The Ignorant Sexless Wife

you changed

“My wife (26) and I (26) have been married for 2.5 years and known each other for close to 4. Our daughter just turned 15 months.

After the birth of our daughter, my wife was reluctant to have sex for a while because she delivered vaginally. Her OB said she was good to go after 3 weeks or so, but we waited for a couple months to make sure she was comfortable. I initiated and we had good sex, and she mentioned how long it’s been and how she missed it. Then, after that one time, my advanced started getting rejected, you know, standard stuff. After a couple months of it, I started talking to her about it, how sex was important to me for emotional connection etc., and she said it was important to her, too, but she wasn’t in the mood and wanted some time. We talked about her mind and body, but she said she wasn’t depressed, and she’s not breastfeeding or on birth control. So basically, everything was fine and perfect and she just wanted more time.

Fast forward a few months, I successfully got laid (sounds a bit sad, no?) one more time, and a few weeks later we found out she’s pregnant. (We took the necessary precautions.) She was excited about it, and I, too, because we planned on having two kids not too far apart in age. Of course, sex stayed at zero as she was feeling sick most of the time. A couple months into the pregnancy, she suffered a miscarriage that required an emergency D&C procedure. I took 4 weeks off work to be with my family and didn’t try anything sexual for around 3 months. Then, it was back to getting rejected, more talks with me suggesting counseling etc., telling her I was missing the connection and was drifting away. She kept saying she’s fine and doesn’t need help, it’s just the way it’s supposed to be after marriage and kids, I should be putting our daughter first, she’s tired, I told her I feel like we’re best platonic friends, roommates,

I, while sobbing, told her I was feeling dead inside.

Her suggestion was that I should just watch porn and jack off, and warned that if I were to see someone else she’d take our daughter and run.

We had sex once this year.

I know that taking care of a toddler is tough, as I used to work from home 100% and helped out. We also have help from my mother, who gets along quite well with our daughter and my wife, whenever we need her. However, my wife says she just doesn’t have the energy for me. I also suggested many times that the baby sleeps in her own room instead of with us, but that got shot down.

I’ve also readhttps://www.reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/comments/2julkr/attn_hl_men_with_ll_wivesgirlfriends_and_newborn/ and I’m trying to be understanding, but it’s been really, really tough.

Lately, I stopped initiating because I was tired of getting shut down.

I feel less inclined to cuddle and kiss, which we did quite a bit of even when we weren’t having sex. I’ve been feeling my self esteem go down the drain. I just want to feel desired and sexy.

I used to think it’s weak and lame to want validation from others, but shit this sucks. I’m trying to convince myself that I should give it until the baby turns 3 or 4, but apparently sex isn’t really that important to my wife so I’m not sure if things will change.

I’m now spending time among here, r/adultery/, and r/seduction, I’m pretty sure I know where this is headed.

Perhaps I should just tell her straight up I’m gonna start meeting other people? Should I talk to a lawyer first?” (Emphasis mine)

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

I came across this anonymous note written by Young Handsome Dad in Deadbedroom, found here, at dead bedrooms reddit.  Before you judge him for looking into meeting other people, let’s look at all the basic facts he’s laid out about his situation.  I wish I could say this was a unique situation, but unfortunately, its actually common.

People tend to think that after marriage and children, your sex life starts to suck or completely disappears.  That it is ok for one partner to simply not desire sex anymore.  That you should accept living out your life in a so-called, “Dead Bedroom.”

Sex does not have to stop after you have a baby, this I know because I’ve lived it.  If a wife loves her husband, is attracted to her husband, and understands the dynamics of a working marriage, she will still want to have sex even when the couple has an infant.  I remember right after I had our second boy this past Christmas, 2 weeks later I already wanted to have another of my husband’s babies!  It shocked me because I hated being pregnant.  It humored my husband because he flat out refused – it was never our plan to have any baby that close together – (its actually part of why we have a puppy!), but I honestly wanted him to get me pregnant again… that soon after giving birth, I already wanted another baby with him.

I was so in love with our life, our new baby, with him as the man he is.  This is how a good marriage should be.  The spouses should love each other, should want to be together, to be intimate together.  There should not be a constant rejection of one spouse’s advances.

When I read testimonies in Dead Bedrooms like this, I wonder if the husband understands how much his wife is to blame for their unhappiness or bad marriage.  Does she understand how cruel she is to constantly reject him?

Does she know that he’s giving up on happiness in life because of her dead weight pulling him down?

