Email Question: Is Online Dating a Good Option for Women?

I thought this was a great question!  I didn’t meet my husband this way, so take my advice with a grain of salt, but from what I’ve heard from other women is that yes, it really really works for y’all.  Online dating is MUCH (like 100 times harder) for men actually.

But for you younger or older women out there, yea it seems like it tends to work out.

A curious thing, too, is that online dating can be so easy for women that it can work for y’all even without having a picture of yourself up.

A woman I used to work for has a daughter who I’m friends with, who has been a working model since her mid-teens, and is getting married to her fiance in a few months, whom she found online ❤ 😀 !!!  She is naturally shy and modeling actually exacerbated her social anxiety – something that happens a lot to models who start in their teen years.  Meeting men that were marriage material was extremely hard for her in real life and she is from a very rural area with practically zero prospects.  Zero men + a social anxiety disorder = difficult dating to say the least.

The thing that sealed the deal for her using online dating?  She fell in love with him solely through conversation – them talking back and forth online.  She harps on that fact and believes it was a special “gift” – that it’s so special to her to have fallen in love with someone without ever even knowing what they looked like!  To fall in love with their mind first, before ever even seeing them – is how she described it.  Talk about uber-romantic lol.

To hear him tell the story of when they finally met up in person, it’s SO cute… he never knew how beautiful she was, because he’d never seen her!  He said he was afraid when he saw her, and terrified she wouldn’t be attracted to him.  He’s not a male-model type at all, it was totally his personality that made her fall head over heels for him, so I kind of understand his fear.  The sad thing about this is that if she had included her picture, he probably would have never even tried to talk to her 😦 .

She’s since ditched the modeling (a good thing in my opinion) and is going to focus on being a wife to him after she graduates soon.  Just really really sweet and so awesome I got to see this thing play out.

Tips for women using online dating:

  1. I don’t know how this sweet girl pulled this off… she’s very picky, so I’m not sure what she really vetted for when searching for men online, other than like-interests and then of course, the conversation.  So possibly searching for things that are important to you… religion, politics, sports, or hobbies… think things you and your future husband could reliably do together and actually enjoy doing together
  2. Even though she didn’t use a picture, I tend to think that’s usually an important part of online dating in order to make sure men contacting you are truly attracted to you.  This wasn’t a factor for her, so she selected her physical beauty out of the equation because she knew she’d be able to vet for character better that way.  She did this purposefully also so that regular men weren’t too intimidated by her to even attempt to approach.  So… it’s up to each girl to decide how she wants to do this obviously, but probably most girls should go ahead and use a reliable photo of what they really look like.  If you do something weird to your photo or use an old one that doesn’t represent what you look like *now*, the man is going to know when he meets up with you, and there’s probably a 99% chance he’s not going to call you back because he’ll feel like you tricked him. Because you DID.  Don’t do it!
  3. Vet hard for character.  Character is the most important thing about a man.
  4. Meet at a safe public place where lots of people are around and don’t go off alone with any man until after more than a few dates.  This “comfort level” will vary greatly depending on each woman and the man she’s seeing, but just be aware enough and don’t suppress your gut-level feelings.  If you have a “bad feeling” about a man (like he’s lying to you or unsafe in some way at a gut-level), best to pay attention to it and not see him again.  You may be right.
  5. Carry a weapon, whether it’s a baton that fits neatly in your purse (I love my baton my brother bought me last Christmas!) or even if it’s just a pepper spray.  Something to kind of help you be able to up your chances of running away would be good.  Mentally go through a scenario where you’d have to find a way to escape.  You’ll probably never have to use your mental preparation in real life, but it’s good to be prepared nonetheless.

 

 

 

Side Note:

Email questions are intended for women, so any men with questions need to go to male sites with those questions, or ask my husband Sheepdog2013 here via comments.

Good options for male questions:

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5 thoughts on “Email Question: Is Online Dating a Good Option for Women?

  1. I feel for women the first thing they need to be aware of is to watch out for men using the sites to just hook up with women for sex, even on good sites and christian dating sites. Just be cautious is what I would say to women. Like it was said you have to really vet the individuals and get to know them don’t just trust what they say on their profiles because they are just trying to find someone, and don’t rush into the relationship and engagement you need to know the person for the relationship to work.

