Chorizo, Egg, & Biscuit Breakfast Casserole

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Delicious, protein-packed, perfect for a crowd-pleaser dish… you won’t want to stop eating it!  I made this a couple of days ago for a group of women I meet with every week for Bible study.  It’s kind of like a breakfast feast every week as people bring tacos, donuts, fruits, yogurts… it’s like we lure people in with the food, honestly!

Another recipe that would have been great would have been the Breakfast Egg-Muffins, individual so that your guests wouldn’t have to bother with serving… just grab n’ go.

The base of this casserole is pre-baked biscuits cut open (6 usually work instead of the regular 8 that come in a pack)

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While the biscuits bake, you want to mix up the egg & milk mixture. 1 dozen eggs, 2 cups milk

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Next you add your spices, 1 tsp Chili powder, 2 tsp Garlic, 1 tsp salt, 1 tsp pepper, 2 tsp Basil, and if you can find it, 2 tsp of Six Peppers spice

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Also, while the biscuits are baking, the chorizo should be cooking in a pan until it becomes the consistency of cooked ground beef

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Pre-cooked

Once biscuits are done, you’re ready!  Keep oven on at the regular 375 (for biscuits) so that it’s easy to pop the casserole in once it’s combined.  Line your casserole dish (9×13) with open biscuits (about 6)

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Spread the cooked chorizo on top, then pour the egg mixture over into the dish.  Scatter the chorizo so that some is incorporated into the egg mixture also.

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Bake for 20-25 minutes until center cooked (when a fork comes out clean after inserted).  Then add cheese and pop back in for another minute or until cheese melts.

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Delish and ready for breakfast!

My Grandma’s Garden

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Yesterday we spent Easter at my Grandma’s old house.  Really it belonged to my Great-Grandparents, and the house itself is nearing it’s 100th birthday.  It’s architecture style, the way the front and backyard is lined out, tell a story of long ago; it’s both mysterious and inviting.  Many family memories have been made there, my own mother’s memories, my Grandfather’s memories of being raised as a boy there with 3 sisters, not to mention my memories of being there with my own Grandparents!  It’s a generational house, passed down again and again.

In the backyard there is a secret place, a concrete slab that is easily hidden by grass and leaves that reveals the little handprints of my Grandpa and his sisters’ when they were young.  So much history is there.

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My Great Grandmother had a beautiful rose garden, she was English and they love their roses.  When she passed away, my Grandma took it over and made it her own.  I’m just not a rose bush girl… the thorns always seem to get me one way or another, no matter if I’m careful and wearing gloves, there always seems to be one thorn that is skilled in cutting through.  My favorite flowers (that look like roses) are Gardenias – the beautiful white, satiny petals, the rose-like shape, but the gentleness and friendliness of being thornless.

They are the “perfect rose” to me, perfumed with a heavenly scent, equipped with an ethereal beauty, and no danger of drawing blood.

But my family has loved roses, and they are so beautiful.

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In the midst of a bustling city, very close to the heart of our downtown, it is still a strange oasis – time stops when you’re wandering in their garden.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAOLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAOLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAGenerations of Beauty.

Why Can’t a Woman, Be More Like a Man?

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It was a gray morning.  We’ve been having some beautiful days recently, even yesterday was one of Texas’ glorious sunny and hot days with baby blue skies.  Yesterday, I took my sons around the neighborhood, posting up fliers we made on the telephone poles:  FOUND DOG FEMALE DACHSHUND #….   The most adorable little black and brown doxen came happily up to us as we were unloading and getting into the garage a couple of days ago.  She had a pink collar, was friendlier than anything, and obviously belonged to one of our neighbors.  We know quite a few neighbors on our street (we’re really lucky, we live around some pretty awesome people).  None of them owned her, however, so we found ourselves posting up the fliers as my husband is definitely NOT wanting to keep the little weiner dog, no matter how cute she is.

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Having a dog in our backyard and in our house has been so fun.  We have cats

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Our Male Bachelor Cat

– and they are great in their own way,

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but dogs are just such wonderful creatures.  So honest, so happy to see you, so unashamed of showing you their utter devotion and love!

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They are quite the opposite of cats.  My older son has loved having her around these couple of days, she is love and happiness all balled into one little animal body!

