I took my son to our beautiful outdoor mall close by to play at the playground, walk around, and go into the big bookstore where they have a great children’s section with train and lego tables. I get to grab a couple of magazines (yes, usually fashion), or read one of the amazing cookbooks around me (they put the tables right under the cooking section… Julia Child I adore you ❤ ). This time I saw an interesting article about how important date nights are for your marriage… or otherwise long-term relationship.
I love reading secular articles on marriage, sex, or dating because they give me an idea of where the secular mindset is at in that moment of time. This was a little surprising to me, as “date nights” for married couples has largely been a Christian thing, pushed for by Christian authors in effort to make Christian marriages better.
When my husband and I were in college, a woman we knew that was in the same Christian college group was married – and very young – but she imparted invaluable knowledge as to how a good marriage should look. She and her husband were at the beginning of building what would be possibly the most beautiful marriage and family we’ve ever seen, and we were just lucky to be at the right time in the right place to view them in action.
It seems so long ago (at least 9 years) the details have started to fade, but I remember one of the most important things she always talked about was how they made sure they had a weekly date night together. Every week. No matter what. I’d never heard of married couples needing to have dates, let alone place that much importance of them for the benefit of your marriage. As the years went by, we had gotten married and already were getting to reap the benefits of weekly date nights – it was wonderful and exciting… a time of teasing each other, shameless flirting together, and reminding us in general why we fell in love! It took the drudge out of living, working, going to school, doing chores, and put romance in its rightful place each week (ie: the core of our marriage).
I always knew this must’ve been a Christian thing, because other couples who weren’t Christian just didn’t understand why we “needed” to go out together so often to keep our love alive. Particularly women in generation X (the generation right above us from before 1980 up to the baby boomers gen.), looked down on married couples “dating.” One women I worked with (a non-Christian married to an Atheist man) and I were having a conversation about our weekends and I brought up our date night and where we went and how fun it was. I asked her if she and her husband ever went out on dates, and she looked at me as if I had two heads lol! She told me how long they’d been married (8 years) and rationalized that they were together so long before they got married that they “just got all of that out our system.” They would go out with their 4 year old to restaurants, but they would never “date” each other again.
My husband was once talking to his coworkers about something concerning our date night, and a female (non-Christian) spoke up and challenged him on whether or not married couples could even date! He said she argued viciously with him, very passionate that men couldn’t “date” their wives because we were already married. Maybe it was the semantics of the word “date,” other than that… I have utterly no idea.
It was great to read a current 2014 magazine article encouraging married couples to date each other often, times are changing, and ironically sometimes embracing what the Christians have known for at least 10 years now. So is secular society 10 years behind in creating good & healthy marriages? I wish I knew….
Some things to think about:
- Don’t make date night the only night you and your husband/wife expect to have sex… you should probably be having sex more than once a week anyway, however, putting that much pressure on each date night takes the fun and excitement out of romantic play (teasing playfulness). It would be the best way to make your “date nights” become “dread nights.”
- Really dress up women – look as hot as you can for your husband… these are great memories you’ll be making where you’ll look back and love remembering those times.
- Take pictures!!!!!! I know it sounds narcissistic, and it is probably because it really is, but take pictures of you two together on your date night… you’re going to want to look back at how hot you both once were. Heck, your children and grandchildren will be watching your marriage and leaving photos of your romantic date nights is a great way to show them how in love you were, along with how dating when you’re married is great!