Abigail – The Scandalous Wife?

This study of David, Nabal, and Abigail has been truly enlightening for me.  Having studied it a few times before, I thought I had a decent grasp on the story, but it’s been particularly interesting looking into the hearts of David and Nabal, where they were at emotionally and spiritually in the way they spoke to each other, and the ramifications of giving in to folly that this lesson teaches us.

And now we will look at the second part of the story, the part where Abigail steps in, and in her wisdom and insight, giving the longest speech by a woman ever recorded in the Bible, is able to help both of these men from the fates of foolishness. 1 Samuel 25:12


Davids men retraced their steps.  When they returned to him, they reported all these words.  He said to his men, “All of you, put on your swords!”

So David and all his men put on their swords.  About 400 men followed David while 200 stayed with the supplies.

One of Nabal’s young men informed Abigail, Nabal’s wife:

“Look, David sent messengers from the wilderness to greet our master, but he yelled at them.  The men treated us well. When we were in the field, we weren’t harassed and nothing of ours was missing the whole time we were living among them.  They were a wall around us, both day and night, the entire time we were herding the sheep.

Now consider carefully what you must do, because there is certain to be trouble for our master and his entire family.  He is such a worthless fool nobody can talk to him!”

Abigail hurried, taking 200 loaves of bread, two skins of wine, five butchered sheep, a bushel of roasted grain, 100 clusters of raisins, and 200 cakes of pressed figs, and loaded them on donkeys.  Then she said to her male servants,

“Go ahead of me. I will be right behind you.”  But she did not tell her husband Nabal.

As she rode the donkey down a mountain pass hidden from view, she saw David and his men coming toward her and met them.  David had just said,

I guarded everything that belonged to this man in the wilderness for nothing.  He was not missing anything, yet he paid me back evil for good.  May God punish me, and even more if I let any of his men survive until morning.”

When Abigail saw David, she quickly got off the donkey and fell with her face to the ground in front of David.  She fell at his feet and said,

The guilt is mine, my lord, but please let your servant speak to you directly.  Listen to the words of your servant.  My lord should pay no attention to this worthless man Nabal, for he lives up to his name.  His name is Nabal, and stupidity is all he knows.  I, your servant, didn’t see my lord’s young men whom you sent.  Now my lord, as surely as the Lord lives, it is the Lord who kept you from participating in bloodshed and avenging yourself by your own hand.  May your enemies and those who want trouble for my lord be like Nabal.  Accept this gift your servant has brought to my lord, and let it be given to the young men who follow my lord.  Please forgive your servant’s offense, for the Lord is certain to make a lasting dynasty for my lord because he fights the Lord’s battles.  Throughout your life, may evil not be found in you.

When someone pursues you and attempts to take your life, my lord’s life will be tucked safely in the place where the Lord your God protects the living. However, He will fling away your enemies’ lives like stones from a sling.  When the Lord does for my lord all the good He promised and appoints you ruler over Israel, there will not be remorse or a troubled conscience for my lord because of needless bloodshed or my lord’s revenge.  And when the Lord does good things for my lord, may you remember me your servant.”


I don’t know about you, but when I read Abigail’s reply, I’m shocked and in awe of the enormous amount of humility and grace this woman shows when the natural response would be quite the opposite.  One might expect her to have gone to her husband in a mix of anger and panic, and rant and rave about his actions causing them all certain death.

But Abigail calmly and quietly prepares a great offering of foods as a generous gift to David and his men.  Although the situation is a dire crisis, she keeps her head and her cool, and boldly goes to meet David herself, confident in her intentions and his own goodness.

Abigail comes to David in humility and covers over her husband’s offense, even taking account for it – saying the guilt is hers!  Although I’ve seen her story used deceptively as a way to teach women that they can disrespect and dishonor their husbands if they believe they are acting foolishly, Abigail clearly honors and protects Nabal by covering his sin.

She also calms David’s anger by acknowledging his grievance against Nabal’s mistreatment of him – she acknowledges the fact that her husband is a fool, that his name even means “fool.”  This is not the same offense that is spoken of in Matthew 5:22

“But I say to you that everyone who continues to be angry with his brother or harbors malice against him shall be guilty before the court; and whoever speaks [contemptuously and insultingly] to his brother, Raca (You empty-headed idiot)!’ shall be guilty before the supreme court (Sanhedrin); and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ shall be in danger of the fiery hell.”



When Abigail refers to Nabal as being foolish (or acting in stupidity), it is not the same as her going to Nabal, and actually telling him “You were a FOOL to treat David that way!”  That particular response WOULD be disrespecting her husband and dishonoring him – speaking to him in a way that God would not be ok with.  Abigail explaining to David, in order to help him avoid reacting in equal folly as her own husband, that Nabal is “just a fool, not worthy of even paying attention to,” is morally right and beneficial in the situation, even honoring her husband in the way that she is preventing innocent blood to be on his hands because of his foolishness.  Matthew 5:22, however, is different from what Abigail did, calling someone something that condemning – telling it to them in a mean-spirited way, is akin to cursing them, something which was taken much more seriously in biblical culture, and something God clearly hates.  In Hebrew culture, if you cursed someone, and it was clear they didn’t deserve your curse, the words and meanings you spoke over their head would fall back onto yours.  Cursing another person was a serious, big deal, which is why Jesus Himself declared that if you called a person a fool, you’d be in danger of going to hell, and it should be noted that Abigail did not directly curse her husband in this way.  She instead used the fact of how he was conducting himself in order to prevent rash and unnecessary violence, and to prevent a good, righteous man from committing great sin.


Oh to Have an Abigail When We Need One…

I can’t describe how much I would have longed to know and talk to Abigail, and I can’t wait until we get to Heaven so that I can meet her and get to know her soul.  How many times have you wished you had an Abigail to prevent you from reacting in anger or harshness in response to something that ultimately didn’t matter?  I know I’ve had many times where I could have used an Abigail, a person to remind me of God’s plan for my life – of my goodness and desire to be righteous, of my need to act how God would want me to, especially in times of anger.  This is one of the main reasons I believe we as Christians need godly mentors, and as wives, to trust and go to our husbands for their counsel and wisdom.

If you are married to a man (or wife) like Nabal, my heart breaks for you!  I cannot even imagine the pain and sadness you would endure over the years in being linked to a person with that degree of foolishness that they actually endanger your family through sabotaging their career, or endangering their life through their careless words and wickedness.  I’m blessed and humbled to have a wise and incredible man, he has been a wonderful help to me in shielding me from the words of people like Nabal, but he’s also counseled me in how to acknowledge a person’s foolishness so that I know what I’m dealing with, and be confident in disregarding whatever they say, knowing that this pleases God.

Abigail teaches us how to respond in grace and humility to the provocations of a foolish or wicked person.

Notice how she came to David to help him calm down in his anger:

  • First, her non-verbal display of showing him submission and honor, falling down before him – easing the hurt pride her husband’s careless words had caused David.  Our non-verbal responses are so important because if they don’t add up with what we are saying, they betray our message.  Her genuine care for David is shown more through non-verbal actions than even her words.  Her husband mocked who he was, degraded his reputation, and belittled his future anointing as King, but Abigail, in even just her non-verbal actions, undoes all those messages, and reaffirms her belief that David in good, honorable, and righteous.
  • She humbles herself, and takes the guilt of her husband onto herself.  A natural response for a wife in this situation would be to say that it’s her husband’s fault, and that she was innocent, but Abigail does the opposite!  She doesn’t blame her husband, but actually asks David to forgive her for his offense.  This honors her husband and also diffuses David’s anger, telling him to direct it at her instead.  It reminded me of an old story of a child, in their ignorance, doing something disrespectful in front of a king, and deserving death for the ignorant act.  The father runs up to the king, and covers his child both physically and emotionally, telling the king to put the blame on him, to punish him instead.  The father covers for the sin of the child, indeed, taking the sin upon himself because of his great love and devotion – because he didn’t want to see his child perish.  The king, affected by the display of love and affection by the father for his foolish child, pardons both and enjoys giving them forgiveness.
  • She tells him not to pay any attention to Nabal.  This is a very fundamental truth in understanding how to deal with a Proverbial Fool.  It’s not wise to take their words to heart, because they are only meant to insult or provoke, are meaningless, and provide no actual wisdom or insight.  The Fool is not seeking understanding, thus giving them the benefit of the doubt, trying to reason with them or even rebuking them only invites harm on oneself.  Even Biblically, you don’t respond unless it’s absolutely necessary.  You don’t pay them any attention, because they are not worth your time. You don’t give them any words of wisdom because they will only trample on them like pigs would on precious pearls.  When David found himself ruminating over Nabal’s wicked words mocking and insulting him, Abigail brought to light that Nabal’s words mattered very little in the course of David’s life and future.  He would likely never see Nabal again, Nabal’s acceptance or rejection of David didn’t matter.  In other words, when dealing with a Proverbial Fool, you don’t worry about whether or not they like you – you only care about what God thinks of you and if what you are doing glorifies and honors Him.
  • She reminds him that God wants more for him and from him.  Her reply is akin to her telling him in our modern language, “You’re better than that.”  She reminds him not to avenge Himself, but to leave room for God to, something that is repeated in Romans 12 in response to how we should treat our enemies – by not repaying evil for evil, but by “overcoming evil with good.”
  •  She offers him and his men a generous, tangible gift to nourish their hunger, something to remind them of God’s goodness and generosity.  There is just something very powerful about giving a good or well-timed gift, especially in a tense situation that can calm strife or anger, and bring people together.  But it’s worth noting that she doesn’t just come empty-handed, pleading for their lives, but comes bearing baskets of food overflowing from their celebration to comfort and still them – it could definitely be called a “peace offering.”
  • She verbally speaks blessings of affirmation over David, “for the Lord is certain to make a lasting dynasty for my lord because he fights the Lord’s battles.  Throughout your life, may evil not be found in you.”  She speaks confidently of God fulfilling His known promises to David, and assures him of the joy set before him.  This is just such a beautiful gift to a person in David’s situation – someone insulted, mocked, and ridiculed, denied what they arguably should have because of how they’ve acted in integrity.  He was condemned when he had done nothing wrong, was repaid evil for his goodness, something only a wicked person would do, but Abigail takes his mind off of his anger and pain, and assures him that he is doing right, that God is going to bless him immensely, and that his work and success (something that Nabal completely disregarded as worthless) was godly and would be rewarded.
  • She shows compassion and care for David’s personal and spiritual well-being – outright telling him that she doesn’t want him to have the weight of a guilty conscience because he acted rashly – or have the blood of innocents on his hand for having avenged himself.
  • She assures him that God is the ultimate avenger, and that God will deal with David’s enemies, even with Nabal. God is a righteous and just God, and He knows and weighs the motivations in people’s hearts.


Abigail protected and honored Nabal even though he was wicked and enjoyed dealing with others in an evil manner.  I think it’s safe to say that Nabal was probably not a man of God, but since the Bible doesn’t say either way, it is possible that he actually was a man who believed he knew God.  Obviously, even if a person believes they are a Christian, if they are continually acting sinfully and in an evil manner towards others, they have a Satanic stronghold in their life, and are not allowing the Holy Spirit to convict them so that they treat others appropriately.

I encourage you to read the end of the story if you aren’t already familiar with it.  David is blessed by Abigail’s appeal, and thanks her and blesses her in return for her discernment.  She returns home to find Nabal feasting, drinking, and celebrating, completely unaware of the terror that could have happened to him.  She waits until he’s sober the next morning to tell him what David was planning to do, and what she did to avoid their deaths.  Nabal has something like a heart attack that leaves him in a coma for 10 days, before the Lord strikes him dead.

When David finds out about Nabal’s death, he says,

“Praise the Lord who championed my cause against Nabal’s insults and restrained His servant from doing evil.  The Lord brought Nabal’s evil deeds back on his own head.”

David then sent for Abigail to become his wife.  And she accepted in grace and humility.