***

But back to the post, this morning was gray, and looked a little windy.  I needed to run out to do a couple of errands (and play the Easter Bunny), so I embraced the freedom of leaving the house without kids with glee – threw on my warm, long & cozy sweater over a t-shirt and jeans, and without thinking, slipped into my flip-flops to go out to the car.

Its hard to remember the right shoes when the weather has been pretty hot and sunny off and on.  When I was a teenager/young adult, my mom would always try to get me to understand that girls needed to wear sensible shoes – weather-appropriate shoes.  She told me that men particularly, did not appreciate seeing women who weren’t sensible – women who would wear shoes that showed they didn’t consider the weather… how could a girl like that be a good future mother?  Men want a sensible girl.  I know it sounds harsh, but its been my experience that men really do notice these things – even young guys love to joke about the ridiculous hot girls that insist on wearing daisy dukes paired with Ugg boots during a winter storm and icy conditions.  That scenario is so common here in Texas, they even have memes for it!

So… single women… men notice how you dress – if it is sensible or irresponsible.  Will they always judge you harshly?  No.  But it depends on how offensive the attire is for the weather and conditions.  Guys are much harder on the girls that wear short shorts in the midst of our random winter storms when they pair them with ugg boots.  The ugg boots suggest the girl actually knew better than to wear shorts, and suggests that she is only wearing the daisy dukes so that her legs can still be seen – choosing vanity over practicality to the nth degree.  It’s a little not unlike my being somehow sensible enough to grab my warm, long cozy sweater, but not sensible enough to cover my cold toes!

So while I was out shopping for Easter Bunny trinkets, a sweet older man ended up behind me in line.  Even though we’re in Texas where I swear, people are in general more friendly, its still uncommon for a man to just randomly engage me in conversation.  So I was surprised when he started talking to me.  He knowingly, very sweetly with a kind look in his eyes said to me, “Isn’t it a little cold today for filp-flops?”  I smiled at him and laughed and explained that I made the mistake of rushing out without truly thinking of the sudden weather change!   We had a hot day yesterday afternoon!  Come on, aren’t I excused? ;)   We talked about the weather and how we were both ready for Spring to just stay… and ready for our notorious Summers, and then the cashier was done ringing me up, and I left to go home.

So… my mother was right.

Men notice, girls.  They notice.

<3

Man Wants to Know… Was it Right to Stay with a Cheating, Lying, Manipulative Wife? Is it Unconditional Love, OR Unconditional Stupidity?

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I recently received an anonymous email from a man who had seen my blog, and appreciated the way I write to wives encouraging them to love their husbands.  He told me his story, and asked me to share it.  His is the most honest example I think I’ve ever seen of the way men are capable of truly loving women – even when their wife has cheated multiple times, and had babies with different men (cuckolding him).  The letter is long, however, I encourage you readers to read all the way through when you have time.  He is asking my audience whether or not he has done the right thing, was it unconditional stupidity or unconditional love?

His story has shown the depth of love and self sacrifice (to the point of martyrdom) a man will go to in order to keep his family together, and for the love and benefit of his children.  Here it is,

I met my wife when I was stationed overseas with the Military. After a year courtship, we were married overseas where I was stationed at. Then, we did all the required paperwork so she could come to America legally! We came to the US about a year later. We were married for about 3 years before she got pregnant. All was good, and she let me pick a name for our firstborn child. Then about a month before she delivered, she informed me that she “had an affair” (committed adultery) and the child might not be mine! I was shocked! She said she thought the child was most likely his. I was seriously hurt, and she was very remorseful, and she said she regretted it, and said that fact was eating away at her consciousness. So after the impact wore off, and with much prayer, and her apologies, I forgave her. Because the child would have the special name I had chosen, and my love for her, I was forgiving, and all went well. Then the child was born, and it was obvious that it was not mine! Sure, I was devastated, but I loved my wife, and her baby was special to me, a firstborn. I loved the baby like it was mine. Nevertheless, she wanted to leave me and go live with the baby’s father. So I went out and bought me a brand new Harley Davidson! That was awesome, and so much fun to ride. I got one that had seat space for 2, so I could pick up other women. But, I never did, because like a fool, my heart was still saved for my wife! Her “sperm donor” took off and wanted nothing to do with her or the kid, so since we were still married, she came back to me. I was very cautious, and took things slow, but I thought she was sincere, so we continued together. Life goes on.

