Single Women: Win Men’s Attention

girlsnotice

If you want to catch a guy – a great guy, a handsome guy, a polished, high-value man… first, you need to get his attention.

How does a girl go about this?  What is seen as obviously trying to get too much attention, versus getting enough so that a girl can get noticed by the right man she is trying to attract?  It is a very tricky thing for a girl… she might have a great character, be loving and kind, be generous and virtuous, but all these things won’t go noticed unless she, herself, IS noticed.

Fortunately, this really boils down to two things: how does the girl look, and how does she present herself in mannerism.  It is fortunate because both of these things are very capable of being channeled and developed with knowledge and practice.

Visual Appearance

Is she in shape?  This is (I know) probably the first thing men notice whether they are trying to or not, their visual senses automatically pick up whether the woman possesses a body shape that is proportional.  Yes, I said proportional.  There are many different body types, some even cultural, and while men may have their own specific preferences at times, in general, men seem to simply care if she is proportional.

Another vital aspect of visual appearance is a girl’s health, the obvious signs of physical health.  This can even mean muscle mass (ie. anorexia doesn’t look healthy just the same as obesity).  The vibrancy of a girl’s hair, the way she keeps it – if it is unkempt and greasy or full of split ends, it can signify internal mental health issues.  Hygeine is obvious, but when it is neglected, there is usually a health/mental health reason.

Feminine clothing, or clothes that boys just don’t wear, and Feminine scent, perfume in her hair, scented body wash, a lotion, almost any little touch of feminine scent (as long as it is not over-powering) is attractive to men.  Less is more, and that goes for clothing options (choose simple yet eye-catching, pleasing and feminine options instead of overwhelming styles that are merely outrageous).  You don’t want to look like a Lady Gaga spectacle, a few well chosen pieces that work together are best for an outfit to win men’s attention.  Less is more is a give-in when it comes to scent.  If they can smell you coming, 😉 it is too much!

Mannerism

This is a great, vast, exciting topic because women can work on and develop how they want to present themselves.  Most men best respond to a woman who is vivaciously happy.  Joyful, cheery, and playfully confident, unafraid of teasing him.  The single Christian girl that thinks these behaviors are too forward would do well to remember that flirtation with boys is not a sin!  It bewitches boys, and if used well, can catch you the man of your dreams.

So what are mannerisms when it is boiled down to it?  It encompasses using her facial expressions, basically being confident and joyful enough to use them, and use them without hesitation.  It is charming & endearing to men to show your vulnerability in wearing your emotions on your sleeve, it brings out an innate protectiveness in their soul, so that they can’t help but be drawn to you.  The way a girl uses her eyes (big time), is described well in The Fascinating Girl

One part of the feminine manner that you can always depend upon to win the notice of men is the eyes.  This does not mean an old-fashioned fluttering of the eyes and a blush behind a fan, as was considered charming in colonial days.  Nor does it mean a sexy “coy” glance.  The charming manner of using the eyes is a form of timorousness, as was described int he chapter on feminity.  The method is the following: When you see a man whom you want to notice you, try to get his attention by looking at him.  As soon as he looks at you, when you catch his glance, look directly into his eyes for a moment.  After a few seconds, lower your eyes or look to the side.  A longer look is far too aggressive and can even be vulgar, but a brief look is feminine.

Win his attention, use your feminine charms. 😉

(Image from The Great Gatsby)

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20 thoughts on “Single Women: Win Men’s Attention

  1. When you say, “Less is more, and that goes for clothes as well as scent”… are you saying less clothing (as in, very revealing)? Or just that simplicity in clothing style is better?
    Just thought this might be worth clarifying 😉

  2. Oh Lord have mercy. I need to edit that. I meant that in a way of “less is more, don’t go overboard with outrageous trends and styles to get attention.”

  3. Two qualities that I find extremely rare in women, of sterling appearance, habits and spirit — or not: a) empathy for a man; b) noticing and learning the private, profound interests or qualities in a man. These qualities will generally earn mind-lock over a male, who may in fact be so unaccustomed to them that they are initially threatening.

  4. That is very true BV… so true.

    “a) empathy for a man; b) noticing and learning the private, profound interests or qualities in a man.”

    The empathy or “Sympathetic Understanding” was something I was going to post on next for Single women… how cool that you brought it up first! The b) point is also crucial though! Thank you

  5. Related, virtuous women will have to get more aggressive approaching men in this topsy-turvy sex-confused age. If women remain passive, their appearance will have to do the “approaching.” Appearances will have to become more lurid and over-the-top for purposes of competition, akin to “peacocking,” an arm’s race of ostentatious sexual advertisement. About half of a girl’s attractiveness is expressed more intimately than “from across a crowded room,” and for that she must open her mouth — inane manosphere ideas of female beauty being 90% physical notwithstanding.

