I feel a little like I’m betraying my sex… but I want to let you single (and married) men understand why and how a woman acts the way she does when you are trying to pursue her. There are so many people out there telling you men to behave a certain feminized way, when honestly for centuries, it hasn’t worked. Let’s look at these questions: Why can’t you just be upfront and show her how much you like her? Why does she fall for men that are typically “bad” rather than safe and good for her? And more importantly… how can you get someone that’s out of your league (in your mind) to fall for you?
So… Why can’t you be upfront early on and show her how much you like her? Because for most women, whether they admit it or not, it is a turn-off. Not like an “ew!” turn-off, but an “oh you’re so sweet… but you’re just not my type” turn-off. Are you trying to become the guy who’s just “Not Her Type?” Yea, I didn’t think so. If you really want to get the girl you’re after, you’re going to have to rethink you’re entire approach to women.
Women do want to be pursued, but only after they find you sexy and alluring… they want to be pursued by someone they find attractive, not just any man that shows his feelings too soon. They don’t generally want a guy who is too upfront at the beginning because it shows a lack of dignity and respect for yourself. I’ve seen guys go for women they thought were just out of their league (and get them!), but believe me, it took some effort on their part to get a girl who has multiple guys more than likely after her.
Why does she fall for men that are typically “bad” rather than safe and good for her?
Women who have a lot of choice are not going to find a guy attractive when he is too open with his feelings before they’re in a relationship… or even while they’re in their relationship…. She’s going to want someone confident, a bit aloof, and seemingly more concerned with his life & developing himself as a person rather than falling all over himself for her. All these are characteristics of the “bad boy,” but they don’t have to be… any man can learn these – ANY man has a chance with a woman he thinks is out of his league.
The way men get stuck in the friend-zone is by failing to exhibit one of these traits, let’s go over them again: Confidence, Aloofness, & More concerned with his own life & developing himself as a person rather than losing himself for a girl.
- Confidence – doesn’t care what others think of him… even the girl he’s after (he cares, but he doesn’t obsess over her in his thoughts)
- Aloofness – he doesn’t cling, to women or to his guy friends for assurance, he retains his own persona and is genuinely comfortable with himself
- Self-Respect – he would never alter his life for a girl he’s in a relationship with if it meant his own would be put at risk (moving to her city for college after high school, leaving his great job for her, basically putting her ahead of his own well-being or even basic needs and desires
Anytime a guy misses the mark on one of these, he is more than likely automatically friend-zoned and no longer seen as a sexy, romantic option to a woman. This doesn’t mean he won’t get anyone ever, a lot of women do choose men that don’t exhibit one or all of these traits, but they have a boat-load of problems usually down the road when she realizes that she’s just not attracted to her husband – or thinking “he changed.”
Women, 70% of the time, are the ones to initiate divorce… and large portion of that is that they married someone who they weren’t truly attracted to in the first place. Rollo Tomassi, writer and blogger on men’s issues has categorized men as being either “Beta” or “Alpha,” and this categorization is exactly what I’m talking about.
How do you get someone that’s out of your league to fall for you?
It takes a real assessment of who you are as a man. Are you true to yourself, or are you worried that you are too nice, insecure, or “beta” as Tomassi would put it? Read my Single: Women Don’t Want Nice Men to see if this applies to you. If it does, don’t worry! I’m sure you’re a wonderful, beautiful man, but you care too much about women (or maybe a particular woman).
Once you understand yourself better and gain the needed confidence, aloofness, and self-respect to be assured of yourself enough to not go falling all over yourself for a beautiful woman, you will be well on your way. Don’t worry about your looks, attitude and demeanor are WAY more important to women. We aren’t as visually stimulated as you men are… I’ve seen many guys that have this so-called “Game” that are definitely not conventionally attractive attain women who look like supermodels.
They’re confidence, status and attitude makes them attractive to women, and it’s attainable to every man out there.
Until next time. ❤ Listen to this song: