How to Teach a Boy to Look for a Good Wife

This morning, my son and I were out with the baby shopping for a few groceries.  We’re about to leave for a vacation next week, so we were only there for a quick run-in to buy the few items we need to survive for a few more days.  Lately, I’ve been in such a rush after I get the baby in, our shopping items, and my son is all in, I take it for granted that his seat belt is on, and  try to drive away.  This never happened before the baby!  I always made sure he was strapped and buckled in, but apparently, I’ve lost my mind. 🙂

My husband has been told about these instances… lol, I always get told-on, which is good, it keeps me accountable.  Whenever I try to drive away without checking if he’s strapped in, our son will now scream at the top of his lungs “I’M NOT STRAPPED IN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

… it gets the job done.

He knows, we’ve had the conversation before, that good parents love their children… and part of showing that love is ensuring their safety. Laziness is the opposite of love.  He knows he’s valuable… he knows he deserves to be strapped in when we’re driving.  He’s really mature for a 5 year old.

So this morning, I remembered to ask him before driving away, and he thoughtfully said as we were driving off towards home that if he marries a bad woman that never straps his kids in, he’s going to tell them to scream to be strapped in.  He thinks bad women don’t care about their children, and you know… with all the abortion, child abuse, and neglect, he’s really not off in his thinking. Again… he’s mature for 5.

Hearing him talk about a “bad woman” has mixed emotions for me… 1) I told him that I don’t want him to think of marriage as simply happenstance – that it’s inevitable or unavoidable to marry a bad woman.  I told him that he has choices, that he will have many choices, and will hopefully be able to pick a good wife someday, and 2) the fact that he even thinks knows women are capable of being “bad” is a good thing and makes me proud.  Most men are conditioned to believe that the majority of women are good, angelic and innocent creatures, and have a man’s best interest in mind.  Women, to the contrary, have been proven time and time again, that they mostly only care about their own self-interest, and could care less about the reality, the feelings, and the happiness of men.  Hearing wives and husbands talk about the dynamics of their marriages on the Dr. Laura radio talk show when growing up was a real eye-opener to me – the majority of wives do not care about their husbands, that is the situation of the American Woman.

So since we’re not looking into moving to Europe anytime soon, a major part of raising a son is making him aware of what makes a good wife.  Teaching him the red flags as well as the good attributes are part of responsible parenting, it’s giving him an appropriate education so that he can plan out the course of his life using knowledge to guide him.

Here are some things we talked about this morning, basically it was just asking him to think about what he cares about in his life and future:

1) Do you love God?  Yes, he really loves God… this boy loves church and loves learning about the stories in the Bible.  Sunday is his favorite day of the week.  I asked him if he cares if his children will love God?  Of course he does!  He already talks about “when I’m a dad…”  “when I have kids…”  He’s a planner, and like I said, very mature… he knows he’s going to be the leader of his family someday – and that includes being the spiritual leader.  I explained to him that if these things are important to him, then it needs to reflect in who he looks for as a wife.  A good wife, therefore, according to what he values in life, needs to love God and be a firm Christian.  I do believe that a non-Christian can be a very good wife and mother – it is important for the boy/man to understand what he values

2) Do you care about health and fitness?  Yes!  He is a sports-a-holic, a classic little athlete.  I’ve told him before, many times, that he’s a Triple Threat: he is incredibly handsome, incredibly smart, good at school, and athletic – all these things are what girls tend to love about guys.  He’s even musically inclined and loves to play the drums & guitar.  He’s going to have lots of girls after him more than likely, even in high school.  I told him that since he cares about health, fitness, and exercise, that he needs to look for a girl who takes care of herself – probably a girl who works out.  I told him it may be wise to pick a girl that loves sports because you know she is 1) more than likely taking care of her body, and 2) that exercise and health are probably important to her.  Dance and Cheer leading count here, but almost any female sport is probably a good sign.  I asked him to think about if he’d be ok if a woman he married gained a lot of weight after marriage, or after pregnancy, used it as an excuse to stay fat?  Of course he said no, he doesn’t like how extra weight (fat) looks on women.  He actually really values keeping his own body fit, working out with his dad to Insanity (incredibly).  He gets this propensity to value an athletic physique from his dad and I, and so he’s going to expect his future wife to also value keeping her body attractive and fit.  Before the feminist Fat Acceptance Movement, this was common knowledge that men (and women) prefer muscle tone over excessive fat.  In fact, just a few decades ago, the average female size was much smaller than it is today.  Our great grandmothers understood the value of staying slender – not only because of the way it looked, but because of health reasons they didn’t even quite understand the science behind back then, they simply knew it wasn’t good.  It was not taboo to state that being overweight was bad for one’s health.  The more fit a person is as they age, the less they’ll have to worry about their body falling apart on them – knee problems, joint problems, tears in their ligaments from the extra heavy weight putting too much pressure on their cartilage, joints, and intricacies of the human body.  Quite simply put, we were not created by God to be able to take a lot of extra weight – our bodies (interior and exterior) respond very negatively to it.  Obesity is the leading cause of almost every fatal disease, including cancer as it speeds up the rate of which cancer cells multiply and spread (fat tissue causes inflammation – did a whole research project on this at university).  I asked him if he cares about his kid’s health and fitness?  Of course!  Then when picking a good mother for his children, it is still very important to look for these same qualities of a girl/woman who also values her health, body and fitness as it will carry over into the lessons she will teach his children later in life.  The best lesson, by far, is shown by example, so he needs to pick a wife that will be an excellent example for his future children.  If he loves his children, the kind of mother he picks for them should meet the standards he values for himself, and for them.

A woman who is responsible enough to take care of her health and body, is more than likely also conscientious enough (and wise enough) to be diligent about taking care of other important tasks in life, such as her children’s hygiene, school grades, friendships, etc.  She is less likely to be lazy or undisciplined… the very fact that she is disciplined enough to take care of herself, or exercise regularly, shows that a part of her is mature and responsible, a good steward over what God has entrusted to her.  A good wife is mature and responsible, and diligent enough to take care of herself.

I told him, because of the things he values and cares about, he needs to look for a woman who visibly takes care of herself – someone who takes care to dress herself well, who looks like she puts effort into maintaining a good sense of outer beauty because it accurately reflects how she feels about herself and life in general.  A confident woman relishes feeling good about herself – not in a vain, prideful way, but in a healthy, responsible way.  Like any little boy, he loves and appreciates seeing beautiful women, women who make an effort to make themselves beautiful.

3) He needs to beware of women who will spend money recklessly or carelessly.  I talked to him about how some women stress their husbands out by constantly spending their money, or by being in competition with their friends over cars, houses, and possessions.  I explained that if he didn’t want to be stressed out and in fear of being poor, then he needed to pick a wife that was good with money.  Materialistic girls and women drive their men crazy and undermine their marriage with selfish habits regarding money.  A red flag is a woman who cares more about clothes, purses, shoes, cars etc. than understanding the value of money and investments.  A good wife is a girl he can tell doesn’t care about high end fashion labels, or at least does the hard work of planning & saving before buying something that expensive, as opposed to using her parent’s freely provided credit card that serves to teach her the wrong message about money – that it grows on trees.  The ideal wife is frugal, but even a wife that simply understands self-discipline and self-control in order to save up for her expensive things is better than a wife who pretends she doesn’t understand in order to excuse over-spending.

I’m sure there are many more things for a boy or teenage guy to consider in how to pick a good wife for himself, but this was as far as we got before arriving in our driveway and he was distracted by his puppy!

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