Being a Good Husband

This is a post written by my amazing husband.  He doesn’t have the time to do and run a full blog, even though I ask him all the time & seriously wish he would! 😉 He’s in that time of his life where he is caught up in his career and growing and learning things in that world, while at the same time, being an incredible father and husband.  This post is written for men – and for men who use the Bible incorrectly in order to oppress women. 

You would think it doesn’t happen as much anymore (and I don’t ever hardly see it, and certainly not with any of the people we actually know personally in our lives), however my husband does see this side of humanity quite often, and like any great man, it angers him when he sees God’s word being used for the purpose of mental and physical abuse.

So without further ado, this is his sermon-like post on Being a Good Husband:

 

The most commonly misused verse in the Bible by husbands (men) is Ephesians 5:22-24

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Now that sounds good and every man wants a wife that will be submissive to him in everything he says, and the Bible clearly tells his wife she needs to be submissive. However, what these men are misusing in this verse is that the verse does not stop there, it goes all the way to verse 33 the end of the chapter.

The title of the set of verses is “Wives and Husbands,” and Paul is writing to the church in Ephesus strengthening their faith and helping them lead good spiritual lives. A quick look at the, for lack of better terms, mathematics of this section Paul is writing about, there is a total of 12 verses. Wives have a total of 3 verses, and Husbands have a total of 9. Let’s start with that anomaly if it is so important that many men point out the verses on the wives to be submissive to them (a common theme used by men shown on The Maury Show when they have couples married or dating where the man makes the woman his slave, one guy will inevitably pull out those 3 verses.)

Here is the reason men skip the 9 verses intended on how they are to behave as a husband, ALL THEY WANT IS A SUBMISSIVE WIFE, they want to point out how their wife is not submissive, and don’t want to see what they are doing wrong in the relationship.

I’m not saying these things to tell wives they do not have to be submissive to their husbands, I’m writing this to men, but obviously it would be very difficult to be submissive to a guy who only wants a submissive wife, and does not care to look in the mirror and see how he is acting. To the men who use the verse to make their wives their slaves, how would you like it if your boss treated you that way? You would not have it! You would make complaints, look for other jobs, anything to get away from that. However, your wife is not allowed to do that because she is viewed as the lesser gender. Wives of these types of men typically are not allowed to have a job, and if she does her husband controls the money she brings in. This is not a good marriage and I pray for those women in relationships like that.

Now let me get to my points on Being a Good Husband, before I go on a rant about those types of relationships.

Ephesians 5:25-33 is telling men how they need to treat their wives… any ideas?

First thing, it is obvious with just the differences in the number of verses that Paul knew that for the husbands’ side, he needed to explain more. The reason for more explanations is due to the fact that we husbands would not like what we are being told because “We are the head of the house,” and, “What we say goes.” Paul is telling us to love our wives, just as Christ loved the church. Now that is a tall order to have to follow, a main reason this part gets left out. We all know how much Christ loved the church. Instead of me explaining it I’m just going to let Paul tell us.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless Ephesians 5:25-27. I don’t know about you but I cannot live up to that, my wife may beg to differ but to me I will never think I can come anywhere close to this. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he fees and cares for it, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Based off of that I think the man has the harder part to live up to, I mean Christ died for the church. I know I would lay down my life for my wife, but let’s compare it, wives are told to be like the church and husbands are told to be like Christ; just looking at it that way shows us men have the harder task, but I’m heading on another tangent again. It is a mystery when in the Bible it talks about a husband and wife becoming one flesh. When a marriage is good, they will truly become one. If you doubt me, look at married couples who have been married for years, these couples can finish each other’s sentences. In the book of Joshua 1:6-9 God is telling Joshua to be strong and courageous, because Joshua has become the new leader. God tells Joshua multiple times to be strong and courageous, and to be careful to obey all the laws God has sent down, and to not turn from them so that Joshua will be successful wherever he goes.

That is God telling us men to be strong and courageous and to follow him. God also tells us in Joshua to not depart from the Book of Law (the Bible) and to meditate on it day and night. Listen to what God is telling Joshua in chapter 1 verse 9—

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

That is what we men can hold to in us having to live up to Christ. God will be with us, and he is commanding us to be strong and courageous. To be a good husband, we need to be devoted to one wife, there may be times men will think another woman may look pretty, however the man needs to realize what he has at home. There are times men have an amazing woman at home, and make a stupid mistake and lose her because he sees a pretty woman and thinks the grass is greener. That type of thinking the “grass is greener” is complete nonsense. If a man hooks up with a woman he thinks looks good and then decides to leave his wife for her, the things that woman was doing to lure him in many times will stop and the man will want to go back with his first wife, but by then it will be too late.

Proverbs 5:18:20 May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful der—may her breast satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love. Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress? Why embrace the bosom of another man’s wife?

Proverbs 31: 30-31 also has a good reminder of this: Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned (a faithful husband), and let her works bring praise at the city gate.1 Corinthians 6:18-20 states Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefor Honor God with your body.

Everyone knows the 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Love is patient, love is kind… I want to concentrate on these verses. A few things about what Love is and is not, which is perfect to have in a marriage besides being patient and kind because everyone should know those. Love is not envious, boastful, proud, rude or self-seeking; love is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs, and does not delight in evil. Love rejoices with truth, always protects, always trust, always hopes, and always perseveres. And love never fails.

