We all fall in love when we decide to get married – we’re not in those days where marriages were arranged (at least, in the U.S.) – we typically fall in love naturally, and marry the person we are head-over-heels for. But once the months of preparation for the wedding have transpired, the blissful honeymoon hours have faded, and the actual marriage has gotten under-way, the couple usually realizes that it takes work to keep up a good relationship. Most couples seem to navigate this establishing of their unique couplehood well.
When children come along – all bets are off!
Us women typically become cranky and argumentative, with a sexual desire that can be as cold as Antarctica – we take our silly complaints to social media sites like facebook to let the
world our friends list know that WE ARE TIRED OF IT! The irony of complaining about the very people you love the most (your husband and your children)!
The problem is… once children come, marriage just gets complicated. When do you find time to communicate? Most couples aren’t very good at first, at finding and making time for good,deep communication to happen. Most of generation X still hasn’t completely embraced what Gen Y has accepted as truth; that marriages need regular date nights, flirting & teasing to keep the passion and romantic fires fanned.
Your role as a lover to your husband came before your role as a mother, and its still just as important for the life-blood of your marriage.
The issue of whether your husband or your children should be put “first” in your life is definitely a heated one. Of course, everyone has different opinions, but I truly do believe that a family works best when the husband and wife both put each other first, and then the children come second. You need to have a solid marriage where both of your needs in the relationship are met in order to care properly for your children. When this is out of balance, husbands and wives start feeling neglected by each other, and as though their needs don’t matter.
Women are experts at getting out of balance, once children come along, not only are we extra (horrendously) tired, but we place our position of Mother above our role as Lover. When a woman neglects her husband and puts her children first (and him second) the marriage starts to get out of whack… it starts deteriorating.
This can be shown in things like allowing your children’s extra curricular activities to run the family schedule into overdrive, to minor issues such as making sure you have enough time allotted in your week to communicate (uninterrupted by little ones). Some marriage counselors say up to 15 hours per week should be reserved for this couple alone time. (Side note: our marriage doesn’t meet that time suggestion of 15 hours of alone time, but we do make a very deliberate effort to put our marriage first, to find the time that we need for intimacy and communication).
Once you’ve chosen your man, he is the natural, God-given leader of your family – to allow your children to make decisions (or to make decisions based on a false-guilt felt towards your children) instead of coming together and as a team discussing what’s best for all, is to disrespect your husband in his place of authority that God has given him, and your marriage.
Let’s be women who honor our husbands by not forgetting that we are his lover, his passionate partner in this beautiful, crazy, hilarious thing called life.