Single Women – Men Secretly Wish It Was Harder to Get In Your Pants

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Last month, I was going through my jeans to see which ones were going to make the “fit” for my post preggers body.  I thought this photo was fitting (no pun intended.  And the sweet baby boy is just hard to resist!  But really, this is another “harsh ugly truths” post for any single women out there actively in the dating market.

Men don’t want you to be an easy woman.  In other words, men are very disappointed when you’re too fast to become sexual.

Not all men feel this way, obviously, men are fine with using women (if the woman lets them) for sex or booty calls – without even being in a legit relationship.  As I’ve written before, men view sex differently than most women, however, it’s a universal truth that when they are looking for a LTR (Long-term relationship) they explicitly do not want an easy girl.  They want a girl that guards her sexuality, and men will undoubtedly judge you on how quick you are to allow them to have sex with you.

8 years ago, when I was working in the children’s section at a clothing department store, I had a real life example gifted to me concerning this topic.  I heard from a female friend (who was a girl that fell into the category of “just one of the guys“) tell me about some guy who worked with us, and his experience dating a mutual friend of ours that past weekend.  He had dated a cute, very posh young 20’s girl with a perfect pixie face, blonde hair, and a slender, petite (5’2” frame) body, who worked in the women’s department across the length of the huge store.  We both knew her, and we both were rooting for her to have a relationship with this guy.  My friend described how one of the guys was explaining, almost incredulously, how this girl put out (and had sex with him) the night of that first date.  I was shocked at how she displayed his obvious tone of almost ridicule & disappointment.  As though she failed at something and inadvertently made a fool of herself.  It’s not that he truly hated that she was so easy – hey, he got free, very easy sex out of it for sure – but he definitely did not admire her anymore.  There was a part of him he may not have even really been in touch with, that absolutely did not like (and most definitely did not respect) how easy she was for him to have sex with.  Whatever pedestal he had put her on in his mind, more than likely due to her beautiful looks and optimistic attitude, she had fallen off of – a kind of falling from grace.  He was disgusted with her, even though he had used her for easy sex, she was immediately disqualified from his search for a real girlfriend.

Single women, the takeaway lesson you need to learn is that: Men will deliberately test you on this.  They will try to get sex from you, possibly even on the first date.  This is NOT them wanting you to actually give in to them, it is part of their (sometimes without their knowledge even) screening process to find out if you’re a “slut.”  *Sidenote: I hate that word, so much… however, that is the very word a man will call you to himself after he finds out that you were way too easy.*

If you fail a man’s test to see how easy you are, you immediately lose respect in their eyes, and most often are out of the game when it comes to being their long term relationship.  They may categorize you into a line of women they are comfortable using for easy & reliable sex or late night “booty calls,” but they will not respect you enough to make you girlfriend material (and it is usually even more stringent when it comes to wife material).

In a “sexual market place,” you immediately lose points or “value” in their eyes, as it is a direct relationship to how much you value your precious sexuality (and ultimately, your virginity – which is a lot more valuable to men than you would think, even in this culture that makes you think it’s weird or odd).  The holy grail of a man’s conquering of a woman is to claim her for himself (all to himself), and for her to have been a virgin.  Men don’t mind women who have had what they call a “low N” (low number of sexual partners), but they hold up this view of a virginal (young) woman as a mythical creature, even calling it a “unicorn,” because it’s so desirable, but so rare in this day and age.

There are other unknown psychological reasons men will test single women in this way, one being to see if they would be a good marriage partner or mother to their future children.  One may think men don’t think about these things, but when they are truly searching for a longterm relationship, they have these questions in the back of their mind.  Studies have shown that the more sexually promiscuous a woman is before marriage, the more likely she is to cheat on her future spouse.  Of course it doesn’t always happen that way, and there are exceptions. Exceptions don’t negate or disprove the general rule and statistics though.  This then creates a huge risk factor in the man marrying a woman who had a “high N” (high number of sexual partners)… there is just too much risk in trusting his future wife and mother of his children to hand her a ticking time bomb to blow up her little family with an affair or continued sexual promiscuity.  If she was that easy for him to get into her pants, what will prevent her from being easy when she’s tempted later in life?

No single man on the prowl is going to tell you all this, in fact, he may not even realize he values these things until he is ready for a serious relationship or marriage, but I urge you single girls to pay attention to this played out around you.  Watch your girlfriends’ relationships and dates and watch couples you’ve known that got married.  There may be some exceptions, but try to find patterns of how fast men will move on after having had access to a girl that was too easy.

I’ll get married when unicorns and faeries start popping up. Until then, there is no point.”

-Omega Male 2012 

“If I’m looking for an LTR, and the girl puts out easily, I’ll accept her putting out, but I’ll disqualify her for an LTR. Now women have told me, “just tell her not to put out then!” But that defeats the whole purpose, if you have to tell her not to be a slut in order to get you, than her not being a slut isn’t genuine and the girl I want to commit to is a genuine non-slut, not someone just acting out the behavour of one.” Chris 2013

(Quotes found on http://www.therationalmale.com a website written by Rollo Tomassi)

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13 thoughts on “Single Women – Men Secretly Wish It Was Harder to Get In Your Pants

  1. Pingback: Single Women – Men Secretly Wish It Was… | Honor Dads

  2. I understand what you are saying here, but I wonder how the guy got in her pants in the first place? Did she “throw herself” at him, or did he hint at or suggest sex? It may be a test, but it concerns me that there is an element of entrapment involved here and to then to also enjoy the forbidden fruit seems to be applying a double standard that is unfair. His character and value as husband material becomes a bit suspect at that point. Not arguing, just sayin’.

