Art of Seduction


I’ve written before how important sex is to men.  How men need sex… how they crave quality sex versus quantity (though they don’t mind quantity).  Its just who they are, and how they were designed to be, and is why since the beginning of time it seems, we have always had the oldest sins around – adultery and prostitution.  These have always stayed with us, for very basic reasons that a wife would do well to understand.

This is not to say that women don’t also cheat on their husbands, apparently they seem to cheat just as much as men do – however, this post is for women to understand why their husbands may look at porn, have a fling, or a full fledged affair with another woman.  Most often, when men search for sexual fulfillment other than their wife, they are doing so because they are craving something very particular.


Virtually all men crave a woman who admires him.  A woman who will listen to him when he’s talking about something he finds interesting, or when he’s giving his opinion.  They want a woman who will be interested and fascinated with what he says – yes, I said fascinated.  It turns them on to be in the presence of a hot woman (his wife) who is also giving him her entire attention and the right kind of feedback that says, “You are such an interesting man!  Omg I want you!  Now!!!”

When was the last time you reacted to your husband like that?  I know… us wives are ridiculously tired, over-achieving, too much to do, have kids hanging off our legs at any moment when we’re at home (or out… at the store trying to deal with a meltdown).  I understand, I’m a wife and mother of two now.  But guess what?  Your husband craves this kind of thing, and if this need is met by you, he will move mountains to ensure your happiness.

In our marriage, I’ve made sure to keep this aspect of our romance alive – its just how we’ve always been and I’m not “pretending” to be interested at all, its just second nature to me with him.  Its affects on my husband have made friends jealous of how he treats me, because I play more the role of a lover, he plays more the role of a man who showers his lover with gifts and attention & romance.  He brings me my favorite strawberry filled donut for no reason other than he thought of me at the store when he saw it.  He, on the regular, buys me chocolate just because.  He flirts and teases me like he did when I was 19… and I’m almost 29!  We have the kind of relationship that others envy because I’ve chosen to be a different kind of wife.  (do you hear that? I chose… any wife can make that choice) My role of being his seductive, passionate lover, in essence, strategically segued him into playing his role of being my favorite (and only) “client.”


How many men crave respect?  All of them.  They want to be known as the leader of their house, they want their wives to defer to them for decisions – but they want their wives to genuinely do it out of the feeling of respect, not just half-heartedly ask their husbands what they think, but to let them know that they are expressly interested in their husband’s response because of who he is.

They want a woman who looks up to them – who doesn’t try to outshine them or put them down – but who greatly esteems them and their opinions on matters (this ties in directly with Admiration).  They don’t want a wife who will constantly argue and bicker with them over decisions and details, or one who challenges them and their headship constantly.

A woman who respects a man, treats him like a man… not like a child that has to be reminded or told what to do, but as a man who is capable.  She believes in him and that he will do the right thing, and he feels it and can’t help himself to fulfill it for her (because he so wants to be perceived that way).


Husbands want a wife who genuinely desires him.  A woman who does, treats foreplay differently.  She kisses his neck, runs her nails across his chest or down his bare back, she doesn’t just lie there and expect him to give her all the foreplay pleasure… she takes initiative to give it to him as well which draws out his response.

She takes the sexual experience to a whole new level with how passionately involved she is in (and out) of bed.  Desire is so intense (when you really feel it) that it can almost be tasted in the air.  Men crave a woman who shows them this.


Men want a woman who feels addicted to them, or who gives them the impression that they are.

A woman who has fun during sex, abandons her inhibitions and isn’t afraid to vocalize anything she’s feeling, thinking, or desiring, is why prostitution (and porn even) are such big addictions for men.  Not only do the women usually look hot, the attitude they have seduces a man.  They crave the attitude a woman has when she is addicted to a man – the attitude their wife may have had when their relationship was just starting out and redhot.

Deeper!”  “OMG you’re so big!” or screaming out during sex lets him know she’s addicted to him.  Husbands crave this from their wives.  They want to feel desired and like the woman is utterly and completely addicted to him, and only him.

If a woman has accomplished all these so far, you can be sure he is starting to get addicted to her as well.  Men get addicted to this kind of sex and woman, it is why viewing porn acts like a drug in the brain.  Virtually all men even if they have a porn addiction, would rather be addicted to a real, flesh and blood woman.  All the more reasons for wives to take note!

Recipe for Disaster

So… like I’ve stated before, these are all basic emotions and feelings that lead to men turning to porn, having minor flings, or full-fledged affairs with other women.  Men are seduced not just because of woman’s body, but because of her mind and the way she uses the Art of Seduction.  If a man is lacking these basic needs in their marriage relationship, I would go as far as to say they are “starving” in these areas.  If a man feels starved, it won’t take much to tempt him to take a bite… I’ve seen homeless men pull half-eaten food out of trash cans!  They are that hungry that they’ll eat something rotting, old, germy, and disgusting… all because they are starving.  If he’s full and having all these desires met, there is no need and no desire (at all) to take a bite of something less than ideal.