Trying to Confront a Husband on His Sinful Behavior

This is a GREAT video from the Peaceful Wife!  I love and adore April – how can anyone not love her after seeing her in this video.

Since we’re well into the holidays and these times can add extra stress with family or even our own husbands/wives, this is a great video about responding to other’s sin against you.  No matter who is sinning against you, it is crucial that YOU have self-control, display goodness even toward your offender, display PATIENCE, and LOVE toward your offender.

Listen to April’s words and video (16 minutes), and be refreshed dear, sweet reader!!  She’s got it right, and thank God she is allowing herself to be used in helping others to stay godly, to react godly, and to treat everyone with kindness and respect.

If you feel you are disrespecting your husband though, a video (for singles) that I thought went along with this discussion is also great:

Abigail – The Heart of the Matter

I hope you readers had a wonderful Thanksgiving!  I feel like I’m still overflowing from the joy and happiness of spending time with beloved family members, eating so many delicious foods, and enjoying each other!  We got to see my brother again, it’s been a few months since we’ve seen him, and it was so good to see how well he’s doing.  He’s been growing in his own journey of masculinity for a couple of years now, going through various phases of pro-masculine awareness, and it was just so wonderful to see him doing so well!  We all had so much fun together, and there were several times I laughed until I cried :D

I’m grateful for this involuntarily-imposed break, it’s given me more time to think about the way David, Nabal, and Abigail’s situation played forth.  How can a good, intelligent, godly woman do what Abigail did and be honored, even rewarded for it?

Since there seems to be so much to cover, and for time’s sake in writing for me (and reading for you), I’ll break this topic up into a series, with Abigail – The Heart of the Matter, being Post 1.


I’ve seen many conflicting interpretations when researching it this past week; quite a few say that Abigail is the prime example of a wife that was unsubmissive and disrespectful to her husband, therefore giving us the perfect example of cases in which the wife isn’t to submit.  Here is an excerpt from a woman’s blog that promotes this idea,

Abigail is not what we would call a leader, but she is hailed precisely because she took the lead in a crisis situation.  Had Abigail followed the rules of wifely submission, she would have honored her husband’s commands, and then everyone in her household would have died.  I recently watched a video clip where John Piper (a Reformed pastor and Complimentarian) urged women to submit to their husbands unless/until the husbands wanted their wives to sin- even in situations of abuse!  But here, Abigail is praised for doing the exact opposite.   Her story proves that even in the intensely patriarchal culture of ancient Israel, there is a limit to wifely submission.

I’ve also seen interpretations in the past where Abigail is accused of being disrespectful because of how she talks to David about Nabal.  Hopefully I’ll be able to address both of these misconceptions from our point of view (my husband’s and mine) in this one post – although their situation is so complex there may be something you readers would like to also point out – please chime in, this topic is very deep and confusing to many Christians.  So if you are reading this and have something to add to the discussion, feel free to do so!


First, let’s just look at the biblical passage starting in 1 Samuel 25:

Samuel died, and all Israel assembled to mourn for him, and they buried him by his home in Ramah.  David then went down to the Wilderness of Paran.

A man in Maon had a business in Carmel; e was a very rich man with 3,000 sheep and 1,000 goats and was shearing his sheep in Carmel.  The man’s name was Nabal, and his wie’s name, Abigail.  The woman was intelligent and beautiful, but the man, a Calebite, was harsh and evil in his dealings.

While David was in the wilderness, he heard that Nabal was shearing sheep, so David sent 10 young men instructing them, “Go up to Carmel, and when you come to Nabal, greet him in my name.  Then say this:

‘Long life to you, and peace to you, to your family, and to all that is yours.  I hear that you are shearing.  when your shepherds were with us, we did not harass them and nothing of theirs was missing the whole time they were in Carmel.  Ask your men, and they will tell you.  So let my young men find favor with you, for we have come on a feast day.  Please give whatever you can afford to your servants and to your son David.'”

David’s young men went and said all these things to Nabal on David’s behalf, and they waited.  Nabal asked them “Who is David?  Who is jesse’s son?  Many slaves these days are running away from their masters. Am I supposed to take my bread, my water, and my meat that I butchered for my shearers and give them to men who are from I don’t know where?”


The hearts of these men matter greatly here.  David has a beautiful heart, a generous heart, and a good heart – and it is especially revealed in his request to Nabal.  His request speaks blessings over Nabal, and blessings over his household.  His words and actions displayed the goodness of his character– his men didn’t have to watch over Nabal’s shepherds, they could have even bothered them or stolen from them, but David had integrity and made sure his men did what was right in this particular cultural situation.  Nabal’s men described David’s army as being a “wall” around them, protecting them and giving them security as they worked.

David was on the cusp of becoming king, indeed he had just spared Saul’s life in a battle, and even received a blessing from his enemy, as Saul acknowledges that David was more righteous than him, that David repaid him with goodness when Saul only did evil to him.  Saul even acknowledges to David as he spares his life, that he knew for sure now, that David would become king, and that the kingdom of Israel would be established in his hand.  Saul asked for David to spare his family and descendents, and David graciously promises (and later fulfills that promise) to do so.

Requesting in a gentle, humble way to be added in their feasting, but only given whatever Nabal could spare or afford, was a modest, gracious and humble response.

Nabal, however, shows the depth of the wickedness in his heart in his reply to David.

Nabal insults him in a particularly ugly way – “Who is David?  Who is Jesse’s son?  Many slaves these days are running away from their masters. Am I supposed to take my bread, my water, and my meat that I butchered for my shearers and give them to men who are from I don’t know where?

Nabal no doubt knows who David is, and even more than likely understands what and who David will become on some level, but he shows his wickedness in how he chooses to slander David, condemn and disregard his obvious good character, so that he would not be required to give him anything from their prosperous feast.  A feast that David and his men in part ensured was protected and made possible!  But Nabal knows David still hasn’t become king, and so because of his position and wealth, it appears that Nabal takes advantage of David’s humbling himself, opening himself and his men in their vulnerability in asking to receive food from Nabal, and insinuates that David is no better than a runaway slave.