  3. There really is sort of an element of entrapment – it is unfair in a way. I’m not really trying to write to women “how it should be,” but rather trying to tell them “how it is” for most men in my generation… they will more than likely try. Even teen magazines now-a-days are telling high school or middle aged girls that sex is expected in their relationships… so boys/men often really DO try on the first date (to go as far as the girl will allow them). I’m trying to educate my generation why it’s not in their benefit to do that.

    Obviously, not all men would try on the first date, but even if they do, that girl should be prepared.

    And I totally agree with you that his value and character as a husband is definitely suspect at that point. I wasn’t really trying to warn women about who to date (avoid players)… but that is a good point to bring up (but also a different topic). Some women and girls in my generation (Gen Y) mistakenly think that when a guy is interested in them sexually, that they can “lock him down,” through sex alone… even without requiring any kind of commitment.

  4. “If I’m looking for an LTR, and the girl puts out easily, I’ll accept her putting out, but I’ll disqualify her for an LTR. Now women have told me, “just tell her not to put out then!” But that defeats the whole purpose, if you have to tell her not to be a slut in order to get you, than her not being a slut isn’t genuine and the girl I want to commit to is a genuine non-slut, not someone just acting out the behavour of one.” Chris 2013

    So he’s a slut looking to marry a non-slut? Doesn’t really make sense. And it won’t work.

  5. The girl may be playing the same game with him. Seeing if if he’ll stop her and say, “Wait! Let’s take this slow”. If he doesn’t, she’ll still sleep with him but take a mental note of what sort of guy he is and put him in the “cad, not dad” category.

  6. There really is no reason to worry that chaste men or women are going to get duped into marrying promiscuous women or men. The Law of Assortive mating ensures that people with similar sexual values end up with each other. If a man thinks he can be easy and then judge women he sleeps with as “sluts” well he should know that a hard to get woman is very unlikely to even consider him as a long term partner, what to speak of a husband.

    So for those guy who judge women as not wife-material because you sleep with them too easily – WHATEVER DUDE! You are not the man “wife material” women are gunning for.

  7. I don’t know about that… my husband had multiple partners before me and yet I was a virgin and still fell head over heels for him. I tried to wait until marriage, but “messed up” literally a month before the wedding – it was that intense of a sexual attraction.

    Sometimes he’s felt a little guilty over his past… he’s told me that he feels sorry now that I wasn’t his only one, but I’ve never cared about his “past.” He’s with me now, and I’m crazy about him, and that’s all that matters to me… not the women who were with him before me.

  8. “I don’t know about that… my husband had multiple partners before me and yet I was a virgin and still fell head over heels for him.”

    Exceptions prove the rule. In general promiscuous people tend to “settle down” with other promiscuous people, not virgins or the more sexually liberated.

    “he’s told me that he feels sorry now that I wasn’t his only one, but I’ve never cared about his “past.” He’s with me now, and I’m crazy about him, and that’s all that matters to me… not the women who were with him before me.”

    Similarly there are men like this that feel that way about their women too, and that’s fine. But in general, birds of a feather flock together.

    In mainstream western society most adults are not virgins when they marry, but neither are most promiscuous. Most of us merely have 2-5 prior sexual partners before marriage. The extremely promiscuous and the virgin are both on extreme ends of the spectrum – outliers. So these exceptions cannot be used as examples for the majority population which lies in the middle.

  9. Me: “So for those guy who judge women as not wife-material because you sleep with them too easily – WHATEVER DUDE! You are not the man “wife material” women are gunning for.”

    You: “I don’t know about that… my husband had multiple partners before me and yet I was a virgin and still fell head over heels for him. I tried to wait until marriage, but “messed up” literally a month before the wedding – it was that intense of a sexual attraction.

    Sometimes he’s felt a little guilty over his past… he’s told me that he feels sorry now that I wasn’t his only one, but I’ve never cared about his “past.” He’s with me now, and I’m crazy about him, and that’s all that matters to me… not the women who were with him before me.”

    Its not about numbers but attitude. You wrote about what some men might think. That reflects an attitude that is more problematic than his mere number count of partners. It sounds like your husband didn’t have that bad and irrational attitude. But regarding number count, for those that care about that – see my recent comment which I just now posted.

  10. I just went out with a girl that I really was into. She kept telling me how I wasn’t going to get into her pants, which I was completely ok with. That night, our fourth date, we made out….a LOT. I was respectful of her wishes, so I just continued to kiss. Then she took her shirt off and then she ended up going down on me. I wasn’t sure if we should take it that far, but who says no to that? It still wasn’t sex though and there’s a lot of mystery still there for me. On top of that, I was really attracted to her both emotionally and physically. Two days later (two days ago), she ends things via text and says she’s not ready to date. Normally I accept this, but really feel like I need to text her back and see if she’s panicked about rushing into it or what? How confusing.

    I agree that guys want a girl not to give it up immediately, but I do like a girl that isn’t all or nothing. I also think that girl’s don’t really want guys to try to get in their pants right away either. Sometimes it seems like it’s ok for the guy to push and it’s up to the girl to stop him and control when sex happens. It does go both ways, but I think it’s really hard for men to stop it since we’re so used to having that decision made for us.

  11. “Two days later (two days ago), she ends things via text and says she’s not ready to date. Normally I accept this, but really feel like I need to text her back and see if she’s panicked”

    It’s probably too late to advise you on this… but the right way to text her back would be to text something like, “Wait, who are you again?” and then to try to play it off like you were dating multiple women at once and were confused at first which one was ending it. Texting her back being concerned that she was panicking is not a good move.

    That’s all I’ve got as far as game advice. If you want more answers or in-depth answers from guys who have been there (hundreds of times) enough to understand how women think, you are looking for The Rational Male website http://therationalmale.com/ . Just drop them the same story and they’ll advise you well. Good luck!

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