So… You Like the Shy Guy?

So... You like the Shy Guy

I’m a firm believer that the guy should make the first move.  I’ll be the first one to tell you that if you’re a single woman, you should wait for his call (or text), etc.  But I think there may be an exception to this widely taught rule….  What if you like the shy or quiet guy?  What if you like a guy who can’t tell (or has a hard time believing) when women like him?  I think the rules change.  I think men like this need the girl to help them out in this regard, who knows why they are shy or can’t tell – the background story doesn’t really matter.  All I know is that if a woman doesn’t subtly pursue this kind of man, he’ll probably not make a move first for lack of confidence or for thinking you aren’t interested in him anyway.

The signs

So how do you make a move without scaring him off?  First, you need to figure out if he likes you at all.  If there are no signs that he likes you as well, your efforts may be better spent somewhere else.  But… if he constantly looks at you (and then looks away when you look), and this goes on for a while, or seems like he wants to be close to you but doesn’t know how, you have a great a chance.  The same is true if it’s a man who just can’t tell when women like him… if he seems to pursue you to talk to you, smiles a lot when conversing with you, or seems generally happy in your presence, you’ve got a good a chance.

Pursuing him

Once you think you know he likes you secretly, you have to chill out and ask yourself what’s the worst that could happen – the worst would be that you’d just find out that he had no interest.  It’s not the end of the world 🙂  So subtly pursue.  Seek him out in a feminine, coy manner.  Smile at him a lot when you’re talking to him (if you like him, you won’t be able to not smile).  Don’t be afraid to suggest a first “date” that doesn’t really seem like a date (ie. coffee, studying together if you’re in school, some kind of class or workshop you are both interested in).  In this case, I think it’s totally fine to ask him out – as long as it’s done non-aggressively – remember subtly!  A good rule of thumb is to pursue him or show interest in him until he starts to open up and take the lead (in which case, you step back and let him lead the relationship).  If he doesn’t seem interested in going with you anywhere then don’t proceed.

Catching him

When you are on your stealth “date” together, don’t act overly romantic – but do smile at him and show your interest – you’ll probably be getting those butterflies in your stomach!  He’s probably getting them in his!  If you can tell he’s loving it, slowly lean in and speak in a whisper so that he has to come close to hear you, and say, “I like you.”  Look up into his eyes with emotion for a brief moment, and then look away in pretty confusion like you have no idea why you just confided the details of your heart!  If he likes you and you’ve been reading all the signs right, he will probably feel like he’s on Cloud 9 and will confess that he likes you too.  Let him take the lead now.

Congrats!  You’ve crossed the barrier from friend to more!


  1. I was very shy around girls and afraid of them–zero confidence. I finally got the courage to talk to my smiling wife to be and she responded slowly but surely until we kissed. Then I was OK to open up to her and talk about how I felt. We have been married 58 years and she is still taking the lead.

  2. Agreeed. A man has to be a man act like a man and think like a man so, I´m a MAN! I always make the first move….then get rejected but still keep going on, more fish in the water to try to put the hook on them.(wink wink)

  3. Hey there would yοu mind sharing which blog platform you’re սsing?

    I’m planning to start my oԝn blog soon bսt I’m having a tough time deciding betԝeen BlogEngine/Wordprеss/B2evolution and Drupal.
    The rеason I ask is because уour design seems different then most blogs and I’m looking for
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    to ask!

  4. It’s interesting looking at (and quietly analysing) that cartoon image you’ve used. Often I think that hieroglyphs have it all over phonetic alphabets and that particular picture is easily worth its thousand words; relaxed, unbroken eye contact, fiddling with her hair … poor stumblebum oaf groping for words—dammit: we blokes don’t stand a chance!

    For anybody I think the whole secret is to relax and just be yourself. (Bells trigger resonance in nearby compatibles when struck …)

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