It’s a given that people hurt each other. We all live in this dark, fallen world, surrounded by God’s beauty in nature and sometimes, in each other; however, the fact still remains that much in this world is not good. Even the family structure, which should be the safest, most beautiful place, is threatened with anger, harsh words, cold hearts, and dysfunction.
It’s not hard to imagine that everyone you meet is somehow fighting or overcoming past hurts that they’ve incurred, possibly even from their own family or friends. Many times these hurts have been expressed in hopes that relationships could be repaired, much to the dashed hope of the person seeking to deal with their pain in a healthy way.
Even stranger to many people, myself included, is the phenomenon of the human race to hold onto their pride, and even when knowing another party is truly hurt and broken over things they did or allowed, will not apologize for years, sometimes waiting until their death-bed (I’ve seen this with my own Grandma), or not at all.
What is someone to do with the fact that they are left hurt, angry, and broken, and know that their hope for an apology might never happen?
I think I’ve found the answer. Ponder if you will, on some of these quotes:
“There are unrepentant people in the world, maybe even in your family tree. Some people do not apologize because they don’t know how. Others do not believe they owe an apology for their behavior. Still others are hardened or enabled by their own destructive or numbing choices. others offer only what they filter through their own life experiences.”
(from The Mom I Want to Be by T. Suzanne Eller)
“As hard as it might be to understand, there are people in the world who will forever and always be permanently remorseless. And if God will not compel them to feel contrition, certainly we will never be able to do so. While we are commanded to offer them the opportunity to repent, the decision to acknowledge what they have done must come from within.
Consequently, we must never allow our emotional health, which depends on our ability to forgive someone, to remain wholly dependent on that person’s willingness to bear the burden of what he or she has done – because it very well may never happen.”
(from The Prayer of Revenge by Doug Schmidt)
You just can’t allow your own well-being to suffer because someone denies you an apology – it’s not that I’m saying an apology isn’t right or needed, I think if more people in this world had enough courage to apologize when they’ve hurt someone, we would live in a much better place.
It’s even biblical that even before you dare to pray, if you know someone has something against you, you are supposed to stop praying and go directly to that person to make amends right then and there – not to even put it off for another moment! That’s how much people truly need acknowledgment of their hurts and pain, God knows, but He wants healing for you even if the other party will not acknowledge what happened. He wants you to be whole and well without an apology.
God loves you, and I do too, don’t let another person control your thoughts and emotions by withholding a much-needed apology.
Let go, and live.