All was good, and then a year and much prayer later I got her pregnant, and we had another baby. (#2) This child was definitely mine, and I was happy. I was still in the Military and it all seemed good. The years go by. Our kids were now 2 & 5, and I was retiring from the Military, as my time was finished. Then, the very same day I was getting out of the Military, my wife decides to divorce me! I was put in a tailspin by her latest betrayal of my love for her. I was seriously hurting, like she “kicked me in the face” and I was not sure what to do anymore! I hated my life, and thought a lot of ending it! But, instead, I decided to get serious about my relationship with God. At that point, we had been married for about 8.5 years. I never really ever gave up on her, and always wanted her back, because she was the mother of my children. I always loved the firstborn like it was mine, because the kid did not know any better, I was the only Daddy he/she (sex left out for anonymity) ever knew. And our second child was awesome! She didn’t really want the kids, so I gladly took care of them, and she went & shacked up with her BF at the time. I decided to sell my Harley Davidson, because I was not sure of the future, so I just got rid of it.

I was just retired from the military, and for a couple months I sat with my kids all day, and we watched Toy Story over & over & over! My kids loved that movie, and it kept them quiet, so that was good.

My wife just wanted an easy divorce, and agreed to give me full custody of our kids. She was more interested in drugs and her boyfriend.

So I got a lawyer, and he did the divorce, and it went through. I got full custody of the kids, and SHE had to pay ME child support!!! (Lol) So it worked out that I got the finished divorce papers in perfect time for me to give her copy to her on Valentines’ Day! I went to a flower shop and got a dozen dead black looking roses to give her with her papers! (Happy Valentine’s Day, you slutty bitch!) Lol… Small joke aside, I was still broken & hurt by her actions! So, I started (over) eating at McDonalds or some fast food place every day, then I found some girl, and she moved in with me and my kids. That was mostly a “rebound relationship” and it did not solve anything. My heart was still with my now ex-wife! I remember thinking once- Here we are- she is living with her BF, and me with my GF! What a crazy, mixed up situation! My live in GF could tell I never really was committed to her, so she left, and I didn’t try to stop her. I just focused my life on my kids and my relationship with God! I spent countless hours in prayer, praying for my ex, and that she would come home to me! I got my church to pray for us, and anyone I could find to pray for us. Even the TV “pastors” that offered prayer lines, I called them all, and we sent massive prayers to God for my ex to come to her senses, and it worked! Her BF turned out to be a psychopath, and started beating on her. That did piss me off, and part of me wanted to go kill the scum wad guy, but I just let her be abused, (because that was what she had chosen for herself) in hopes

that it would bring my ex to the bottom that she needed to hit before she came to her senses! And always keeping her in prayer, so God would work on her. This went on for about 3 months before the guy got hauled off to jail. So, all my prayers were working, and we started dating again. She came back to Church with me, and we decided to get remarried again. Praise Jesus!!! We took it slow, and we did a pre- marriage counseling sessions at the Church. We took our time, and then it worked out so we had everything done in time to be married again exactly 10 years to the day after our first wedding!!! (Was that the hand of God, or what?) So I just treated it like we were still married all along, having forgiven her completely, AGAIN!

To this day, we do not think about that nightmare part of our life…Once again, all seemed good…

Nevertheless, my wife still had some evil in her, and she was still involved with drugs off & on.

Two years have passed, and my wife was still up to the same old shit, being an adulterous woman.

One day she came home from work, and told me she was pregnant, and it was not mine, (again) she told me that she went to an abortion clinic to kill the baby, but the “doctor” said she was too far along to abort, so she would have to have the baby. My wife was really being a two faced adulterous whore, and again, were it not for my strong love of God, I don’t know what I would have done! Then when she was ready to give birth to child #3, I took her to the hospital. She had absolutely zero pre-natal care with this baby, and so we just showed up at the hospital. That set off warning bells with the hospital staff, a woman just showing up out of the blue to deliver a baby. So they tested for drugs, and both she & the baby came up positive for meth! I found out about this when we were getting ready to leave the hospital, the police came in with the doctor, and said that since the baby tested positive for drugs, it would have to stay at the hospital until she jumped through some hoops with the state DFS people! Holy Shit- Now what has this woman done to me? The next day they let us bring home the baby, and I do know one thing for sure- This baby was a miracle child, almost being aborted, having zero pre-natal care, and born a crack baby. But, I strongly believe that because of my love for God, my “wife” and our children, that God let this baby be born perfect & healthy, with no problems from its mother’s sinful choices! And I loved all 3 of them equally, because it was not their fault that their mother was an evil bitch! The kids don’t know any better, and I am the only Daddy that has been there for them all their life! And I want to keep it that way! The kids don’t really need to know about their adulterous mom, or that I was stupid (or loving) enough to always keep on taking her back, after everything she did to me.