You, dear wife, are ideal.  He wants you.


  1. Our putative Ivy re-enters the thread with the brilliant “not all men are like that” straw man. Clearly, the global lingerie industry (and the concept of female adornment generally) is an accident of history, signifying nothing.

  2. It’s unfortunate MYG still feels “safe” here, and hasn’t fled to a “safe space” where her Powerpoint intellect can drop life and wife lessons to her elders.

  3. I’m quite sure I know quite a bit more about the sexual behavior of adult heterosexual women, MYG, than you have acquired “counseling” a few other tender immature chicks while rehearsing cliched talking points better acquired on Jezebel. Or, Oprah. Rave on.

  4. Strings, “There are interesting studies on the female orgasm. Did you know that women self report stronger orgasms and better sex based on how wealthy they believe the man is? Not how wealthy he actually is but how wealthy they believe he is.”

    What was the sample size? What were the controls? How many ages, ethnicities and cultures were represented and what were they?

  5. “And yes all men like lingerie.”

    Lingerie is not a staple of most cultures. In the cultures where it is, not all men like it

  6. “I’m sorry you had such a bad experience with your wife. ”

    Thanks but we parted amiably and maintain good ties for the sake of our kids. We are both better people without each other.

  7. “I have found that it’s much cheaper, and a much more direct form of invitation and willingness, to wear nothing at all to bed. No seduction required.”

    Many men would agree with you.

  8. Because in nomadic herding tribes in the uplands of Mongolia, women don’t wear lingerie. See? Not all men are like that.

  9. LOL… Seduction can even just be a glance. A smile. Maybe Laura is right… maybe I shouldn’t mind being what she said, “the great seductress.” LOL My husband sure doesn’t mind.

  10. People seem to be against breastfeeding in public in this country as well. So confused when it comes to the human body and its natural purposes and functions. Poor babies.

  11. “Pretty sure if you were a space alien, you’d be the one employing the rectal probe.”

    I’m a colon hydro therapist.

  12. “Growth happens when you move beyond that phase of criticism of other people. When you choose to focus on your own life, the people in it, and how you are bettering those aspects instead of caring so much what others do online.”

    The best thing Dragon Fly ever said on this site!

    Happy Spring Break! Happy April! May all beings know peace!

  13. “Because in nomadic herding tribes in the uplands of Mongolia, women don’t wear lingerie. See? Not all men are like that.”

    Because across most of this planet women don’t wear lingerie.

  14. That was in response to Insanitybites ridiculously bold claim, “Our culture tends to teach the exact opposite, so we are all about what women want”.

  15. Ummers, scroll up and read. That was in response to Insanitybites ridiculously bold claim, “Our culture tends to teach the exact opposite, so we are all about what women want”.

  16. Related topic. From this page I clicked on your “Why Mistresses Get Your Men” blog that was recommended above as “related”. There is said, “Mistresses Ask For and Give Oral Sex – “For many Christians oral sex is strictly taboo. There are as many biblically – based opinions on the matter as there are Christians. ”

    I am curious about this. Christians I’ve talked to about this have explained that masturbation falls under “onanism” what they said means allowing one’s seed to go to waste, which they claimed was a sin. They also claimed oral sex falls under onanism. Is this true?

  17. Your curiosity seems very genuine.
    Christians call it “oral lovemaking”. Then, we sacrifice a better-than-average sized cat to make sure there’s a good corn harvest.

  18. I’m a bit of a culturephile and obviously understanding various cultures and why they think the way they do and act they way they do is increasingly important as the world gets smaller due to technology and “the global village” or whatever. I had never heard the term “onanism” before and wanted to find out more about it. Since Dragon is a Christian I thought she might be able to explain. She promotes oral sex here so maybe that doesn’t fall under “onanism”?


  19. Just googled it.

    Appearantly in the Bible what Onan did was seen as a good thing but, and I qoute, “The moral of this verse was redirected by those who sought to suppress masturbation.”

    Obviously oral sex would fall under that redirection as well. Who redirected it and why? What is current Christian policy on the matter?

  20. @ MadYale:

    “From my experience in counseling many women, this is not the case. I’ve said it before but its really true that if a woman is healthy and has at least a moderate libido (what to speak of a high one), and especially if she is under 50 years of age, if she is not initiating sex with her husband, there is something wrong there and many times its that she is not getting sufficiently sexually satisfied by her husband. I don’t know how many women I’ve counseled that complained of their husbands not being skilled in the erotic arts. Some of them had experiences parrallel to StringsofCoins above – they were shocked at what a difference a skilled and consciencious lover makes.”