In reading Nabal’s reply, one can almost taste the evil he speaks to David’s men – this is a man who does not care how his words impact others, and feels free to tarnish the reputation of a good, humble, and eventually powerful man.  Even though David has an army of men with him, Nabal doesn’t even seem to comprehend how his words may provoke violent natural consequences.

His foolishness is in believing that his wicked actions will never come back to haunt or harm him, and that, as we’ve seen, is one of the hallmarks of the Proverbial fool.

Even wise people can and may act in very foolish ways at times, however, they are open to feeling conviction, open to a wise and well-founded rebuke, and while they may have acted in foolishness, they often feel deep shame for their actions.  This shame or guilt is godly and produces in them the fervent desire to do better, indeed, to become a better Christian.

A Proverbial fool requires a lot more in the name of consequences to ever feel even a smidgen of shame for their wickedness.  Instead of being open to acknowledging their wrongs against others, and apologizing or changing their disastrous ways, a Proverbial Fool holds fast to their arrogance, and believes their wicked words are either well-deserved, or that they rightly describe another’s character.  In the case of Nabal, he may have thought that David deserved the insult, condemnation, and humiliation of being compared to a runaway slave for even asking to share in Nabal’s feasting and wealth.  Or he truly may have believed that David in fact was comparable to a runaway slave, and would eventually amount to nothing in his life.  A Proverbial fool has a way of overlooking the potential of someone they may despise for no reason.  Even though it was clear that an evil spirit was using Saul against David, Nabal may have thought that Saul was still the rightful king, and that David condemned himself and his reputation in falling out of Saul’s graces.

But why did Nabal say those things to David even though it is highly likely he knew exactly who David was, and that David would be offended by his careless words?

Proverbs 18:2 ESV 

A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.

Nabal didn’t care to take into consideration the goodness of David’s words to him or actions in generously watching over his flock and shepherds.  He enjoyed airing his insulting and condemning opinions of David to the very men who helped provide Nabal’s prosperity, fully knowing those words would be repeated back to David.  Fool’s do not take delight in understanding a person or situation, but they love hearing their own voice or thoughts.

Proverbs 29:11 ESV 

A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.

Nabal gave full vent to his thoughts about David – insulting him, mocking him, even provoking him – daring him – to react in kind.  We know we are acting foolishly when we give “full vent” to our emotions without care of acting godly with wisdom in how we respond when angry.

Proverbs 18:6 ESV 

A fool’s lips walk into a fight, and his mouth invites a beating.

Because of Nabal’s words, he invites great harm on not only himself, but all the male servants in his household who may have better character.  Nabal’s folly endangers not only himself, but innocent people as well.  His provocation of David and his army invites them to come and destroy him.  Fool’s regularly mouth-off at the wrong time, or offend people who have particular power over their life or livelihood, causing themselves to lose their job or even their life depending on the degree they provoke a person.

Proverbs 29:9 ESV 

If a wise man has an argument with a fool, the fool only rages and laughs, and there is no quiet.

Nabal mocks and belittles David and his great accomplishments, no doubt if David was to “argue” with Nabal, he would never be able to get through to him how wrong his actions were.  David was well-known around the country for his success in battles years before this, however, Nabal still feels arrogant enough to take advantage of David’s humbling himself before him.

Proverbs 18:7 ESV 

A fool’s mouth is his ruin, and his lips are a snare to his soul.

Nabal’s words condemn him and his entire household in the anger they provoke in David.  Because the Proverbial fool excuses their lack of self-discipline, their lips ensure their demise or departure from acting godly.

Proverbs 10:23 ESV 

Doing wrong is like a joke to a fool, but wisdom is pleasure to a man of understanding.

Nabal we’ll see later, not only enjoyed mocking David and his army in their time of hunger, need, and humility, but he then went on to enjoy his feasting and drinking wine.  He may have remembered how David “begged” for food from his table, and laughed to himself as he enjoyed his bounty as if it was a great joking matter.  The Proverbial fool loves to mock, make jokes of those who are righteous or acting godly – mocking their humility or goodness, even calling their righteous words pesky or annoying.


The Proverbial Fool provokes, it’s how they choose to find their enjoyment of life, and both Christians and non-Christians may act in this way.  If you watch a Proverbial fool for long, you will undoubtedly see that they actively seek out arguments to get into where they gleefully insult another believer or person, without a care to how their words will impact their future or the other person.

The Proverbial Fool feeds off of questioning another’s character to “get away” with continuing in their wickedness.  If Nabal can make David appear to be no better than a runaway slave, someone worthy of death anyway, then he doesn’t feel the guilt of not allowing David and his men to take part in his feast.  A wise person recognizes a person acting in righteousness and authenticity, but the fool only deals in insults and ridicule, and provokes to anger even a person committing themselves to doing the right thing, and living with integrity. 

David’s response to the Fool was rage, and immediate plans to commit violence.

I don’t think we should overlook this crucial part of the story, as it is actually a common response – a human response – in reacting to a fool.  A Proverbial fool will do almost everything they can think of to insult or bait a righteous person into an argument with them.  They will lie about them, call them every name in the book, mock them, try to slander their reputation to others, and it’s normal for a person facing this kind of behavior to become extremely angry, try to defend themselves against blatant lies being told about them, or otherwise try to reason or argue with the Fool.  Of course, fighting with a fool using any kind of natural response that a wise person would respond well to, doesn’t work, it would only be fulfilling their deep craving for drama and the feeling they get from controlling another’s response with their provocations.

Even though David’s innate response was wrong, it doesn’t mean it’s not understandable.  Folly seems like it is contagious.  When one person sins against another, insulting or mocking or degrading their character as Nabal did, it can easily incite a person to respond out of character and against their better judgment.

Abigail protects her husband in his foolishness, his household servants from death, and David from reacting rashly, and having innocent blood on his hands due to a mere fool’s careless provocations.

Abigail’s heart and actions will taken apart in the next post.