The DHS said she had to go through drug rehab or else they would take all 3 kids from us! (But for the Grace of God!) She now had 3 kids from 3 different guys! Only 1 out of 3 of “our” kids was actually mine! Ouch, WTF! I know I was not a perfect husband, as I do have my share of faults.

But I don’t think I have done anything that bad to warrant such evil behavior to me!

My wife went to the drug rehab, and everything else they required of her, and again I forgave her and all seemed well. She treated me a little better, and I thought the worst was behind us. But, no, she was still committing adultery on me. I was working nights, and one morning I came home from work and found her and some guy naked in OUR bed!!! And our kids were in their room, just across the hall!

I thank God I did not have access to a gun, or they both would have been dead, and I would have gone to jail for murder, thus our kids would then be orphans! Not good! The only weapon I had was a little baseball bat, so I used it to beat on that guy in MY bed! He was sleeping, and I hit his legs real hard with the bat! He woke up fast, and tried to get out! I kept hitting him, and chased him out the door of our apartment He didn’t even get his clothes, he just left naked! I don’t know or care how he managed to go anywhere, but he never came back and never bothered my wife again! She was crying, and our kids woke up in time to see me chasing a naked guy out of the house! I was mad as hell, but for the grace of God, that I did not kill them both. After that incident, since it was Sunday Morning, I made my wife go to church. So we all got ready and went to church. I don’t know how I did, but I just showed unconditional love to my wife that day. When I look back at it, that was the best course of action at the time.

That was the last time my wife ever committed adultery again! She said she knew she was wrong, and that deep down she wanted to get caught, so it would wake her up! She has been a good girl ever since, and she always wonders how I could always be so forgiving & loving to her, even after all the evil, adulterous way she treated me. Sometimes, I also wonder why I do keep on forgiving & loving her. But I know that is how God loves us, so I know the RIGHT thing to do is to be forgiving & loving to her, just like God keeps on forgiving us, time & time again! But we must put an end to our sinful ways, and aim to strive with God!

About six months later, I got my wife pregnant again, and we had our 4th child. I know this one was mine. What a wonderful woman- 4 kids by 3 different guys. Or as I told her once- 2 “sperm donors” and 1 (sucker-me) with the courage to be Daddy to all our kids! The 2 kids do not know that I am not their father, but they all call me Daddy! That is one of the main reasons that I have kept our marriage together, because the kids need to grow up with 1 Mom & 1 Dad! Because I have seen kids that go back & forth between mom & dad, and they ARE affected by divorce! My parents divorced, and that really did hurt me. No matter what kind of trash the world says, divorce DOES have lasting, harmful effects on the kids! The world says the kids are “resilient, and they will bounce back”, but the bottom line is THEY DON’T! That is just the adults attempt to justify their own SELFISHNESS!!! My marriage is far from perfect, and I am not trying to place all the blame on my wife, because I admit I know I have my faults, and my wife has her faults, but we have them together! My wife does not care for sex much anymore, and we don’t do it enough as far as I am concerned. She doesn’t even sleep in the same bed with me anymore, and I rarely even get to see her naked anymore, let alone make love! BUT, even though our sex life is virtually nonexistent, (She hasn’t even given me a blow job in 10+ years)

I still remain committed to her, and I will not be selfish and cheat on her, regardless of her past issues,

I still remember and HONOR the COMMITMENT I made to her, in front of God, (twice) and I will not break that commitment to God and her! If I don’t get sex from my wife, I will just suffer and not have it at all! Because of her attitude about sex and nudity, I am now struggling with pornography! I know that is not an excuse or justification in the eyes of God, but nevertheless, it still is an issue that I have to deal with! Any time I am away from my wife, my prayer is this- Dear God, please give my wife & I the strength & wisdom to remain faithful to You and to each other! I will never give up on my wife, even after all that.

