what was a neurosis (a real mental illness). I think when you’re growing up hearing your dad talk about all kinds of psychological disorders and things, it’s easy to try to self-diagnose. But he was keen on what I was always thinking, and helped me avoid doing that to myself. Character disorders were extremely scary to me – the way they’d affect a person and the person wouldn’t even be able to tell. When you have a character disorder, you tend to always feel sure of yourself – never questioning if you did the right thing, never seeking out advice that may make you feel guilty. Neurotics are terrified of getting it wrong. Sometimes that’s a good thing. It can make you into an over-achiever.
On being neurotic and seeking out advice – the Bible tells us many times to seek out wise advice, and it is one of the reasons why I think I’ve been able to withstand entire communities with thousands of women hating me and attacking my husband and I, without cringing in fear and folding up shop, being intimidated by their hatred and slander and attacks and threats through these years. I don’t talk about it here usually, because it’s such an ugly topic, and this blog is intended to be on more positive things.
I’ve seen these women gang up and happily destroy a woman’s book and reputation publicly online just because they hated her and hated her blog. I’ve seen Christian women defend this ugly behavior toward another sister in Christ, and try to guilt trip the Christian woman being attacked and slandered into just accepting it, because accepting defamation and damaged book sales was “the Christian thing to do.” I’ve even seen from a Christian woman who used to comment here, that she actually wished harm – real harm – would come to this blogger just because of what she writes so that maybe she’d be scared enough to stop. That woman is the wife of a pastor. Let that one sink in.
Anyway, on intimidation… my husband knows intimately that he holds the keys to this blog, and if he ever wants me to shut it down, I’d obey in a heartbeat. I’ve asked him many times if he wanted me to stop or if it ever bothers him, and he always laughs and says no. But! If I ever disappear here suddenly, it will be because he’s asked me to ❤
-He talks about how to help a marriage that has lost its attraction, but wants to stay together. Superb advice 🙂 and very kind to them. He doesn’t doom it to failure, which I love (being an optimist myself and kind of wanting to see everyone get married… or be happy… which I know is naive, sorry).
-Dr. Peterson advises a paranoid schizophrenic young man 😥 on how to go about dating. I really appreciate Dr. Peterson’s thoughts for this young man. Ugh….
–He advises someone thinking about going into Police work. I totally understand that poor person’s hesitation. This may be where I disagree with Dr. Peterson (for the first time, imagine that!). I DO think it’s much worse for police officers in this culture, but then again I didn’t live through what he saw in the 60’s. My dad ironically DID say exactly what Dr. Peterson was saying a couple of years ago in trying to talk to me about it. If I remember right, my dad told me these things come and go. Maybe they’re right. Maybe it will “get better.” For all my optimism, something tells me deep down that it’s not going to get better, but hopefully I’m wrong.
All I know is it is very hard. It is very hard to watch what my husband goes through. It’s hard to understand the depth of uncaring “sheeplike” people out there who have no idea what they’re talking about – regarding evil people and justice, etc. It is just super hard. Being the wife behind the badge has it’s own set of issues to deal with – none that I really talk about much here.
Just this past weekend, a sweet male cousin of my husband’s made the mistake of talking to me and mentioning his goal of joining my husband’s department. It’s really hard for me to see such good men go into a profession where they’re going to be so hated, and possibly murdered simply for trying to do good. He brought up how hard it must be, and I felt tears coming – IN PUBLIC of all things. Ugh so embarrassing and I felt sorry that he had to witness me breakdown. 98% of my energy is spent on composure in public when police issues are talked about, I’m really lucky not very many people catch me off guard by actually asking how I am doing with it all. I’m usually very good at keeping composure, but his kindness was just so real, that it touched something in me deeply and it brought out some tears – that someone actually cared. So many constantly show that they don’t. I’ve found it’s very rare to feel that kind of kindness from someone. Most people want to hate, want to criticize, want to look for something negative, so that level of kindness really touches me emotionally… unfortunately.
I think marriage is much harder for a police family, but also (I think anyway) a lot better BECAUSE of having to overcome such things. I like it… but I also consciously try to make myself like it (instead of hate it, or feel like a victim, which would be very easy to fall into), but I wouldn’t trade it for the world even with all the hardships. It’s been a blessing overall.
–He talks about the dangers of giving out advice without helping someone think it through or fully understanding the issues they may be dealing with. Reminds me of the verse saying that the person who speaks without listening first, there’s greater hope for a Fool than for them. Without first listening to where they’re coming from, you don’t know if your advice will do more harm than good – going on then is a sign of a major pride issue in the advice giver’s heart.
There’s a lot more in the video… but I don’t have the time right now to write it all out 🙂 Enjoy it if you watch it! Hope you get something from this stuff, he’s really good (and very hated).