Giving Thanks When its the Last Thing You Want to Do

Happy Thanksgiving sweet reader!  I’m hoping that today is finding you well, and has been a long awaited, wonderful blessing for you.  I’m supposed to make a cherry pie this morning, but wanted to drop in and post a brief note of encouragement to you.

I’m sorry for the absence and delay of the promised next post.

We’ve been having computer issues, and actually had to take our computer in to get it fixed, so tomorrow I will post on the character of Abigail.  The computer place we went to was a trusted company that’s been in our city for years, one that my dad even used to go to when we had computer problems growing up.  Unfortunately, our computer anti-virus software had been over-rided (if that’s the right word), and we had many viruses and malware that was removed by the technician.  It was hard to feel thankful (even though I obviously am) when we got it back yesterday – I feel so vulnerable and exposed, being thankful feels like a distant memory.

But God tells us to,

“Always be joyful.  Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances…” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

When things are going all wrong, don’t stop praying.  When your reputation is being maliciously slandered, don’t stop being thankful for it.

As I’ve mentioned before, in the post about Malicious Joy, thanking God for the trials that you go through, especially when you are doing a good work for Him, Redeems those trials.

There are blessings even in the hardships if you continue to look for them.

I was prevented from posting for days because of our computer issues, but in and during that time, God refreshed my spirit and even gave me 6 more ideas to post on that will be coming soon.

Even though I’ve seen posts written criticizing my compassion for other people, or my authenticity with my readers, or my ability to admit fault (which I freely admit my shortcomings to anyone, especially those of you who know me in real life), even though I’m being “cursed,” God is blessing.

Even though I shouldn’t be writing – my computer was so infected it actually completely stopped working – even though I shouldn’t be joyful in light of these circumstances – I am still writing, and with every word, God is lifting my joy and even thankfulness!

Our attitudes often mysteriously align with our actions.  So with my actions, even though I didn’t truly feel like it, I’m choosing to thank God this Thanksgiving.

No matter what trials you’re going through, dear reader, be thankful for what you do have.  Be thankful for any of the gifts in your life, they are all graciously and generously given to us from our loving Father who wants so much to bless us!


Happy Thanksgiving, and may you truly find happiness in it today.


A Husband Confronts His Wife’s Mean-Spiritedness

In this post, I will be presenting an example of a husband confronting his wife on her behavior in their marriage.  In this example, the wife is not just a “normal sinner,” but actually follows a very biblically detailed pattern of the Proverbial fool.  In order to understand the depths of depravity human character is capable of when engaging in folly, first we must look at what the Proverbial fool truly is like – how they relate, how they treat other people, and why they are sometimes more difficult to deal with than even a truly evil person.

We all are capable of acting in foolish ways, being people who are susceptible to our inherent sin nature, however the “fool” described in Proverbs is different from the normal sinner, and using Dan Allender and Tremper Longman’s book, Bold Love, I will try to illustrate the difference.  And give an example of when and how a husband calling out the of his wife was good and beneficial to him, their family, and definitely the wife herself.

First, the Proverbial fool is fairly easy to spot, they are often the loudest, most combative voices in a family or community.  They react in second nature to almost anyone with anger and insults.  If a fool is called out, they often refuse to admit or accept their wrongdoing – and double up for retaliation using mocking, shaming language, even anger and rage.

The Proverbial fool calls attention to themselves because they have to win an argument, no matter how low they stoop in engaging in sinful behavior, or the degree of damage they carelessly do to a relationship, their goal is only to win, and nothing will stand in their path. They have patterns of anger outbursts or jumping headfirst into arguments they enjoy getting into, and this pattern can be daily, or even multiple times a day, or even as infrequent as a weekly occurrence.

A normal sinner, according to Allender and Longman’s viewpoint, is usually convicted deeply enough to not allow themselves to continue in an obvious pattern of sin.  But the fool gives themselves permission to act as if they have no self-control, and constantly give in to their emotions – usually being the obvious emotions of anger and bitterness, but can also be a general contentious or mean-spirit.  Their willing lack of self control is actually justified to the fool, their situation is always an exception and calls for whatever behavior they decide is right in the moment!  Although their sinful behavior or lack of self-control are obvious in their attempts at dialogue or relating to other people, especially when they are conversing about a person they dislike or disagree with.

The Proverbial fool gives themselves permission to not have to abide by godly standards.  In the fool’s mind, their obvious lack of wisdom, prudence, or self-control is justified and excusable, however, because they don’t feel deep conviction or remorse for their wrongdoings to other people, they are constantly behaving in this pattern of returning to their own vomit.

As a dog returns to it’s own vomit, so a fool returns to their folly.

 And now for the example, a husband boldly loving his wife by confronting her on her sin, and disallowing her to remain in her depravity that is destroying their family:

“The power of words is immense.  A word can soothe the soul or cut it to ribbons, and discussion with the fool ought to do both.  When a fool acknowledges any level of responsibility or sorrow, it must not be merely accepted or quickly dismissed, but captured and underscored.  Let me construct a possible dialogue that addresses both the dignity and the depravity in a fool’s heart.

“Assume that Kathy fits the description of a fool, and Ralph, her husband, has been the kind of man who has ignored her cruelty and given his energy to his work and children.

KATHY: Honey, I am sorry for how mean I’ve been to you while I’ve been working on this project. I hope you’re not too upset.

RALPH: Kathy, I am quite upset.  Frankly, as much with me as with you.  This has gone on for years, and I’ve failed you by ignoring it in the past.  That is wrong.  But I am encouraged, at least a little, by your willingness to admit that you have been mean.  My question is, do you want to deal with this or are you looking for a quick absolution?  If it is the latter, then I am far more upset than you can imagine.

KATHY (with slight disdain): Ralph! Do we have to get into one of these psychological discussions again?

RALPH (with quiet strength and twinkle of a smile in spite of a sharp bolt of anguish): No, sweetheart, we don’t. You are mean.  In fact, you can be cruel and contemptuous.  But I feel no compulsion to deal with your heart if it is that hard and cold.  I trust and pray that the woman who asked me to forgive her will one day come to the surface far more.  What would you like for dinner?  I know you’ll be buys with that project, but can I make you anything in particular?”