  2. Hi
    I found your blog from Paulina Porizkova’s modelina a long time ago. I have this trouble with men all the time. I wish sometimes I could find a normal guy who isn’t all about my looks, but I don’t know where to start to find where they are?

    Would it work to not put my photo? I’m joyful to see the girl found her love this way, but am worried about it for myself.

    ~Sasha

  3. Awww Paulina’s blog! Wow!

    I’m guessing you’re a model, probably based in New York if you found me there. Honestly, your world is not good for finding good men – the kind that would be interested in who you are. But…. you’ve been exposed to some of the most gorgeous men in the world probably (just assuming you are modeling since that site is only for paid models’ to post).

    You need to ask yourself some REALLY hard questions.

    1) Would you be happy… I mean really happy, marrying someone more “normal?” Moving away from that world you’re in, etc?

    2) If you do find someone more normal or “average” to others but the best **to you** … would you be ok with ending your career? Now. Because marrying someone “normal” would mean the end of your career eventually. There’s no way you could continue on that path and also be supportive to a husband and then once children come, there are options to model for pregnancy of course, but still, would a “normal” man really really be ok with your career making much more than him and exposing you to a world completely opposite of what he could experience? You’d probably be in 2 different worlds… unless you married an athlete or someone in that sphere, but you have to figure out who and what you really want.

    I don’t think most normal average men would be ok in a longterm relationship (assuming you want that) or marriage to a model from NY area. I’m sorry 😦 It’s just that all day, or whenever you have shoots scheduled, you’ll be around lots of men who are “high value” and even very charismatic and touchy feely hitting on you, flirting with you and giving you endless attention – these things make a model not good “wife” material 😦 . I’m sure you’ve already been exposed to the drugs and alcohol… the endless parties, etc. one can just look at that blog and see what that world is like. If you continued your career, you’d be expected to show, and would he have the balls to come and be a severe presence? Would he be ok being photographed with you and disparaged publicly for any little thing? It’s just not a “normal” in any sense of the word, way to live a married life. Would a normal average husband really be ok with you doing shoots with charismatic, uber sexy men? Most probably would not be ok with that over the long haul. And it sounds like you want the long haul deal here.

    As for the question about hiding your beauty to find a good guy? Yes!!! I am all for it!!!!! Go for it, and please come back and tell me how it worked for you lol!!!!! Keep in mind though that you want to marry someone you’re really attracted to (that you’d really watnt to have sex with). You don’t want to marry someone only to have a mostly sexless marriage. I’m sorry I have to add that… seems really crude, but it seems like some women are not in tune with their sexuality when they pick a lifetime partner.

    Ideally, you want an alpha man who is “normal” enough to not only want you for your looks, but also brave enough to be your husband and keep you from doing stupid things (he has the control over you… it will never work the other way around where you control him… you’d end up hating and despising him). I married a man who became a police officer ❤ ❤ ❤ but even before that he commanded the control in our relationship and was able to lead me and calls me out when I do stupid things lol. You want someone normal like that… who isn't blinded by your looks (which will fade anyway 🙂 oh you will be so happy when they start fading!). The problem is that most men will probably be blinded by your looks for a little bit. Just be submissive and try to let him lead the relationship.

    Not having a picture would be good too, so that you can really focus on talking a lot.

    Also (sorry screaming baby have to make this short) try really hard not to have sex before marriage. Not sure if you're christian, but sex seems to mess everything up and makes the relationship only focused on the sex rather than learning if you're compatible with the man.

    Good luck!! Yikes screaming baby!

  4. Sister, I beg to differ with you on this online dating stuff. Men and women should marry from their circles; christians marrying from churches of like faith, atheists marrying fellow atheists etc.
    Apart from sexual predators lurking around as lovely angels, there are also yahoo boys who specialise in Internet scams, to dupe unsuspecting persons, especially women.
    Then, there is also the problem of kidnappers and ritual killers; though not rampant in your nation , but still poses a big threat to the happiness and joy being sought after by going into online dating in the first place.

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