This is a completely true story, I have just left out all personal information or anything else that could be used to identify us, because 2 of our 4 kids don’t know that I am not their real father, but they all call me Daddy, because I have been there for them all their lives. I even held them first after their birth, because their mommy passed out after delivering, from the medicine she was given. And when the kids were in my hands, the very first thing I did was lift them up in prayer / dedication to The Lord, before they were a minute old!

We have now been married for about 30+ years, and we don’t count the 1 year that we were divorced, that is just a bad nightmare for us, and we try to forget about all that evil stuff!

So, I say this as living proof that a marriage can survive an “affair” or even several. I strongly believe that is pure selfishness to cheat on your spouse for any reason, and that divorces are usually for purely selfish reasons, and should be avoided at all costs! Unless there is some serious physical abuse going on, then they need to get out, fast! Even then, divorce should be a LAST resort, after everything else has failed!

People will always disappoint or let you down, but that’s just human nature. Nobody is perfect, except Jesus, so things are bound to happen. When there are children involved, they need to come first, over the personal happiness of their mom & dad.

If you REALLY love your kids, the single best thing you can do for the little ones is to love their mother or father, and get and/or stay married to him /her

So, is this Unconditional Love, OR unconditional stupidity? (Sometimes I wonder)

Art of Seduction

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I’ve written before how important sex is to men.  How men need sex… how they crave quality sex versus quantity (though they don’t mind quantity).  Its just who they are, and how they were designed to be, and is why since the beginning of time it seems, we have always had the oldest sins around – adultery and prostitution.  These have always stayed with us, for very basic reasons that a wife would do well to understand.

This is not to say that women don’t also cheat on their husbands, apparently they seem to cheat just as much as men do – however, this post is for women to understand why their husbands may look at porn, have a fling, or a full fledged affair with another woman.  Most often, when men search for sexual fulfillment other than their wife, they are doing so because they are craving something very particular.

Admiration

Virtually all men crave a woman who admires him.  A woman who will listen to him when he’s talking about something he finds interesting, or when he’s giving his opinion.  They want a woman who will be interested and fascinated with what he says – yes, I said fascinated.  It turns them on to be in the presence of a hot woman (his wife) who is also giving him her entire attention and the right kind of feedback that says, “You are such an interesting man!  Omg I want you!  Now!!!”

When was the last time you reacted to your husband like that?  I know… us wives are ridiculously tired, over-achieving, too much to do, have kids hanging off our legs at any moment when we’re at home (or out… at the store trying to deal with a meltdown).  I understand, I’m a wife and mother of two now.  But guess what?  Your husband craves this kind of thing, and if this need is met by you, he will move mountains to ensure your happiness.

In our marriage, I’ve made sure to keep this aspect of our romance alive – its just how we’ve always been and I’m not “pretending” to be interested at all, its just second nature to me with him.  Its affects on my husband have made friends jealous of how he treats me, because I play more the role of a lover, he plays more the role of a man who showers his lover with gifts and attention & romance.  He brings me my favorite strawberry filled donut for no reason other than he thought of me at the store when he saw it.  He, on the regular, buys me chocolate just because.  He flirts and teases me like he did when I was 19… and I’m almost 29!  We have the kind of relationship that others envy because I’ve chosen to be a different kind of wife.  (do you hear that? I chose… any wife can make that choice) My role of being his seductive, passionate lover, in essence, strategically segued him into playing his role of being my favorite (and only) “client.”

Respect

How many men crave respect?  All of them.  They want to be known as the leader of their house, they want their wives to defer to them for decisions – but they want their wives to genuinely do it out of the feeling of respect, not just half-heartedly ask their husbands what they think, but to let them know that they are expressly interested in their husband’s response because of who he is.

They want a woman who looks up to them – who doesn’t try to outshine them or put them down – but who greatly esteems them and their opinions on matters (this ties in directly with Admiration).  They don’t want a wife who will constantly argue and bicker with them over decisions and details, or one who challenges them and their headship constantly.

A woman who respects a man, treats him like a man… not like a child that has to be reminded or told what to do, but as a man who is capable.  She believes in him and that he will do the right thing, and he feels it and can’t help himself to fulfill it for her (because he so wants to be perceived that way).

Desire

Husbands want a wife who genuinely desires him.  A woman who does, treats foreplay differently.  She kisses his neck, runs her nails across his chest or down his bare back, she doesn’t just lie there and expect him to give her all the foreplay pleasure… she takes initiative to give it to him as well which draws out his response.