The authors’ frequently point out that in dealing with a fool, they have strongholds of arrogance that can only be truly broken by their own admittance of their depravity.  Like Kathy, they will sometimes concede that they’ve “been mean” or “I’ve acted rudely,” however, behind those shallow words, there is no real depth of meaning, no true understanding the degree of their heart’s sin – and therefore, no real chance for experiencing godly change.

Paul talks about believers experiencing godly shame and sadness that is crucial to the believer understanding their need for change, however, the fool, even with their shallow acknowledgments of their missing the mark, avoids this reality.

For the kind of sorrow God wants us to experience leads us away from sin and results in salvation. There’s no regret for that kind of sorrow. But worldly sorrow, which lacks repentance, results in spiritual death. 2 Corinthians 7:10

It often can take years or decades of a fool pressing on in their life and relationships, causing pain and heartache in their family or children’s lives, before they even slightly begin to see themselves as they truly are.

A clear biblical example not covered in Bold Love, but great to cover now is of a married couple, where one partner was a classic example of the Proverbial fool, they are Abigail and Nabal.  Abigail was a beautiful woman – beautiful inside and out – she was strong, cunning, fearless, and bold in the way she lived her life, and even in the way she submitted to, but also reacted to her husband, Nabal, who’s name literally translated to “fool.”


The next post will be on taking apart Abigail’s story in the Bible, and of course, her husband, the fool.


Bold Love – Responding to Fools

Back in 2006, my mom bought me a book that had changed the way she saw things, a rare find that she felt was actually biblical 100% of the way through, it was Dr. Dan B. Allender & Dr. Tremper Longman III’s book, Bold Love.

This is a fascinating and intellectually stimulating book on how to love like Jesus Christ did – not passive or nice, but unpredictable, cunning, and sometimes offensive in how it causes a person to come to face with the reality of their depravity – and forces them to look at the evil they do, to feel the pain that is designed to help that person deal with their patterns of diseased sin that is damaging the way they relate to other people.

One of the things I enjoyed about this book when I first read it, is that it confronts a wife’s capacity to sin (and sin greatly) against her husband.  So often women are viewed as only being capable of goodness and purity, however, as a woman, I will be the first to tell you that I believe we are capable of severely evil acts against others – I myself, have done and said things I deeply regret.  I am constantly on a path of trying to allow God to convict me and show me where I need to change unhealthy patterns, or in how I respond to foolish or evil people.  But I’ve often found that women in our society, are often given an out, given an excuse for their depravity, “Oh, he caused you to do (fill in the blank).  If he hadn’t pushed you to that point, you wouldn’t have had to do (fill in the blank).”  This kind of response is of course, ridiculous, and doesn’t force the woman to deal with the fact that no matter what someone did to provoke her, she is still responsible for her reactions.  She is still called to react like Christ, no matter the initial offense or how deeply wrong she feels.

Bold Love covers many topics, but one I truly love is how a foolish person (woman or man) is capable of hating knowledge – hating to face the facts of the depravity of their own heart so much, that they bypass a deeper relationship with God and the chance to become a different person than they were.

When you allow God’s knowledge and truth to shine light on the way you’ve been acting in diseased depravity of your sins, you become changed – and you will NEVER quite be the same again.  The knowledge literally transforms you, because all knowledge is connected to God – it comes from God.

The foolish woman or man, hates the knowledge of their sin, and cringes or reacts in a flood of anger at it being called out; whereas a wise person acknowledges the knowledge of their sinful depravity, feels remorse, and works to deal with it, in order to change.  A fool takes steps back in spiritual growth, whereas a wise person earnestly tries to allow God to move them forward.

Fools automatically go into assault/attack mode when faced with the reality of their sinful heart or actions.  It is easy to spot because they easily fall into rude or abusive humor, slinging insults, and doubling down on insisting people know “their side” of what happened.

Unless they are at what Dr. Allender calls a “vulnerable point” of remorse, or forced to feel “the piercing exposure of shame,” a fool’s hope for redemption is honestly slim.  It is second nature for them to feel an increased, ungodly rage when a person points out their failures (past or present), and they are almost incapable of achieving real, lasting change from their old behavior.  Lasting change requires an admittance that what they were (or are) behaving like, is wrong.  The best tactic to forcing a fool to see their own actions is exposure that causes them shame.

“Expose with a mood that is matter-of-fact, strong, and benevolent.  Such a mood is like passing a red cape before an enraged bull; it will incite and intensify the fury.  When we “set up” the fool for further exposure, as the Lord did with the rich young ruler and the woman at the well, we set ourselves up for attack.  We need to be prepared to move out of the way with a light step.  This is the most difficult principle to describe because it requires such freedom of heart to operate with spontaneity, humor, and power.”

Exposure must be designed to leave the fool ultimately alone, so that they can face God with the shame of their reaction.  A foolish man or woman will never repent unless they feel pain.  And genuine pain only comes from truly acknowledging the depravity of their actions, but that pain produces beauty.

The authors have many more tenants for setting up a fool, for having boundaries and consequences set in place, all so that the foolish person is forced to deal with their own foolish behavior.  Oftentimes, your reaction must be the opposite of what they would expect, because in many ways, our own reactions enable the sinful behavior of the fools we have to deal with.  By surprising them with unexpected behavior or an unanticipated reaction they thought they’d get from us, we violate a sense of their being all-knowing or in control.

“Consequences must have a bite.”  In dealing with a foolish person, sometimes the best thing is to show kindness at just the right moment where it surprises them and knocks them off guard.  However, more often with a foolish person, the consequence has to be a “natural consequence,” that they don’t enjoy having to deal with.

Tomorrow I will write on an example of a husband dealing appropriately with a wife who is mean-spirited.


Having Joy in Spite Of


I feel like I’ve learned so many little lessons from not only this Joy study itself, but the many different things in my life during this time.  It’s amazing to experience God’s peace and joy, even in the midst of things that would seem negative, things that normally would rob one of joy or happiness or peace.

