It’s amazing to me how many couples can be married for years and years, and yet never learn to be 100% open and honest with each other. I remember years ago watching a movie where the husband and wife were so uncommunicative in their relationship that it caused a multitude of problems for them. They couldn’t or wouldn’t talk about their struggles in life with each other, they couldn’t even be completely honest with each other on a daily basis because of how the other would react (negatively) to unpleasant information. I was shocked how it was obvious that nearly all of their problems would’ve been eliminated, had they just been capable of being completely open and honest with each other.
It’s crucial to be able to communicate in marriage. It’s crucial to be able to be completely honest, even if the revelation you need to expose isn’t a pleasant one. When we were first married, we understood that we would have times where it would be hard or even embarrassing, to be completely open with each other; but every time we trusted each other with something revealed, we were each met with grace and openness, and a deeper emotional connection. We knew better how to meet each other’s needs. We knew better how to pray for each other.
The thing about having this kind of openness in your marriage is that it creates a deep emotional connection to your partner that goes beyond anything physical. It binds you in a love that is secure and relaxing – you completely trust because you tell each other everything, even if it’s something that’s hard to hear. This doesn’t mean that a husband or wife needs to be cruel in their honesty, just that if they have a concern, or have been keeping something secret, that they reveal it to the other spouse.
Being able to have this kind of emotional connection requires an amount of maturity in each partner. The maturity to be able to hear something they might not want to hear, and he maturity to not react badly to a partner being open and honest. Examples that are easiest to understand are with sexual sins like lust – I know it sounds far-fetched, but a husband needs to be able to confess to you if he was tempted and gave in to lust – even though it’s usually a mind problem, and nothing would ever come of it, it’s amazing how healing it can be for him to be able to be honest about things like that, and it helps a wife have a greater understanding of the incredible temptations her husband faces on a daily basis at the office, or even going to the grocery store. Likewise, a wife needs to be able to be honest in this way as well, and tell her husband if something is taking her affections away from him in an emotional connection that isn’t appropriate.
Spiritual connection in marriage is also misunderstood and under-rated! This is something that I know many of you reading this that aren’t religious may not understand, but it is definitely necessary in having a passionate marriage, let me explain:
According to Shannon Ethridge’s book Every Woman’s Marriage, a book I’ve loved and adored for almost 7 years, having a spiritual connection with a man or woman who isn’t your spouse can ignite a dangerous sexual passion! Somehow, sharing spirituality with a friend of the opposite sex creates an extremely deep emotional bond – a bond that should be reserved for your wife or husband.
If you want to deepen passion and even your sex life with your spouse, try praying together regularly before bed, or praying for each other aloud – do it during your alone time without any interruption from children or phone calls or internet. You’ll likely be surprised at the feelings you’ll feel for your spouse afterwards… the emotional and spiritual bond is tangible.