She takes the sexual experience to a whole new level with how passionately involved she is in (and out) of bed.  Desire is so intense (when you really feel it) that it can almost be tasted in the air.  Men crave a woman who shows them this.

Addicted

Men want a woman who feels addicted to them, or who gives them the impression that they are.

A woman who has fun during sex, abandons her inhibitions and isn’t afraid to vocalize anything she’s feeling, thinking, or desiring, is why prostitution (and porn even) are such big addictions for men.  Not only do the women usually look hot, the attitude they have seduces a man.  They crave the attitude a woman has when she is addicted to a man – the attitude their wife may have had when their relationship was just starting out and redhot.

“Deeper!”  “OMG you’re so big!” or screaming out during sex lets him know she’s addicted to him.  Husbands crave this from their wives.  They want to feel desired and like the woman is utterly and completely addicted to him, and only him.

If a woman has accomplished all these so far, you can be sure he is starting to get addicted to her as well.  Men get addicted to this kind of sex and woman, it is why viewing porn acts like a drug in the brain.  Virtually all men even if they have a porn addiction, would rather be addicted to a real, flesh and blood woman.  All the more reasons for wives to take note!

Recipe for Disaster

So… like I’ve stated before, these are all basic emotions and feelings that lead to men turning to porn, having minor flings, or full-fledged affairs with other women.  Men are seduced not just because of woman’s body, but because of her mind and the way she uses the Art of Seduction.  If a man is lacking these basic needs in their marriage relationship, I would go as far as to say they are “starving” in these areas.  If a man feels starved, it won’t take much to tempt him to take a bite… I’ve seen homeless men pull half-eaten food out of trash cans!  They are that hungry that they’ll eat something rotting, old, germy, and disgusting… all because they are starving.  If he’s full and having all these desires met, there is no need and no desire (at all) to take a bite of something less than ideal.

You, dear wife, are ideal.  He wants you.

Oh Mama!

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There is nothing like having mommy friends that bring you food after having a baby!  Having mom friends over, the kids screaming and playing, jumping on our trampoline in the beautiful Texas weather… the sunlight, the baby blue sky days – there is just nothing better!

Except maybe having babies close together with one of your girlfriends ;)  That just might be better <3

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So loved & so blessed.

Inspiration – Night Escape

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Last night we managed to escape ;)  Date nights are adventure nights for us – we go new places sometimes, or revisit our favorites, it’s always spontaneous and we usually never know quite what we’ll end up doing until we find it.

Its fun to get dressed up sexy, I wore my go-to little black dress, naturally tousled hair, and black couture boots with heels.

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In one of our old haunts, we found a new little fascinating place, Rio de Gelato, new for the area at least.  The owner and his wife and son run their family business, making everything authentically Italian and handmade.  The pizzas looked incredible, but since we’d already snagged some pizza at home before we left, we tried their delicious gelato.  The Italian owner was so sweet & interesting, he talked us through the art of making Gelato – and yes, it is an art!

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Single Women: Probably the Most Important Thing You Can Do, Is Become Emotionally Mature

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emotionallymature

Single women, probably the most important thing you can do in order to succeed in love and relationships, is to become emotionally mature.  I’m not coming from a preachy of place of “I’ve got it altogether” quite the contrary… I’m still learning and growing and maturing into the woman I want to become.

But you can be sure, I DO have in mind the woman I want to become.  Do I fail at times?  Yes.  Am I always trying to grow as I watch women in my life (especially my mentor) who I admire and want to be like?  Yes.

A word about mentors and the importance of mentoring is crucial here.  You should have an idea of the woman you want to become, her qualities, the way she behaves, the way she runs her life, the way she treats her husband and children, and the way she balances the demands of her life whether she’s working or a stay at home mom.  This is best met in having a mentor or woman you would like to model after in your life.  She should be (probably) at least a decade older if not more, and ahead of the stage of life you are currently in.  I understand in our day and age, mentoring is probably not available to you, and so you must look to women you work with, in your church, in your community or in your family that you genuinely want to be like, and work to have those qualities in your character.

Men do not appreciate women who are immature emotionally, most men put a lot of effort into thinking their decisions through rationally, and therefore desire a romantic partner who also has a grounded way of thinking.  They do not appreciate women who anger easily, take things too personally (overly sensitive), spend money thoughtlessly, take care of their life and home carelessly, and so on.

Men want women who are emotionally mature.