    To meet today’s boys half-way is a reasonable compromise, rather than expecting them to have the gumption of their forbears. It’s so much easier for them to interact with Playboy and Playstation. Sitting back and waiting for emasculated men to find their fortitude will result in untold tragedy, and maybe the loss of the culture.

    Women will have to use their unparalleled influence over men to help build manliness back up. Extreme Wussy Makeover. The rah-rah PUAsphere is a good entree, but only a woman’s judgment can inspire a man to complete the renaissance.

    Matt

  6. The value picks are always left out.

    Poise. Je ne sais quois. A girl comfortable in her own skin. Can hold eye contact. No fidgeting. In possession of herself.

    Posture. Presence increases immeasurably when standing/sitting straight. Heels help, a big reason for their popularity. The best are the ballerinas who trained young and physically cannot slouch anymore.

    Teeth. Rotmouth is deal breaker. Straight white teeth is like crown-molding in a house: once you see it, chances are no upgrades are needed.

    Holiness/solemnity. Related to poise. A respect for the eternal things centers a girl and helps her project fearlessness and the capacity for respect. Relative weakness or vulnerability in relation to men is attractive in women, but true feminine fortitude is important to show too. Wilting flowers are depressing. Courage is the virtue that enables all other virtues.

    Moral hygiene. Penitent women glow. Halos are real. Purity has been attainable, no matter what you’ve done, since Christ rolled back the stone. The very oldest nuns have an ethereal peace that shines through their skin. That repose in a young woman? Men will scale mountains for them.

    Basically all the things even the homeliest girl can acquire at finishing school and catechism (and the orthodontist chair). There’s a reason why they used to be taught. There’s a reason they aren’t anymore.

    Just like the PUA seminars tell their charges, magnetism can be built through habit. Physical beauty can putrefy before one’s eyes the moment a girl opens her mouth, like bad breath. No perfume can conceal the stink of a rotten soul.

    Matt

  7. I think your list could easily be it’s own post for single girls everywhere! Thank you for taking the time to comment, truly. Strong & concise. 🙂

  8. “If women remain passive, their appearance will have to do the “approaching.” Appearances will have to become more lurid and over-the-top for purposes of competition, akin to “peacocking,” an arm’s race of ostentatious sexual advertisement…”

    This is such a good warning, a lot of Christian girls seem to think that girl game is too forward – when of course, it’s not, at least, not in an off-putting way.

    “To meet today’s boys half-way is a reasonable compromise, rather than expecting them to have the gumption of their forbears. It’s so much easier for them to interact with Playboy and Playstation. Sitting back and waiting for emasculated men to find their fortitude will result in untold tragedy, and maybe the loss of the culture.”

    So good!

    “Women will have to use their unparalleled influence over men to help build manliness back up.”

    I would love to hear what you think is a woman’s “unparalleled influence over men.” I agree that women can help build manliness back up, and yet I don’t think that men go to women to *get* their strength/masculinity, they go to women to *offer* it. How would you describe it?

  9. Tradcon girl game, of course, is not “forward.” It just takes a modest effort. What’s happening is that tradcon women seize, simultaneously, the new feminist entitlements while claiming a tradcon modesty, that equally absolves them of effort. (This is the ethic that penetrates a lot of churches that promote the idea that men just need to Man UP! and provide better services to their women.)

    Example: feminists think cooking for a man is demeaning. Often tradcon women happily assert their disinterest in cooking. In the old days a woman would make a picnic lunch or pie for the object of her affections. I haven’t seen that in quite a while. And I do most of the cooking.

  10. I would love to hear what you think is a woman’s “unparalleled influence over men.” I agree that women can help build manliness back up, and yet I don’t think that men go to women to *get* their strength/masculinity, they go to women to *offer* it. How would you describe it?

    Men don’t derive their strength from women but are inspired to be strong by women. They have unparalleled influence over men by virtue of their complementarity. If women act like men, not only are they poor imitations, but they give up the best reason for men to listen to them.

    Men crave femininity every minute of every day. That’s how we are built. Feminists have given away the leverage of their entire sex in their attempt to force all women to be something they can never be. For the very nastiest female types, it may be worth the attempt, since they can’t succeed in the normal way. The problem is that the ugliest bottom tenth has dragged the entire sisterhood into their peculiar misery. Feminism is unfeminine women revenging themselves against femininity.

    As far as “tradcon” goes, it helps to clarify a misconception. Traditionalism or conservatism does not seek to restore past glories. It merely wants to consult the past to learn from our forbears’ trials and errors. But for this, you have to respect the past as capable of offering wisdom — “the democracy of the dead” in Chesterton’s phrase:

    “Tradition means giving a vote to the most obscure of all classes, our ancestors.”