Does she know that she’s killing her husband’s self-esteem?

Does she know that she does not care about one of his deepest needs that can only be met by her and her alone?

Does she know that she’s abusing her husband, slowly killing him inside?

Does she know that he’s trying to convince himself to hold out until the child is 3 or 4 years old – something utterly ridiculous and incredulous, just so that he can save his marriage?

Does she know that her refusing to have sex with him is like him refusing to speak to her (communication is as essential to women as sex is to men)?

Does she really care that he “was sobbing” when he’s been trying to get her to understand how he feels?

The short answer?  Women like this unfortunately miss all these signs, they actually don’t care – until its too late and he’s either cheated or divorced her for someone else.

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76 thoughts on “The Ignorant Sexless Wife

  1. Two things.

    First: The husband chose both poorly and too quickly. “She vaguely likes me? CLOSE ENOUGH LET’S DO THIS!” He does not correctly value himself to women or (likely) to the world. He honestly needed to have relationships (and much sex) with more women before even having a frame of reference to make such a critical decision.

    Second thing: A person who inaccurately values him/herself too lowly will always pair up with a person who values herself much too highly, i.e., a narcissist. The wifey narcissist of course will not receive hubby’s tearful declaration of needs because she literally can’t understand them. She’s got enough of a sociopath inside her that… well, his pleading just doesn’t register. It doesn’t occur to her that something is intensely, deeply wrong.

    (Also, dudes, don’t plead. Or beg. It’s coarse and vulgar; I find it distasteful.)

  2. Poorly yes, I’d disagree on the ‘too quickly’. That’s a common bromide when things don’t go well, “Ah, they were too young, didn’t play the field enough”, I think it’s a load of poo. That was the story when I got married “you’re too young!” “dude, you hanging up your cleats already?” Well, people who said that certainly didn’t have better relationships or lives. It comes down to the question of “what am I looking for?” and if you find that young, you’re not immature, you’re blessed.

    Based on the partial information here, I’m not so sure she didn’t change. It sounds as though she did. I agree with you on the begging and pleading though. Not because it is unbecoming so much as it further devalues him in her eyes and his own. I agree with you that he didn’t, and doesn’t value himself highly enough.

    This is a really awful story and I wonder how common this is. I don’t know what advice I would give him about telling the wife. It isn’t likely to make her value him more, and she’ll use it later in the inevitable divorce.

  3. It really is an awful story, especially for two people just starting out a family. There are some stressors, but this woman clearly takes her man’s love for granted. It sounds as though he has done some of the right things (told her exactly how important sex is to him). She just doesn’t care and is obviously very ego-centric. She’s also being a horrible mother to her child. One of the worst things a mother can do is ostracize a caring loving father through this type of behavior.

  4. Just thinking further, I think I’d advise the guy to make some investment in his own self-worth. Join a gym, maybe take up a hobby, and so forth. Even though she will complain that he isn’t spending enough time with the family he needs the positive energy outside of that home environment. And he will look better and feel better about himself. When he does, he’ll attract female attention without having to go to a website to find someone to cheat with and that might have an impact on her behavior.

  5. I don’t mean to start a polygyny debate, I know how those go. I’ve heard both sides, and am in complete agreement with my husband on the issue (pro) – we do not have a polygynous marriage nor do we intend to in the foreseeable future. HOWEVER, this is the exact situation where the Church has done men no favors. He does have an option, an option that God has not once called sin, in fact, this option is one where God provided instruction (God would not instruct how to better commit a sinful act). This man should go to his wife and give her an opportunity to turn from her rebellion. It should be made clear that if she remains in rebellion to him, he will take a second wife. Secularists call this dread game. Christians ought to call this leadership. In doing this, the man will not be emasculating himself before his wife, he will be leading her to make decisions that can bring her closer to God (obedience) or further away. The decision is hers to make.

  6. I like that you brought that up, the only thing is that it still wouldn’t be a certainty that he wouldn’t have any further problems. I’ve read a lot of the history behind the Mormon faith (the ones that were just starting the movement here in the West). They have diaries from women of that time, and its very interesting to see how it affected their marriage when the husband would take a second wife. Universally, the marriage happiness would plummet. It was a very painful thing for the first wife to endure, especially if it was soon after their marriage (which it often was within the first 10 years). It would usually work itself out and the two wives would learn to cooperate together, but can you imagine dealing with two women sharing one man? Even in this man’s case, women are extremely prone to compete with each other, and this would quite literally set them up to be in competition. Who would be better at cooking, better at raising his kids, better at chores or anything… even sex! It would be a constant competition to see who he showed ANY signs of preferring, or preferential treatment. He really would probably like different things better about one of them, and likewise with the other – but wow it would be yet another problem he would have to manage.