A large part of this is being open to realizing when you have immature motivations when interacting with a guy – are you seeking to control him on some level?  That’s immature and not healthy.  Are you genuinely looking to add to a relationship from your point of view – be willing to work on yourself so that you can be better – for him?

When my husband and I were dating I was admittedly too close to my mom, telling her too many details so that she would worry and become overprotective.  However, one time I was telling my designs on my husband (for the future).  I’d managed to catch a great guy, an older guy, a guy who’d already had girlfriends and casual relationships, but I had no idea how I’d keep him to myself – he was naturally a flirt and even when he subdued it, women were still trying to draw it out.  So in my mind I planned to sabotage any possibility of him being able to cheat on me.  I told my mother that I hoped he’d get fat (no kidding!), not really fat, but just fat enough so that all the other women wouldn’t like him anymore!

Wow!  Looking back I cannot believe I thought this way.  I was desiring him to be less than his best self, out of pure selfish motivations to control him, his life, and even his health!!  Talk about being emotionally immature, I wanted to control the handsome sexy guy by turning him into someone I wouldn’t have respected (or desired) after the fact!

My mother was offended at my idea and thoughts on how to keep a good-looking sexy guy, and quickly set me straight.  And what she told me changed my entire way of viewing men.

Men, when they love you and are being fulfilled by you, do not want to cheat.  Heck, even if they aren’t being fulfilled, most men are (when they love you) loyal enough to choose a lesser damaging option (like porn) instead of full out cheat with another woman.  Most men desire that idealistic relationship when they are ready for marriage.  They want a woman they won’t feel tempted to cheat on.

My mom pointed out friends I had at the time, and their boyfriends, one in particular was a girl that had great character, a Bible study leader in our clique, but was not exceptionally beautiful.  She had charm and attractiveness, but my mother’s point was that her boyfriend (who honestly loved her, drove her car, took care of her) did not want to cheat on her with a woman that was maybe “more beautiful.”  Do men feel temptations?  Yes, because they are visual, it’s second nature for them when they are visually stimulated.  But do most men in a loving relationship want to cheat?  No.

Those thoughts were nipped in bud that day, and I put it out of mind.  Fast forward through the years we’ve been married, he’s always been an exercise lover (and as a result, has always looked hot), and myself enjoying it with him has only added to the richness of our marriage (as written in Couples Who Play Together, Stay Together).

I want him to be at his best, no matter how many women come onto him, or how easily it would be for him to cheat on me, I want the best for him – for him to be his best.  That is love in its most base form because it is absent of selfishness.  I trust him completely, and a lot of that has to do with not exerting control over him (feeling that need to control him would reveal that I ultimately can’t trust him).  This can only come from a place of maturity versus the desire to have him be less than his best so that I can control him… and likewise, our entire marriage and relationship.

So in becoming emotionally mature, you should try to:

  • Pay attention to your motivations… are they coming from insecurity or desire to control your guy?
  • Curb your irrational thoughts of mistrust or worry.  If you can’t shake the feeling that you can’t trust a guy, end the relationship.  Your intuition is either picking up on something that is not right, or you aren’t ready to trust fully (because of a past wound you need to deal with)
  • Look at things as they really are, not as how your fear sees them.
  • Check anger at the door until you rationally talk things through
  • Take responsibility for your actions, own up to drama you might have caused that led to a fight, be mature enough to apologize when you realize you were wrong
  • Realistically make a list of things you would bring to a marriage partner – things that would make their own life better.  Many women falsly (and selfishly) think that marriage will revolve around them – that their husbands will be there to serve them, while the wife offers nothing (or very limited) benefits in return.
  • Make sure you are happy and emotionally filled on your own – do not put the weight of your own happiness (which should be in your control) onto an unsuspecting future husband – it isn’t fair to him and it will never make you happy.  Part of being emotionally mature is understanding how to be happy and find fulfillment on your own, as your own person, in your own right.
  • A healthy marriage is comprised of two healthy people who both take responsibility for their own happiness and then work together to ensure they are meeting each other’s needs in the relationship.  Make a commitment that you will not commit to a man unless you are ready to be mature enough to meet his needs.

Weeds

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weedsuccess

Today was a great day for pulling weeds in my garden.

My husband let me get the task done while he watched our boys.  I needed to get my frustrated self outside – I tied up my blonde hair into a bun, and slapped on some sunscreen & a straw cowboy hat.  I needed to get back into nature, work with the dirt and weeds in my own heart, and face my own demons.

