I don’t know about you, but sometimes I feel like in my spiritual life, I’m just watching plants grow. I want so badly to do the right thing, to be what God wants me to be, but it amazes me how far off I feel I constantly wander off.
The exciting thing about a new year is all the possibilities to implement any new changes that need to be made. Looking back on my failures and mishaps in 2015, a year I thought would be a relatively peaceful, quiet year, I’m so grateful for the lessons I’ve learned, but also sad that it took me so long to learn them.
I’ve been reading several books and learning and growing so much! It’s incredible to be so convicted, work to make changes, but then to feel constantly like one cannot attain that perfection of spirit. Just as I think I’m making great progress, I find myself sliding back down again and acting in pride or getting irritated by things that are trivial and don’t matter! It’d be comical if it wasn’t so annoying and sad.
I’m learning that I can’t do this on my own – it’s God who works in us, and in His own time, and that the more I submit myself to His will, the more He works in my spirit to make me into the creature He wants me to be. In contrast, the more I spin my wheels trying to perfect my own spirit, the more frustrated I’ll grow and discouraged.
So I’ll stop watching plants grow, and trust that He’s doing His work and finishing what He’s started in me nearly 25 years ago.