    But you can bet he would not have the problem of a sexless marriage anymore. Either the first wife would feel compelled to step up her game, or the second wife would meet that need (and the first would become a live-in roommate and babysitter).

  7. There’s another thing too, his wife could agree to something like that, not fully understanding her strong emotions once the new wife is sexing her husband up in the bedroom while she watches the kid, and then do something like Sarah did to Hagar – become mean/cruel or abusive to the new wife. It just isn’t a certainty that polygyny would solve anything.

  8. I don’t understand why nearly all of your marriage posts come from a position of it’s always the wife’s fault and women today are failing men….this is just as bad as extreme feminism

  9. I agree. It isn’t optimal by any means. It is something that could give her a wake up call if it was something that was culturally acceptable. Sadly, our culture would embrace his “serial monogamy” (basically polygyny without using God’s guidance) and have him divorce her and remarry before it would ever embrace his biblical option.

    Since marriage is for life, there would be no turning back on his decision. Hagar was instructed to return to Sarah once she fled. I’m very interested in the dynamic that went on there. Sarah being the First Wife and Hagar being told – by the Angel of the Lord to go back and submit to her. This is fascinating to me.

  10. I should add, Hagar was instructed to return to Sarah the mistress, not for her role of being the First Wife. Still a fascinating dynamic!

  11. ..this is a one sided account he might be over exaggerating or flat out lying to try and rationalize cheating. More to the point, its always the woman’s fault on your blog. If he cheats its her fault, if he leaves its her fault, if he turns out to be shy and passive its her fault…as in the mom, the women in his life, his wife or girlfriend. Is anything a man’s fault?

  12. Men don’t usually exaggerate the facts of their sex life, but women have actually been proven to. Men are more likely to keep a very accurate account of their sex life because it means so much to them. Women aren’t very accurate about it –unless he isn’t having sex with her (if he’s the one denying her constantly), then she’s enraged (and usually takes less time to cheat). Maybe you should spend some time reading the Dead Bedrooms reddit… there are quite a few accounts of women there who have low libido boyfriends or husbands. Or lesbian couples in dead bedrooms where one woman partner isn’t as into sex as the other….

    I’m not into shaming men… you will probably never read an article saying the woman is the victim, because most of the time now a days, men actually are. This happens a lot in varying degrees… and men are EXPECTED by our SOCIETY to just live with it, and live off of porn to ease their suffering (it doesn’t).

  13. …………yes in a male dominated and run society, men are always the victims….because women are just whores, prudes, or even worse yet controlling.
    I feel sad people who derive no value for women and are constantly berating and stereotyping women as such.

  14. Also, I write for women mostly (sometimes single men in the dating market), but my target audience is mostly women. The advice I can give are things for them (themselves) to do differently, in order to make their marriages better. Often if the wife does just a few things “right,” it changes the whole dynamic of the marriage and stops the cycle of the spouses hurting each other because they’re not getting their needs met. If she isn’t meeting his needs, and he’s not meeting any of her emotional or relational needs, the partner who changes (or has the knowledge to change) has the most power to change the relationship.

    For this guy stuck in this situation, he’s letting her have all the power by begging her to meet his needs. If he employs dread game, makes himself extremely attractive, starts living life a little more for himself, she will notice the difference and may become sexually attracted to him again.

  15. But what if there are devoted followers of your blog that read all of this and try their best to use your advice, and their marriage is still shit? Is it really that woman’s fault that her husband is still cheating? Or hers because he left? There is only so much one woman or wife can do to remedy a marriage or a specific marital problem, if everything is treated as a possible problem created by the wife, what happens when it just simply is not her?

  16. Also, is that the kind of mom you plan on being if you have a daughter in the future? (Or even towards future daughter in laws) that all the advice is geared towards how your failing

  17. all the advice is geared towards how your failing

    While I do think that in-laws should completely stay out of giving any unsolicited advice, I definitely would give my own daughter all the advice my mom gave me growing up so that she can avoid pitfalls and hopefully make good choices.

    A huge portion of our own happiness in life is decided by our thoughts and our choices. It’s not about telling someone how they’re always failing, but showing them a better way to succeed in life.