    Bullshit. I’ve spent enough time around these parts to know what the single biggest reason a woman doesn’t initiate sex with her husband is.

    If a wife isn’t initiating sex with her husband, it’s because she’s not sexually attracted to him. It’s because he just doesn’t trip her trigger. He just doesn’t do it for her — either he never did, or things have happened to cause her to lose attraction for him.

    I’m convinced the prime reason for marital problems in the US is simply that women are marrying men they aren’t attracted to; or are less attracted to than the men they slept with before they got married. Most women cannot extract commitment from the men they REALLY want; so they look further and further and further down the sexual food chain until they find someone who will commit. Lots of things play into this for women: Number of premarital partners, age, intelligence, educational level, family background, influence of friends (her “herd”), etc.

    Bottom line: Most women are alpha widows. Most women can’t do what Dragonfly is talking about because they’re not sexually attracted to the men they’re married to.

  21. What Onan did wasn’t “seen as a good thing” (at least…not to my knowledge).
    He dishonored his deceased brother by refusing to provide him with an heir.
    The “sin” was in shirking his obligations.

  22. Regarding “the sin of Onan”: Catholic doctrine is that a man may not ejaculate anywhere except into the vagina of his wife. Also: Married Catholics are not to use any form of birth control. Reasons: Sex is intended by God to be creative (i.e., for pregnancy, creating life, open to the creation of life) and unitive (a physical experience that brings together husband and wife). Anything that doesn’t serve both of these purposes is considered a barrier between husband and wife. Anything that can potentially prevent pregnancy is considered in Catholic doctrine to be something that keeps them apart instead of uniting them as they should be in marriage, and thus has no place in a Catholic marriage.

    The technical misreading of the passage about Onan as a prohibition against masturbation is erroneous. Onan’s sin wasn’t masturbation (because he wasn’t), but in violating God’s command to marry and impregnate his wife. Instead he pulled out before ejaculating into her and “spilled his seed”, and God struck him dead. God didn’t kill Onan because he masturbated (he wasn’t), or had sex, or “spilled his seed”. God killed Onan because he was disobedient. Onan didn’t do what God told him to do. But, Catholic doctrine is that masturbation is a sin, because it doesn’t serve the dual purposes of sex as creative and unitive. Masturbation has no potential to create life, and it doesn’t bring sexual or marital unity, but instead isolates the individual from the spouse.

    Protestant doctrine is all over the place on masturbation. Some sects prohibit masturbation, some frown on it and some don’t care. Fornication (an unmarried person having sex with someone other than his/her spouse) is prohibited across the board. Adultery (a married person having sex with someone not his/her spouse) is also prohibited across the board.

  23. Let me be clear. This is not a Catholic religious site, so I don’t go into the differences (in seriousness) between what is acceptable for Catholics vs. Protestants, especially when it comes to sex. My husband & I are not Catholic, he turned away from the faith, my mother was the one in my family who turned away from the faith before she was married. She married a Baptist, my father 🙂 so I was raised Baptist/Messianic Jew.

    I have a lot to say on what I agree or disagree with concerning modern-day Catholicism, but that is reserved for my family and real life friends who I know personally, my blog is definitely not the platform to cause such a nasty divide like that among believers. Please don’t make the oral sex/masturbation argument about religious differences… I think it only serves to divide people more than anything.

  24. Also, we love Catholics, both our families are 1/2 Catholic. They are definitely welcome to comment here, but NOT for religious debates. This is not that site.

  25. Dragon:

    No problem. I was trying to be helpful in explaining all that stuff. I’m not Catholic myself, but I understand much of the catechism, theology and tradition; and the reasoning behind it.

    I’ll carry on, without further denominational rifting.

  26. One of the problems of faith, particularly the sola scriptura variety for someone like me, are the New Testament proscriptions on sex outside of hetero P-in-woman married sex. Why? Either God wishes for 98% of society to swim the lake of fire, or he doesn’t. Perhaps he does, and nearly all of us are condemned, therefore.

    But that thought gives new, and wrathful, meaning to the term Jealous God. The married are awfully fortunate; I struggle with the notion that, given society today, any faithful man or woman is consigned to celibacy or eternal death.

    On better days I don’t worry about it, as I do not believe in a legalistic interpretation of all things Biblical.

    It may be true, however, that as C.S. Lewis wrote in The Great Divorce, we are already, and unwittingly, in hell. That would explain our current socio-sexual reality quite well.

  27. For even Jesus visited Hell; is this where we reside?

    1 Peter 3:19, “By which also he went and preached unto the spirits in prison.”

  28. Thank you Deti for the sincere reply. And because Dragon stated her site is not the place for religious debates, I will frame this as a sort of anthropological inquiry, or multi-cultural study, which I did from the start anyway. I like to understand why humans think and behave in the diversity of manners in which we do, and how our culture influences us. Religion obviously is a big part of cultural conditioning.

