I received a comment from a man named Nathan a couple of nights ago on my post, The Ignorant Sexless Wife. In the comment, he brings up many issues that can come from a wife rejecting her husband repeatedly and forcing him to live in a technical sexless marriage.
Any thoughts on his suggestions of what this kind of marriage creates (or may create) is welcome, especially regarding his thoughts on “Mama’s Girls.”
From commenter Nathan,
“Having lived in a marriage for over 40 years like the one the writer describes I can attest to the damage it will do not only to him but most likely to his kids as well. If this woman continues treating him this way he will almost certainly find himself taking some of his resentment and frustration out on the kids rather than her.
He could easily find himself locked in a battle with the kids for control and respect. Since she obviously has little or no respect for him she will most likely undermine his authority with the kids and he will almost certainly loose that battle as well.
Waiting for the kids to get older all the while hoping things will get better will prove to be more wasted time.
A woman like this will almost never change because she will never allow herself to see or believe anything she does is wrong. The reality is that his best bet would be to find a really good Divorce Attorney and cut his losses while he is still young enough to heal and have a chance at a decent life. Looking back, it is advice I wish I had followed 40 years ago when my wife gave me the cold shoulder on our wedding night claiming it was too late and she was too tired!
Dragonfly, you are definitely right about men more accurately reporting their sex life of lack there of. You cited “Spreadsheet Guy” in your example. I began a similar thing within a few years of our marriage to counter my wife’s insistence that I was “wrong”, “making it up” and we had sex more than I claimed. When I began “keeping score” what I found was that things were much worse that even I thought. I used one of those little bank calendars and a series of small symbols to indicate what happened on a particular day.
What I found was that I got 17 to 30 outright rejections before she would “allow” anything. Keep in mind this was within the first 5 years of marriage! Time hasn’t changed a thing. Today is 9/3/2015, the last time I got so much as even a kiss from this woman was on 7/25/2015. The last time before that was on 6/25/2015.
See a pattern here?
Here is another topic you may want to explore in another blog; Mama’s Girls. I have read many articles over the years about “Mama’s Boys” and how destructive that twisted, codependent relationship can be to a marriage. I can’t recall ever seeing an article discussing how equally destructive it can be when it’s the wife that’s tied to her manipulative, controlling, domineering, mothers apron strings. I wonder how many of the women like the one in this article also fit the bill for being a “Mama’s Girl” and “Her” husband was just a convenient father and ATM card for “Her” kids, “Her” house and “Her” perfect, planned life?””