My husband just turned 30 a few months ago, and he teased me mercilessly about me only having 2 years left to really milk the “I’m having sex with a man in his 30’s while I”m in my 20’s,” silliness. We tease each other constantly – he teases me constantly, and it adds to our marriage so much happiness!
I grew up understanding that men only get sexier and more desirable as they get older, whereas women tend to peak in their early to mid-20’s and then slowly (or not so slowly depending on how well they take care of their bodies) start to decline in sexual value. This is totally distinct from personal value, people are definitely valuable – no matter what they look like, however, SMV (sexual market value) is based solely on how much desire they would obtain from the opposite sex at their current state. It is in a woman’s best interest to capitalize on her peak SMV, to find a man while she is in her 20’s that she can lock down into marriage. I’m reminded of watching My Big Fat Greek Wedding, where the main character’s father has his double standard for his daughter and son when it comes to marrying. To the daughter, he keeps reminding in his adorable Greek accent, “You look so old!!!” But when it comes to his playboy son, he says, “Oh you have plenty of time!” However fair or unfair this may seem, it is simply the way God’s designed our sexes. It is no accident that a woman’s fertility levels are also at the peak during her highest SMV time-frame, while men can produce healthy sperm well into their 40’s.
Since we’ve been married almost 8 years, and have known each other for coming up on 10 years, I’ve watched my husband’s sexual market value rise… and its continuing to rise as he attains more and more career success and monetary assets. 😉 It doesn’t bother me, although a couple of years ago, when I posted a picture of him with our son on FB with the caption, “I love this man – so sexy!” another FB friend whom I hadn’t even seen in years, and who hadn’t even met my husband in real life, commented, “I do, too!!”
The awkwardness of other women finding your husband insanely attractive… lol.
He’s always been about 7 years older than me in maturity, at least, that is how I figured it when comparing him to his fraternity-roommate and his friends, who were at a normal level of maturity for 23 year old guys at the time. My husband was at about the age of 27 or 28, in my mind, because of his choices, personality, attitude about life in general, and readiness to find a serious relationship with someone who wouldn’t sabotage a marriage. I was still at 20… and although I may have been “ready,” that readiness sure had a lot of naivety in it! I’ve learned so much from him through all these years, he is the most incredible man I’ve known, even surpassing my father in my admiration. Alhough we’ve grown so much through these years together, he still, in my mind, is at the same maturity level difference, which puts him at 35, and me at 28. It’s a good “maturity-gap” in my opinion, I’ve always found it easy to be able to look up to him, to respect his opinions, and desire to hear what he thinks about any issue in the world, or in our life. The maturity-gap has created a dynamic where he is the default leader of our family, and I let him lead without doubting his capability to. There is a trust there, because I know his maturity level, that probably wouldn’t have been there had I entered into a marriage where I thought myself the more mature partner. The more rational partner.
I’ve seen marriages like that, it is not pretty. The wife usually decides that she is more capable of being the leader, and intentionally makes decisions that go against biblical principals of submitting to her husband, and letting him lead in his rightful place in the family. A woman who considers herself more mature risks fulfilling the ugly process of emasculating her husband.
So single women, look for traits that mark maturity. They may not be very obvious, but a man that knows who he is, isn’t swayed easily by nonsense whims or peer pressure, has a firm grip on the correct attitude about life, and is confident and at ease with women in general is a good start.