    “Regarding “the sin of Onan”: Catholic doctrine is that a man may not ejaculate anywhere except into the vagina of his wife.”

    So that would obviously include masturbation and oral sex – for that particular sub-culture of Christians. Understood!

    “Protestant doctrine is all over the place on masturbation. Some sects prohibit masturbation, some frown on it and some don’t care. Fornication (an unmarried person having sex with someone other than his/her spouse) is prohibited across the board. Adultery (a married person having sex with someone not his/her spouse) is also prohibited across the board.”

    Regarding fornication, what is the particular Biblical passage forbidding it? I was under the impression that during Biblical times, having sex meant one was married. Meaning, if you had sex with someone, you were automatically considered married by virtue of that act, and you had to stay with him or her.

  29. “Bullshit. I’ve spent enough time around these parts to know what the single biggest reason a woman doesn’t initiate sex with her husband is.

    If a wife isn’t initiating sex with her husband, it’s because she’s not sexually attracted to him. It’s because he just doesn’t trip her trigger. He just doesn’t do it for her — either he never did, or things have happened to cause her to lose attraction for him. ”

    I agree. And part of sexual attraction is bedroom skills.

  30. Wow. You are one of the smartest women I have ever read anything by. You should publish this everywhere. Why the hell isn’t this in red book or cosmo? This is actually true instead of the crap they always have in there about making your husband happy. I’ve been married 15 years and this is the most clearly stated and accurate thing about how to make a husband happy I’ve read.

  31. Hey TSJ,

    Please let me add another perspcetive. You would be surprized how many university students are doing sex work (especially women doing professional dominatrix work.)

    These students are really good people, they are not exploited, they like their moonlighting profession, and they seem to do really well in their studies, given how goal-focused they are.They also get out of school debt-free. A very good thing IMO.

  32. My generation (I’m 62) were told constantly that many if the previous generations, men were abusive (all about the men), but I didn’t see it, though it may have been true. The pendulum never equalizes, but goes to extremes every time. That’s because each generation knows of it’s own immediate history, but not the prior. – WWII, Vietnam…. ?

  33. I think you made some good points, but I disagree with your theory that the way a woman behaves or craves her husband will have any effect on a man’s addictions, including sexual. Pretty much all men use porn. Because they like it and they can hide it if their wives don’t. That includes the writer’s husband also.
    In terms of addictions, it would be offensive in the extreme to suggest that her husband would not be an alcoholic if he had a better wife. Yet this is what the article postulates. Her husband’s sexual addiction, which probably predates his puberty, wouldn’t exist if she was a better wife. I’m calling BS on that one. Addictions have to do with dysfunctional coping mechanisms, not a lukewarm sex life. You need to do a little more research before you start burdening women who already have to deal with the pain of infidelity with the responsibility of it also. That is not only inaccurate. It is also cruel.

  34. You know I’ve actually done a ton of my own research on this, and it really is accurate. I’m sorry it does sound cruel… and no, it doesn’t apply to other addictions like gambling or alcoholism. Using porn is different.

    Some men DO use porn though because they just don’t see anything wrong with it. And some use it because they have a Madonna Whore issue (something I’ve written about in a different post), and they have a sexual hangup where they can’t see their wife as sexual. All that is tragic, and no, the wife isn’t to blame for those things. To blame her WOULD be cruel.

    This isn’t so much “blaming” the wife, but just trying to help women understand WHY most normal men would use porn even when they’re supposed to be getting full from their wives.

    And no, my husband doesn’t use porn at all. He may comment back to you on your accusation that he’s hiding his porn addiction from me lol. He even works sometimes with prostitutes, and I trust him whole-heartedly and have no fears he’ll cheat on me or use porn behind my back.

    He even tells me all the time that he’s so thankful for all the ways I meet his sexual needs – and that he’d NEVER cheat or even think about cheating because he’s so happy with me being his wife.

  35. This is actually something that I’ve struggled with a lot. My husband looks at porn fairly reguarly, and it really upsets me. I’ve asked him to stop, I’ve asked him if he is doing it because I’m not meeting his needs (we have sex every single day, and I reularly give him blow jobs and act out a fetish that he has), but he says its just something that he likes to do sometimes. When he’s mad at me, he has said t is because I’m not doing enough for him. When he isn’t mad at me, he says it is no big deal, it doesn’t mean anything about what I’m doing or not doing.

    This is a touchy subject for a lot of people, understandably. Part of me wonders if there is a certain amount of this that we, as women, just can’t relate to and can’t quite grasp. But it is so hard with so many mixed messages, and with no real incentive for men to let us in on why they do it if they do.

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