A commenter, Just Saying, wrote a passing thought on a young woman he’s seeing that decided to play the “Domestic goddess” for him last week. Her act of playing the role of his Domestic goddess inspired him to “show a side he hasn’t shown in a while.” 🙂 This reminded me of a passage and topic in a very old book, called The Fascinating Girl, a book written by Helen B. Andelin back in 1969 that still has some great pieces of timeless wisdom for how to be fascinating to men. It is great for pre-teen to teenage girls or single women to give them insight into what men want, and what they love to see in a woman their looking to marry.
Even though I’m sure many women would feel some of the advice is outdated (and some of it is), the bulk of the book is filled with treasures of the male mind that help us women understand what makes men want to show devotion to us. What makes men want to romance us.
I actually read this book growing up, my mother passed it down to me (it had been hers when she was looking for a husband), and I felt it prepared me well to become a loving, tender, and even sexy wife to my husband. Although that first year in our marriage had it’s ups and downs we had to work through, the basic education I had in understanding men helped immensely to fix our problems (most of them had to do with me disrespecting him or outright nagging/acting unfeminine with him). We were able to create a beautiful marriage much quicker than normal, in large part because I was already open to believing what my husband wanted from me. I meet his needs and in return feel his protection, love, and sweet feelings of being adored by him that stems in large part from how I make it a point to treat him as best as I can, just because I love him! Throughout our 8 years of being married, I’ve frequently returned to this book for ideas to bless him with or in order to remind myself of attitudes I would like to recultivate in myself when I’ve slipped into bad habits.
But let’s get to the topic of Men loving to see you enjoying being a woman…. First,
Why do men love to see a woman being a “Domestic Goddess?”
Men love to feel like a man. I know in our culture rampant with male-bashing, jokes about men being or acting stupid, or even music videos humiliating men in their breakups with girlfriends, even my daring to say that men love to feel like a man is huge deal.
But it’s true. And when a woman is acting and enjoying being a woman, she allows him to feel more manly – something a healthy man loves to feel and desires to feel when around a female. God created men to love being masculine – this doesn’t mean that they can’t have a host of hobbies that may not be “oh so manly” – many men love the arts (cooking, singing, music, acting, painting, dancing, etc.) and are gifted in them, and yet loving a certain hobby doesn’t mean they have to forgo their masculinity. God still created men to be, and think, and feel like men.
In being a domestic goddess, I’m not talking about being a perfectionist, uptight, constantly riddled with anxiety over the condition of her house kind of woman, but rather a calm, loving, at-ease woman that simply enjoys the little tasks of keeping her space neat, or making a basic meal, and relishes being good at some of these things.
In The Fascinating Girl, becoming a Domestic Goddess is super easy… just 3 basic steps and you’re covered:
- Do your tasks well.
- Add some feminine touches.
- Be happy in your domestic duties.
When a woman resents cleaning, resents cooking, resents having to do chores around the house, she slips into an unattractive attitude of victim mentality and complains or groans about having to do these things. Not only is it not good for her personal growth (everyone has to learn how to clean at some point in their life hopefully), but it’s bad for her spiritual growth to be giving in to feeling resentment, which over time may create bitterness – something that is especially unattractive in a woman. When she gets married, she’ll be in danger of making her entire family miserable whenever it’s time to clean/cook/do chores, because she won’t be able to get past her hatred of it.
Seeing a woman relish being a domestic goddess, even if she isn’t particularly good at something, but gives it her best tries, inspires a man to feel an adorable love for her. It’s mysterious and so sweet!
Men understand at some level that a woman who enjoys being a domestic goddess is someone who doesn’t mind spending her precious time giving others the gift of showing hospitality, or of a home-cooked meal, or baked goods. Even when a married woman takes the time to clean or organize her house, she is sending a message to her husband and children that they matter, that she cares about their feelings, that she cares about their need for a well organized, relatively clean home. It’s showing her family that she loves them enough to take care of the space they have to live in.
Seeing a woman enjoying loving others, enjoying her life and even trying to find enjoyment in the mundane tasks of chores, cooking, or cleaning, sends the message to a man that she enjoys being feminine.
Andelin’s 3 tips for how to find joy in your tasks:
- Proper attitude towards drudgery
- Allow time to enjoy homemaking
- Do your jobs well.
She goes on to say that if you’re single, you obviously have more important things to tend to in your life – like college or even working, but at least knowing these helping tips, at least understanding how great an impact they make on your future family, will help you if you get married.
We as women give men a gift when we allow ourselves to enjoy feeling feminine, it makes them in turn feel more manly. And that usually inspires men to feel more drawn to us, more enchanted with us, and more deeper in intimacy with us.
If you’re a single woman,
and are wondering what it is
men deeply want and crave,
you’re in the right place.
But if a woman is acting like a man, making crude jokes, acting like one of the boys, competing with him in his areas of interest and trying to beat him, or trying to be in charge of their relationship, she is emasculating him, and making him actually feel horrible when around her.
An unfeminine woman sends a strong message to a man – one that says boldly: There’s nothing here for you, I don’t need or want your masculinity.
Obviously, if you’re in the dating realm and wanting to snag a cute, sexy man… this is the LAST THING you want to be sending out as a message to men!
So enjoy being a woman – enjoy playing the role of a domestic goddess, but don’t let it stop there… men love to see that you have interests beyond mundane household chores.
In fact, men find women who solely find their fulfillment in being “overly domestic” boring and unattractive.
Men actually love to find a woman who is interested in the latest topics, good books, someone to have fun with (bolded emphasis mine):
Remember that although the idea of the Domestic Goddess is essential to our picture of the ideal woman, a man wants more than a homemaker. He wants a playmate and an intellectual companion. He also wants her to have a broad interest in life and all that is in it – its many problems, its many faces and its wondrous beauty. …
The ideal woman needs to be a part of the world outside the home, needs to feel a certain debt to society – a sense of social responsibility. If she stays too close in her own little world she tends to become selfish and narrow. If her time and energies are consumed with her children, her house and her husband, without a thought for the world beyond, she will not only be uninteresting but unhappy. Her real happiness lies in her fulfillment as a wife, mother and homemaker, but giving beyond this – stretching forth her hand to those in need – enriches her life.
(Quotes taken from The Fascinating Girl, by Helen B. Andelin, 1969)