I’ve written before how important sex is to men. How men need sex… how they crave quality sex versus quantity (though they don’t mind quantity). Its just who they are, and how they were designed to be, and is why since the beginning of time it seems, we have always had the oldest sins around – adultery and prostitution. These have always stayed with us, for very basic reasons that a wife would do well to understand.
This is not to say that women don’t also cheat on their husbands, apparently they seem to cheat just as much as men do – however, this post is for women to understand why their husbands may look at porn, have a fling, or a full fledged affair with another woman. Most often, when men search for sexual fulfillment other than their wife, they are doing so because they are craving something very particular.
Virtually all men crave a woman who admires him. A woman who will listen to him when he’s talking about something he finds interesting, or when he’s giving his opinion. They want a woman who will be interested and fascinated with what he says – yes, I said fascinated. It turns them on to be in the presence of a hot woman (his wife) who is also giving him her entire attention and the right kind of feedback that says, “You are such an interesting man! Omg I want you! Now!!!”
When was the last time you reacted to your husband like that? I know… us wives are ridiculously tired, over-achieving, too much to do, have kids hanging off our legs at any moment when we’re at home (or out… at the store trying to deal with a meltdown). I understand, I’m a wife and mother of two now. But guess what? Your husband craves this kind of thing, and if this need is met by you, he will move mountains to ensure your happiness.
In our marriage, I’ve made sure to keep this aspect of our romance alive – its just how we’ve always been and I’m not “pretending” to be interested at all, its just second nature to me with him. Its affects on my husband have made friends jealous of how he treats me, because I play more the role of a lover, he plays more the role of a man who showers his lover with gifts and attention & romance. He brings me my favorite strawberry filled donut for no reason other than he thought of me at the store when he saw it. He, on the regular, buys me chocolate just because. He flirts and teases me like he did when I was 19… and I’m almost 29! We have the kind of relationship that others envy because I’ve chosen to be a different kind of wife. (do you hear that? I chose… any wife can make that choice) My role of being his seductive, passionate lover, in essence, strategically segued him into playing his role of being my favorite (and only) “client.”
How many men crave respect? All of them. They want to be known as the leader of their house, they want their wives to defer to them for decisions – but they want their wives to genuinely do it out of the feeling of respect, not just half-heartedly ask their husbands what they think, but to let them know that they are expressly interested in their husband’s response because of who he is.
They want a woman who looks up to them – who doesn’t try to outshine them or put them down – but who greatly esteems them and their opinions on matters (this ties in directly with Admiration). They don’t want a wife who will constantly argue and bicker with them over decisions and details, or one who challenges them and their headship constantly.
A woman who respects a man, treats him like a man… not like a child that has to be reminded or told what to do, but as a man who is capable. She believes in him and that he will do the right thing, and he feels it and can’t help himself to fulfill it for her (because he so wants to be perceived that way).
Husbands want a wife who genuinely desires him. A woman who does, treats foreplay differently. She kisses his neck, runs her nails across his chest or down his bare back, she doesn’t just lie there and expect him to give her all the foreplay pleasure… she takes initiative to give it to him as well which draws out his response.
She takes the sexual experience to a whole new level with how passionately involved she is in (and out) of bed. Desire is so intense (when you really feel it) that it can almost be tasted in the air. Men crave a woman who shows them this.
Men want a woman who feels addicted to them, or who gives them the impression that they are.
A woman who has fun during sex, abandons her inhibitions and isn’t afraid to vocalize anything she’s feeling, thinking, or desiring, is why prostitution (and porn even) are such big addictions for men. Not only do the women usually look hot, the attitude they have seduces a man. They crave the attitude a woman has when she is addicted to a man – the attitude their wife may have had when their relationship was just starting out and redhot.
“Deeper!” “OMG you’re so big!” or screaming out during sex lets him know she’s addicted to him. Husbands crave this from their wives. They want to feel desired and like the woman is utterly and completely addicted to him, and only him.
If a woman has accomplished all these so far, you can be sure he is starting to get addicted to her as well. Men get addicted to this kind of sex and woman, it is why viewing porn acts like a drug in the brain. Virtually all men even if they have a porn addiction, would rather be addicted to a real, flesh and blood woman. All the more reasons for wives to take note!
Recipe for Disaster
So… like I’ve stated before, these are all basic emotions and feelings that lead to men turning to porn, having minor flings, or full-fledged affairs with other women. Men are seduced not just because of woman’s body, but because of her mind and the way she uses the Art of Seduction. If a man is lacking these basic needs in their marriage relationship, I would go as far as to say they are “starving” in these areas. If a man feels starved, it won’t take much to tempt him to take a bite… I’ve seen homeless men pull half-eaten food out of trash cans! They are that hungry that they’ll eat something rotting, old, germy, and disgusting… all because they are starving. If he’s full and having all these desires met, there is no need and no desire (at all) to take a bite of something less than ideal.
You, dear wife, are ideal. He wants you.