This week, we’ve been learning how to practice having joy in spite of difficult or less than desirable circumstances.  This journey over the past few months has truly grown me and stretched me, to where I’m not even the same person I was a few months ago.  I’ve heard so many messages now on what God was pressing on my heart – Staying Focus – and so many gifts of wisdom from people in my life on how to respond in better, more Christ-like ways to attacks and accusations.

I don’t retaliate anymore when I’m tempted to.  I don’t try to fight back in ways that only make matters worse.  I don’t give in to feeling ashamed when Satan uses people to bring up my past failures, things I’ve already apologized for and reconciled with them about.  I know God’s used my past failures to help me learn how to respond better in my life, and that I’m fully covered in His grace.  There is no more condemnation for my past failings.  And I know how to spot Satan’s attempts at stealing my joy – they don’t even work anymore – when he tries to condemn me for things I’ve already been forgiven for.  I know I’m covered in God’s grace, and feel no condemnation!  I still have joy :)

Now I actually celebrate and am actually a little excited to see insults and slander, not because of it or the pain it does cause me, but because I have the renewed chance to respond the right way this time.  To do things right.  Even last night, I decided to pray for someone that was obviously acting without self-control… again, and trying to cause harm by what she thought was a good plan at retaliation at feeling wronged.  It was exciting for me to know and decide right then at that moment, that I would not retaliate, and that I would pass that test God was giving me to learn how to deal better with sinful people.

I decided not to retaliate with insults or accusations of her past wrongs, or attacks like the last time I failed this test.  I decided I was going to forgive her, again, pray for her, and thank God for what she was doing and saying.  Sometimes we have to forgive people multiple times because they keep allowing Satan to use them.  But my reaction last night, is a far cry from what I would have done just a few months ago.  And that’s amazing!

It’s something to celebrate!  So I’m celebrating this week, for doing something I never would have been able to do with such grace this time last year.  I’m celebrating for the progress and maturity this means for me.  I’m celebrating because in passing this test, I’ll be able to move to the next level with God and be ready for whatever He has for me there.

So be encouraged readers!!  Have joy – joy in spite of.

Roasted Butternut Squash & Apple Soup


This is the epic soup of Fall.  The combination of all the ingredients with their surprisingly opposite notes of flavor (onions + maple syrup anyone??), all came together to almost taste like a prelude to a Thanksgiving dinner.  It was like eating a Thanksgiving Soup!

Anyway, I’ve never successfully made this soup before, I think I have tried maybe 2 years ago or so, and failed miserably – somehow it just tasted horrible.  But this recipe I found at our local grocery store (HEB for you Texans) was a new spin on the traditional Butternut Squash Soup.  This soup is drastically different from it’s more widely consumed version; it has maple syrup, brown sugar, and apples – giving it a much deeper flavor and intensity as the regular version sticks with the plain ingredients.

I loved how it gave our family a taste of Thanksgiving to come!  I hope you try it and enjoy it!

Roasted Butternut Squash & Apple Soup – HEB Recipe

  • 3 pkg. HEB Butternut Squash or 1-Whole Butternut, cleaned and diced discarding peel
  • 2 Apples, cored and diced (Ambrosia Apples are great flavor), or 2 cups Apple sauce (Unsweetened preferred but sweetened works just fine)
  • 8 oz Diced Savory Vegetables (HEB wants you to buy their packages, but I just looked online to see what “diced veggies” could go into this soup normally.  It’s a blend of 1/2 an onion diced, 1 potato diced, along with other optional things like 1 carrot or 1 celery stalk.  It’s up to you what you use really).
  • 6 oz Maple Syrup or 1 cup Brown Sugar (I used 1/2 cup Maple Syrup and 1/2 cup Brown Sugar because I liked the idea of having both in the soup).
  • 1 Tbsp Texas Prime Coarse seasoning (I simply used some parsley & garlic as I didn’t want to buy more seasoning)
  • 1 qt HEB Chicken broth or stock
  • 2 cups Heavy Whipping Cream (I used 1 1/2 cups of milk, whisking it in after the soup was pureed)
  • Salt & Black pepper

Preheat oven to 400’F.




Amazed at the brown sugar and maple syrup combination!

Amazed at the brown sugar and maple syrup combination!

1 Potato diced

1 Potato diced

The beautiful veggie mixture, onions were added afterwards.

The beautiful veggie mixture tossed and coated, onions were added afterwards.

After roasting for 1 hour

After roasting for 1 hour.  Smelled heavenly, like a Thanksgiving Soup!

After puree, the end result!

After puree, the end result!

Combine all squash, diced apples (applesauce) and veggies and place into baking pan.  Drizzle maple syrup and add seasonings.  Toss to coat.  Roast for 45 min to 1 hr.  Allow veggie mixture to cool and add into food processor in batches to create puree. In a stock pot, pour broth, cream and puree and simmer for 10 minutes.

Adjust to your favorite consistency (by adding more water or broth if you have any left over, or the texture of the puree).  My husband loves soup that isn’t completely pureed, so I make sure to leave some of chunks of the veggies in the soup.  It was glorious!

Bon Appetit!

Single Women: Don’t Do Messy-Girl Style!

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Single women… men notice your counter tops!

Not those counter tops – not even your kitchen counter tops, although those matter, too.  I’m talking about your counter space in your restroom, and the storage of your feminine beauty items.  A woman’s restroom and how clean she keeps it is actually more important than you think.

Growing up my mother always tried to instill in me to keep my bathroom area – mainly the counter top space – clean and organized, free of clutter, but it always seemed like a chore and slightly unnecessary.  Especially when one is single – who sees your counter top in your bathroom?  It began to make more sense in college when I would see my friend’s dorm rooms and see guys using their restroom.  If it was dirty or unclean, the guys would mentally make note of it, sometimes even say something about it.

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A few years ago, I read an article over at Into The Gloss, the chicest resource for what the models and celebrities secretly wear and do for their beauty regimen, a brief instruction to all the female readers to not be a “messy girl” and that one of the greatest sins of chic they could commit was to have a messy bathroom, especially a cluttered up counter top.

