A Daughter Losing Her Father: Six Months Later

A good post on losing your father.

Inner Workings of My Mind

This blog post is not about me being morbid nor is it about me feeling sorry for myself. Over the past six months since my father died, I received a few comments on the two posts I made about my father’s passing. These were mainly comments from other women who experienced something similar and who were wondering how other women were dealing with it. More importantly, I noticed on my blog statistics page that almost every day people were using search engines with key words like “losing a father” and “daughter losing father” and thus getting referred to my blog.

Losing a parent is one of the most difficult things in the world and people want to know how to deal with it. It’s strange that I have seen family and friends lose parents but haven’t heard much from them about what it’s been like.

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  1. It is difficult to lose a parent. My father passed on a couple of years ago. I found this portion of the writeup to be particularly interesting:
    “The dreams have been intense as well. I dream about him a lot. In all the dreams I can remember, he’s in the grave. Sometimes he’s awake in his grave and I feel relief that his death was just a big mix-up. It never really happened. Other times it’s as if he wants to tell me he’s all right. The most interesting dream I had was of visiting my father inside his grave.”

    I had many many lucid dreams of my father for the first few months after he passed. It was unusual because I’d never had dreams about him before (since my husband was active duty military, we traveled so much I seldom saw my parents and we were always separated by thousands of miles). But after he passed, I dreamt about him a great deal.
    One dream, I think it was a little over a years after he’d passed, was particularly interesting. It was a “death” type dream. My father was dying and my mother kept trying to choke him and throw him into the trunk of a car. I heard him gasping, “I can’t breath…” and told my mom to stop, but she’d just answer, “He already dead anyway”. I woke up with a conviction that something was wrong with Mom, so I called her and when she answered the phone her voice sounded exactly like Dad’s did in the dream. Really choky and gasping, though she didn’t say she couldn’t breathe it was pretty obvious she wasn’t doing well, so I drove down that day and took her to the doctor’s. She had bronchitis, and I’m sure it would have turned into pneumonia if I had waited at all. I think Dad (or God, through Dad or something) was trying to tell me something in that dream…what other explanation is there? I’d never dreamt anything like that before, and every time I’d dreamt of Dad for months before he was young and happy.

    Anyway, Mike said, about the incident: “He’s probably up there dancing with the ex-wife and doesn’t want your Mom to cut in. ”

  2. Goodness, Liz… what a strange dream! A little disturbing with your mom actually trying to choke him – how scary, especially when dreams seem so real.

  3. Did you go through a range of emotions when your father passed? Mine hasn’t passed yet, but I’ve already lost a great deal of him, he’s not mentally right and none of the doctors understand why. It is so strange, and being around him is so incredibly painful. I feel so empty and dead inside sometimes, and miss him so much. Its weird how other family members are doing so well with it, like it isn’t even bothering them. This post was just really great to read – all the comments of how other women feel so devastated, even after years and years.

  4. Yes, my father had actually had a stroke several years prior and lost a lot of his abilities (mental and physical). He was so so physically active prior to the stroke, and very very sharp. It was honestly hardest to see him like that. I was away a lot, but I was much closer to him than Mom. Freud would probably say I married Mike because he reminded me a lot of my father in many ways.

  5. ” I feel so empty and dead inside sometimes, and miss him so much. Its weird how other family members are doing so well with it, like it isn’t even bothering them.”

    Just wanted to add, I’m so sorry about your father, dragonflygirl. He’s very young to have problems like this and it’s a significant loss for you and your family (grandchildren in particular, I had this problem too…I wanted them to know my dad as I knew him, but only our oldest remembers him that way, really).
    My dad was pretty old, though (think I’ve mentioned) he was 50 when I was born. I felt blessed to have him in my life as long as I did, since he was in very good shape well into his eighties.
    Most days, I just pretend he is still alive. I have some old photos of him on the wall when he was younger, and the flag from his memorial service is in our living room.

    I had a similar issue with my family (his first children, and my mother in particular. She is not a nurturing or kind person, but I won’t go into that it would be a real downer)

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