  18. But why is everything geared in the negative? As criticism of not living up to your god given woman role….and it can’t be the husband’s fault? would you really want to be that mom to your daughter, constantly saying well your not giving your husband enough sex, your not taking care of him the way he has come to expect, your the problem even when it might have nothing to do with her or her own failings? Yeah a parent absolutely should help out their kids, sometimes in ways not expect ed by the kid, but when everything is geared toward the negative, there is no winning.
    I’m pointing out how your blog can give women the wrong impression of everything and anything being the wife’s fault, no matter what.

  19. I’m pointing out how your blog can give women the wrong impression of everything and anything being the wife’s fault, no matter what.

    No where on my blog do I ever say that it is always the wife’s fault, that is the extreme you’re choosing to see so that you don’t ever have to admit that women cause problems like the one in the original post. :/

  20. Not really. Its more of you choosing to ignore that all of your stories, posts, advice are coming from a place that all women are horrible in their own special ways. In this one she won’t put out so she is killing her marriage and driving her husband to cheat (because he has no other choice), another one she is a whore and her husband the saintly husband…..putting all men on a pedestal is just as bad as putting all women on a pedestal. In this case it just seems to be how men are always capable, smart, natural born leader, innocent and can cause no wrong in society or can contribute to the downfall of their own marriage. I know women cause problems, but do you realize men do or that they are not collectively perfect?

  21. Earlier you mentioned men tend to or do not lie or exaggerate about their sex lives; i know that one to be untrue. I’ve had guy friends who will make up ridiculously sex stories and I’ll call them out on it and they’ll admit well yeah that didnt happen or it wasn’t like that really but….I’ve also known guys to lie about how much dex they’ve had or are currently having. Guys will lie about sex to make themselves look better or for their friends to pity them

  22. If this was a woman’s story (keep in mind there are quite a few women who are in this same situation, and lesbian couples as well), would you doubt her story also?

  23. Seeing as i am a lesbian and gee whiz a woman, ya i would still doubt these narratives where it puts everything on the other person AND then raises up the narrator as being a person of great reason who has done and tried absolutely everything. These are the kind of stories people tell their close friends sometimes even family usually to gain pity and sympathy. The narrator can be intentionally or unintentionally taking away any of their personal responsibility to up how they look to other people.
    You have a tendency of posting mutiple stories like this one where the man is completely innocent and his wife is the one ruining his life or their entire marriage. Anybody should be skeptical of these stories, it would be more understand in the context of actually knowing the person.
    Men have just the same tendency to lie and exaggerate

  24. This is a commonplace situation. The way we know is the prevalence of two things in our culture: the popular representation of the doofus husband in popular media, and the size of the average American wife. One is (popularly) too stupid to be attractive, and the other is too fat to be a sex object.

    I sympathize with the guy, but only up to a point. The manosphere is filled with guys who “married their best friend” or “just want to be loved for their inner qualities.” After a while it gets old listening to another pud-knocker whine about marrying a woman who is using him for her retire-at-25 plan. Newsflash: if a woman doesn’t get wet when you walk into the room, don’t marry her. The woman in the reddit, of course, knows that she can take his children and destroy him emotionally (via parental alienation) and financially if he finds sexual fulfillment outside their sterile relationship.

    When I was a young father, one of our friends was a wise-cracking, profane (and very attractive!) woman who visited us in the hospital after our first child was born. She noted, “When I had Ben, it hurt so much that when Andy got into bed, I said, “Don’t you dare get that dick anywhere near me!”” My wife had a good laugh over that, but we were doing it on the floor and dining room table etc. six weeks later, per normal.

    I disagree that women “change.” They may use sex to get hitched, and get a man indentured to them, prior to turning off the sex-spigot. But I’ve never met a woman who enjoyed, furiously, sexual relations with a man, only to prefer Redbook magazine and reality TV the next month. Frankly, I think this is just more feminist subterfuge, a ruse to disguise the fact that many women marry for financial and parenting reasons, prior to telling their unfortunate husbands that “they just have mismatched libidos.” If guys want to get married, fine, it’s a semi-free country, but they at least should marry someone who wants more than an ATM card and two shots of functional sperm.

  25. ““When I had Ben, it hurt so much that when Andy got into bed, I said, “Don’t you dare get that dick anywhere near me!”” My wife had a good laugh over that, but we were doing it on the floor and dining room table etc. six weeks later, per normal. ”

    Love it! So sweet.