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It’s true.  Since then I’ve read many comments from men, talking about how much they wish women were aware of what they accidentally show them when they enter their apartment. Or (gasp!!) use their girlfriend’s bathroom.  Men love to have the idea of a woman being polished, together. Seeing you outside of your home, looking beautiful and polished, only to find out that your inner world is a mess is disappointment to them.  Most men are completely and utterly turned off by the messy girl life style.  It demonstrates low value, that the girl doesn’t care about her possessions, that she isn’t responsible enough to take care of where she lives, and that she doesn’t have the integrity to be disciplined and clean behind closed doors.  When reading Into the Gloss, where it showed pictures daily of the Top Shelfs (bathroom storage) of the beauty supplies, perfumes, candles, etc. the models and designers, producers, and leading women in the beauty industry – all women of high value – each and every top shelf was organized and clean.

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I don’t want it sound like this is the most important thing in attracting men, because obviously it isn’t!  The models and designers that have their bathrooms go on photo-shoots probably clean like never before!  But it’s still something beautiful and good to aspire to.  It’s unreasonable to expect 24/7 organization, but the key here is to learn how to make it easier, more manageable, and give you that boost of enjoying a clean, organized bathroom space.

Even Elisabeth Elliot had something to say on the beauty of cleanliness in a woman,

“The way you keep your house, the way you organize your time, the care you take in your personal appearance, the things you spend your money on, all speak loudly about what you believe. The beauty of thy peace shines forth in an ordered life. A disordered life speaks loudly of disorder in the soul.”


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Tips to keep your bathroom looking like a Top Shelf:

  • Keep your vanity counter clean by wiping it down every night after you use it, this helps dust and debris from building up over time.  My dad taught me this and continued to do it himself for years.
  • Only keep a few key feminine or favorite pieces on your counter top to avoid clutter.  Clutter just looks horribly messy, believe me I wish it didn’t!  So just stick to a couple of key pieces that are beautiful, even better if they can provide dual functions like a toothbrush holder. I have a couple of elegant pieces right now, 2 that serve as dual functions.  My Grandma’s antique angel jewelry holder is the stand for my contact case, a beautiful tiny vase holds my favorite nail polishes and glasses, along with little things like bobby pins at times.  And an antique, glass perfume bottle I found at a thrift store for $1, just to add a more feminine touch.
  • Store your bulky beauty items that you rarely use either under the cupboard in trays, bags or boxes to keep out of the way and yet still organized and easy to find when you need them.
  • Store your more regularly used beauty products on a shelf – a Top Shelf is great for this.  It’s out of theway, and easy to reach, and it forces you to only keep so much at a time – making you periodically have to go through your items to put away things you don’t use anymore, or throw away old bottles.
  • The hardest thing for me to keep on top of is dust getting on the things that are on the counter top itself, even the flowers.  Either weekly or monthly, depending on how much dust you collect in your house, try to just dust off the key pieces.  It’s hard for me to notice when it’s building up, so having a somewhat steady time when I dust there is better overall.
  • USE WINDEX!  In this age of the Selfie, how many girls and young women do you see posting up selfies with dirty mirrors?  Men actually make fun of this phenomenon, that the girl is so narcissistic that she’s focusing so much on herself, that she can’t see that the mirror itself is dirty, giving the photo a horrible overall look.  Use Windex once a week when doing your regular bathroom cleaning duties, it makes it so much more beautiful to have clean mirrors rather than dingy ones.

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We all try to look our best when out in public.  Single women especially, try to look polished.  But a truly polished young woman will care about the little details of her home, and work to keep even her counter tops clean and organized.

It all basically comes down to being clean and organized.

Men appreciate this, much more than society tells us.  So enjoy the beauty and peace of a clean, elegant space!

Morning Adventures

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Yesterday morning, we went for a walk at one of our old haunts and favorite places.  It’s an outdoor mall in our city that I’ve been coming to for years.  The mall actually had it’s opening day on my birthday back in 2005, and has a rich history of our particular romance & love story.

It was a nice, cooler-than-it-looked day, and the beauty of the surroundings, especially in the late morning lighting, was just captivating to me.  You’d think after so many years, it would feel too familiar, but the familiarity seems to only endear me to it even more so.

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I think it’s good to get kids out to see the beauty of nature, whether it’s hiking, swimming in a lake or the ocean, walking on a trail or the beach, it’s just one of those things that replenishes my own joy and happiness… but seeing them enjoy it – seeing the baby captivated by the different sounds and sights of nature, is really incredible!

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The flowers everywhere still in bloom, the greenery, the vines cascading down from the roofs of the buildings… just a breathtaking place to be in the morning.  Definitely changes one’s attitude or mood if needed.

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I was talking to a sweet, older gentleman yesterday about how we’re having such a late fall here in Texas.  Everything still looks slightly like Summer, but we’re enjoying the cooler weather, me in particular, getting to wear sweaters and boots finally.

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I loved seeing this couch with the holiday pillows and wine glasses.  Reminds me of Christmas and cocktail parties that come in December.

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This red chair, along with the holiday pillow, makes it’s own statement.  So much style.

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And then we went to our favorite cooking store, when you open the doors, the intoxicating smell of delicious foods overwhelm you for a moment and leave your mouth watering.

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This woman was in the middle of cooking a delicious turkey meal, giving us some samples of Thanksgiving delights for a quick brunch.

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We have a special area my older son always loved to go see, it has clocks that tell the time of different places around the world.  We used to love going to the section and staring at the different times, and I’d explain to him what the people were probably doing in that part of the world – sleeping, eating dinner, or just waking up!  It was a romantic exercise :)

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I’m using my father’s camera now.  My mom thought it was a good idea to give it to me since he hasn’t (and probably won’t) be ever using it again. :'(  It took me a while before even wanting to take it out of the box. It’s a nice camera… but using it was an admission that there’s something really wrong with him, that he’s not the same as he used to be.

It does take better pictures than my old one, and maybe a part of him can be memorialized in the beauty it captures.  But it’s still a tragic change to me.

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