My younger brother (23), besides providing me endless entertainment, is currently single. His stories and experiences I’ve been forbidden to write about, however, his relationship status has recently sparked a new interest for me: how to help the single man win and understand women.
There are many things that can be said, but I think the first and foremost fact that all single men need to understand is that women don’t want just another “nice guy.” Let me be clear, “nice” and “kind” are two different things. Niceness implies that there is no disagreeable characteristics. He’s tame, lame, or boring. Niceness exists because he feels he has to be that way, it’s forced and unnatural – women are not drawn to this. Kindness is thoughtful and tender, it’s intentional, and much more of a turn-on.
This is where Christianity really cripples men regarding their masculinity, in my opinion. Christian men are told that they have to lead, but they are rarely shown how or what that even would look like. Feminism has women wearing the pants in the relationship, at least, that is what is projected. The dumb male and the powerful, glamorous female. Feminism is killing the very heart of masculinity in our culture where men are taught to be nice.
In Western culture, we really don’t have a process where boys or teenagers undergo a ritual of becoming a man; and sadly, most dads are not attune to their son’s dilemma enough to step in and lead their sons into manhood. It’s so important for a young boy or teenager to learn from a father-figure, what it is to really be a man… and when they become a man. Left on their own, there are too many feministic accolades in our society telling them not to be dangerous, not to get dirty, not to take risks, to be agreeable, and to not say what they really think.
There has to be an element of danger to man. Not that he would ever commit crime or attack someone, but if he was faced in a life or death situation, he’d come out ok. This is what makes “nice guys” so undesirable to women, there is no element of danger about them. Women want a man with resolve, with inner strength, with character and purpose in his life. In C.S. Lewis’ Narnia series, Aslan the lion is described as being dangerous, but good. Goodness, again like Kindness, is intentional… is based on principle. Niceness is mostly done out of fear.
So what do nice men do wrong?
Nice men allow women too much control in the relationship, never taking the lead, going along with whatever the girl wants in order to try to please her. As a man, you have to take the lead. You’re going to feel insecure at some point, it’s totally fine… but it’s important not to show it.
Nice men end up marrying controlling women who have a sick interest in emasculating them. Ok, not all the time, but I’ve definitely seen this enough to understand the horrible existence these men have to try to live in. I care about you single men, and if you listen to nothing else in this article listen to this: You deserve someone who treats you like a man, who makes you feel like a man. A good indicator of whether you should drop a woman or not is definitely how you feel when you are with her.
Nice men put up with mistreatment. First time she acts like a drama queen, move on. Staying makes this kind of woman respect you even less. I’ve seen nice men get married to disgusting women who love to use sex as a manipulative weapon. You want to avoid this kind of life. Remember, if she seems like a drama queen, she probably is.
Nice men tell women too much info. Don’t tell a woman you’re just starting to date everything about you – she has not earned that right yet. Trust has to be built up. Guard your hearts single men, and part of this guarding is not revealing too much of yourself prematurely.
- Nice men don’t know who they are. I know I sound so harsh, and that is definitely not my intention. But nice men are usually “nice” and too agreeable because they haven’t done the difficult work of figuring out who they are. Again, it stems back to the masculinity issue of how and when they knew they became a man. Soul-search, find out what you value in life. Write your guiding principles down on a list and carrying it with you in your wallet. Be true to yourself, it’s what “nice guys” were never taught to do.