  26. You bring up the perspective of a man constantly and consistently, use his a story of woe and cautionary tale to anyone who will read your blog, then talk about how all women are petty, bitchy, emotional, unstable than go on to espouse how men are leaders,men are intelligent, men dont lie especially not about sex, men dont exaggerate, men are being taught by society to be weak and men are being taught by girlfriends and wives that they should be passive, you yourself said men are actually victims of women and society. Then you back track and say well now its really about sexless marriages….even though its also been about this man being figuratively screwed over by his wife and how all you women need to learn to give your husband sex whenever he wants it otherwise hell cheat on you, then its been about how men don’t lie about sex or exaggerate, men are victims as well…..then because im like why is it always a pity party for guys and how women are at fault constantly? This is what I get. Yes alot of the viewpoints presented are on the opposite side of the spectrum there is extreme feminism and then theres extreme conservative christianity….neither win, neither take into account a broader picture or view of reality

  27. Colormeanew,
    If you wish to refute Dragonflygirl’s observations/claims, it would be a good idea not to communicate in a way that actually confirms her observations and claims. You’re coming across as a parody here.

  28. colormeanew,
    I highly recommend for you a video of Sy Rogers: https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=zuLI1c9VQ7c

    Your blog makes it clear what you are struggling with. Dragonfly writing of men who have done wrong will not help you. Nor will it help other women who have challenges in their marriages caused by their husbands. For women, to gravitate toward more stories of “he’s done wrong” is poison to their healing. It creates more anger, more frustration and more reason for them to stay separated from God and the healing He has for them. It becomes a gossip fest and provides no constructive advice on how to move forward or an opportunity for forgiveness. If what comes of it is women comparing how bad their husbands are, a whole mess of sin permeates. And where Satan sees an easy entrance, he’ll take it. It doesn’t take long for women to decide to give up the natural for the unnatural (Romans 1:26). God has made clear His very unique instruction for women. And is quite adamant about the “Let no man put asunder.” For Dragonfly to host a session of women telling their tales of pain and hurt, she becomes a conduit to further strife in the marriage. Also, she is not equipped to counsel men. Biblically she is warned not to.

    Dragonfly does well to write what she knows – and she knows it because she lives it – “How to have a successful marriage and love your husband.” Her examples of ways women bring challenges to marriage are excellent to build from and to give advice on how to do their part to change things. How to honor God by following His instruction for them in marriage. There are so few resources available for women to hear this much needed instruction. When a woman chooses to grow closer to God by obeying His Word, not only do their marriages improve, their mental, spiritual, and physical health improves. It’s a choice women need to make – Stay separated from God and choose not to listen to the gentle voice that is available for guidance, or embrace it and “enter into the Joy of the Lord” (Matthew 25.21).

    Joy is what our hearts seek. There’s only One Way to get it.

  29. Colormeanew, you’re welcome to comment here, you know I have nothing against you. But my posts aren’t what you’re looking for, we both know it.

  30. A guy I know says his wife was very attracted to him when they were dating and for several years when married (said there was no way she could have been faking it), but later she told him that she couldn’t even stand to be touched by him. This man thinks it was brought on by his career crisis–he lost a high-status job and was in career purgatory for a while. The timing matched up, in any event.

    I like to think I wouldn’t be like her.

  31. I’ve heard of that… men actually have a strong fear (usually) of losing their job or having the career go downhill because of the constant pressure to be evaluated by what they are able to do or bring to the table to their relationship. Even if she didn’t marry him just for provisioning… if he loses that ability, his attractiveness goes way down for most women subconsciously.

  32. I realize Colormeanew might very well simply be skimming this blog and comments, and she perhaps misread the ideas under discussion (a habit I fall into too often). I myself would put significant onus on the husband for the reasons I mentioned in the first comment—he very clearly settled for an inferior relationship, likely due in large part to his own incorrect/low valuation of his own value in both the sexual and marriage marketplaces.

    The husband might not even know how to evaluate relationships to begin with, e.g., “This is good for me,” or “This is damaging for me.” Seems like some guys stop thinking immediately when a girl pays them even a mediocre amount of attention.

    In other words, both the husband and wife would have been happier had they never pursued a relationship—they weren’t a good fit to begin with. No one blames the round hole for the square peg.

  33. I get what you’re saying, I do actually think that men seem to get themselves into situations like this, and then they get angry when someone points it out that they settled or went into a relationship in a beta frame.

    BUT, the thing is that I don’t feel comfortable blaming the man here. SHE is the one denying him sex… period. She is the one telling him that she doesn’t care about his needs.