A husband (and also wife) needs to put on the full armor of God so that we can stand against the devil’s schemes. I am saying this because I know it is not always the man who has an affair in a marriage. I also believe that the full armor of God will help in times when some people will say anything to cause trouble in a marriage to either make them feel better or have a chance with the spouse (husband or wife) they like.

Colossians 3:19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be too harsh with them.

How many times do men tend to be too harsh with their wives, I know there are times I am like that with my wife but I am working on it.

1 Peter 3:7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

All these verses are showing men how to treat their wives; men do want a submissive wife and if a man treats his wife in these ways if she truly loves him she will start to be submissive towards him but in a good sense of submission. I will end this with Romans 12:1-2

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual (reasonable) act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of you mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

 

I will attempt to next time either do a wives one with a lot of my wife’s input or either parenting or fatherhood. In the meantime may God bless you and may you always seek knowledge and wisdom to strengthen your faith.

 

Wisdom is a shelter as money is a shelter, but the advantage of knowledge is this: that wisdom preserves the life of its possessor. Ecclesiastes 7:12

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “Being a Good Husband

  1. Great article. I’m feeling pangs of jealousy and envy at reading such insight from a man because I’m with one who thinks he’s Godly and demands and criticizes me every single day. In fact I’m highly jealous of people with good relationships all together.

    I’ve been with him for a little over two years now. There were red flags in the beginning (our first date he talked endlessly about himself, name dropped a couple of famous people interactions, and managed to turn the things I’d share into a stage for himself again). But he’s physically beautiful and I’ve never been so physically attracted to someone before.

    Unfortunately, I’ve never been mentally or emotionally attracted to him. We are a good looking couple and garner a lot of positive attention because of it. We met along our career paths at a business meeting and it seemed our individual quests for socio-economic equity for underserved people would merge into something world changing…

    And you know something? It has. On the outside, we are this golden couple who are the poster for a great life in marriage. On the inside, however, I’m slowly dying. This death has definitely changed the world.

    I used to take care of myself better. I used to wake up excited for the day. I used to move boldly through life with optimism and enthusiasm. I used to love people. I used to love work. I used to love talking about literally every and anything. I used to love myself.

    At the time we met I had lost a major opportunity. I feel that he exploited my hurt and weakness to turn me into his slave. Now he wants to force a marriage and I’ve been killing myself to find better ways of relating so that I don’t have an awful life with him. But I’m alone in it and the more I change the more he takes and continues to treat me harshly and like I’m worthless.

    He treats me like I’m a man emotionally. Every issue I raise seems to get flipped back onto me and I end up apologizing and changing even more. Except that now I’m so far from myself, from even being myself without judgement or correction from him, that I don’t even know how to be anything more than an anxious wreck trying to anticipate his precise needs at their precise times.

    I’ve had thoughts of emptiness and loneliness to a level I didn’t know existed. He’s made such a fuss over my previous life without him and the friends and activities that should’ve carried over into our relationship that I don’t even see my friends or do things I enjoy any more. I’ve had thoughts of suicide and have self harmed and even medicated with booze.

    When researching why I suddenly feel so helpless and crazy I came across some interesting things about narcissism and bullying. I’ve determined that this is who he is and there’s no changing it. I try to be Christ like and think of what Jesus would do, which is to keep loving. But I don’t feel this is how I’m supposed to feel – dragged down, belittled, criticized and forced to have sex.

    I just don’t know what to do anymore. My friends and family don’t support me being with him and I can’t face anymore judgement on my bad decisions regarding being loved. I have awoken to realize how much I hate my life and I don’t know if it’s just because I’m with a man who doesn’t treat me how I want to be treated, but rather how he feels I should be.

    Please help. Thank you.

  2. My dear Gayle, you married a narcissist. I’m so sorry you did not see it earlier, but the signs were there, as you now know.

    The bad news is that narcissists do not change. They suck the life out of everyone around them and believe it is their due. They torment others with their demands, while never seeing anything wrong with their own behavior.

    The good news is that you are still young and it’s been a short marriage. I would advise you to get out. I know that Christians do not believe in divorce, but sometimes it is the right thing to do. You should not wait until the kids come as this will only make things worse, and/or suicide will seem like the way out, which is what happens to people married to narcissists.

    You may try counseling to assuage your conscience at least, but there are no effective counseling strategies to change a narcissist’s character and his way of relating to others.

    Good luck. And please remember you are not alone. There are several online support groups for people who fell for sociopaths (narcissists are not much different) — Google them please.

  3. P.S. I missed the part of you not being married yet, Gayle. Sorry about it. But this makes things definitely easier. Run, and do not turn around until you are far away from this ‘golden boy.’ You know this is the right thing to do, and your family and friends have been telling you so as well.

    Read up on falling for sociopaths all the same. It will help you avoid making a similar mistake again.

  4. I meant to reply to this, but wanted my husband to do it since it was his post and we both just forgot. He’s incredibly busy with his work life… otherwise he’d be blogging himself. Thank you for answering Marigold2

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s