Single

Maybe you are happy and single.  Maybe you just got out of a relationship, or maybe you are newly single again after being with someone for a long time.  I want to put up some ideas that singles can think about, if they ever intend to get married or remarried. 

With so many marriages ending in divorce, I understand singles who are disdainful or afraid of entering into a situation that seems doomed from the beginning.  No one walks down the aisle of their own wedding thinking of divorce, however, so somewhere in between saying “I do,” and divorce papers, something goes wrong. 

When my husband and I were dating, we talked about everything – we were saving sex for marriage, so our relationship wasn’t sexual, it was communicative.  Just because it wasn’t sexual doesn’t mean we pretended we weren’t sexual beings; when we were engaged, we talked about big issues like sex, children, birth control options, how long we’d wait to have children, how often we’d like to have sex, our likes and dislikes, etc.  We talked all the time, and I believe it has led us to have a better marriage because of it.  Almost all of the trials we’ve faced in 6 years of marriage were talked about, and because of that we were prepared and ready.

So when you’re single or newly single again, this is a time to really iron out what you want in life – without the distraction of another person you’re madly in love with 😉  Here are some questions I came up with:

1) Birth control… are we going to use it?  What kind?  Is it only the woman’s ordeal – or do you want the man to take more initiative in it (condoms)?  How do you feel about abortions?

2) If we have an unplanned pregnancy, how are we going to handle it – what changes would we make to our finances so that we could take care of the new child?

3) If we have a miscarriage, how will we deal with that?  Would it affect you the same as me?  How long would we wait to try again to get pregnant?

4) How often will we have sex?  How many times a week? What are your expectations of our love life? What are your likes and dislikes concerning sex?

5) Once we have children, do we want to keep our love life the same?  Will we still keep it a priority?  (PS – it’s totally worth it!!!)

6) What if we discover we can’t get pregnant?  What do we plan to do?  How do we both feel about adoptions? 

7) What if we have a child with a disability?  How will we both react, will we cling to each other, or tear each other apart (most marriages with a child with a disability end in divorce)?  How will we keep our marriage strong and beautiful – can we make a plan?

8) If we have a child with a disability, how will we manage to treat the other children or child?  Will we need to make more of an effort to treat them well, not ignoring them or taking out our anger on them?  (Most marriages with one child with a disability, treat the “normal” child badly due to added stress, anger, and unhappiness).

9) Once we have children, what are our plans for work?  Do we both intend to work, or do we have different expectations (husband expecting the woman to stay home or the woman herself planning to just stay home)?  How will we adjust our expenses to accommodate what we want to do?  Do we need both incomes?  Do we both desire to work?

10)  How will we deal with in-laws that are awful or rude or disrespectful to the other spouse?  What will be our plan to protect our children or each other from cutting remarks, put-downs, or offensive behavior at family gatherings?  How will the person related to the family handle the situation?

It is said to go into marriage with your eyes wide open….  Marriage is wonderful, but it can easily be the worst mistake of your life if you aren’t prepared for it.  Or if you marry a virtual stranger lol. 

Talk talk talk – don’t give your life away to someone without making sure you understand each other on all issues!  Life is unpredictable, but marriage really doesn’t have to be.

Enjoy being single!!  Love life!!!  And figure out what you want!!

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