    I had an older woman (54, divorced, unmarried, female pastor) try to argue viciously with me (on facebook) that he was responsible and to blame. That to blame the woman for this was wrong. I watched her doing rhetorical backflips trying to twist the story so that he was to blame in every instance, it was actually remarkable to see how a woman (especially a female pastor) would go to such great lengths in order to justify bad female behavior, in favor of blaming the man for her actions.

    She said that we couldn’t believe his account, because it was only one-sided, and proceeded to then blame his porn use being the reason why the wife probably didn’t want to have sex with him (that she was too hurt and angry over the porn use in order to be intimate). Clearly, that was not the case, but this single, divorced, female pastor rationalized it in her mind so that the wife HAD NO BLAME AT ALL. She put ALL THE BLAME onto the man.

    If the wife is acting badly, blame the man.

    If the wife is denying you sex, its YOUR fault.

    If the wife is disresepting her husband, its HIS fault.

    If the wife is telling her husband she does not care about his needs, its his fault.

    I have a problem with supporting that kind of thinking, because it’s so utterly anti-male.

  34. Reblogged this on Biblical Gender Roles and commented:
    Excellent post on the ignorance many women show toward their husband’s sexual needs – treating them as shallow and base. In the end when women behave this way they destroy the bond of love in their marriage.

    The key phrase from dragon fly which is a truth every woman should have written as a reminder on their phones and computers – “Does she know that her refusing to have sex with him is like him refusing to speak to her (communication is as essential to women as sex is to men)?”

    In the same way that a man should be constantly asking himself – “when was the last time I talked to my wife, or texted my wife” a woman should always be asking herself “When was the last time my husband and I had sex”, and if it was recently a woman ought to ask herself “When was the last time I initiated sex with my husband?”

  35. WTF really look she is tired, probably stress and every time this guy puts pressure on her it causes more stress. Boo hoo you don’t get sex really…it’s sex it’s not what RELATIONSHIPS are based off of. Grow up I don’t have sex with my wife that much and you know what my WIFE STILL LOVES ME TO THE END OF TIME. Sex is not equal and will NEVER be equal to communication. Grow up people and stop being all about the guy. Maybe she’s sick of getting knocked up after sex. This is why rape happens in the first place. Men think they are owed sex.

  36. Sure! You are of course right. Seems like blame is one-way traffic a lot of time. And in our current culture, it pays—it really pays—to blame men first and last. We once went to a marriage therapist who went 101% Dr. Phil: “Well TSJ, let’s see what we can do to fix you!”

    On the other hand… I know several guys for whom the best advice is: be selfish, short term and long term. An orgasm lasts 30 seconds at best. Alimony lasts years.

    (Being selfish in bed also works, like, WAY better than I ever thought.)

    A healthy relationship (from a guy’s perspective) is almost like permanently reeling in a fish—it’s sort of a game, a savvy test of interpersonal strength, and the fish rarely play by the rules.

  37. I’m glad your wife loves you. No one equates sex with communication. It is, however, a profound biological need for men. Most men would reasonably expect to regularly have sex with their spouse in marriage. A quick Wikipedia reading on neurochemical reactions during orgasm and stages of pair-bonding will affirm that men definitely like and need sex.

    I’m not going to dignify the misandrist straw man of “men think they are owed sex.”

    The one thing the post postmodern man needs to do is stop defaulting to white-knightism to validate his own personhood. Neecie, you are a good man regardless whether the women in your life think you’re a nice guy. No need to impress them or excuse them.

  38. lol that study just proves men are more likely to have sex when their wife wants it – that they’ll “fake” being interested in sex? Most men will hardly ever turn down sex with their wife – even in the middle of the night! LOL I love that your “study” confirms exactly what I know about men.

  39. “Men tend to fake for similar reasons that women fake,” she said. “To help their partner’s ego, to not hurt their partner’s feelings, to end sex so that they can go to sleep or go home.” My point was that women exaggerate how often they have sex, whereas with men, you have guys who track it religiously (Spreadsheet Guy) and know exactly how many times they have sex in a week or month. Whereas a wife is more likely to say they have more sex than they actually do.

    But your article proved that men care more than women about making sure their partner is either satisfied with sex (getting sex even when they don’t feel like it) or to not “hurt their ego.”

    Do you think the woman in this post was caring at all about her husband’s ego? No. Do you think she had a realistic view on how often they have sex? LOL

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