My son and I tried to start a beautiful garden at our house last Spring – it was the first Spring I wasn’t working and he was old enough to actually help with pulling the weeds.  It took days for us to clear out a large plot of dirt – pulling weeds that had been in the garden plot for possibly a few years (we’d just moved in the year before).  When we were almost done, our cats decided to use the garden as a giant kitty litter box.  Being pregnant, I didn’t want to chance toxoplasmosis, and had to reluctantly give up on transforming the patch of dirt into a beautiful garden.

This year we’ve been looking forward to getting the garden going for months now!  Excited and joyful to be able to work in the dirt and grow plants again – such simple pleasures I remember from growing up in the country that city people don’t usually do much of.

I looked at the plot, the weeds were graciously cut back by my husband from a week earlier in order to ease my getting them up, but they still needed to be pulled out by the roots.  I’d done a trick I learned from my mother, of smothering the really thick weeds with trash bags held down by heavy rocks, so that the plants smothered and baked in the sun & heat.  It worked!  Most of the weeds were easy because of this trick, however, many were still thick and stubborn as a hot-headed donkey refusing to go where he doesn’t want to be.

As I felt myself grumble, frustrated with how difficult the task was, and how some of them were just so hard to pull out I had to take breaks from pulling them; I felt a tug in my heart….  You’re not so different.

What?!?  What the heck, God, I was right… I was attacked, what do you mean that I’m like these weeds?!

You’re stubborn and difficult, my daughter.  You’ve let roots of anger and pride grow in your heart.

What?  I thought as I ripped out another weed – the satisfaction that came from feeling the really thick weeds suddenly come loose was something akin to relief.  Their tendrils held on so tightly, feeling them let go – breaking free of those strongholds tying them down – was a wonderful feeling of a small accomplishment.  Like I was literally freeing the soil from their ugly intrusion.

God, I did the right thing.  I tried to seek peace.  How come they get to get off the hook so easily, huh?  Why are they just getting away with a brutal attack and evil intentions?

You’re asking the wrong question, my daughter.

Huh?  

I am not here to tell you the details of another’s story, but to reveal to you your own.

Hmm.…   

So You’re saying I shouldn’t be concerned if they ever get called out or admit they’re wrong?

Silence.

Sweating in the heat, dirt melting on my gloves and into my skin, I continued to work with the stubborn weeds.

Weeds were easy when the roots didn’t have time to go deep… but when they did, pulling them out took great effort and pain.  It was obvious I’d waited too long to pull these weeds.  Just like these weeds, if we let a root take hold in the fertile soil of our heart and flourish there as we nurture it with anger, envy, or bitterness, it can be difficult to pull later on as it grows and becomes more incorporated into our character.

A few weeds were just too difficult for me alone – I would have to ask my husband to pull them out for me later… isn’t that symbolic?  His spiritual leadership is a blessing to me, his strength a deep refuge I can safely fall back on.  

God is called the perfect Gardner in the Bible… one who nurtures us and prunes us so that we will eventually grow in beauty and bear good fruit.

You are perfect God, I trust You with all my heart to help me with my sins, especially the ones that are too strong for me to pull on my own.  

I worked for awhile longer while the clouds started to gather overhead, when my husband came outside to play with our boys.  He looked over at me and said with a sexy smirk, “You look good in that hat.”

Hmph… I said as I smiled and tore some more weeds from the ground.  He laughed and told me I’d have to stop soon; it was going to rain.

“That’s great! It will soak the ground so that it will be easier to finish off tomorrow.”

The plot was about cleared, it felt so great to look down and see almost all of the weeds gone!

Peace had come from doing the work of pulling those weeds.

The soil was almost ready for new things to be planted, the bitter roots were torn out and cast away.

weedsuccess2

“See to it that no one repays evil for evil to anyone, but always pursue what is good for one another and for all.”  1 Thessalonians 5:15

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“And the LORD will continually guide you, And satisfy your desire in scorched places, And give strength to your bones; And you will be like a well watered garden, And like a spring of water whose waters never run dry.”  Isaiah 58:11

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“They will come and shout for joy on the heights of Zion; they will be Radiant with Joy because of the Lord’s goodness… Their life will be like an irrigated garden, and they will no longer grow weak from hunger.”  Jeremiah 31:12