    Respecting the past is something we have ceased to do. It is a radical, senseless position in a culture that believes in the absolute standard of progress, that we are superior to those who came before us simply by definition of our having come later in time. It’s a fatally stupid Baby Boomer concept, defeated by a moment’s thinking, and the culmination of mechanistic Enlightenment historicism.

    So we don’t want to return to the past. To even imagine such a thing possible is a delusional waste of effort. There is a pathetic air to fedoras and “m’lady” revivalists for a reason. Chivalry is dead. But these bygone ways have something to teach us about our present predicament. We are not the first people to face cultural upheaval and the malign destruction of the institutions that served our parents so well. One might even say it was ever thus.

    There are thousands of years of trial and error that we in our childish arrogance refuse to consult out of the erroneous modern myth that human and sexual nature have magically changed because we really, really, fervently wished it so. Or because natural limits are unfair. Or because life dealt us a bad personal hand and we want to take out our frustration on the blessed ones.

    It’s not the prettiest, most natural, or the most traditional thing for girls to be more forward with their intentions. But we are faced with emergency cardiac surgery on the hearts of young men, and it might get messy before the patient can fully recover. The resuscitation of femininity and manliness, after a century of deliberate degradation, is no quick and easy operation.

    Matt

  11. “Related, virtuous women will have to get more aggressive approaching men in this topsy-turvy sex-confused age. ”

    One reason for that is unvirtuous women can be very cute, kind, feminine, outgoing, sociable and genuinely friendly and affectionate. Sometimes virtuous women are more rationale, justice oriented and intellectually engaged and the women that show up and “meet boys half way” are the above women who despite having all those other good, attractive qualities, also have baggage, that is kids, from previous “partners” and now they are looking for a nice guy beta provider to play the good role model and father figure to those kids.

    And guess what? Those men ARE DOING IT!!!!

    Dragon seems to be under the impression that “good men” are very picky and discerning and therefore women better mind their p’s and q’s if they want to get a “good man”. But that’s NOT what I’m seeing. I see LOTS of good men cleaning up the mess their cute, feminine, well-mannered girlfriends and wives made with previous bad boys.

    Can someone address this?

    Is cuteness, femininity and well-manneredness more important to thse men than being baggage-free?

  12. Dragon, I know lots of women who are empathetic to men going without boyfriends and husbands while the non-empathetic but cute and feminine baby mama looking to use up the resources of a beta provider gets good guys to play father figure to the kids they made with previous bad boys.

    I’m sorry but out here in the streets it appears rational, justice-oriented, empathetic women do not get the good guys. Good guys are willing to wife up baby mamas and be a walking ATM for her and her kids, as long as she’s cute and feminine and all those things.

  13. “I don’t think that men go to women to *get* their strength/masculinity, they go to women to *offer* it.”

    OK well that explains why good beta provider dad types are wifing up baby mamas with kids by previous bad boy cad types then. These women are obviously in a position to receive “help” that is strength/masculinity/money from these Captain Save-Ho’s!

    Meanwhile rational, justice-oriented women without baggage and who are willing to bring just as much to the table as their partner does – go without.

    I know a lot of good women who are sick of seeing baby mamas snatch up the good men.

    I guess men would rather play Captain Save-a-Ho than be in a fair, equal relationship with a good woman without baggage.

  14. I love love love love your blog! I was brought up by a strong feminist Mom who never taught me these skills. I am by nature a more feminine person who doesn’t feel comfortable or at my best becoming what my Mom wanted me to be – basically a version of Sheryl Sandberg. Its hard because I live own Silicon Valley where feminism is so central. I met a wonderful man 3 years ago and we were friends first and then started dating, but because of work drama and stress in his life the relationship became very difficult. I definitely exhibited signs of being high maintenance etc, but was also very supportive of him through these tough times although he was not my husband yet. He recently moved to New York and broke up with me, because he needed to focus on his career (he is extremely ambitious and works very hard, which I like) but the break up has been the most painful experience thus far. The hard thing is that in Silicon Valley many men and women don’t want to commit or marry. He might move back to California in 6 months to a year, and it is hard to know if I should wait for him or start dating other men. I really want to find a high quality man and learn good relationship skills so that I don’t completely waste my youth. I love this blog because I want to be the woman who supports her man and admires him, but its hard to know when to make that commitment of yourself to a man and to invest in him solidly when most people don’t practice marriage or commitment anymore. Anyway thanks for writing and letting me rant! Would love to email you about this further!

  15. Hi Francesca, I’ll reply to your comment a little later with my full thoughts as I’m super busy during the day (and naptime is almost over lol), but thank you for reading and I’m so glad you have been encouraged by my writing. 🙂

  16. And I see that you want to email, I’ll shoot you an email later as well, ok? There are so many resources out there, old books that have been forgotten, etc. So we’ll have lots to talk about I think. 🙂

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